The Eternity Effect

Chapter 3 - Regrets

Glinda

Lurline is ruining my afterlife. That is all I can think about. That is all I care to think about right now. I nearly threw a fit when we left her office and had to get back into her stupid carriage to be driven home. I wanted to rip the green panels right off the walls and whack the driver upside the head with them. But I know this isn't his fault. He can't help it that he works for such a cow.

I still wanted to throttle him anyway.

Elphaba held my hand the entire ride back as I ranted in an endless cycle about the horrible meeting we'd just endured. And she sat silently, her attention focused out the window while I vented all my frustrations. I realized she wasn't paying attention after a few minutes. And when I stopped talking long enough to question where her mind was she turned to me and told me she was listening.

She told me to keep talking.

I don't think she really wanted to hear my angry thoughts so much as she wanted my voice to drown out the ones in her head. So I let words leave my lips. Strings upon strings of sentences filled the carriage, most nonsensical and probably all about Lurline being a horrid bitch. But I let myself carry on so that whatever thoughts seemed to be plaguing Elphaba would subside… especially ones riddling her with guilt. Ones that cause her brow to furrow a little lower than I like seeing it. Ones that make her sigh as if the weight of thousands of souls is resting upon her shoulders.

Because their fate is resting on her shoulders. Just as they rest on my shoulders.

And I talked so we didn't have to feel them.

So she wouldn't look so absolutely remorseful anymore.

So I wouldn't feel as though she regrets choosing me.

But then we enter the house and the silence we find inside hits me so hard that all the thoughts I was hoping to leave behind in the carriage rush back into me. All the weight, all the guilt, all the regret.

We're going back to Oz tomorrow and all I want to do is stay here. Keep Elphaba here, with me, where we belong. We don't belong to Oz anymore. I don't think I ever really belonged there. I don't care what Lurline said to us. I don't care that I was never supposed to die.

How could any hypothetical version of my life ever compare to what I have now?

"You're parents went down to your mother's galley for an opening tonight." Elphaba tells me as she reads from a small note placed on the table beside the front door. I lean into her shoulder to get a look at the letter my parents left for us. The handwriting is Momsie's. The last line invites us to join them if we get back in time.

"I don't feel like going anywhere," I sigh, completely overwhelmed with fatigue as I slump against Elphaba. She chuckles and wraps a steadying arm behind my back. "I don't feel like moving for all eternity. You won't mind living with me in the foyer will you?"

Elphaba laughs as I let my eyes fall close. "It's a rather public setting but if you're up for the exhibitionist lifestyle then who am I to refuse you?"

"I'd rather us be exhibitionists than go back to Oz."

"Fiyero would see us."

I groan and burry my head further against her side. "You know I really don't want to go back when even that option is sounding like an acceptable alternative."

"We promised Lurline we would," Elphaba says softly. "I have to make things right Glinda. You know that. You agreed to it."

I lift my head up to look at her. To really let her see just how much I really do not like this agreement. Her eyes have taken on that same steely resolve I remember scaring me back in Kiamo Ko. I don't like it… "I still would rather us stay here and let Oz fix itself."

Elphaba's brow lowers ever so slightly. "Lurline wouldn't be sending us if it could."

The argument can't be stopped now. "Lurline also doesn't understand the concept of dressing oneself." I retort pulling away from Elphaba. She lets her arms fold across her chest, as I stand as tall as my height will allow. I barely pass her shoulder. Undeterred by my shortcoming I raise my chin and say, "I hardly consider her qualified to do anything aside from cheap party tricks. She can barely organize her office, let alone herself. How do you expect her to organize an entire world?"

Elphaba lets her head tilt to the side as her eyes squint down into mine. "I don't," She tells me simply. "She said herself she's only one person, Glinda. And yes, while she is one very disorganized and abrasive person she is still just that, a person. She has a-"

Elphaba doesn't finish as someone has started knocking on the door behind us. The hits ring familiar in my head and all at once I realize we've completely forgotten to tell Fiyero where we were going today.

He's right on time for a bonfire night that will certainly not be taking place.

"I'll let him know," Elphaba says as she turns to the door. She barely gets it open a few inches before Fiyero bursts into the foyer carrying an arm full of stuff ranging from wine bottles to musical instruments.

Or just one musical instrument really. A very large guitar.

I sigh realizing he was hoping to hear Elphaba sing tonight.

"Ok, I'm going to set this down for a second because it weighs a ton and I carried it all the way from in town by myself. This does not mean I'm not manly enough to carry it all the way out back, Glinda, ok? I just need to take a little break." He says it all in one long breath as he dumps the giant pile full of stuff gently onto the tile below. As he stands back up he gives his back a stretch and then grins widely at us both. "So how are you ladies tonight? I'm ready to get started whenever you are. Can't wait to hear Fae sing! And don't think you are going to get away with any excuses not to this time! I am prepared to chain you to the log if you try."

"That won't be necessary," Elphaba says as she picks up a bottle of wine that had started to roll across the foyer.

Every time Fiyero calls her Fae I want to throw something sharp at his head.

The bottle of wine Elphaba is holding will do. She gives me a reproachful stare as I eye the drink in her hand. I let myself grumble as she hands it to Fiyero.

"Sorry Fiyero, but tonight really isn't going to work for us. Maybe another day?" Elphaba offers.

Fiyero looks absolutely crestfallen as he hears the news. "But-"

"Please Fiyero," I interrupt. "Today really isn't good."

"Is it because I threatened to chain Fae to a log? Because if it is you know I only meant it as a joke." He chuckles.

I don't let my expression change and as he realizes no one is laughing with him he grows uncomfortable. "You guys are serious. What happened? Is everything ok? Are your parents ok?"

I must admit he can be rather thoughtful sometimes. Yet I will never, ever tell him so. "They're fine, Fiyero." I say with a small smile. "In fact they're over at the gallery if you want to go check out the show."

He gives me a small grin back as well and I know he's happy I'm not biting his head off. "Why aren't you guys at the show?"

Elphaba looks over to me and then back to Fiyero. "We had a meeting with Lurline today. She didn't exactly give us the best of news."

"Oh," Fiyero frowns. "What'd she say?"

Elphaba looks back to me and I discretely shake my head. Fiyero doesn't need to know what's going on. I can barely wrap my mind around telling my parents let alone having to worry about his reaction too. The less he knows the better.

This isn't his fault.

He doesn't need to be involved.

"Nothing we can't handle," Elphaba tells him and as his eyes grow more questioning and lock with hers she adds, "How about you just leave this all here and we can have the bonfire next week? I'll even let you pick what I sing. Whatever song you like. Consider it my amends for having to cancel on you so suddenly."

"Any song?" Fiyero repeats with a quirk of one of his eyebrows.

Elphaba rolls her eyes as she nods. "Anything within reason of course."

"You better look that word up in the dictionary when you get home." I say while glaring over at Fiyero. "Because if it's not within reason I will be using those chains to tether your undeserving butt to a tree far out in the wilderness where some bear will come along and-"

"And I think that's my cue to leave," Fiyero laughs whilst interrupting me mid threat. He collects his man purse from the pile of his things scattered on the floor. He absolutely hates it when I call his shoulder bag a man purse.

Therefore I will never cease to call it a man purse.

"Don't even say it, Glinda," Fiyero warns as he levels me with a bored stare. He obviously knew I was about to make fun of him for his choice in man bags. I shrug innocently as he says his goodbyes to Elphaba and waves lazily to me before leaving the house.

I let out a loud groan of frustration once I hear his footsteps fade from the porch. Elphaba chuckles as she moves his pile of things out from the middle of the foyer.

"I really don't get why you two can't be civil for more than half a second," She says.

"And I really don't get why you're so accommodating all the time." I reply as I move to help her with Fiyero's things. "It just makes him fall for you all the more you know."

"Well, we promised him a bonfire night, Glinda. The guy looked crushed. What was I supposed to say?"

"'Sorry Fiyero, something came up so we can't do the bonfire tonight. Also I love Glinda very much and could never ever love you like I love her.' That would have been perfect."

Elphaba shoves the last of his things into the corner and dusts her hands off as she stands to face me once more. "That's just cruel."

"That's the truth!"

Elphaba gives me a smile that makes my heart beat a little faster as she lets her hands slide behind my back. "You know I love you. Especially when you're all incensed like this."

"You're changing the subject." I mutter as she pulls me closer to her.

"No, just channeling all that pent up aggression into something that benefits us both." She whispers against my ear and I practically melt into her at the level her voice has just lowered to.

And just like that I don't recall what I was so up in arms over. Elphaba whispers something into my ear I am not about to repeat. I feel myself blush from head to toe as she takes my hand in hers and leads me upstairs. She guides me into my bedroom and over towards my bed where we land with a bounce. It only takes one flick of her wrist to send the door swinging shut.

She's perfect.

Then her body is back on mine and her lips are about to crash onto mine when I suddenly feel something sharp poking into my hip. I let out a small yelp and Elphaba backs away from me, sitting on her heels as she looks down at her dress.

"There's something in your pocket Elphie," I say, surprised to hear the breathless quality my voice has taken on.

Elphaba's face lights up in recognition as she digs into her pocket and withdraws the small compass Lurline had given us earlier.

And now I couldn't be less in the mood for sex when I am bombarded with thoughts of that crazy woman.

The compass she gave us is small, fitting just inside the palm of Elphaba's hand. Nothing fancy, not even new. A plain old black cased compass with a piece of tape stuck over the North point, which reads 'Ozma'.

"No expense wasted here." Elphaba says with a tinge of sarcasm. "And I don't dare wonder where she learned how to use a compass. If anything this tape should be fixed to the needle."

I nod. "Oz, who would have ever thought Lurline was so… so…"

"Cheap?" Elphaba offers with a smirk.

I giggle. "Well yes that too. But I mean she's Lurline for Oz sake! Lurline! You'd expect her to be more… resourceful or at the very least clean."

Elphaba laughs. "I think when you've lived as long as she has you just let go. She seemed fun to me."

I fix Elphaba with an unconvinced stare. "Which part of that meeting did you consider even remotely fun? When I was trying to beat her to a pulp or that guilt trip she was laying on you? Because fun is not the word I would use to describe any of it. And she was a huge bitch!"

"I don't know, Glinda." She sighs as she rests beside me and tucks a loose section of curls behind my ear. I close my eyes and enjoy the way her fingers brush along my skin. "She was real. She needs help and she wasn't afraid to ask for it. Even if she did it in a backwards fashion."

"In a rude fashion, you mean." I say.

"She was brazen yes, uncouth and a bit ruthless. But she knows what she's doing. I trust her."

I open my eyes and gaze dumbfounded back into hers. "She wants to send us back to Oz! She expects us to fix an entire world of problems!"

Elphaba smirks again. "Well I do believe you once told me it only takes one person to start a revolution."

I groan and shove her shoulder. "One, alive person. We are neither. I don't know how she expects us to actually make a difference."

"You made a difference when you were sent to me." Elphaba says.

"I love you, Elphaba, I really do but-"

"No buts. You heard what Lurline said. We're the only ones who can help."

"Surely there's someone else here that's far more capable of bringing about a new era in Oz."

"I'm it, Glinda. I'm the only one allowed to fix it. Because it's my mess." She says quietly, eyes falling to the covers.

I reach over and tilt her chin back up. Her eyes have gone so defenseless. "None of this was your fault, Elphie."

She gives me a slight smile before sighing as she confesses, "I was selfish, Glinda. I just wanted to be with you. I needed to be with you and gave up my life to do it."

I feel my heart give a little at those words. I don't think she realizes just how much they hurt to hear. How they make air cease to fill my lungs.

"Elphie… I know I asked this already but when you say things like that I just…" I let myself trail off as I turn my gaze down to the bed to hide the way my eyes have started to brim with tears. "Do you… do you regret being with me?"

It comes out so pathetically that even I have to choke back a sob at the sound.

Then I feel Elphaba's palms covering my cheeks and tilting my head back up, her eyes locking on mine the moment I let them open once more. They're so dark. I don't know what to make of them and that thought alone scares me above all else. What if she does regret being with me? What if this is it? The moment she realizes just how much she gave up to come with me…. I can't look at her anymore. I don't want to see her eyes as she tells me these things. I don't want to remember the way they looked as she tells me she made a mistake.

But she holds my face steady and wipes the water that had quickly started to collect in the corners of my eyes.

I start shaking. I can't help it.

"Glinda," She whispers in a voice much softer then I was expecting. My eyes betray me and dart up to hers. Why does she look so worried… and calm? "I could never regret choosing you." I whimper a little as her words register in my head. A small smile pulls at Elphaba's lips and that is all it takes for my fears to be pushed aside. She pulls me closer and I know this is the only choice there ever could have been. "What we have now I wouldn't give this up for anyone, for anything. I love you. I love you and I need to make things right."

I let out a sigh as she traces soothing shapes on my back. "You're not going to give up are you? You'll drag me back to Oz kicking and screaming if you have to."

Elphaba shakes her head. "You don't have to come with me, Glinda. This is my fault, I should be the one to-"

I cut her off with the quick placement of one of my hands over her mouth. "Oh no! I am not having this argument again! Did you see the letter? What did it say on the address line? Huh? To Miss Glinda Upland and Miss Elphaba Thropp. We're in this together."

Her eyes dart between mine. I don't know what she's trying to find in them. But as they soften I let my hand slip from her mouth and return to rest on the bed cover. She licks her lips before asking me, "So we're really going then? Tomorrow?"

I nod. "Yes."

And that's when I can finally place the look I'm seeing in her eyes. At my one word they become so intently focused on me I have to gulp. Because she's looking at me with such unveiled anxiety that I feel myself growing more tense under her gaze as well.

The reality of it has hit her just as it hit me earlier in the foyer. This is real. We're going back to Oz.

Elphaba let's out a shaky breath as she takes one of my hands in her own. "You remember that night we left Shiz, and you told me you were scared?"

I squeeze her hand back. "How could I ever forget? Everything in my life had been so certain until then. I was so afraid of what would happen next. And then you told me you were scared too…" I look down from our hands to meet her eyes once more. I'm surprised to find they aren't as panicked as they once were. I let myself smile slightly as I say to her, "Elphie, as much as hearing you say that made me want to crawl into a hole with you and never look back, I felt… I felt safe knowing you were afraid too. I wasn't alone."

"It was all I could think about on the ride back here. I don't want to go back either, Glinda. I thought that part of our lives was over with. And now that I-we…now that we are going back…"

"It's all right, Elphie," I tell her, bringing her into my arms. She rests her forehead against my shoulder as she takes a deep breath. I try not to think about how tomorrow I won't be able to feel her breath tickling my neck like it is now.

I squeeze her to me more and Elphaba nuzzles her nose into the hollow of my throat. Her body shudders against mine, her heart thudding powerfully against my chest. Then I feel her voice vibrating deep against me. "Tell me we're doing the right thing."

Elphaba's never asked me to reassure her in anything before. In fact I'm usually the one in her position asking for comfort against my fears. This role reversal is not lost on me. The meaning of this moment strikes me hard. Elphaba needs me to be strong for her. I close my eyes and turn my head so it rests against hers and when my mouth comes close to her ear I tell her in as sure a voice as I can muster, "We're doing the right thing."

Elphaba presses her lips to my neck in a firm kiss. I breathe sharply at the sensation that radiates from the spot. Feverish heat pours directly down my body and settles somewhere below my belly. Oz, it's amazing what one well-placed kiss from her does to me. And the way her mouth is working up to my ear! Sweet Oz! Then I feel her tongue slide from between her lips and I nearly let myself roll on top of her.

I'm basically a trembling mess of limbs in her arms as she says, "Tell me you love me."

I have no problem assuring her of this. Cupping her face in my hands I pull her away so I can look at her eyes. I'm surprised to see Elphaba's usually brown eyes so dark and glistening with the threat of tears. They don't burn her here but I've built the habit of catching them before they have a chance to fall.

Before, when they had a chance to hurt her.

Her eyes close as I rub my thumbs above her high cheekbones. Her eyes are still closed when I lean in and give her a light kiss. "I love you." I whisper softly against her mouth.

Elphaba responds by connecting our lips again. And the heat from before reignites in me the moment I feel her begging entrance to my mouth. I eagerly let her tongue slide alongside my own, moaning at how incredible she still feels. At how good at this she has gotten. Elphaba's hands are on the back of my dress; the bodice loosening against my chest as she expertly unties the laces from my back.

I briefly miss the ease of undress that comes with my nightgown.

But Elphaba's mouth disconnects with mine to show attention to an exposed shoulder and suddenly I could care less about thoughts of fashion. All I care about are her wonderful hands sliding my dress down to my waist. I miss her lips on mine!

And she's far too dressed still!

My hands untangle from her hair to undo the long line of buttons running down the front of her dress.

Why I ever told her this was an appropriate outfit to wear for our meeting today I will never know. Clearly it is never going to be worn again because my hands shouldn't be wasting precious moments on buttons when they should be feeling gorgeous green skin.

I let out a frustrated groan that Elphaba must confuse for arousal because she rolls us over on the bed so that I'm pinned below her as she wriggles out of her dress on top of me. Once it's off and resting on the floor beside my own she lets a sly crooked smile slowly forms over her face. I question it for a moment until she sits back on her bare heels and reaches behind her to undo the claps of her bra.

Oh be still my theoretically dead heart because if you burst from my chest at this glorious sight I will never forgive you for ruining such an incredible moment in my afterlife.

Just as I think my traitorous heart will ruin everything for me Elphaba finally gets the thing undone and leaves the offensive fabric dangling from her shoulders as she hovers over me. Her arms holding her still, lowering her till there's barely a hair width between our bodies. I arch up to meet her, needing contact and she grins wickedly as she pulls herself just out of reach.

"Elphie!" I whine in frustration. My arms slip behind her back and try desperately to pull her down. To remove the damn bra. But she's not budging.

Eventually she lets out a chuckle as she lowers herself a top of me, settling perfectly against my body and a little too nicely as one of her thighs presses against my panties.

This time I moan her name in another manner of frustration.

She pulls her hair over one shoulder as she dips down to kiss me gently. "Honestly, Glinda," she laughs softly. "Have you no patience?"

"No!" I exclaim. "Not when you're doing that to me!"

Elphaba smirks as her thigh continues to move agonizingly slow. "Doing what?"

I let out a groan and she only presses harder against me. Sweet Oz! Why isn't she touching me? I need her to touch me! "Elphie, please…"

"Hmmm," She hums against my lips. The feeling of her warm breath mingling with the heat from below is driving me over the edge, fast. My hands dig into her back as my hips work to meet each push of her thigh. When Elphaba finally speaks even she sounds breathless. "Please… what?"

I don't answer her because I'm overcome by my absolute release. I shiver fiercely. As I settle beneath her I can see Elphaba is still breathing heavily above me. Her eyes are locked unsteadily on mine. She's completely wound up. If this is our last night together for who knows how long… well then, I'm going to make it count.

I lay one of my hands on her chest, directly over her heart. Oz, it's beating so fast. I push gently on her and she moves off me. I direct her into a sitting position before I move behind her. We were too caught up before to remove our undergarments. And as satisfying as it was it's always much better when we're together with nothing on at all. I feel Elphaba tremble against my fingers as I trail them over her shoulders, slipping the straps of her bra down.

She lets out a shaky breath and leans back toward me. One toss later and the bra lies on the floor. I tug at the edge of her underwear. "Off, please." I instruct in a whisper.

She obeys, the underwear lying next to her bra before I even get mine past my knees. And then we're the way I always want us save for the bra still strapped around my chest. But Elphaba's naked skin is too much to resist and I find myself pressing a searing kiss to her neck. She lets herself fall back against me. One of her hands holds my head steady; the other guides my free hand to her breasts where she inhales sharply as I pull her closer to me.

Elphaba somehow manages to remove my bra as well. Though how I haven't a clue. My instincts tell me she used magic. It wouldn't be the first time. And every time she does I just feel more aroused.

Oz, my girlfriend is such a genius.

"I love you," I say, hugging her tightly against me. One of my arms is slung across her collarbone as I breathe her in deep. She places a soft kiss to my wrist before turning in my embrace. As much as I love it when we're caught up in the moment I also love these slower moments too. Where I can just be with her. Where it's just us and I can soak in the feeling of her pressed against me. Sometimes all I want is to be wrapped up with her like this.

Oz even doing this in the foyer for all eternity would be worth it if we never had to set foot on Oz ever again.

"Love you too," She smiles softly at me, resting her forehead against my own. Elphaba kisses my nose and I can't help but crinkle it in happiness as she pulls me into her lap and I wrap my legs around her. Her arms are looped lazily around my waist as I lean down the inch separating us to connect our lips. We move slowly against each other. Our kisses gentle at first before growing more intense.

More heated.

Elphaba's arms tighten around my waist as I let a hand slip between our flushed bodies. Her breath hitches as I easily move to where she wants me most. I rub my thumb against her lightly before kissing her just as deeply as I slide into her.

"Oz, Glinda," She whimpers and I know I've found where I'm needed. Too busy wanting her to feel good I don't even notice when one of her own hands unhooks from around me but I do feel the trail of heat her fingers leave as they move across my stomach in a downward path. And suddenly they're filling me and all I can think is that this feels unbelievable. I let out a loud gasp as she moves a couple fingers slowly inside me. My heart feels like it's going to escape my chest again at this intimacy we're showing each other.

Elphaba tells me to open my eyes and I don't even remember when I let them close. When our gazes connect the fire inside my body nearly consumes me. She's looking at me with such raw unguarded emotion that I can't help but urge her faster against me. I ground myself to her with my free hand as she guides our foreheads together with her own. It stays locked on the back of my head, tangled in my mess of curls. Her other works a quick rhythm I am trying desperately to keep up with inside her as well.

Before I know it I'm digging my teeth into her shoulder to stop the scream from ripping out of my throat at my undoing. A few moments later I feel Elphaba tightening against my fingers as her own body shudders beneath mine.

We fall to the sheets in a tangle of very warm limbs and heavy breaths. I let myself roll onto her chest, my head settling in its favorite spot between her breasts, right over her heart. It pounds strong against my ear and I can't help but hug her closer to me. I'll miss the sound, the feeling of her once we're back on Oz. I'm going to savor this for as long as I possible can.

Her heart calms and I feel exhaustion creep into my body.

I only got to savor this for less than a minute!

"It's not fair," I say trying to stifle a yawn. Stop yawning! Stop trying to sleep body! We're supposed to be savoring Elphaba!

"What's not, my sweet?" Elphaba asks, though I suspect she knows what I'm talking about by the playful quality her tone has taken on.

"I always fall asleep after!" I grumble, this time yawning loudly. STOP IT! Stay awake! "Argh!"

Elphaba chuckles as she rubs a soothing pattern along my back. It doesn't help fight off the fatigue that's threatening to take me from her. My dreams are never as good as the feeling I get just lying in her arms after a night such as this. I never feel as warm, I never feel as safe.

I never feel this absolutely connected to another soul. To her.

Need... to... stay... AWAKE!

Elphaba places a soft kiss to the top of my head. "I love you and your oddly endearing post coital narcolepsy." She tells me as she does every night this happens.

I reply as I do every night by twisting one of her nipples. Elphaba only chuckles at my futile attempt to chastise her. By this point I feel so tired I just leave my hand lying across her breast. She doesn't mind and always brings her own hand to cover mine.

"Fresh dreams, Glinda." She whispers, kissing my probably uncontrollable mane of curls as I finally stop resisting the pull of sleep and let my eyes fall close. I feel warm sheets being pulled over my body, securing us together. And the last thing I hear before succumbing to my dreams is, "Love you, my sweet."