A/N: Thanks guys for all the love! I appreciate it.
Jules felt herself starting to slip into unconsciousness as a mask was placed gently on her face. The tangy taste of the anesthesia slipped down her throat and into her lungs. They did not have enough time to administer an epidural. She regretted not being able to hear her daughter's first cries, but she knew the doctor was doing what he thought was best. She wished that Sam could be in here but she tried to think about his love surrounding her as she started to fall into the deep, black hole that anesthesia created.
"We'll do everything we can." Dr. Gagnon gave her a kind look over the small curtain that separated Jules' head and shoulders from the rest of her body. Jules let her eyes fall shut as the anesthesia took over. She knew that she was in good hands and Dr. Gagnon would do everything in his power to keep her baby safe.
"How long does it take?" Sam was starting to lose control. He felt the panic building up as he watched the second hand tick by. It felt like time was slowing down. Sam just wanted to go sprinting into the operating room and demand that everything go right. A baby's arrival was supposed to be full of happiness and joy, not anxiety and fear.
"It's only been five minutes." Ed checked his watch. He knew down to the second, what time they had taken Jules back to surgery. He remembered being here when Sophie had given birth and when Shelly had given birth, but the tension had never been so high. Every birth held the possibility that something might go wrong, but no one ever really thought that something really would go wrong. Everyone expected the labor and pain to end with the birth of a beautiful baby with a tired, but cheerful mom.
"Why couldn't I be there?" Sam knew logically why he couldn't be in the room, but he wanted to be holding Jules' hand more than anything in the world. He just wanted to be telling her that this was all going to be over soon and their little girl was going to be okay.
"It's going to be okay buddy." Spike spoke up from where he was gazing intently out the window. The amount of tension was unbearable in this small hospital room. They just wanted for Jules to be okay and for the unborn baby girl to be healthy. All they could do is pace back and forth and hope that the next minute brought good news.
"They will be rolling by with your new baby girl in a few moments. We have gotten her stabilized, but we need to get her up to the NICU immediately." A nurse came bursting into the waiting area where all of the SRU team had assembled. The men made a beeline for the door, pressing themselves against the wall outside the room so that they could stay out of the way but see the new baby. Sam felt shivers running through his body. He had no clue what to expect when he saw his daughter.
"Which one of you is the lucky daddy?" A kind looking nurse called from down the hall as the huge warming unit came rattling around the corner. There was a small swarm of nurses surrounding the unit. Sam felt his heart drop at the size of the container. There were machines and wires come out from all sides of the contraption.
"That's me." Sam replied after a second, taking a small step forward. As the unit came closer, he felt his heart plummet further down. His new daughter was the size of one of his hands. She looked more like a newborn puppy than a newborn baby. The weights that he and the guys lifted at the gym were larger than her and were probably fifty times what she did.
"Your daughter is quite the fighter." The nurse said, seeing the look on Sam's face. "She's already beating the odds." She had seen the color drain out of his face as he set eyes on his daughter for the first time. It was a reaction that never stopped pulling at her heart strings. Most fathers didn't expect to meet their little baby covered in wires with tubes running from their mouth. It was a far cry from scene that most dads imagined. They expected to cut the cord and have a swaddled infant placed in their arms, not a squash sized baby sprawled out in the warming unit.
"She-she is?" Sam managed to spit out. How could something so small survive? She looked so fragile that if someone simply touched her, she would shatter into a million pieces. Sam had never seen something so small. He had seen a few birth videos and the babies that were born in those videos were a lot larger than the one that was lying before him. His friends children hadn't been anywhere near this size.
"She tried to take a few breaths on her own but we had to step in and help her. A lot of the wires are there as precautions as we make our way to the NICU." The nurse had seen more than her share of frantic dads and was experienced in keeping her voice level and reassuring the dads that it wasn't quite as bad as it looked. She wished that they had more time to stand in the hallway and explain every wire that was attached to the tiny girl, but unfortunately, they didn't have time. "We can talk more when you come up to the NICU later with her mommy." They started to wheel the unit past the group of gathered men and then they were gone.
"Oh my God." Sam sank down to the floor. He had thought he had been prepared for how small she was going to be, how fragile she would look, but he was wrong. It was like someone had taken an ice pick and hammered it into his heart. He could see every one of the little girl's ribs and her arms and legs were about as long and thick as his pinky finger.
"You heard the nurse. She's a fighter." Greg crouched next to Sam and gave him a small smile. Sam looked up at him, his eyes haunted. Greg wished that he could change Sam's experience at becoming a dad to be It had been in a very relaxed environment with the lighting dimmed as they got to know their new baby boy.
"I, how can she be so small?" Sam held his hands up, trying to remember how far apart to place them. His favorite fruit, a watermelon, would probably hold five or six of her. What if she never got come home to the room that was just starting to resemble a nursery? What if they had to do the unthinkable? Sam felt bile rising in his throat as he swallowed hard and blinked away the terrible images. She just had to be okay. She just had to be. The nurse had said she was a fighter.
"It's going to be okay." Greg hoped he was telling Sam the truth. Dean had been a rather large baby, almost ten pounds. Greg couldn't help but imagine that if baby Dean was laid next to that baby, Dean would look like the Empire State Building next to a single family home. "You'll go up in a little while and get to see her again." Sam nodded at him. Greg helped him stand back up and lead him back into Jules room. Sam would have to be strong for Jules. He knew she was going to feel incredibly guilty, even though this was not her fault. Sam jumped when the door opened almost immediately after he got settled into a chair.
"Which one of you is Sam Braddock?" Another nurse came in; still wearing shoe covers over her sneakers. Her hair was pulled back tightly from her face and Sam knew that she had to be a surgical nurse.
"I am!" Sam leapt to his feet and hurried towards the nurse. "Is Jules okay?"
"Mrs. Callaghan made it through surgery and is in the Recovery Room." The nurse gave Sam a cheerful smile. Sam felt relief rush over him like a waterfall. Sam could hear the sighs of relief behind him from the rest of guys. "I can take you back with me and you can sit with her until she wakes up." Sam just nodded his head, a goofy grin on his face. While his baby girl was entering a huge fight, the love of his life was recovering. "Right this way!" The nurse beckoned him to follow her. Sam turned back once and saw the guys giving him nods of encouragement. "Here she is!" The nurse drew the curtain back enough for him to slip through. A chair was set up next to her bed and Sam sat down in it.
"Thank you." Sam said as the nurse closed the curtain. "Baby, I was so worried." Sam said, reaching out to stroke her forehead. An oxygen mask was placed on her face and her right hand was a complex network of IVs and electrodes, but the rest of her was relatively normal. He grabbed her left hand with his and just sat there in the silence for a few minutes. "Oh Jules, she is so tiny. I don't know how someone can be so small, but the nurse said she was a fighter. If she's anything like us, she'll fight like hell." Sam reveled in how peaceful and calm Jules looked for the first time in a week. There was no pain or worry in her face.
"Hey." Sam knocked on the door as he slowly opened it. He wasn't sure if Jules was awake or not. She had finally been wheeled back to her room after spending a little bit of time in recovery. Since she had lost quite a bit of blood during the surgery, the doctors hadn't been able to clear her to see her baby yet. Sam had gone up after she had insisted and taken fifty different photos of their, baby, trying to focus on her little face and not on the many tubes and wires running out of her body.
"Hey." Jules answered, her voice dejected and her shoulders slumped down. She was staring at her phone. Sam knew instantly that she was looking at the photos he had taken of her little girl and sent to her while he was up in the NICU. "How is she?"
"She's fighting. She's tough like her mommy." Sam smiled and leaned down to press a kiss on Jules's forehead. Jules tilted her head up at the last second so that the kiss landed on her lips. Sam let his lips linger on hers for a few seconds before pulling back to look at her. Even with the shine from sweat covering her face and her hair uncombed, she still was beautiful to him. "She's really cute."
"Doctor says I can go see her!" Jules said excited but with hesitation in her voice. "I-I'm scared." She whispered, her eyes dropping. She wasn't used to admitting it. She didn't know what she did wrong. What if her little girl was messed up forever because of her?
"This isn't your fault." Sam said forcefully, caressing the side of her cheek, forcing her to look into his eyes. He could see the guilt in her eyes. "She's strong and she's going to be okay. This isn't your fault." He actually had no clue what the future held, but he didn't want Jules to know that. He had to be strong for Jules. Jules nodded, blinking back tears. She looked at the wheelchair with disgust. Sam couldn't resist the smile that came to his face. "You have to use it." Jules managed a sheepish look before nodding and letting Sam help her slide from bed so she could go meet her daughter.
"She's so small." Tears ran down Jules face as she looked at the tiny baby in front of her. She had never seen anything smaller or more beautiful. She had never felt so much horror while feeling so happy. This was her baby. She and Sam had made the precious, tiny little girl in front of her but something had gone wrong with her body and now her baby was here too early.
"She's doing well." The NICU doctor's voice startled the pair as he came up behind them. He gave them an apologetic smile. He pulled the chart from the end of the incubator and looked through the list of vital signs. "I'm Dr. Hanes. I'll be her doctor while your daughter is here." He reached his hand out so that he could shake hands with Jules and Sam. "Her lungs were more developed then we thought they would be, so that was some fantastic news. She is definitely a fighter! I know all of these wires look scary, but they're helping your daughter right now."
"It's nice to meet you." Even though Sam wished he had never had to meet this doctor, there was no reason to be rude to him. This wasn't Dr. Hanes fault they were here. "What is the long-term outlook?" Sam couldn't stop himself from asking. While he knew that they were taking it minute by minute right now, he wanted to know.
"Well, like I have been saying, taking it one hour at a time is crucial at this point. We will monitor her oxygen flow and eventually, we will want to try to wean her off the ventilator, but that will not happen until she is ready. The tube that is running from her leg is actually called a PICC. It runs to one of the larger veins near her heart so we can administer fluids and any medication she needs without having to re-stick her over and over. The small tube in her nose is what is providing her nutrition. Once she is weaned off of the ventilator, we can start her on breast milk or formula. The rest of the wires are to watch her oxygen, heart rate, and breathing. Right now we are just keeping a close eye on her and making sure her body keeps going. I can't tell you what to expect in the long term. I can't even tell you how long she will be here in the NICU." Dr. Hanes wished that he could give parents a solid timeline, but the babies set their own timelines. Jules felt shocked as she gazed at the baby in front of her.
"Thank you." Sam was the first to respond. He just wanted to be able to take his little girl home. It didn't matter that the nursery wasn't put together or that they hadn't even bought a car seat yet, he just wanted her to be able to come home.
"Let me know if you have any other questions." Dr. Hanes walked away, greeting the couple at the next incubator. Sam had watched their baby have the breathing tube taken out of his throat earlier. They had decided on the name Samuel ironically. Samuel was doing well on just CPAP and had had his first bowel movement. Sam couldn't help but be a little bit jealous. He hoped that Brianna would follow in Samuel's footsteps quickly.
"Sam, what are we going to name her?" Jules had thought the first time that she saw her little girl, she would know her name, but it wasn't true. She couldn't even make any names come to her head.
"Brianna." Sam said. He just knew all of a sudden. He remembered the name from one of those books. It meant strong. She was already proving to them how strong she was.
"I like it." Jules smiled. The name was perfect for their little girl. "How about her middle name be Lauren?" She added quietly, looking up at Sam. That was the name of Sam's little sister who had been tragically killed when Sam was younger.
"Perfect. Brianna Lauren." Sam repeated it. A huge smile stretched across his face. He just knew how perfect it was for her. The memory of his sister would live on in his new baby girl. "I love it Jules." He leaned down and kissed Jules. He was so proud of Jules for being strong too. It took a very strong woman. It was obvious that their little girl took after her mommy.
"I love it too. I just wish we were taking her home." Jules said after they broke the kiss. "She's so tiny."
"We will be taking her home soon enough." Sam said as he reached out to grab ahold of Jules hand. They stood there, holding hands until the NICU nurse came over and politely told them that visiting hours were up and they would have to return in two hours. Sam quietly wheeled Jules back to her room, letting the first glimpses of her baby girl settle into her head.