By Cleo Jane
Author's Notes
Sorry about this chapter being rather short, may go back and revise it some day soon but a lot of unexpected stresses started to play in.
I really want to get this chapter out real quick so I can get back to plotting what I have planned for chapter 3 and beyond.
Chapter Two
Alone
The world is a cold and scary place.
It's a relative fact that we all know, some better than others…
I never realized that fact until I struck out on my own, leaving everything behind back within that little whimper of town.
I didn't want to go back, especially not after the funeral. I really didn't want to seat in that lonely old house by myself anymore. It's only been a few months since my father died and I'm already completely lost without him. It was really hard to stay there, nearly impossible for me to even thread upon the kitchen for the first few days, the memories of his last dying breaths too fresh for me to bear. Every time I would go near the kitchen door, I would see him there…as if he was still alive while in the evening sometimes I could still hear him thumping about upstairs against those tired old wooden floors. I would swear up and down that I could still feel his presence in this house, as if that the pathetic funeral was only a ruse to get my goat!
For those last few months before I left dusty house, I believed that Charles Webb was still alive…
But since the funeral, Adam would stop by nearly every week to check on me. It was odd how he would talk to me now, eyes seeming so caring and gentle, very unlike the usual icy glares I would receive from him usually. Adam began to seem more human to me now, less than the monster I pegged him to be sense childhood.
But during those months, I actually grew quite fond of him. He was a sly old coot, the kind of guy who could easily baffle you with all his fancy talk. Adam's whole personality was fascinating! Refreshing even, a far chance from the somber stares and shy smiles I've gotten since dad died. Adam had a certain arrogant flair about him; he walked tall with his shoulders back in perfect posture. He would curl his gray mustache a bit as he talked, curling the right tip of it between his thumb and index finger whenever he was lost in thought. Adam was quite a smoker, though I didn't mind the foggy smog he would end up making with those cigars of his.
He would play around and always try to give me one of his cancer bombs, but I always declined.
Adam was my source of entertainment, probably the only sole person in all of Trappe who could wring a chuckle out of me.
But don't get me wrong…
I still wouldn't put my life in Adam's hands…
For some odd reason, despite how close he and I became over the last few months, something in my very soul told me not to trust that man.
I can't really explain what the eerie feeling was but sometimes I couldn't even look at Adam. It was strange, the more he stopped by, the more this horrid feeling came. Despite how much I desperately enjoyed his company, something deep inside my heart told me not to trust this man. I began to feel paranoid around him, my mind searching for any excuse to deter his weekly visits.
Soon I found myself scared of him again as if I was a child again.
Dealing with this blind fear drained me; dealing with my father's sudden death drained me as well.
Dealing with this small town drained me, too…
I needed to get away from here; I need to escape from all who knew me as Webb's son.
I didn't want to stay in this quiet little town anymore; I wanted to run from the hushed whispers and the blank stares.
So I did what any other person did and just ran! I didn't even tell Adam I was leaving for New York, not even a hint for him to notice that I was all packed up and ready to go. I just left him and Trappe behind and took whatever bits of cash my father left in his will and not once did I explain myself.
No one knew where I went and that made me happy…
I wanted to be alone, my paranoia only permitted for me to be alone in the first place.
New York wasn't a bad place to start a new beginning….
It was kind of dreary here in 'The Big Apple', the clouds where normally gray this time of year. I moved to New York City just when autumn ended. I didn't even wait to take care of the mortgage of the house or even try to sell it. I just left Maryland as fast as I could, hoping that a new life in one of the largest cities on earth would hide me from all the sorrow. I pretended to be anyone else besides Matthew Webb, sometimes giving my dates fake names to know me by.
Yeah, I had a few girlfriends here and there since I moved from Trappe.
None of them was serious, of course. I'm not the kind of man to be committed to anyone. I seriously doubt I can stay in a relationship no longer than a month tops, since I always let the paranoia get the better of me. Yep, I've broken a few hearts here and there…
But I didn't move all the way from home to live the playboy lifestyle, I moved here to get away from everything I once thought I knew.
It felt good here, really rejuvenating to be on my own like this. Yeah, I worked two different jobs here the city but it was still much more adventurous and intriguing than anything I ever did upstate. It was as if nothing has ever happened, as if Adam never existed, my father and his secrets…those peculiar military people at the funeral. Nothing about my awkward past mattered here and I think that's why I enjoyed being in New York so much. The more I think about the first month I moved here, the more I realize now that perhaps those where the happiest days of my life. I felt really different…not that bad different, but just…
Damn, hard to explain!
But at least here I have a certain peace of mind knowing that no one here knows who I am really am. It's rough to make ends meet sometimes, but at least I am not all cooped up in that shaggy old house anymore. I can go to any place I want too now without worrying about the next door neighbors eying through their venison blinds. No more hushed whispers behind my back, no more of the fake smiles and somber 'hellos'.
I'm actually free.