For a short time, I was lost in this odd blind feeling I'd found in being marked. I'm still not sure whether it was from receiving my mark or from whatever it was Barty was slipping me, but it wore off after a few weeks, then I was just numb. Apart from the pain in my arm and the guilt in my heart of course.
0o0o0
Regulus stared down at Barty's sleeping face.
It was late, or early, he wasn't sure which, all he knew was that it was dark out.
Barty had fallen asleep hours ago, now acting as a heavy weight in Regulus' arms, preventing him from moving an inch.
It was nearly a whole month since he'd had the dark mark carved into his skin, and it still felt like lightning zipping though his veins under the surface it was etched across,
Regulus' right arm was trapped under the smaller man, but he could just see his left over the others shoulder. Still fearful of seeing the dark tattoo on his pale skin, the ravenette turned over his arm so he could look at the soft under skin of his wrist.
It was ghastly. It disgusted him now. It left a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought about it, so seeing it, even in the sparse light was like ice reaching his heart.
Other than the pain Regulus felt, he was also experiencing a battle within his soul.
He loved Barty, but he hated what was happening to them.
A thought kept entering his mind. At first he ignored it because he didn't want it to be true, but it was becoming abundantly clear that it was the only solution.
He knew he'd have to give something up.
The man he loved, and the safety his loyalty and dark mark gave him.
Or his conscience. His morals. His self.
Barty looked particularly peaceful while he slept, nothing like how he was when he was awake. It was a welcome change now. The only trace of the sweet boy Regulus fell for was found while he slept.
Were they even in love anymore?
The Black was starting to think that perhaps they weren't.
Maybe he was just in love with the idea of being in love?
His time with Barty before the drugs and the Death Eaters was incredible, he'd loved every moment of it, but those days were truly over.
Barty certainly wasn't in love anymore. He was in lust with Regulus, and he clung to him for attention, raving about his joy that they were in this situation together, "Oh, the things we'll do together" he kept saying.
Regulus felt a hole forming within him at the idea that their love was dying, if not dead already.
A hot bead dropped from the corner of the ravenette's eye, and it ran over his cheekbone, soaking into his pillow,
He was crying for the first time since receiving his mark, and honestly, he was relieved.
Surely it proved that he still had at least some of his humanity? He wasn't lost to the Death Eaters just yet.
That made the decision a little easier.
0o0o0
I left him, and for that, I truly am sorry.
Not for Barty, for everyone else.
From what I heard, it really pushed him over the line. He became angry, depressed, sick.
He killed a lot of people, and I can't help but feel like it was my fault.
I didn't even tell him, I left a note on our bed and I ran away.
0o0o0
Barty woke and immediately knew that something was wrong.
The bed was cold and so was he, Regulus' arms that usually kept him so warm absent.
On the pillow in place of the ravenette's head was a folded note,
'Barty,
I can't do this,
I'm scared, and the only way to stop being scared is to either give into it, and become a Death Eater, or to get away from what's making me so scared.
I choose the second.
The prospect of being a Death Eater scares me, but in all honesty, I've come to fear you too.
You scare me Barty, the things you say and do terrify me and I need to get away.
I'm sorry, I can't be with you anymore.
I hope you get out of the dark before it's too late.
-R.A.B
Barty crumpled the note up in his hand as soon as had finished reading it. He squeezed it tight and threw it to the ground, his hands shaking as rage overtook him,
The man then clambered from the bed and kneeled by the side of it, reaching under the frame to find an old wooden box that he kept there,
The Slytherin opened it and grabbed the makeshift tourniquet, tying it around his arm, using his teeth to hold it in place and yank it tight.
0o0o0
I saw him one more time after that, and he was changed.
At first the meeting was one of the more terrifying things I've ever experienced, but then I couldn't help myself. I was convinced that the was still a glimmer of Barty in there and I made a mistake.
0o0o0
Regulus' legs were moving under him faster than they ever had before. He was being chased through the back roads that intertwined with Knockturn alley, running for his life as a hoard of Death Eaters pursued him.
A loose cobble nearly tripped him, but he leapt over it, his coat billowing behind him as he went,
The ravenette was heading towards a tricky turn that he knew well, hoping that it would be cast in enough shadow at this time of day for him to hide.
Regulus reached the turn and threw himself into the dark corner just past the alcove,
He listened, with his heart in his throat to see if they were following him around the corner, but the rattling of feet faded into a different direction after a few minutes.
He sighed and slumped against the wall. It'd only been a few weeks, but rumors suggesting that his loyalty to the dark lord was gone had spread quickly- Regulus was half sure that if he were to talk to the Death Eaters instead of running from them, that he could probably lie his way into their good graces, convincing them that the rumors were just that, fallacy; the teen didn't want to put that to the test though.
Regulus was pretty certain he was safe, but if anyone was going to find him, it was obviously going to be him.
Barty stepped from the alcove and his eyes immediately fell on the other Slytherin,
The blonde had never looked so ragged. His eyes seemed sunken and darker, even his skin was paler and he appeared to have lost a lot of weight in the little time that had passed.
"…Barty I-" the ravenette cut himself off, his throat too dry to articulate anything and his nerves making his heart race,
The blonde looked back through the alcove and his tongue twitched from his mouth, licking his bottom lip, "There's no sign of him this way!" he called back down the alley from where he'd come, "Keep looking",
Regulus straightened up against the wall a little, watching the other teen with confusion as he did, "Why-"
Barty quickly advanced on him before he could finish, and he trapped him against to the wall, his arms either side of him.
"What're are you going to do?" the Black asked softly, terrified by the darkness in the other's eyes,
In the next second their lips were pressed harshly together, Barty having forced the kiss upon the ravenette,
Their eye met again once their lips parted,
"Come with me Reg" …
…Regulus stared down at his feet, his elbows resting on his bent knees.
A slender arm wrapped around his middle and Barty placed his angular chin over his shoulder, "What's wrong?" his question came in a gentle tone, he sounded peaceful- not too dissimilar to how he once did when they were together and before everything had fallen apart,
"Nothing" he answered quickly, "I'm just thinking",
"About what?" Barty asked again, he then kissed the other's shoulder, but the kiss quickly became a sharp bite,
"Nothing, don't worry about it" the ravenette said with a soft smile, ignoring the pain spreading in his shoulder.
He then turned to look at the Slytherin and he shifted to kiss him softly,
The blonde smirked into the kiss and wrapped his arms tither around Regulus' middle, attempting to pull him down to lie on the bed once more,
"I need to go to the loo" the Black insisted however, managing to stand from the bed with minimal force,
Barty kept a hold of his arm however, his gaze focused on the other's eyes, "Don't be long" and with that he pulled his arm closer for a moment.
The man's tongue slipped from between his lips slowly and lapped the entire expanse of Regulus' dark mark, tasting the skin and the stain strewn across it. When he finally let go of the ravenette's arm, he stayed, staring with a wicked smile at the man from where he lay naked on the bed,
"I'll be right back" he nodded, his expression blank, if not a little grim as he retreated from the room.
Regulus went to the bathroom and closed the door behind him slowly, locking it after a moment's thought. He then stepped over to the sink and looked up to his reflection in the mirror,
This was a lapse, the worst possible lapse he could have had,
Barty seemed to have power over him, power in the form of their history, and he knew exactly how to use it.
0o0o0
I left before he woke, but I didn't leave a letter.