Key Notes: I know Humans and Turians don't share the same physiology but the name Turian Blood Brandy was too cool to pass up.

Actual Military Terms:

Smoke Curtains – curtains used to contain smoke to a particular area of a ship. Alternate usage: provide privacy

Chronometer – a very expensive and precise time mechanism, usually found in the Commanding Officer's Quarters

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Nothing to stand in my way - Chapter 3

Without warning, the door to my cabin is forced opened, releasing a loud metal grinding screech. Sparks fly from the warped door as several armed soldiers, lead by the XO, LCDR Presley, rushed into my cabin.

I instinctively moved to a kneeling position on my bed while grabbing my pistol from under the pillow. Still in my sleepwear and blinking my eyes trying to focus on the intruders, I was aiming from an attack position.

Using the most firm voice I could muster after being jolted awake, I demanded,

"What the hell, is going on?"

I quickly recognized Dr. Chakwas peering into the cabin behind the armed soldiers and began to relax. Seeing me safe in my room, the XO quickly gave the order to lower all weapons.

Stepping forward he ashamedly pronounces,

"Well, um, we couldn't find you! A.a.a..and ..well… we thought something must have happened to you."

Without as much as a word from me, the XO abruptly did an about face and marched everyone out of the room. Only Dr. Chakwas lingered in the room. As she looked around searching for a reason for my absence, I overheard the XO outside giving the order to put a smoke curtain above my door. After being manually forced opened, the circuits were fried and would no longer work properly.

With my adrenalin coming down, I haphazardly pulled the top sheet over my body as I slowly sank back into my bed. Dr. Chakwas lowered herself to the edge of the bed and with her left hand she unconsciously started to wipe the wrinkles from the sheets. Almost afraid of the answer, she took a deep breath and stammered,

"So! You always have a side arm tucked under your pillow?"

I jokingly retorted,

"Well, you never know when it might be needed!" as I slid the large weapon back under the pillow.

I barely felt the lithe weight of her body shift as she moved further onto the bed. I knew it was only a matter of time before "someone" confronted me about my unexplained absence and it appeared that "someone" would be her. I rolled over onto my side facing her; clutching my pillow under my head.

A dumb founded stare came over my face as I thought to myself, "OK, let's get this over with."

More worried than curious, Dr. Chakwas stared at me, "So what's up?"

Grabbing my pillow firmly, trying to squeeze the life out of it, I blurted, "Can't a person get some sleep around here?"

Without any sympathy for my pathetic answer, Dr. Chakwas proclaimed, "It's the middle of the day Commander."

I popped my head up to look at the chronometer, which had been knocked to the floor. Fumbling for the clock, I sputtered, "Really! Ah Shit!"

Disgusted with myself for still being in bed, I buried my head deep in the pillow. The caring doctor moved closer to me, shifting the rest of her body onto the bed and still articulating concern. I could hear such kindness in her words and in her tone as she spoke. She was concerned.

Still fiddling with the sheets, she quietly asked, "Anything, you want to talk about?"

The sentence seemed to hang in the air as it left her lips. I rolled over to my side again facing her, still not wanting to face the day. I exhaled with a deep sharp sigh,

"You mean other than keeping my crew safe and complying with the high expectations of being the Council's Spectre?"

Sarcasm dripped from my every word as I continued,

"Or convincing the Alliance of my unwavering allegiance and, oh yeah… Saving the galaxy by stopping a genocide cycle that occurs every fifty thousands years?"

Complete silence overcame the room for a moment. Playfully smirking, Dr. Chakwas confidently replied,

"Yes, other than that."

Trying to avoid eye contact I started at the bulkhead and half heartily admitted.

"Professor Liara T'Soni has rather strong feelings for me!"

Saying it out loud reminded me that I still did not believe it. Rolling over on my stomach, burying my face under the pillow, I waited for what might be said next.

With much empathy, Dr. Chakwas asked, "Do you… have feelings for her in return?"

Unsettled by the direct question, I shifted my body under the sheets. I began to kick my feet as if being forced to eat the last of my dehydrated carrots as a child.

My head still buried deep under the pillow, I took a deep breathe and with the lowest voice I could muster, I said,

"Yes."

I slowly turned back to my side to face the doctor, surprised she had not left after my admittance.

Trying to convince the doctor or perhaps even myself I spat,

"What if I fail?"

As I spoke, my voice dramatically increased with each sentence.

"I'm worried! What if I've been compromised? What if I fail a mission because I didn't want to put her in harm's way?"

Now sitting up in my bed with my forearms clinching my knees, I felt a tightness in my chest as I continued, "Liara is a formidable biotic! I can't begin to count how many times that she's saved my butt."

Nervously rubbing the back of my neck with my left hand, I spoke, "What if someone gets hurt because I was protecting her? Or worse, dies?"

Extremely frustrated, I threw myself back down onto the bed; letting out one last protest, "Ugh!"

In a consoling manner, Dr. Chakwas started rubbing my back. However, unable to sit still another moment, I jumped up and walk over to my gear locker. I thrust my arm far into the back of the locker and when I brought it out I was holding a medium sized bottle of Turian Blood Brandy. I glanced back at Dr. Chakwas and witnessed a distraught look upon her face. She knew Turian Brandy was some nasty stuff. On the bottle was a hand written sticker stretching across the front. "Open in case of emergency." It was meant as a gag gift some time ago. I was told that if I ever needed to drink this stuff, it must be an emergency. I chuckled as I removed the sticker, remembering the joke, and hastily poured myself a stiff drink.

Shocked Dr. Chakwas exclaimed, "Commander! It's 2 in the afternoon!"

Slamming the drink to the back of my throat as fast as I could, I quickly began pouring another one. It felt like liquid fire all the way down but I didn't care. I was frustrated. I was mad and there was nothing I could kill in my immediate vicinity to take the edge off.

In a calm and professional tone the doctor pronounced, "Not to mention, you never drink."

Hanging my head down in shame as I stared into the second glass of potent brandy, I whispered, "I know." And then slammed it down.

I exhaled sharply; the brandy burned my throat and my eyes watered. Gritting my teeth I shook my head to regain clarity.

A little stunned from the brandy, I staggered lazily back to my bed and flopped down.

Practically begging Dr. Chakwas, I pleaded, "What am I am I going to do?"

Dr. Chakwas softly spoke as she sat back onto the bed, "What do you want to do kiddo?"

Mumbling under the pillow I answered, "Sleep my life away!"

With the first deep sigh of her own Dr. Chakwas said,

"You can't sleep forever, you know."

Frustrated, I yelped from the corner of the pillow, "I don't want forever! I just want one day, today!"

I put my head back under the pillow, muffling my last few words.

"I need to think."

Dr. Chakwas sighed deeply, understanding my frustration, and she quietly left the room.