Note: Oh look turns out I'm not dead. 80 I'm still stuck on my crossover fic, but I'll start to post to this one more regularly. So yeah. Enjoy?
Oh, also I opened a tumblr for this, it's called: operationinvasion
Nothing there yet, but I'll answer any asks. Also I'm trying to get acquainted with howthefudge to use ao3. Still working on it.
[H] John: Be Excited
A young human named JOHN EGBERT stood in his bedroom. It just so happens that this particular day, the 12th day of the 6th month of the year, was the day that he and a few of his peers of the same sixteen year age bracket would depart from their childhood homes on Earth and shipped to their first official friendship gathering in years.
16 Earth years, for convenient reference, is equivalent to 7.3846153846... (ect) Alternian solar sweeps.
Alternia, also for convenient reference, was a planet whose native species had not yet begun planning the invasion of Earth. Cognitive readers may have already deduced this, using the full might of their own BRAINS. If not, it is still an immutable fact that has now been stated for the record.
Now, this young human was fully ready to depart his home and make his way to the nearest AIRPORT since daybreak. Three hours have passed since then, and he filled those hours wandering excitedly about his home, checking his laptop repeatedly, badgering his father, and staring impatiently out the window embedded in the wall of his bedroom. At the moment, in fact, he was standing by the window, his face all but pressed against the glass with longing as he waited for his parental unit to get ready to take him to the aforementioned AIRPORT.
The face peering out the window was quite average for a human of eighteen years, with blue eyes that were almost always crinkled in the corners from grinning mischievously. After giving the world outside his window a few more seconds of contemplation, John heaved a great, melodramatic sigh and turned away from the window, instead moving over to his desk and opening up his laptop. A friend immediately accosted him over Pesterchum.
- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] -
TG: so how about it then
TG: have you and your fatherly figre of manliness hit the road with your magnificently motorized four wheel device
GT: no, not yet!
GT: but I really do wish my he'd get a move on.
GT: its like he thinks it's necessary to check on every single item that we own
GT: like they're all his precious firstborn children. i've nagged him so much today like a little old granny lady or something.
TG: yeah we all knew that about you already
GT: oh crap.
GT: here we go!
TG: about you bein a naggy old lady in case you didnt catch that
TG: i know sometimes you have difficulty catching onto my slick verbal acid burns so i thought this time i should communicate it as clearly as possible to that derping sexy mind of yours
TG: this is a total f***in mancrush on your personality ive got going on right here
GT: i'm too excited to be flattered by your insincerity right now dave!
GT: you should know this.
GT: irony plus way more important shenanigans equals fail, fail, fail
TG: the irony deities never experience such petty episodes of this mortal concept of failure dude
TG: whoops i mean granny
GT: ugh! dave, you're so f***ing infuriating sometimes.
TG: heh fine ill shut up now
TG: so you were saying
GT: well i was *going* to ask you about how things were going with convincing your bro to give you a ride,
GT: but since you're in the mood to be a total asswipe i think i'll just sit here and derp out in front of everybody like the cool guy i am.
GT: everybody being my sweet movie posters you're so totally jealous of!
TG: okay you were almost doing alright there on the coolness spotlight but then you went and ruined it by using an exclamation point
TG: tacky as f***
TG: leave it to the pros like me john we get paid the big bucks for our icy otterpops of cool while you and your hapless dork movie kind stare up at us with starry eyed longing
TG: also despair dont forget despair
TG: anyway you dont have to worry your naggy little granny head about my ride situation ive got this shit under control
TG: well okay to be honeset there is one thing my bro is beyond immutably awesome at and that is being flippant and cagey in a completely meta sort of way and its f***ing cool and all
TG: but he and i both know its just total bs and hes going to take me to the whirly happytime air f***in planeport even if hes trying his best to make it look like hes not going to
TG: for ironic purposes
TG: probably
GT: ...
TG: dont you ... at me egbert you could hurt my poor fragile feelings
GT: ...
TG: you know what f*** you and your responsibleass parent
TG: heartfelt and everything look at me go
GT: aw thanks dave!
TG: well if worse comes to worst ill just have to fgiure out some way to nab the car keys and try my hand at mario kart version real f***in life bitches
TG: gas break and steering wheel how hard can it be
GT: wait i thought you already had a licensee?
TG: john youre ruining my moment again
TG: way to derp the f*** out i mean obviously it would be more interesting if i would a vehicle opreater virgin
TG: maiden blushes and everything
TG: sorry officer i didnt mean to hit that flock of bicyclists they just came out of nowhere
TG: but really the bastards deserved it they were shoving their spandex asses all up in my winsheild i couldnt see where the f*** i was going
TG: consider it public service im clearing the roads for the good of all
GT: hahaha... but seriously good luck. i have to go, dad's finally ready to leave now and i have to say goodbye to nana.
GT: see you soon i hope.
TG: yeah
- ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -
John closed the laptop with a brisk snap and unplugged it from the wall. He quickly wrapped up the power cord around his laptop and packed them carefully into his backpack. He picked up that and a moderately-sized suitcase before hurrying from his bedroom and accidentally slamming the door loudly behind him. His father called his name loudly from the front door, and he responded with a shout before bounding down the stairwell at an incredibly risky speed, dragging the suitcase crashing down the stairs after him.
Nana was sitting quietly on the couch in the family room, and John walked up to her quickly, leaning over to give her the obligatory parting embrace. She smiled up at him as he pulled away, buck teeth peeking out over her lower lip and spindly oval glasses flashing over blue eyes that were several shades paler than his.
"I love you John. Have plenty of fun with your friends, and remember to be safe."
And then she threw a vanilla frosted cupcake at his face so quickly that he had no time to blink, let alone dodge. It was a lucky thing that John's poor eyesight and lack of tolerance for contacts meant that he wore glasses at all times. Otherwise he would have most definitely received an eyeful of sugary confections.
"Nana!" he cried out, affronted, and caught the baked good in one hand as it unstuck and fell from his face.
"Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo," she laughed, "And remember to keep your prankster wits about you!"
John shook his head long-sufferingly and pulled his glasses off his face, popping the rest of the small cupcake in his mouth as he wiped the frosting off the lenses with his finger as best he could. His father called his name impatiently again, from the front driveway this time, and he shouted that he'd be out in a minute.
"I'll get you back when I come home, Nana," John vowed cheerfully, dashing away to the kitchen to make use of the tapwater.
The drive to the airport passed smoothly and speedily. Little traffic was experienced, good weather was had, and only a single flock of spandex-assed bicyclists were passed. The sight made John snort with amusement, but his dad had the good sense to avoid crashing into them.
At the dropoff zone, John exchanged parting words with his father, and this time when a vanilla cupcake was thrown ceremoniously at his face, John managed to dodge it and throw a retaliatory bag full of chocolate chip cookies at his father's face. This resulted in an embarrassing vocal shower of praise from his father ("I'M SO PROUD OF YOU SON"), which John weathered with a certain amount of dignity before gathering the cookies back up in his sylladex and absconding out of the car.
"Phew," he sighed, and made his way into the airport.
John then went through the routine airline actions of acquiring his ticket, having his suitcase checked in, and getting his carryon backpack data-scanned for any potentially dangerous items. It all involved a great deal of line-sitting and waiting and booooooooring.
"Remember back when we didn't have all these pointless security checks to go through? All this time wasted on sticking luggage through a scanner, costing the country millions! Like terrorists aren't going to find ways of getting around it," grumbled the man in front of John in the quickly-moving line.
John grinned. "Nope! I'm too young to remember that!"
The man gave him a dirty look and strode away.
As John strode up to his departure gate, he pulled a slightly dusty chocolate chip cookie from his backpack and contemplated the journey ahead of him. It would surely be exciting to meet up with everyone and see in person how they've changed since he last saw them. Poorly-concieved jokes would be had, indiscriminate irony would be sprayed, stingingly caustic sarcasm would be spoken, and random ruminations would evolve into full-blown adventures in the dead of night. Idly, he took a bite out of his cookie and wondered how Dave was faring with his unapologetic Great Electric Irony Fence of a brother. Knowing the Striders, ridiculously biznasty swordfighting was no doubt taking place at that very moment, miles away on the blistering summer rooftops of Huston, Texas.
And Rose? John unconsciously rolled his eyes. Rose had still not grown out of her passive-aggressive double Machiavellian reacharound antics with her mother, and he was starting to think that she never would. He pitied any future spouse of hers. Just listening to her describe her newest attempts to outdo Ms. Lalonde made his brain want to shut down out of simultaneous boredom and confusion. But Rose would most likely have little difficulty in her travels, as her mother's "ironic housewife routine" would probably extend to an "ironic chauffeuse routine."
John then suddenly had a shocking epiphany that his friends were pretty weird.
And then the even more shocking epiphany that they might think the same of him.
He brushed off the ridiculous notion and boarded the plane.
The plane ride went as uneventfully as the car ride, although John's window-seat allowed him to get plenty excited at the sight of the earth tilting away at takeoff. He also succeeded in duct-taping a note to the back of the man sitting in front of him (the very same man who'd had the audacity to give him a dirty look for being young, innocent, and ignorant of the blissful timefulness of past eras), reading, "I'm sexy and I know it." He had to forcibly stifle his giggles with the back of his hand.
Upon arrival in Los Angeles, California, John went through the routine shenanigans concerned with catching a connection. However, the plane was not due to depart for a number of hours, so John was left wandering around for about an hour inside the quasi-cleanly terminal, examining the overpriced goods for sale and... Whoa wait there he was!
"Dave!" John called excitedly, waving his arm in the air and jogging down the hallway, "Hey, Dave!"
Dave quickly turned away from the airport mailbox that he'd been examining, turning his gaze back and forth across the people walking briskly by. Seeing this, John stopped where he was and stuck a pose, sticking his tongue out and going cross-eyed. Within seconds, Dave's gaze locked onto him and John broke his position with a laugh, running forward again to greet his friend.
"So you made it!"
The corner of Dave's mouth quirked ever so slightly, "Yep."
"I guess you managed to convince your bro?"
Dave shook his head and pulled a set of car keys out of his pocket.
"No. You didn't!" exclaimed John.
"Yep. I only had to dig through our fridge fulla shitty swords to find them. It's like he wasn't even trying to hide them from me. Heart of gold, my bro. Or at least that's what I thought until I opened the door and found a shitton of plushrump packed into every square inch of the van. Took me ages to clear it out, and by then I nearly missed my flight."
John shook his head with disbelief. "But how'll he get his car back?"
Dave shrugged. "I was thinking about mailing these to him, but that would take too much time and cost him too much money for the van's parking. Don't wanna be a completely massive asshole to him, obviously. I'll just message him the location so he can take some public transportation over there and hotwire the thing. It's old as balls, he can break in and get it running no problem. I've seen him do it before."
"Doesn't he have a spare pair of keys?"
"Goddamn John can't you let me dream a little."
"Cut me some slack man, I'm jealous as hell! Your prankster's gambit's outdone mine today by far!"
Dave shrugged in a well-you-just-can't-handle-all-this-awesome sort of way. "I try."
End [H] John: Be Excited
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