DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!
Hey everybody! Sorry that the last chapter was suckish But here you go! Next chapter has come!
How to Annoy JacobChapter 3
Time to Annoy the BitchRPOV
Yes! The best possible idea in the world! This week is going to be so much fun! But, I will need some serious help with this…. And Emmett and Jasper are out hunting, talk about bad timing. Stupid Jasper and his stupid eating problems. Grr, now what am I going to do?
Wait, my mind has decided that today it is going to be smart! Huzzah! Alright, now I need to talk to Bella and Edward. But, they are probably so pissed off you can feel the heat waves 3 miles away. However, am I really in the mood to let this beautiful opportunity go to waste? Heck no! I rushed over to Bella's house.
EPOV
God must love me right now! Finally, Bella and I can be together and-
"EEEEEEEDDDDWWWWAAAARRRRRDDDD!" A singsong voice yelled happily outside.
Aw shit. I spoke too soon.
"Umm, Edward?" I looked down at my angel who was sitting on the couch.
"Yes?"
"Can you attempt not to destroy the furniture?" Bella pointed at the now shredded cushion.
"Oops, sorry." I removed my hand from the destroyed cushion.
"EDWARD!" The voice from outside had become angry.
"Come on in!" Bella yelled.
Rae almost ripped the door off its hinges, and sat down on the chair opposite us.
She didn't say anything; she just sat there staring at us. That was driving me crazy.
"Well?" I asked impatiently.
"Well what?" Rae smiled evilly. I brought Bella closer to he snarling. Was she here to try to make me, or Bella, suffer more than we already had? That bitch!
"Don't be silly Edward!" Rae giggled; she was reading my mind again. It is beginning to get on my last damn nerve. "I simply thought that you might be willing to listen to an idea of mine."
"About?" I was interested, I must admit.
"Well.." Rae put her finger on her chin in a type of thinking position. "I was thinking something along the lines of-" She paused, staring at Bella.
Of course, she didn't want to say anything in front of Bella.
Well, since I'm going to stay with a . . . a bitch, why not have some fun with it?
Why are you calling the mutt a bitch? I thought, knowing she could hear me.
Isn't a bitch a female dog?
Oh… I see your point.
"Bella?" I said in my angel's ear. She looked up at me, scared.
"Yes?"
"Can you call Jacob?" I asked. Bella's expression changed into confusion.
"Why?"
"You'll be mad."
"I still want to know."
"So true" Rae said.
"Well," I began, inhaling unnecessarily. Keeping a straight face with Rae's plan in my head is hard work. But with Bella's expression, it was almost impossible. Almost. "Rae was thinking about how we are going to get her over at his house. And we thought that you could help us by saying that Rae is a relative."
Bella's jaw dropped, it was hilarious.
BPOV
I think I felt my jaw drop. But come on! Rae, was going to try to pass as my relative? She might be physically similar in some ways, but personality wise, HELL NO! Wait, what did personality have to do with family members?
I sighed, why not let a '14'-year-old girl who is a vampire stay with my best friend, who happens to be a werewolf.
Wow that sounds wrong. "Fine."
Rae ran up and hugged me. "Thank you, you're a peach!"
I stared at Edward. "You're a peach? Since when have I been a fruit?"
Edward shrugged, "She tends to like calling people fruit."
"Speaking of fruit," Rae let go of me and stared at Edward, "Is a tomato a fruit or vegetable?"
"I haven't eaten in 80 years! How in hell would I know?" Edward snapped, handing me his phone.
Rae stuck out her tongue and skipped into the kitchen.
I sighed. Can they ever go one topic without arguing? I dialed Jacob's number into the phone.
It rang 3 times, and then a really dull voice answered. "Yeah?"
"Jake!"
"Bells!"
I heard Rae attempt to gag by the kitchen.
"So what are you calling for, Bells?" Jake asked.
Rae once again gagged in the other room.
"Hey, can you do me a huge favor?" I asked, Edward groaned, and Rae's voice came from the other room yelling, "PERVERT!"
"Sure Bells, what's the favor?" He sounded enthused by this.
Once again, Edward groaned and Rae yelled at the top of her lungs –which let me tell you, she is loud! – "PERVERT!" And ran into the room.
"Who is that?" Jake asked from the other end of the telephone.
I had to lie as best I could, "That's Lauren."
Rae motioned her hand demonstrating that what I just said was smooth.
"I thought you hated Lauren," Crap! He was getting suspicious!
Rae groaned and put her hand out for the phone. I mouthed a 'No' to her but she snapped the phone away from me.
"Excuse me?" Rae said in a very good impression of Lauren. Of course, except for the 'Excuse me' part. "This is Lauren, who is this?"
Pause.
"Oh my goodness! This is the famous Jacob Black that Bella talks about!" Edward was pissed, but Rae just stuck out her tongue.
She was pushing it; she was just trying to annoy Edward. Rae handed the phone back to me, smiling.
Before I spoke to Jake, I mouthed 'you suck' to her. But her only reply was mouthing 'love you too' back to me.
"Alright, so you were saying?" Jacob asked, curiosity giving away what he thought was my request, the damn pervert.
"Well, I have a… a… uh…" CRAP!! What was Rae's family relationship to me?
Rae mouthed 'cousin,' then mumbled something about having a smart butt.
"Cousin who is coming over to Forks, but I don't have any room for her, and I thought maybe she could stay with you for a week, would that be ok?" Was that believable enough?
"Sure! That sounds fine! How long will she stay?" Jake sounded enthused. Rae mouthed the word 'Perverted' to Edward.
"One week," I said. What was he thinking that made it so perverted to Rae?
"How old is she?" Oh, I see what he was getting at.
"She's 14, Jake." I was now pissed beyond belief.
"Oh, alright then, when is she going to be here?" Jake sounded depressed.
"Tomorrow,"
"Where should I meet you?" He sounded excited again.
"At the border?"
Jake seemed puzzled by this. "Is she a . . . blood- . . . a vampire?"
"No!" I yelled. If Jake wasn't so retarded he would have caught my bluff so fast; Edward wouldn't be able to catch it.
"Why at the border?" He paused, "He is going to be coming with you, isn't he?"
"Yeah," I sighed. Oh sure, he knows when Edwards going to be with me but he can't tell when I'm bluffing? And Rae calls me slow!
"Alright, see you tomorrow?" Jake sounded as If he had just gotten a date with a supermodel. Weirdo.
"Yeah, bye Jake." I hung up the phone.
RPOV
Bella hung up the phone. Was this bitch seriously stupid enough to buy her lie?
"Well, now that that's out of the way," I said happily grabbing Bella and Edwards hand, "We need to go shopping!"
"Why?" They asked together. Wow that was funny.
"I need to find some serious perfume, so I can hide my vampirish smell. And I need to go to the pet store! Lettuce be off!"
What is going to happen? Why are they going to the pet store? And WHY THE HECK DID SHE SAY LETTUCE? You'll have to wait until we brainstorm a little bit more for the next chapter, but it will be out soon!