It's weird.
It's been over ten years since I last wrote anything like this, but I've been having these persistent dream-thoughts...
This screams to be written down. I hope I can do it. I'll try at least.
What's the worst that can happen? Dissatisfied readers? Finger cramps?
Mad assassins (grins)? Probably nothing I can't deal with or ignore.
Okay.
Everyone reading this should know the concept of the self-insertion fanfic.
You take your favorite story, be it anime, manga, movie, series, book or other media.
You generally don't own the rights to that property, and neither do I, come to think of it.
You design a character more or less based on you, typically more less, less more (yes, that was supposed to be a pun or something), often some kind of gaming construct with mismatched, unbalanced powers.
You throw that persona in the mix, usually letting it overshadow the original characters with overwhelming skill, power, eloquence, smarts or just raw 'coolness'.
Well, that's not quite what happened to me in ...
- 0 -
BLEECH
- 0 -
{Bleach is the intellectual property of Tite Kubo and whoever else is involved in making and marketing the manga and anime series. I haven't made any money off this, nor do I intend to, and probably never would even if I wanted.}
- 0 -
- Evaluations -
Part 1 – Tentative Evaluations
- 0 -
"Oh heilige Scheisse!"
Honoring ancient traditions, I was rhythmically pounding my head against the nearest available solid surface, in this case Ichigo's desk, from the side – I still had not risen, I felt too drafty in my improvised greek philosopher costume, so I kept sitting on the ground. The other reason was, I felt a bit weak-kneed at the moment, too.
"So you already had the big fight for Karakura town with Aizen and his Arrancar and all? What the hell am I supposed to do then?"
- 0 -
Ichigo didn't recall anything about Bount, but there were a few other plushies – erm, artificial souls running around. The Vizored he did know of – of course, otherwise the Arrancar arc would have been impossible to deal with – but they had all disappeared, maybe fallen, amidst the Battle for Karakura in the real world.
But the worst part was...
"What do you mean, Aizen just disappeared? You were fighting the biggest fight of all, your friends and foes falling like flies, and he just disappeared as if nothing had ever happened? Did you get hit with his Bankai or what?" I moaned, massaging my aching forehead.
"I do know not, okay? We were fighting, I got pulled from the fight, Aizen gone into the Soul Society Karakura, Oyajii turned up, went we to Dangai, he training made me with extra time to learn Saigo no - ultimate Getsuga Tensho and when I came to other Karakura, all was un-unnessessari because Aizen was no more there. "There were some damage from fighting, but no Aizen, no snakey-eyes – no Gin. Of all people, Kanonji claimed he had conforonted them and seen the two blew them selves both up or such thing. Hate that laugh. Found friends, they said some of same stuff. No one did believe it, but they were gone. No trace.
"Karakura town came back home, Espada were all dead or gone, Vizardos were gone, all Gotei Taisho went home, no one had any cluu. I think Orihime and Unohana-san healed everyone she could, but we have not seen they since. Nor the others. That was just a few days ago, and but they were completely feel-good calm, so we, well, reraxed a bit." Ichigo ranted, then caught his composure again. Less hectic - and with less mistakes - he tried again.
"Look, I know it must sound weird, but it all went just 'poof'. One moment total destruction threatens, the next everything silent. The bad guys just disappeared and no one knew what happened. In Seireitei they probably are looking into what happened, but I don't know - and yes, it bugs the hell outta me!" he yelled, throwing up his arms.
"Well, that sucks," I summarized.
"Hai. Shimatta."
"Verdammt."
"Ganbatte?"
"Urusei! / Shut up Kon!"
- 0 -
Part 2 – Cautious Evaluations
- 0 -
So, there I was. My knowledge of Bleach plots completely useless, because I had popped in after the big battle, which didn't even have a proper conclusion.
So much for helping them out and earning a place among them. Hell, all that I knew the big battle might have meant the end of the series, as improbable as it seemed. Bleach was much too successful for it to end now, there would have to be continuation, even if as a sequel, like with Naruto / Naruto Shippuuden.
"Now what... ?" I asked, basically myself.
Ichigo just shrugged.
Suddenly I noticed the girl stepping around the wardrobe corner at the door, as she said something. In Japanese of course, so I didn't understand.
Who-? Oh. Right.
The hairstyle was distinctive even in reality, with the characteristic forelock hanging pointedly almost to her mouth level.
Obviously, at some moment in the last ten or twenty minutes Ichigo and I had been talking, Rukia had used – entered, or inflated, or whatever - her gigai, her artificial body, and man what a relief it was to finally be able to see her. And hear, of course, even if I didn't understand a lot.
And even if she was 3-D real and didn't quite look exactly as expected, her dark greyish eyes did have the same depth and energy as her drawn image.
Rukia and Ichigo conversed for a short while, Ichigo getting somewhat agitated at some points, while I had the choice of watching uncomprehendingly or to rack my brains futilely.
I decided on watching first. Fortunately it didn't take too long.
Rukia appeared to have a point Ichigo had to concede, then he turned to me again.
"She says, she agree something is wrong, but wants to know what you actually know. If you have seen all happen from outside, do you may know things we do not?"
Hope! "Of course! You know anime series, there always are multiple plotlines and viewpoints, flashbacks, character thoughts... hey, they had Gin do an 'Arrancar Encyclopedia' at the end of several episodes! I may not have an eidetic memory, but I'm certain some things could help."
Maybe I shouldn't have been so sure...
"Oh, and happy to finally meet her visibly," I tried to bow to her. I really should get up some time, shouldn't I?
Then it hit me. I had some big problems left hanging...
"Uh, Ichigo? I completely forgot, but there are a few problems here... beyond this, I mean," indicating my clothing, or rather, lack of, "but in the same line of thought..."
"Clothes, yes, what else you mean?"
"Um, formal ID, a place to stay, and most importantly - medicine. I have very bad health," I admitted sheepishly.
Ichigo faced the ceiling and slapped his forehead. "Kuso."
- 0 -
Part 3 – Vital Evaluations
- 0 -
Reluctantly I listed my most pressing health problems – among them diabetes – and watched Ichigo's frustration. I guessed the most promising solution, but I knew he didn't like it.
The other side of the solution was the basic problem: truth or lie?
Ultimately, I asked him.
"Do we ask... him?" pointing vaguely downwards, "or do you think Ura...shima – no Ura-hara! - Urahara-san has a solution? Hat and sandals guy?"
"... Damn, it still bugs me you know so much about us all."
"Gomen..." I apologized, but he blew it off.
"Kini shinaide, sho ga nai."
"Nani?" I didn't recognize that phrase, even if I probably had heard it in anime several times before.
"Ara... I said 'Don't worry, can't be helped'."
"Oh. So des," I just said. "So, what do we- what will you tell him?"
Ichigo murmured something incomprehensible, thinking feverishly.
I knew he hated having to rely on his father for anything, but Kurosaki Isshin was a doctor, with his own small clinic belowstairs. Of course, as I already knew, he also was a former (how did that work out, anyway?) shinigami, and a powerful one at that. Which, in conjunction with my knowing secrets I shouldn't – even if not yet helpful ones – might open a completely new can of worms.
But trying to fib... there was no way Ichigo could claim me a former friend of his, not with me being older than his father looked. At least I expected him to, as cartoon drawing he didn't look older than late thirties to me. With me unable to see Rukia I obviously was no candidate for a shinigami connection, either. Ignorant of usable japanese there was no believable way I could pass as anything except a clueless tourist (which, at the core of things, I was, of course) and why should Ichigo – or Isshin either – feel obliged to care for me at all?
I got Ichigo to talk and found his thoughts went along similar lines. The thought of selling my situation as a mugger victim didn't hold water, either, since I would have to stay close to Ichigo and Rukia if picking my brains was supposed to be any help at all, not quickly fixed up and sent on my way to police or consulate – or embassy? Who would be in charge, anyway? – without proof of arrival the next can of worms would open.
Not to mention I severely doubted I had any legal existence here.
"Shimatta," Ichigo cursed. "I have no other idea but just to tell him."
"Me neither."
I would have been severely surprised if Rukia or Kon would have had an instant, brilliant solution.
I wasn't.
- 0 -
Part 4 – Shared Evaluations
- 0 -
Well, the whole dramatic desperation just went 'Poof'.
Kurosaki Isshin listened to Ichigo's (and Rukia's) retelling of my story, just shook his head, got his equipment ready, took blood samples and all, examined my general health, took notes and gave me some medication and other necessities.
"[You know most of your problems are based on simple deterioration from weight, bad nutritional balance and lack of exercise, don't you?]" he asked me.
Since I'm writing this down in English, I'll just translate on the run.
Yeah, I was a bit surprised about him speaking fluid German, but on the other hand he had worked with a Quincy – whatshisnameagain? Unryuu's father, or was that Ishida's? – and considering the amount of german-derived vocabulary in the Quincy's power arsenal – like 'Sprenger' or 'Seele(n)schneider' - it might have been not that big a coincidence.
"[Yeah]," I admitted. "[Never found a reason to do something about it. No drive, no hope, no will, no one to sufficiently care about... I just let myself go.]"
He raised an eyebrow. "[Sounds depressing. Nothing? No family, no friends?]"
"[Heh, you don't say? Not enough to matter. I love my parents and sister, but, well, we hav- had our problems, at the moment I don't miss them much; in school I was sickly and not allowed to participate much, so I never got into the habit of physical exercise; never found anyone or anything else to care about that much; most of my friends are out of touch and, besides, not that much better in the healthy living department]," I sighed. "[Yeah, in many ways I'm just a typical case study of a literal 'Otaku'. Not completely, I hope, but, well... I don't think I'm clinically depressed, but on the other hand, I just don't care much whether I live or die as long as I'm somewhat comfortable. Heck, as far as I know I got here because at home I'm dead already. On the third hand, as I like saying, that's why I know what I know. Hobby anime, manga and stuff.]"
As it is so often, it was easy to bare my soul – what there is of it - to a relative stranger. Oh, and I guess that includes whoever might get to read this.
"[Well, at least according to my examination you're still as alive as most of my patients. I'm not certain how far this knowledge of yours really goes and what to think of it-]" "[Actually, me neither]," I interjected.
"[- but if Ishigo and his friends wants to try, I won't object. I might even have an idea about your little language barrier problem... I know Ichigo wouldn't want me along as translator.]"
"[Heh. At least you still have a closer relationship with each other than I with my family. Also, Ichigo deserves his spot as main character, and your daughters are simply adorable]," I grinned.
"[While I'm just chopped liver, am I?]" he grumbled jokingly.
"[Actually, you were comic relief in the beginning, no offense, then a few parts of family history. Sorry, but you should know what it is with these shows, tragedy draws an audience. Only when the Arrancar began to appear your... former life was revealed, and that only to the viewers and readers. As far as I can tell and remember, Ichigo was clueless until almost to the end (so far).]"
He made a face. "[I don't like that. Being part of public entertainment... Okay, I play the fool for my family, but I had my reasons. That... feels just wrong.]"
"[I understand. But since we told you, I wanted to tell you at least something that relates. And don't worry, you were just a background character for most of the show. Ichigo was the one who had to be almost continually in view.]" I winked.
It felt very weird. Especially with the disparity in health, Isshin looked years younger than me, but still I felt as if I was talking to a favorite uncle, older and wiser.
"[Oh, there is one thing left I would like to check.]"
"[Okay; what?]"
Without warning, he wound up and thrust his hand full force into my back. I saw the move reflected in a glass pane, but far too late for me do do anything, not that I could have. I felt a ripping pain in my chest, piercing me from spine to breastbone.
"[Why...?]" I thought.
Then it got very, very weird.
- 0 -
To be continued... I hope...
- 0 -