Cool voiceover: Welcome back to VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN IDOL! We are still coming to you live from the Hall of Princes, sponsored by Roxypony Studios and Mr Tiny Productions. Now for a quick recap, brought to you by Red Gatorade, official drink of Roxypony Studios.

Flashback to before commercial break:

Mr Tall: Take it off, take it off, everybody take it off!

Arrow: Dude, no...

Paris: This competition just isn't right for you.

Mika: I'll be suprised if you ever get business again after that performance was aired on live TV.

(Brief shot of Mr Tall flipping off judges as he is dragged out of the hall.)

Zoom back onto present stage. Mika is leaning back in his chair, looking like he'd rather by dead. Arrow is texting, and quickly put his phone away when he sees the camera, then flashes the peace sign. Paris is smiling happily at the audience. Roxypony is on her stool, bitching out one of the camera operators. She send him on his way, then runs to center stage.

"Vampires, vampire fans, judges, little people, 'tarded camera guys, readers, spiders, and contestants, please help me welcome our very own Darren Shan!"

Darren wanders out onto the stage, looking slightly nervous. At the door, Harkat waves and wishes him good luck, but confuses the Thumbs Up sign with the Death's Touch sign. Darren turns green but keeps going.

"Name?" says Mika.

"You know my name!" Darren squeaked.

"Name?" Mika repeats, glaring at Darren over his Coke cup.

"I'm Darren Shan!"

"Thank you. Proceed."

Darren coughs, and his music starts. It is a tune everyone knows all too well.

"Charna's guts!" Arrow groans.

"Please, no." Mika grumbles.

"Interesting choice." Paris adds. "the Hannah Montana theme song."

Darren begins:

You get the Essie out front
Hottest stuff, every phone, every color

Yea when your a Prince it can be kinda fun
It's really you but no one ever discovers

In some ways you're just like all your friends
But in the Mountain you're a star

You get the best of both worlds
Chillin' out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show

You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that
It's the best of both worlds
The best of both worlds

You go the Vampire Council
Play with wolves out in the snow
Livin' two lives is a little weird
But school's cool cuz nobody knows

Yea you get to be a small town boy
But big time when the Vampires come out

You get the best of both worlds
Chillin' out take it slow
Then you rock out the show

You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that
It's the best of both
You know the best of both worlds

Trials of Death and killing Vampaneze
I get to touch the stone of blood
The best part's that
You get to be who ever you wanna be

Yea best of both
You get the best of both
Come on, best of both

Who would of thought that a boy like me
Would double as a Vampire?

You get the best of both worlds
Chillin' out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show

You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that
It's the best

You get the best of both worlds
Without the scars and the hair
You can go anywhere

You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together
Oh yea
It's so much better cuz you know
You've got the best of both worlds

He finishes with a funny little hop, and spreads out his arms in an attempt to look like a pop star.

Arrow's eyes are wide with something that looks like Absolute Horror.

"What WAS that bro?"

"That was my song!"

"Man, you had like a Hannah Montana meets Chick From Twilight thing goin on there! I'm sorry dog, I got a bad vibe from that."

Mika's turn:

"Because the original song just wasn't hideous enough, you just had to edit the lyrics. I hate to say it, but your version was a disgrace to the original song."

Darren is almost crying at this point.

Paris finished it off:

"I thought it was a ...cute performance. You look like a beautiful person, but this isn't the right competition for you. You should try to write your own song, then come back and sing it for us next year." (Arrow and Mika both give him dirty looks.)

"NEXT!"

Darren sobs indeciphirably and stumbles out of the room, tripping on a cord and taking some equipment with him. The screen goes kaplooey and makes a fizzley noise. Before everything goes boom, we hear Roxy yelling, "GO TO A COMMERCIAL!"

** Project RLH.

for every review on this chapter, I will donate 2 dollars to Haiti Relief Effort via Text message.

This is not a bribe or a trick to get more reviews, so if you have a problem, take it somewhere else cuz these people need help and this is my way of reaching out. xxx

ps, i know doing the Hannah Montana theme song was a bitch move....but i thought it was funny ;P

better songs to come. i will feature more characters than the TVF 8 in this fic. Whoever asked, there will be Steve, or whoever it was you asked about, he'll be here ;D

*Roxxy,