Joker flopped down on his bed and arranged the birthday cards on his nightstand.

Happy 30th Birthday!

Jesus, he was old, and all he had were paper sentiments. Everyone on the goddamn ship had paired up. Sure, they all tried to hold back on the PDA, especially today, but he got it. Jeff'd do the same thing if he had someone to share his heart with in the cold, deep void of space.

But, he didn't. He never would. The one Jeff Moreau desired didn't have a heart or a body, and she wasn't a real girl.

EDI's flashy, electric blue display orb danced alive. "Hi, Jeff, are you glad your birthday is almost over?"

He chuckled at how well she knew him, yet a sadness dampened his chest. "Yea, doll, thanks for covering the bridge, I had a good day." The term of endearment was not new, however he never called EDI that outside his quarters. The first time the pet name slipped out, she had told him she liked it. He had said he liked it, too.

Joker was in love with a disembodied voice.

The idiot hung his head. There was one last thing to do today. Birthday masturbation. "Well, I'm pretty tired, EDI, I think 'm gonna hit the hay."

"Jeff?"

"Yea, doll?"

She floored him. "Before you hit it, check under your pillow."

"What? You shouldn't have!" Jeff plucked a festive box from its hiding spot.

EDI's display got serious. "It's very personal. Can I trust you won't laugh?"

He gently shook the gift. "I'm not gonna laugh; what is it?" He asked a rhetorical question, obvious to anyone, but a computer.

Jeff got a hard-on for his birthday. "It's my pussy."

Joker dropped the box and checked life support system. Turning a ruddy shade of embarrassment, he coughed and grabbed some water, keeping it together like Robot DeNirex. Jeff wasn't going to laugh. He didn't want to hurt her miraculous feelings. Very conversationally. "I didn't know you had one."

"Open it."

The birthday boy's shaking hands unwrapped a plastic, silver cylinder. It was much like a wine bottle, but with a set of fleshy, velveteen lips on one end. And, something else. Jeff took in a breath like dude was gonna blow the fuck out of the candles on the cake. "It has clit?!"

"Correction. I have a clit."

Jeff's cockhead shamelessly poked out the top of his flight pants thinking about dipping his cock into EDI's to-go-cunt. "This is amazing, EDI, I'm so excited."

"Me too. We're going to share pleasure, Jeffery."

"What?"

"I will feel it, too."

The virgin computer wasn't kidding. His smoothed a palm over EDI's display orb and she vibrated under his touch. "Thank you, EDI, I love it."

Her smile came through loud and clear. "Good. Now, turn me on."

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A/N Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed, I have other stories you may like, thanks again!