3/7
Disclaimer-No, I do not own Glee
Mr Schue found a free parking space and brought the car to a stop. He turned off the engine but made no immediate move to open the doors. Rachel wondered if he was as reluctant to start the next leg of their journey as she was. By entering the hospital they were reaffirming the reality of the situation. Somewhere in that building Finn was lying unconscious having suffered terrible injuries. Terrible possibly life threatening injuries, or, with the chance of brain damage, life altering ones.
"If you don't think you can go in there Rachel it's okay." Mr Schue said quietly. Rachel looked across at him and could see nothing but kindness and understanding in his eyes. "I know you and Finn are close. Really close." He emphasized.
For some reason Rachel felt the need to deny this. As if by refuting any special connection between herself and Finn she would miraculously be able to obtain some measure of distance from him and therefore somehow remain immune from being totally overwhelmed by the news they could possibly be about to receive.
"Finn has many friends Mr Schue." She reasoned.
Sure she hoped that Finn had feelings for her other than friendship, but she had spent so long trying to suppress those same feelings within herself that she was wary of anything that would serve to give her false hope that Finn returned her feelings. How many times had she told herself to move on, to accept that Finn would never see her as anything other than as a friend and team mate?
"I'm not saying this to upset you Rachel. Honestly I'm not. It just seems obvious that there is something between you. I'm not saying it's love I'm not even saying it's necessarily romantic. But it's definitely there. We all see it. It's there when you sing together, and it's there when he sticks up for you at glee, and....and..it's just there Rachel." He sighed sounding weary and defeated. "So if you don't think you can do this I understand and I wouldn't think anything less of you."
"Okay." Rachel was still desperately trying to process what Mr Schue was saying. Rachel was finding it harder and harder to repress the feelings she had for Finn. Harder and harder to deny to herself just how special he was to her. Couldn't Mr Schue see that this denial was all that was holding her together right now? If she were to give in to her emotions now how could she possibly face the days ahead? At the same time he was giving her a way out. She could wait in the car while Mr Schue went in alone. She could take the easy way out for once in her life.
"Okay? Um....okay you're going to stay here or okay you're coming in with me?" Mr Schue was confused.
Rachel made an instant decision to stop pretending, stop denying, stop lying to herself. Nobody ever got anything worth having by taking the easy road. She'd always known the truth of her feelings for Finn. She may not ever have been sure of his but she'd always been certain of hers.
"Okay. It's there. Between me and Finn. And okay I'm going in with you. Because..because he needs me and I need him and being anywhere else right now would so not be okay with me."
And with those words Rachel felt a strength rise up from within her and for the first time in the last hour she believed that she could get through whatever was to come. Far from making her vulnerable her acceptance of the truth of her relationship with Finn gave her the armor she would need for the fight ahead.
"Okay." Mr Schue nodded, proud of her determination and resilience. "Ready?" Rachel answered with a nod of her head and opened the passenger side door. Together they walked across the lot to the entrance of the hospital.
For some reason Rachel had steeled herself to be met with a hive of activity. Like some scene from E.R or something, people lying on gurneys, nurses shouting, patients screaming, med students yelling 'stat'. But it wasn't like that. It was surprisingly quiet. Peaceful even. Rachel didn't see any patients at all. In fact it was hard to even imagine that there were any patients in the building. It more resembled the lobby of a budget hotel than a bustling Emergency Room.
Mr Schue went ahead to the main desk. Rachel hung back watching him as he conversed with the middle aged woman at the desk. She prepared herself for some bureaucracy whereby they couldn't get any information because they weren't family and many frustrating conversations trying to find out something, anything, about Finn's condition. Instead after no more than a couple of minutes Mr Schue came over to her and said that the nurse on the desk had told him where they could find Finn's mom. So this was really happening.
They took an elevator up to the 3rd floor, exited, went through a set of doors and found themselves in some sort of a waiting room. It was smaller than Rachel had expected and there were only 3 people present when they entered. A young couple no older than mid twenties occupied the chairs on the left side of the room. Over on the other side towards the rear of the room sat an older lady. Rachel guessed that this was Finn's mom. She was sat on the very edge of her chair, slightly hunched forward, staring at the wall opposite her. The entrance of Mr Schuester and Rachel into the room seemed not to have registered with her yet. Rachel stayed behind Mr Schuester as he approached.
"Mrs Hudson?" He said.
Finn's mom quickly turned her attention from the wall and looked at first eagerly and then with confusion at Mr Schuester. Rachel realized that the woman had probably expected to be faced with a doctor or a nurse. Not a casually dressed man and a 16 year old schoolgirl. Mr Schue explained himself.
"We spoke on the phone? I'm Will Schuester, Finn's teacher. We came to see how Finn is and also to see if there was anything we could do for you." Rachel was impressed with how calm he managed to sound. Calm and caring and sincere. She was even more sure, revelations in the car notwithstanding, that Mr Schue was one of the good guys when all was said and done.
"Oh Mr Schuester, of course. I didn't expect you to...it's so good of you to come." She said distractedly.
Mrs Hudson stood managing a forced smile. She shook Mr Schue's hand.
"Please call me Carole. Finn talks about glee all the time. He loves it. It's so nice to hear him singing around the house again."
At this Mrs Hudson seemed to get a little choked up and she wiped away a couple of tears before saying, "Don't mind me. The slightest thing sets me off at the moment. I'm really glad you came. It will mean a lot to Finn."
"How is Finn?" Rachel couldn't help interjecting. She'd never been the most patient person and her nerves were getting the better of her. Mrs Hudson sent her a questioning look and Rachel couldn't stop herself blurting out,
"Sorry! I didn't mean to...I'm Rachel. I mean my name is Rachel Berry and I'm a friend of Finn's. We're in glee together. It's nice to meet you. Um ...I mean not under these circumstances obviously but I'm sure that Finn will be alright. He's a really strong person." Rachel finished weakly. She had always thought of herself as a composed person but she was quickly coming unraveled here. What must Mrs Hudson think of her? Babbling on like an idiot when calm reflection was required.
Luckily Mrs Hudson seemed to take Rachel's words in her stride.
"Oh Rachel," she said " it's so nice to meet you too, even under these circumstances. Finn's told me so much about you. He says you've helped him so much this year. I've seen a real change in him. He's still Finn, thankfully, but his dreams have gotten bigger and I think I've got you to thank for that." She finished warmly giving Rachel a genuine smile before glancing at Mr Schue.
"You too of course Mr Schuester. Glee has really helped with his self confidence. Everything was going so well, and then. Well what happened with Quinn and ...Noah. It knocked him but he was just starting to get back and he seemed so hopeful, he had all these big plans."
Mrs Hudson looked over to Rachel as if to indicate that she was a part of these plans, then started crying again.
"And then" she sobbed "And then...after everything he's been through lately. It's just too much." She was unable to continue and instead collapsed into sobs as Mr Schuester stepped forward and hugged her.
Rachel herself was crying. Her heart went out to the devastated woman before her. What piece of her heart she had left that wasn't completely shattered that is. Finn had obviously told his mom all about her. And apparently it was all positive. He told his mom that Rachel had helped him this year. Given him confidence. Helped him dream bigger! Rachel saw such greatness in him and the knowledge that she may have helped him to see some of that greatness himself was one of the best gifts she'd ever received.
Mr Schuester released Mrs Hudson from his embrace. The woman smiled her thanks and noticing the picture of distress that was Rachel sought to reassure her. Taking Rachel in her arms she tried to comfort her.
"Rachel, Rachel listen to me. It's bad yes but it's not terrible. He has a broken arm, but it's not his throwing arm, and his ankle is swollen and badly bruised but not broken. His ribs are gonna be sore as well. But the important thing is that the scan showed some swelling on his brain but not as much as they feared. There's a really good chance he won't need surgery at all. He's breathing on his own so that's a good sign as well. They're going to let him rest and see if the swelling goes down with the use of drugs and rest. They'll be monitoring him really carefully over the next 24 hours or so and then they'll do another scan and hopefully the swelling will have receded. If it has then they're very hopeful he'll wake up. So I know it's incredibly scary believe me I'm scared. But I'm also optimistic. I know you are too from what Finn tells me. He says he's seen you overcome all sorts of hurdles and setbacks and still achieve your goals. So have some hope, it's not false hope Rachel. There is good reason to believe he'll be okay."
Rachel still had tears on her cheeks but now instead of feeling terrified and hopeless she was feeling determined. She was amazed at Mrs Hudson's courage and touched that in the midst of such a terrible crisis she could find the patience to try to reassure her. It was time Rachel lived up to Finn's words about her to his mother. She would show the same courage as the woman in front of her.
"I'm beginning to see where Finn gets his leadership qualities from Mrs Hudson. You are completely correct. This is good news. Finn will fight through this. I think he's going to be okay. I really believe that. Give him time and he will start to fix himself. And when he's ready he'll wake up. It's been a tough couple of months and he deserves his rest. Just not too much. We've got regionals to prepare for and we need him." Rachel finished hugging Mrs Hudson to her again. Even Mr Schue looked hopeful.
As they all sat down Mr Schue offered to fetch a couple of coffees for himself and Finn's mom and a juice for Rachel. When he left Mrs Hudson turned to Rachel.
"So Rachel, I've been sitting here waiting and worrying for hours now and I'd like to have something else to think about,or at least try to think about, for a while. Would you mind telling me something about yourself so that I could get to know you a little. I mean all I know for certain is that Finn thinks your 'awesome'" Mrs Hudson said, imitating Finn's voice as she said the word 'awesome', which caused Rachel to let out a small laugh before she quickly covered her mouth with her hand horrified that she would laugh at at time like this. Mrs Hudson just smiled back at her though letting her know that it was okay.
Rachel was shocked and somewhat embarrassed to realize that Finn had spoken about her in such terms. Well, shocked and secretly thrilled. The irony wasn't lost on her that this would have been one of the best days of her life if it wasn't also one of the worst. She fought through her embarrassment however, understanding that Mrs Hudson needed to try to keep the conversation light-hearted.
"Finn is quite correct. I am awesome." Her smile letting Mrs Hudson know that she was kidding.
Although to be fair Rachel thought she was pretty awesome. Of course so was Finn.
Finn's mom let out a hearty chuckle, and in that moment Rachel could easily picture her sharing such laughs with her son.
"Finn's not too bad himself I suppose." Rachel cheekily allowed. Mrs Hudson's eyes seemed to light up even more at that and her expression turned thoughtful.
"He's a good boy," she said fondly, "always such a good boy. After his father...."
Rachel understood through Kurt that Finn's dad had died when he was still young and could see that the subject was still a painful one for the woman.
"After his father passed away there were times when I wasn't sure if I could do it. But he made it easy. I mean it was still scary and hard but the loving him part, that was easy. I was always so worried that the absence of a male role model or father figure would hurt him. Well maybe it has. I know he missed out on a lot of father son stuff. But all in all I think he's turned out just fine even if I do say so myself." She finished proudly.
"I don't think Finn would swap you for anyone." Rachel said sincerely knowing with every part of her that it was true.
"Thank you dear." Mrs Hudson replied patting Rachel softly on the hand not bothering to hide the tears that Rachel's words had brought to her eyes. "But I was supposed to be learning all about you and instead I've been talking all about myself. Just between the two of us I've been curious about you for a while. The way Finn has talked about you for weeks made me a bit surprised he stayed with Quinn so long. He always had more to say about you then he did about her, not that Quinn isn't a perfectly nice girl."
Rachel was surprised to hear her say that about Quinn. Understanding the uncomfortable look Rachel was sending her way Mrs Hudson confided.
"I know Quinn's made mistakes. Big ones. And I can't say that I'm not mad about what she put my son through. But she's so young and those parents of hers." The disgust in her voice at the word 'parents' was all too clear and left Rachel in doubt as to what Mrs Hudson thought about Mr and Mrs Fabray.
"Bottom line she made some really bad decisions but she's still a kid having to deal with a situation she was in no position to be able to handle."
Rachel didn't know if it was her place to say anything but she still felt a little guilty about her role in Finn discovering the truth and Quinn's life further unraveling. Quinn had said that she didn't blame Rachel but still perhaps here was a chance to make amends.
"Quinn thinks you hate her. Or she thinks you should hate her. I could tell she really really wanted to come. I know she still cares about Finn. But I don't think she wanted to upset you. Even more than you would already be upset I mean." Rachel cautiously said.
Mrs Hudson carefully considered this before sighing and saying wearily,
"I don't hate her Rachel. I never hated her. Would you do me a favor?" She asked and off Rachel's nod continued, "Would you tell Quinn that I don't hate her and as soon as we find out a bit more about Finn's condition she's welcome to come.......Noah too." She began to shake her head and a wistful smile appeared on her face.
"Those boys Rachel. Thick as thieves the pair of them. Always up to something. More often than not mischief but never anything really bad you know. At heart they were good boys. I think it was harder for Noah because..well.. his dad chose to leave. Anyway would you tell them that from me?"
"Certainly Mrs Hudson." Rachel knew that this would be a tremendous weight off both Quinn and Puck's shoulders. It wasn't forgiveness from Finn himself but it was the next best thing.
At this point Mr Schue returned with their beverages. They thanked him and Mrs Hudson filled him in on what they had been discussing.
"Rachel was just about to tell me all about herself." She cheerfully informed Mr Schuester. "However I'm not sure she can do that with her teacher here so it appears you've saved her the ordeal of being quizzed by me."
"Yes thank you Mr Schue you know how much I hate talking about myself." Rachel joked winking at Mr Schue who almost choked on his drink obviously taken by surprise that Rachel could poke fun at herself.
Just then the door to the waiting room opened and a bespectacled white coated woman walked in.
"Mrs Hudson. We've got Finn settled and comfortable. He seems to be doing fine but obviously we'll keep a close eye on him. I can take you up to see him now if you'd like." The doctor smiled.
"Yes thank you so much doctor. Oh..this is his teacher and a friend of his. They came to see how he was doing." Mrs Hudson said.
"That's nice. Though perhaps at the moment it might be best to restrict the visitors to just yourself. Provided all goes well tonight they should be okay to visit tomorrow if they want." The doctor said kindly.
"Tomorrows fine." Mr Schue confirmed. "Mrs Hudson if there's anything you need just let me know and I'll make sure it's done. Let me leave you with my phone number." He quickly scribbled down the number and handed it to Finn's mom.
"I'll come by tomorrow before school if that's okay Mrs Hudson." Rachel said.
"I'd like that. Thank you." Mrs Hudson smiled before bidding them farewell and following the doctor out of the room.
Once they'd left Mr Schue put his arm around Rachel's shoulder and led her out. Her mind felt like it was going a million miles an hour. Hope would be replaced by fear then despair then she would start to feel optimistic again and the cycle would start over. But she managed to slow down and reason that it was bad yes, but it was far from hopeless. She wasn't going to count Finn out. She wasn't going to give up on him. If the positions were reversed she was sure he wouldn't give up on her. Besides part of being a star on Broadway was staying calm under pressure. In a crisis a star should shine ever brighter and Rachel was nothing if not a star. The end of this little pep talk to herself coincided with them reaching Mr Schuester's car. He hadn't said anything since they'd left the waiting room and Rachel was concerned.
"Are you okay Mr Schue?" She asked as she took her seat in the vehicle.
"What? Yeah..yeah I'm okay. Sorry...It's just...she's strong. His mom I mean. I don't know how she does it."
"Yes she's strong Mr Schue. But she's still going to need our help. We have to ensure we're up to the task. Finn is a part of glee. He's a part of all of us. We're a team and we'll get through this together."
Mr Schue smiled fondly at this.
"Of course Rachel. You're right. We'll make sure we get through this. As a team. Come on lets get back to school and let the others know what's going on."
Happy to see Mr Schue looking a little more optimistic Rachel returned to the task of thinking up ways to help with Finn's recovery and in turn lessen any burdens on his mother.
She had her goal.