STANDING OVATIONS AND MUTED SCREAMS

DONNA PAULSEN

"Donna, it's the last scene. You're on in thirty seconds."

"Thanks, Pete."

Donna walked onto the stage and braced herself. She closed her eyes and paced her breaths to calm down. The last scene was always the hardest because her character's monologue hit too close to heart. The words exposed her so nakedly that it grated. Every night when she had to recite them, Donna emotionally detached herself. It was only pretend. It wasn't about her. It wasn't about them.

Tonight, however, Donna's feelings were uncontrollably intensified because it wasn't just going to be the last scene. Or the show's last performance. It was also going to be her career's last. And for once, she didn't know if she had what it took to play pretend.

The curtains were drawn. With eyes wide open, she took a step forward and saw everything in slow motion. Her senses were hyperaware, making her mindful of every move. Every breath. For her last performance, Donna held nothing back.

"I made a choice not to stay. I disappeared and watched what we had burnt away.

But I am here, now. If you'll have me.

We may fight, but we'll always find happiness again. If you'll have me.

We may not be perfect, but we'll learn to love each other's flaws. If you'll have me.

We may be miserable a lot of days, but we'll make it up with more good ones. If you'll have me.

We may lose our way, but I think, even that'll be okay.

Because no matter what happens, we'll never have to feel alone again.

If you'll have me.

If only...you will have me."

With those last words, Donna bowed to hide the tears she could no longer hold back. The lights went out, leaving a pitch-black stage against the deafening silence - the kind that amplified tragic endings. Very gradually, the music rose in the background, signaling a wrap to the emotional performance.

The audience took awhile to recover from both awe and shock. The first clap sounded, and in an instant, it transformed into an uproar of applause. Once hidden behind the curtains, Donna wiped her tears away and grappled for control. When she entered the backstage, Pete, her fiercely loyal manager and friend, gave her a bear hug.

"Oh my, Donna. I've never seen you do anything like that. That was heartbreaking and oh-sooooo very wonderful," Pete drawled. When he pulled back, he asked with a pout, "Is there really nothing I can say to change your mind?"

Donna chuckled. "Come on, Pete. Don't give me those sad puppy eyes. You know I can hardly deny you anything when you look at me like that."

"That is the whole point of giving you the look."

"I've made my decision. But, I am sorry about how it'll affect you. After everything you've done for me..."

"Hush. I'll have none of that, sweetheart. You know I only want what's best for you." Pete pulled Donna in for another quick embrace. "But if it doesn't work out, promise that you'll come and find me. Now, go get yourself ready. The crowd's turnout is craaaaaazy tonight. And that standing ovation? It's been going on for-EVER! And you absolutely deserve it."

As always, Pete's positive flair for drama lightened up Donna's mood. She was definitely going to miss Pete. In a more solemn tone, Donna said, "Thank you...for everything."

Pete sniffed and rolled his eyes. "Not that talk again! You'll not have me bawling like a baby right here!"

Donna nodded, and they shared a silent understanding. For years, Pete had worked hard to help Donna find her footing in the Broadway scene. One audition after another, he never stopped fighting for opportunities on her behalf. Pete had believed in her even before anyone else was willing to. Whatever success she'd reaped, Donna knew she owed it mostly to him.

The curtain call began. One by one, the cast members were invited onto the stage. From the wing, Donna watched them greet the audience and waited for her turn.

"And now, the mastermind behind all of this. Our one and only, Rick Jensen!"

Once more, the audience roared with excitement as the famous producer took center stage. When he flashed them his most winning smile, the cheers grew even louder.

Extraordinarily tall and blonde, Rick was dubbed a legendary success. He started his career as a stage actor. In his early twenties, he'd shot to stardom, popular for his good looks and remarkable voice. A few years later, he turned his forte towards theatrical production and quickly earned his reputation as a Broadway prodigy - each show more well received than the last. Rick was, undeniably, a genius at what he did. And tonight, the audience made sure he knew it, too.

Rick affably waved the compliments away and addressed the crowd, "Thank you all for coming. Since this is the show's last performance, as a tradition, I will be giving a few closing words before we bring Donna out here.

"I want to share a short story with you all. A few years ago, a woman marched defiantly into my office and demanded that I let her audition...for a part...I've already casted. Yes, you heard it right. She. Demanded. Can you believe that?"

Rick feigned incredulity, and the audience laughed at his comedic pause.

Donna's lips quirked up, remembering that day too well. Pete had called in a few favors and found a way to sneak Donna in. She had looked the Broadway prodigy in the eye and told him that he would regret it if he didn't offer her the part. She'd been desperate for a chance to prove herself. Even now, she didn't know where she'd summoned all that blind courage from. She was just glad that she hadn't chickened out or fainted.

"That unexpected meeting turned out to be such a gift for me." Rick swiveled slightly to face Donna. He beamed at her when he added, "The day I met Ms. Donna Paulsen was the day my work took on new levels...as you all have witnessed tonight."

Once more, the audience broke into applause.

"Bravo."

"Amazing."

"Donna, we love you!"

Rick jovially seconded their remarks.

"Yes, yes. I know. I love her, too." He observed the crowd and spoke more earnestly, "I say that like I'm joking, but I really do love her. How can I not when she gives my work so much life?"

In a short period of time, Donna had become the go-to lead for most of Rick's shows. The Broadway community had acknowledged that they synced well professionally. Just as DeNiro-Scorsese, Burton-Depp, and Allen-Farrow pairings worked for movies, their Jensen-Paulsen pairing worked for Broadway. The critics even claimed that it had a nice ring to it.

Rick gestured to the side of the stage. "Actually, Donna, why don't you come out here and join us?"

When Donna didn't move, Pete gently nudged her forward.

"Go on. He's calling for you."

Donna walked onto the stage and waved at the cheering crowd. She had never taken a single performance for granted; every one mattered dearly to her. Tonight, the audience's recognition felt even more precious. Donna stopped a few feet from Rick and bowed again.

When the applause finally dwindled, Rick turned to her. There was a hard glint in his eyes as he continued, "Donna, I want to thank you for giving us such a lovely performance. For inspiring us all to never settle for the mediocre. For pushing us to become better everyday. You're talented, beautiful, smart, and funny. And I honestly don't know what I'd do without you."

Donna felt a new wave of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. They'd agreed not to share that it was her last performance. After tonight, she would simply fade out without an official announcement. Even so, Rick had insisted to thank her in his speech. And it hit her once more - that she was about to say goodbye to a life she'd lived and breathed everyday for the past three years.

Donna was still lost in her thoughts when Rick surprised everyone by getting down on one knee. In a daze, she saw rather than heard his words.

"Donna Roberta Paulsen, marry me."

She barely registered the fervent astonishments and gasps around her. Or the encouragements that engulfed her – 'marry him', 'say yes', 'how romantic', 'she's so lucky'. Her mind went completely blank. She didn't know how long she stood there unmoving. She didn't even know if she was smiling anymore.

"Donna?" Rick urged as he reached for her hand. Everyone - the press, the audience, the cast - was waiting for her to react.

Donna's heart thudded heavily in her chest. She tried to compose herself as best as she could. When she raised her eyes, however, Rick was no longer looking at her. His gaze was directed towards the audience area, now lit up with a warm glow. She followed his line of vision and realized that he wasn't looking at something. He was looking at someone.

Harvey Specter. Staring intently back at her.

He stood tall in a black three-piece suit, his spiky hair impeccably styled to complete the signature Harvey Specter visage. His lips were pulled back into a thin line; he wore his usual devil-may-care expression - one that showed the world he was beyond bored and definitely, not amused. And with one hand in his pocket, the confident poise rightfully commanded the air around him.

Nothing much had changed. Even after so many years, Harvey was still every bit the impressive lawyer Donna remembered him to be.

Except for his eyes.

They were so hauntingly broken that Donna couldn't bring herself to look away.

Thank you for reading.