A/N: I'm not making Arnold the bad guy. He's just a young male who is still coming to grips with certain things himself. As for anyone else you can leave that up to your imaginations.
Thanks for the reviews my kind lovelies. I'll make sure that Harold doesn't eat all the cookies.
It had been a month since that day Helga left the bus in a hurry. He did speak to Lila about what she said, and of course she apologized for that. Her excuse was never hearing Olga say that to her. Accepting it, Arnold did end up going on a date with her. Several, in fact. She was of course her typical sweet self. He liked the natural ease of it. There was no emotional roller coaster rides he was always prone to get from, Helga. It was just an easy going relationship.
As for Helga, she continued to distance herself even more after he became, Lila's boyfriend. She would openly sneer or scoff whenever, Lila's name was mentioned. Arnold cared for Helga very deeply though, and he always continued to try to speak to her.
One day he heard a clatter in the kitchen followed by, Helga cursing. Rushing in there he found her on the floor grabbing the pans. His eyes dropped down to her backside involuntarily. "Uh, do you need help, Helga?" His voice a bit shaky from scanning her body.
"Nah." Standing up with the pans in her hands, Helga placed them on the counter. "Don't you have a date with your Campfire Lass?" She bit out.
Arnold hated not getting to see her face full on unless on the other side of the table. He knew she was scowling, but he knew it didn't detract from her beauty. "Campfire Lass?" He wondered slowly.
She snorted as she put some stuff away. "The Campfire Lasses wear plaid green. Lila wears plaid green. Campfire Lasses are often found with braids in their hair. Lila always has braids in her hair. Campfire Lasses talk like morons half the time. Lila talks like that all the time."
He wanted to defend, Lila for that cutting remark, but he held no desire for it. "Seriously, let me help you."
Hearing the doorbell had him sighing.
"Ohhhhhhhhhh! I smell fakery." Helga's voice drawled with sarcasm. "Answer it and leave me be."
He felt punched in the gut. He didn't want to let her in. He wanted to try to get Helga to speak to him. "You know I am trying here with you."
Helga knew he was, but ever since he started seeing Lila, all she could do was avoid them at all costs. At school they are being all lovey dovey. He brings her here, and all she hears is her stupid voice talking. Giggling. At dinner, when she actually stays, she doesn't know how to react to his family, and she has known they were all different since she first arrived in, Hillwood.
Hearing Lila's insipid voice had, Helga wishing to claw her eardrums out. Helga agreed to make dinner tonight because she actually enjoyed it. She just hated making dinner with Lila here. Growling at her giggling, Helga turned on her heel to leave the kitchen to head upstairs. She needed her headphones.
She stormed past the moron and Arnold. Ran upstairs to her room where she quickly grabbed her iPod. Inserting her ear buds in, Helga turned on the music while beginning to sing. She sang a tune by Elle King as she went past the sappy couple. They appeared dumbfounded. They probably didn't have a clue that she could sing.
"I had no clue she could sing ever so good." Commented Lila as she looked after Helga. "Did you?"
"Only since she started living here. She has an amazing voice." Arnold wanted to follow the captivating mystery, but Lila's hand halted him.
Lila was itching for some action and so she dragged him upstairs to his room. She needed fun.
The next day, Helga was speaking to Gertie about things. She loved speaking to his family. She felt welcomed at all times. Felt like she can open up about many things. Arnold left to be with Gerald for the day and Phoebe was heading over after Fencing practice was done.
"So why haven't you been speaking to Kimba?" Gertie finally inquired.
Helga knew she was safe while speaking to they wily old woman. "Because I notice that he just wants to speak to me only when Lila is about to see him. Never before. Never after. It is like this convenient excuse to make of not wanting to talk any longer."
"So you figure why bother when he isn't bothering." She hummed at that as she stirred her tea. "Well I can see where you are coming from, Eleanor. You have been abandoned by your own family and now you are being abandoned by the boy you love."
She gasped at that. "I-I-I don't love him." She stammered out. Lifting the tea to her mouth, Helga wanted to avoid the subject.
"Deny it all you want dear. I see it for myself."
Helga gazed into the sharp eyes of, Gertie. Of course she saw it. She was great at seeing things. "It doesn't matter anyhow. I know now exactly how he feels for me."
It was time to move along.
Her brain shut off. No! It quite literally died right now in this stagnant classroom filled with slack jawed idiots. Queen Slack Jaw was at the head of the class reading her story out loud. It was the same drivel. Lila on the farm with her stupid farm stories. One day she hoped that cow actually jumped over the moon to escape her boring nonsense.
Turning her bored brain to where Arnold sat, she noticed him yawning. Was he yawning due to lack of sleep? Yawning because of the story? No he must be yawning to sift some oxygen into that depleted head of his.
Helga shook her head slightly at that thought. She knew he wasn't truly stupid. He was naive about his boring girlfriend. Laying her head on the desk she felt tears drift down slowly from how tired she was becoming. Harold giving a report about how good food was felt more entertaining.
"Why thank you, Ms Sawyer. Please have a seat." Her soft spoken teacher bided.
Curtseying, Lila thanked her teacher back. "Thank you, Ms Bard. I had an ever so lovely time writing it."
Under her breath, Helga couldn't help her own mimicking of, Lila's voice. "Thank you, Ms Bard. I had an ever so lovely time boring the crap out of all of you." Placing her finger down her throat, she attempted to mimic her barfing. "Sheesh. What a simp."
Ms Bard placed her finger on the next students name. "Helga, could you please share with us what you wrote."
Standing up, Helga didn't bother to head to the front. Didn't do any theatrics like, Lila. She glanced to her paper knowing that there were no words of love there. Her heart seemed to still, but has it been like this since she was given up on?
"I call this Mouth Relaxed." They were allowed to write a short story, a poem, or free form writing. Helga didn't bother to look to anyone in the class. They didn't matter to her right now.
Been in and out and out and around.
Wonder when this roller coaster will ever end?
Lays back, eyes closed, slight tension in the body.
My mouth closed..no sign of tension there.
Regardless of a negative, it's obvious my entire body isn't registering that yet.
It knows something, that my subconscious mind doesn't know yet.
Or does it?
It's interesting how the mind works.
Just when you think the world is attacking you.
You realize your most likely attacking yourself.
Yes, you may have a bit of bad luck.
Or entire decades worth of it.
But to give up and let that bad luck take over your world.
You know it's won.
Tension in the body.
Body working over time.
Heart is still beating.
Afraid of failure.
But you are the one who will let that failure win.
Sitting down in her seat, Helga didn't care to see who was looking, but she knew that Arnold was.
They were graduating Middle School in a few weeks. Arnold couldn't believe that High School was right around the corner. Couldn't believe how clingy, Lila is. She was always latched onto him, and while he loved having not to guess what was going on with her, he found himself often becoming bored.
His eyes drifted over to where Helga currently sat. She had Phoebe next to her and Iggy on her other side. While Lila was the most prettiest in the school, Rhonda was considered beautiful, and many didn't seem to consider Helga at all. For him, he thought Helga was this unusual beauty. She didn't look like anybody else, and he seemed to enjoy the fact that he realized it.
While he lived in the same place as her, Arnold would always look her over every chance he received. Still he had a hard time still talking to her. He could tell that she resented Lila for some unknown reason. A reason he was unsure of.
Catching movement out of the corner of his eye, Arnold spotted Phoebe leaving Helga's side to be with Gerald. With Helga, she stood up to head off with Iggy. His eyes followed them like a hawk as they disappeared around the corner. Thoughts flared up. This imagination took flight in what they could possibly be doing. Jealousy was rearing its ugly head.
Could she possibly be interested in Iggy?
"So Helga, would you like to tell me how this week has been for you." Dr Bliss started off with saying.
A smile swam up on Helga's face as her eyes narrowed in a cocky way. "All those years of education and that is how you wanted to start off this session. Might as well ask me if any aliens have abducted me in the past few days."
Dr Bliss was use to snarky from her. "No I am much more interested in Bigfoot than aliens at this moment. Do you have any interesting Bigfoot stories?"
Screwing her eyes up towards the ceiling in thought, Helga stuck her tongue out. "I could say that Ernie has big feet for the size of the man, but if it is true what they say than I wish to scrub my mind now."
"Good thinking." She scribbled in a few notes. "Everything great at the boarding house?"
"Yeah. I get along with everyone at least. Stella, Miles, Phil, and Gertie make me feel very welcome. So do the boarders and that even includes Oskar." She rolled her eyes at that nimrod.
"And what about, Arnold? Doesn't he make you feel welcomed?" She noticed how Helga sighed before looking down to the ground. "What's going on?"
Helga knew she was in a safe environment with her. Knew she was safe when she spoke to Gertie. "He doesn't really talk to me anymore. I know in the beginning I was still processing my sister's death, but still now I'm not so put off being around people."
Writing that down, Dr Bliss found that interesting. She knew Arnold was one to always want to help others. "Describe your typical time with him. Tell me how he doesn't really talk to you anymore."
"When I hear his voice to say something to me and asks if I wanted to talk, it will always get interrupted by Lila coming over. He does it all the time. Not after she is fully gone and not way before. It is always just a minute before she arrives. I figure that since he truly doesn't want to talk to me, why should I bother speaking?" She spoke in a depressed tone. Her head bowing down to study her short nails. "How would you feel, Doc?"
Seeing how it was affecting her, Dr Bliss could see the pain. It was screaming out. Crying. "Pretty horrible. So is she always there?"
"Yep."
"What does his family say to that?"
Helga smirked. "Phil loves making an excuse to go up there and bust in on them. It's funny when you hear her yelp."
Dr Bliss released a melodious laugh at that. "Oh that will be amusing. Now tell me if you still love Arnold or not?"
"I do, but I hate him too." Was her only answer at the present moment.
After her session, Helga went to the park. She sat by the tree wishing she had a book with her to read. That or her journal. As she sat there she heard the sound of, Bob's voice approaching. Peeked at some of what he was saying, but not wishing for him to see her, Helga ducked behind the tree to see him and her mother holding one another. They looked happy.
Listening to them speak, Helga felt a flashback of that time she was knocked out when she took off during Arnold's magic show. Her parents were happier without her around. Bowing her head, she waited. She needed them to be gone so she can leave. She wasn't strong enough to face them right now. When they finally were far enough away, Helga ran out of there. She ran all the way home. She needed music to blast inside her head. She wanted to scream, but she wanted her thoughts to be drowned out.
Rushing towards the boarding house, she ascended the stoop before bursting in. From there she ran upstairs towards her room nearly running into Arnold. Happy to at least avoid him, Helga was grabbing her keys out of her pocket to shakily try to unlock the door.
"Helga?"
She cursed as the keys fell to the ground. Picking them up she did it all over again. She needed to hide. Feeling a touch on her arm she whirled around. "What?! Can't you see that I'm trying to get into my room."
Arnold was taken aback by her screaming at him. "I know. What's the matter?"
A snort escaped from her. "You only have time to talk to me when your fucking fake ass girlfriend is about to conveniently show up. I don't want to talk to someone who can only fit me in for just a minute before spending five hours with his boring sweetie." Turning her face towards him, Helga hissed. "Don't think I don't know about what you are really doing up there."
His eyes went big. Hearing the doorbell downstairs, Arnold turned his head towards it. "I don't really do that. Do I?" He was unsure.
Finally getting her key in the lock, Helga finally was able to enter her room. "Yep!" Hearing Phil say that Lila was here had her scoffing. "Told ya." With that she went into her room and slammed the door behind her.
In the privacy of her room she put her earbuds in. She selected some hard core music to listen to. Settling down in her bed she zoned out as the music blasted away. All her dark thoughts nestled inside her head were soon replaced by her mouthing out the lyrics. She was use to this when it came to living with, Bob and Miriam. This is how she use to fall asleep at times.
It was nine when she heard a knock at her door. She stopped listening to music a half hour ago in favor of reading. Helga told whomever to come in. Taking a glimpse up as she turned the page she calmly appraised, Arnold's stance as he stood there.
"I didn't realize I was doing that with you." He began almost uneasily. "It is hard to talk to you at times. You always have this wall built up that I have tried to knock it down in the past. I never could. I have wanted to get closer to you."
Closing her book gently, Helga thought to actually listen to him. "Why did you?"
Waving his hand out to silently ask if he could sit down, Helga nodded her head. Sitting down, Arnold thought this was a good sign. "Since I knew you were a good person deep down, that's why. You helped me out before. You had some good advice for me."
"You had some good advice for me." She admitted. "Just don't let that get to your head."
A tiny smile crept on to his face. "I'll try. The thing is now I will admit that I have no idea how to talk to you." He felt heat creeping up his spine. "I don't want to alienate you, but it is obvious that I have. I'm an awful friend."
"Are we really friends?"
Her quick response had his head snapping back as if literally smacked. "We are. I would like to think we are. Don't you think we are friends?"
She turned her head away from him. She stared at a poster Phoebe got her a long time back. "Lately. No. Not since it all happened. You've been much closer to Lila than myself."
"Because she's easier to talk to." He pointed out sharply. His eyes almost narrowed points.
"She's easy all right." Helga countered back in a snappish manner. Her eyes went back to him. The gaze piercing him.
Arnold should of defended Lila, but right now he was here to repair his friendship with Helga. "Please talk to me."
Helga considered it. She considered trying to unclench her jaw from the gnawing tension. She wanted to rip her own skin apart to feel something different from the everyday. Her psyche ached of the everyday. She moved closer to him to find his body tensing. Was he afraid she was about to pounce? Was she this frightening of a person?
"My parents didn't get a divorce. They are more in love since they got rid of their stain. I am their mistake and they gave their mistake to your family. When you acted the way you do with me, you remind me of them. Lila reminds me of them, but only worse. You are better than this, Arnold. I adore your family so I'll do everything to help them. Remember what I confessed to you on the FTi building?" Her voice was so low as she spoke. She waited for him to respond to her. When he nodded, she continued. "Forget all about it. Now I just can't wait to leave Hillwood when I'm old enough." Sliding away from him, Helga resumed her previous pose.
It hurt him mentally and physically that she wanted him to forget that confession. "I can't forget that ever. I don't want you leaving here ever."
"I want to travel, Arnold." She told him in finality. "You'll marry her and I'll be off out there. I'll be free as a bird." Bringing her book back up with every intention of reading it again, Helga added, "I don't want to ever witness that marriage."
Arnold felt depressed hearing that. To lose her would feel so empty, he felt. "There is no guarantee that I'll be marrying her." He cursed himself for saying that. He couldn't imagine himself being married to, Lila.
A half cocky smile formed on her face. "Oh you'll marry someone of equal footing as her. As for myself, I'm destined not to be married." She opened her book back up while she propped her legs up. "I'm glad we had this talk. We should do it more often."
He knew she was dismissing him. Arnold stood up slowly to study how a tendril fell in front of her face. She didn't brush it away while her eyes seemed to be happily dancing along the words. "I'll talk to you. I promise you." She shrugged. "Good night Helga."
"Yeah." She was distracted already in her world. "Night." Her tone lower now as her eyes stuck to the paragraph where both characters were busy plotting away.
Another difference between Lila and her when they read: Lila was never involved in it. She simply sat there with her eyes still the same dull wide eyed way. She always looked like she never understood it at all.
With Helga, she actually latched on to what she was reading. He could see her imagination taking flight. Could see the varying degrees in her eyes. She never read in a stance like, Lila did. Back straight, book held up high in front of you, and drinking something as if she was at some fancy party. Helga always was comfortable whether it was cross legged, laying on her stomach, laying on her back, or side, or sitting with her back against the wall with her knees up. Arnold swore he could read what she was reading simply by, Helga's expressions.
Still as he went into his bedroom to remove his clothes to get dressed for bed, Arnold thought about his conversation with her. Helga was more damaged than he previously thought. She also seemed alone even if she had his family and Phoebe loving her. She was his tormentor before. A tormentor that hid herself due to the pain she endured under her own family. He knew it wasn't right. Knew still of that confession of her on the FTi building. A confession that still burned through his memory as bright as the morning sun.
His foot carried him towards the door with the intention of speaking to her once more, but he found himself blocked. He knew how attracted he is of her, but how deeply did it go? He thought about her more than his own girlfriend. A girlfriend he sometimes imagined was Helga, and he was kissing her. Arnold knew that Helga is a passionate person so he knew those kisses would be even powerful now. Was he using Lila in the meantime till he reached what he truly desired? He had no clue.