Secrets That Kill
Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life –which hasn't been good. After years of bullying she turns to something that a friend suggests. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.
Ages:
Bella – 17
Edward – 17
Emmett – 18
Rosalie – 17
Jasper – 17
Alice – 16
Charlie – 43
Carlisle – 36
Esme - 35
Families:
Swans;
Bella
Charlie
Cullen's;
Carlisle
Esme
Emmett (oldest of the bunch)
Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)
Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)
Alice (the youngest of the bunch)
(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)
Bella Swan
The next morning
I woke up shattered. I hardly got any sleep last night for some reason. I had nice dreams but I kept waking up. Stupid.
Charlie was sat in the front room in his work clothes because he was dropping me off at the hospital for my appointment with Dr. Cullen and then he was driving back to work. I was walking back to school! Yes! I could burn some calories!
I quickly grabbed an apple to keep up appearances for Charlie and got into the cruiser – yes the thing with the annoying siren on top – and we set off.
The hospital was a 20 minute drive away so I relaxed into my seat with my music playing until we got there. When we did Charlie took me to reception, booked me in and then he was off to work.
"Bye!" I yelled and waved as he pulled away and headed down the road.
I shrugged and went back into the waiting room area. I took a seat in the back so I wasn't in any contact of anyone who moved and settled down.
I didn't have long to sit there though; Dr. Cullen's patient had been out of their earlier so I was going in earlier.
He was a tall man, about 6'1" with blond hair like Jasper's and Rosalie's. He also had that smooth, pale skin. One thing we had in common I guess. Oh did I mention that he was drop-dead gorgeous? All of the Cullen's were. I was starting to wonder what the mother was like!
"Isabella Swan!" He called out with a folder in his hands at the front desk. I raised my hand and quickly dodged all of the people to get to him.
Fortunately he knew about my situation so he didn't offer his hand, he just gave a simple wave and led me down to his office.
When we got there he pushed open the door and sat down at a huge wooden desk. He gestured to the chair right in front of it. I just stood there. No way was I sitting in that.
"Is it too close Isabella?" He questioned.
I stared numbly at him after feeling the anxiety rising and nodded. "Yes." I squeaked. I really had to stop doing that.
He seemed thoughtful for a moment and spread his hands on his desk. "Isabella please show me how far you would feel comfortable sitting. Don't move the chair just go and stand wherever."
I furrowed my brow and looked at him. "There's not enough room." I stated. There really wasn't. I'd be halfway down the corridor by now.
"Okay," he said after a minute. "But if it was only in this room where would you go to sit?"
I walked right up to the far corner and stood there.
"Alright. That will do for today but in future appointments I'd like to get you to the point where you can sit right in front of me." He smiled and I felt myself relax a little. When I slid my body to the floor he looked confused. "Do you not want a chair?"
I shook my head.
He sighed. "Okay then. We'll start from the basics. When did you first have a panic attack?" I was surprised he didn't have a notebook and pen to write anything down.
I thought hard. "A little after I turned 8."
"And why was that?" he asked.
"I had been bullied for weeks and then Lauren Mallory wrapped her arms around my neck when I was coming out of the school and I had to be rushed to hospital because I couldn't breathe." I whispered.
"And what did that make you feel like?" he pressed.
"Sick, tired, weak…insecure…"
"Why did you feel insecure?" He asked curiously.
"Because I felt uneasy about everything. I was anxious and unhappy just in case they tried to hurt me again and then I felt like no one was helping me stick up for myself…" I choked.
"Is this where the anxiety came from?" He said softly.
I nodded. "Yes. Every time someone went to touch me I thought they were going to hurt me…I still do…it's like my body automatically does it."
He chewed on his bottom lip in silence for a few seconds. "Isabella, close your eyes."
I stared at him with wide eyes. "Bella. Call me Bella. And why…?"
"Okay Bella." He smiled. "Just close them for me."
I slowly closed them and dragged my knees to my chest. Was he going to hit me? Throw things at me? Surely that wasn't aloud?
I could hear his light footsteps across the floor and my hands curled up into tight fists. His footsteps were heard inches away now and my body tried to push itself into the wall. My body grew hot and I felt my skin start to sweat. My breathing escalated.
"Bella?" He called. His voice seemed distance but I knew he was near. "You can open your eyes now. Bella…"
I started rocking back and forth but opened my eyes.
He was bent down right in front of me. He stared at my terror-struck eyes and smiled comfortingly. "It's alright. I'm not hurting you. See? It's okay."
I kept rocking. I didn't like him being so close. "Can you open a window…?" I gasped out. I thought I was going to faint from the hotness; it was making me dizzy.
He got up and pushed the window open. He was still close by. "I'm not going to hurt you Bella. Can I just see what you would do if I touched your arm?"
I held up my index finger – indicating for him to give me 1 minute to cool down – and then nodded slowly.
He gave me a few more seconds before he slowly brought his fingertips to the sleeve of my arm. He pressed down.
As soon as I felt it I jerked away, wrapping myself into a ball and rocking back and forth furiously. I began to whimper. Why did it have this effect on me? He said he wasn't going to hurt me!
He quickly rose to his feet and stepped back with his hands in front of him. "Bella, I didn't hurt you. You're okay. Everything's fine."
I could hear what he was saying but my body couldn't. I wanted to calm down but Ana didn't. She was nagging for me to go the washroom whilst my hands were clenching for their tools.
I thought over how mom would always calm me down when my panic attacks took over. I remembered her sweet, soft voice and closed my eyes.
'It's okay Bella dear.' She smiled lovingly. 'It's going to be okay girl. Everything's okay sweetie.'
'I'm sorry momma' I whispered.
She blew me a kiss. 'All is well dear. All is well.'
"I love you…" I sighed.
'As I love you…'
I felt my body relax from the memory and slowly unclenched my hands. "Sorry." I whispered.
Dr. Cullen smiled down at me. "It's perfectly alright Bella; it's normal for you to act like that after so long in doing it."
I got up off the floor shakily and rubbed my sweaty hands together. I took a deep breath and nodded.
"I think I've pushed you enough today. You'll come to see me 3 times a week for now, that may change in the future. Your next appointment will be on Thursday. You did great Bella." He smiled and led me to the door.
"Thank you Dr. Cullen, I'll see you Thursday."
"It's Carlisle." He laughed and escorted me back to the waiting room where he filled out a time table for my appointments and signed the first slot.
With a goodbye he set off for his office whilst I got away from the hospital.
I arrived at school just after 2nd period had ended. Good timing I guess. Mrs. Cope told me to wait outside the classroom I had so I was stood by Spanish, waiting for everyone to come out. Finally the bell rang and students crowded the hallways. I sunk into the wall just as the Cullen's all came bonding out of my class.
I got a chorus of "Bella's" "Isabella's!" and "Where have you been?" from all 5 of them.
I rubbed my forehead. "Can you at least talk one at a time? I'm here now aren't I? Hello to you too."
"Where did you go?" Edward asked quietly.
I started to lead them down to English. "I had to go to the hospital but don't worry I've been doing it since I was 9 but I changed doctor's today."
"oh." He whispered and grew quiet.
"I hope your going to be alright!" Alice said, startling me from my daydream. "You have a new doctor?"
I nodded.
"Why is that?" she said confused.
I shrugged. "My old doctor got bored of me? He was fed up with my silence? He couldn't handle my slow progress? I annoyed him? I don't know. Anyways my doctor is your dad." I was starting to get the hang on talking to the siblings in my normal voice now. It was weird.
Rosalie stared at me in a look of horror and happiness. "I don't know whether that's a good thing or not…dad's pretty embarrassing…"
I laughed, I actually laughed! – Well it was quiet and didn't sound right – but I laughed! "He isn't that bad…"
English and Trig passed quickly and we all made our way to lunch. I stopped them halfway. "Um…is it okay if I go sit outside for lunch all the time now? I don't like the cafeteria…" I pursed my lips.
"That's fine!" Rosalie said happily. "But just let us get our lunch first; then we'll come and join you. We'll bring our own lunch from now on."
I smiled thankfully. "Thank you. I'll be out front by a bench. If you look closely you'll find me."
I travel led through the school and padded through the soft grass. I searched for my bench and smiled at the empty table. I sighed and sat down on it; hiding in the shadows. I loved it.
"Bella! Bella!" I heard Emmett shout. I turned to see him walking up the path with a roll in his hand. He couldn't see me.
"Bells!" Alice shrilled. "BELLA!" she called again and people turned to look.
I would have to shout. I frowned. "Alice." I muttered above a whisper. "Alice!" I spoke a little above my normal voice now.
"There you are Bella!" she said, running across the grass towards me. "You do pick some morbid spots don't you?" she said rhetorically.
I took that as a compliment. Now I know why people don't sit here – well except for the Cullen's – who were taking a seat around the bench. Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were said opposite me and Edward and Emmett had to sit on either side of me. Oh man. I'd have to be okay. Just don't think about it to much.
They all began to eat their food with me just sitting there staring at the grass. It wasn't interesting but my thoughts were else where. I was arguing with Ana. Well she was arguing with me.
(A/N Ana bold, Bella italics.)
I want to eat…it looks nice. Smells horrible…
BELLA MARIE SWAN! Don't be such a pig! Do you want more fat falling around you?
No but look at it…
Bella I'm warning you. Do not eat the food. Do not. You'll kill me. Would you kill your best friend?
No I'm sorry. The food is really disgusting. Stupid people. You'll always be my best friend Ana. Thanks.
"Bella!" a voice called. "Bella? Hello!" Emmett was waving his hand in front of my face.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly. "What's the matter?"
He pointed to his roll with a face that I was supposed to recognize.
"I'm sorry Emmett. Is there something in your roll that you don't like? Has someone taken a piece of lettuce?" I tried to find the problem.
He sighed and placed the roll in front of me as he chewed.
I stared at him. "Do you not want your roll?" he shook his head. I grabbed the vile thing and stood up to go to the trash since he was too lazy to do it himself. I started to walk when I felt an arm pull me back. Oh no. no. please no.
"Bella," Emmett swallowed his food and dragged me back to the table. I was in a state of panic but he didn't notice. "I wanted you to have my food. You haven't got any; neither did you have any yesterday."
His arm was still wrapped tightly around my arm and he patted my back like I was some little girl crying. I didn't like it at all but my body was frozen and didn't want to respond to any of my actions. I stared forwards.
PLEASE READ:
Sorry I can't update much, I'm in rehab but I was thankfully aloud access to the internet this weekend! So yeah :) managed to type this all up for you because I love you so much! :)
Okay, guys I know this is really short but I thought I'd post this because I don't know if anyone even likes this story. If you don't want me to continue then please stay, though I have written a lot of this story in word. I just want to let you know that if you like this story and want me to continue please review…so yeah :) that's me done! x
I'd just like to clear up that the top of this is my life story though both my mom and dad are dead. Mom died in a car crash when I was 10 and I did go anorexic when I was 8 and I did go to a psych ward and I still cut but the only thing that isn't with me now is the panic attacks, the no touching thing and the Anorexic.
My new story :) yes I like writing stories :) as you can see :) my 10th story and my 9th story of Twilight! Yay! Tell me what you think of the chapter :) if anything confuses you I assure that it will make sense in further chapters but if you do wonder please post it as a review and I'll reply. All reviews are welcome :)
God Bless,
Savannah