Chapter 3 - Communist centipedes try to assassinate Padme

We stood guard in Padme's bedroom, waiting for the assassin. Padme was scantily dressed in revealing pyjamas, obviously in an attempt to seduce me to the dark side of political ideologies, and the silk of which her pyjamas were made of was obviously obtained by the FUCKING EXPLOITATION OF SILK WORMS.

"Anakin," she said corporately, lounging on her bed seductively and revealing her bourgeois legs.

"GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!" I bellowed in my working class voice.

"And dream of you?" Padme smiled greedily.

"AND DREAM OF GETTING YOUR LINES RIGHT!" I snapped. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

Padme huffed in a very haughty, aristocratic manner and went back to bed.

"Don't forget, she is a politician and they are not to be trusted." Obi Wan warned me in a very wise and progressive fashion.

I was just about to tell my beloved Comrade that I already knew that and he needn't worry as I only had eyes for him, before asking him for another lecture on the economics of politics, when we sensed something.

I ran into Padme's room and saw to bright red, communist centipedes crawling over the bed covers which I knew must be the assassination attempt.

"ANAKIN!" Padme woke up and screamed autocratically. "ANAKIN HELP ME!"

"Lol no bitch." I laughed socialistically, and together me and Obi Wan jumped out the window after the robot which had released the centipedes.

Obi Wan grabbed onto the robot as it soared off and I grabbed onto Obi Wan, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his waist. I looked up into his beautiful working class eyes as we romantically flew through the city. He was such a fine Marxist. I was so glad we were having each other's babies.

The robot took us to a nightclub in the working class part of the city. It was very non-decadent nightclub, unlike the locales in the more bourgeois part of town. Obi Wan and I strode confidently up to the bar. I was very disappointed to learn that the kid who was meant to be selling us death-sticks had FUCKED OFF, probably because he was only an extra and he didn't think that it was worth his time to SHOW THE FUCK UP.

"Where is he?" Obi Wan asked, looking around for our new assassin comrade.

"I think she is a he." I said feministically, because the idea that a woman can't be an assassin is a sexist Capitalist notion that has been advanced by countless oppressive regimes.

Suddenly, two very socialist figures clad in red armour approached us. The female assassin, Zam Wesell, who had put the centipedes into Padme's bedroom was pointing her blaster at us.

"Don't shoot," said Obi Wan in the voice of Mao. "We are Comrades and we support your cause for the assassination of THE SHILL SENATOR PADME."

The socialist figures looked at each other and Zam Wesell lowered her blaster. "What are your names Comrades? I can see that you are not my enemy, since you wear the shirt of the great Communist Revolutionary Che Guevara." The man said progressively.

"I'm a person and my name is Anakin," I said revolutionarily. "And this is my future husband, Comrade Obi Wan."

"Cool beans bro," said Zam Wesell.

"I am Jango Fett," said the man, "and I have a cloning facility on Kamino. You guys should come visit some time."

Obi Wan and I looked at each other excitedly. We hadn't been this happy since we found out that someone was trying to assassinate Padme.

Suddenly, Qui Gon's force ghost appeared. "Take him up on his offer, Comrades." He said in a voice of equality. "It would be an excellent place to take care of the babies."

"Babies?" Jango Fett asked in a Marxist voice.

"Yes." Obi Wan replied. "My Comrade and I are carrying the heirs to the Revolution."

Zam Wesell gasped in a very proletarian manner. "Well then it is imperative that they are safely delivered. You must come to Kamino. They have all the appropriate facilities there because the shill senate has secretly been cloning Jango in order to create an enslaved army to oppress the entire galaxy."

"Yes," Qui Gon's force ghost agreed in a bolshevik voice. "The clones are also your comrades and you must free them from their slavery. Go to Kamino, my friends, the future of the Revolution will be decided there."