Johanna had just finished tying her apron around her waist, and smoothing it out, when the knock on the large wooden doors sounded. She continued to get rid of the creases, and tidy up her appearance to the picture perfect one she usually has, as she made her way to the door, and pulled it open.
"Good morning, Johanna," he greeted.
"Good morning, Claude," she replied, with a warm smile on her lips.
"His Majesty would like you to go awake the Queen, we have news that King Xavier and his family have entered the Kingdom, and will soon be arriving at the palace" he informed her stoically.
"What about the Princess?" she asked.
"She is already awake and almost ready" he replied, and she only nodded in response.
She made her way down the large corridors, greeting the servants and guards as she passed them, before she finally reached her destination. She stood there for a couple of seconds, eyeing the knob. She didn't want to wake her up, she was exhausted, and she knew that she would be torn, and she hated seeing the loving Queen like that. Can't the King meet them on his own?
She finally sighed in defeat after a few seconds, turned the door knob as slow as possible, and pushed the door open, as she silently prayed that the large wooden block wouldn't make any noises to startle the Queen and the little Princess. When it was open wide enough to allow her to slip through, she did just that, and closed it back again, before making her way over to the bed.
Her heart melted at the sight of the sleeping duo, for right now, they did not look like a Queen and a princess, but a mother and child.
Stella was fast asleep on her back, her head nestled in the crook of Regina's arm, her temple resting against her chest, and her small hands holding onto the sleeves of her mother's gown. Said mother had her head resting on top of her sick daughter's, one arm trapped beneath the little girl's head, the other wrapped protectively around the small frame.
Johanna couldn't help but reflect on a slightly distant past, when she had walked in and seen a similar sight…..a very long time ago.
The sun was yet to shine, and the sky was as dark as it can be. The scattered stars shone very little light over the peaceful kingdom, and the empty roads. No music from the taverns, no laughter coming from the running children, and no noises coming from the hustling and bustling of the market place. All of the residents were fast asleep in their beds with their loved ones.
Johanna woke up to a cry of protest, surely coming from the room adjacent to hers, the nursery. She was expecting the cry to get louder, but to her surprise it was followed by gentle, soothing sounds. Humming, to be exact, mixed in with soft whispers.
She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, it was far too early for the Queen to be up, and the cry wasn't loud enough to reach across the hall. And now that she thought about it, she didn't hear the child cry at all that night. Usually she wakes up a few times a night to change the child, and unless she needs to be fed, she usually lulls her to sleep before her cries reach the Queen. But today, she didn't hear her cry once, not even for food.
She swiftly got out of bed, and pulled her robe around her, as she made her way over to the nursery, as quietly as possible. The faint silver rays of the stars filtered through the curtains, and the dim lights from the candle sticks lit the room enough for her to find her way around without bumping into anything.
It was also enough for her to see the young mother lying on the sofa, with her child nestled safely in her arms. Yes, all she saw was a mother with her child, for Regina did not look like a queen at the moment, but only a mother.
She saw the serene look on the young brunette's face, the love and adoration in her eyes as she looked at her sleeping infant, the way she softly caressed the back of the small, chubby hand that was closed around her index, and the occasional soft kisses she pressed to the tiny forehead.
Johanna softly cleared her throat, loud enough for Regina to hear, but not enough to wake up Stella, and Regina's eyes immediately found her.
"Johanna," she said softly, "did her cry wake you?" she asked, as the older maid approached them.
"No, but I think I found the quiet to be unusual, and woke up regardless" she lied, as she watched how Regina cradled Stella closer to her chest, and sat up with her. The little girl fussed a bit, and turned more into her mother's warmth, before she settled down once more.
"I was wondering when you or the King will come take her and make me go to bed" Regina remarked, the hint of sadness not lost on Johanna.
"You need your sleep, your Majesty," Johanna pointed out, "especially tonight; tomorrow is going to be a long and exhausting day" she continued, "and besides, she is fast asleep," she added.
"I know, it's just…." She trailed off, "during the day, I'm somebody's wife, somebody's stepmother, somebody's daughter. I never get a chance to be alone with her, I am always needed somewhere, and that's alright. But at night, I am just her mother and nothing else. I am all hers, and she is all mine. No interruptions, no responsibilities, nothing. Just me and her," she ranted, every word laced with love, and the need to be close to her daughter, "at night, I get to be her mother, not just the source of food. At night, I get to look at her as much as I want, to lose myself in her."
If Johanna had known that this was going to be the last night the Queen was going to cradle her child, she never would've taken her out of her arms and made her go to sleep. If she had known what was to become of the child, she would've slept on the sofa with the infant in her arms herself. If only she had known.
She couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt as she looked at the familiar sight, and she also couldn't help the doubt. What if she woke up the Queen, and tore her away from her child once more, only for said child to disappear again? What if the illness got worse and-God forbid- the child didn't make it? How will the Queen feel then?
She shook her head to rid herself of the dark thoughts, and softly made her way over to the bed. She leaned over, and lightly tapped Regina's hand, "Your Majesty," she called gently.
Regina's eyes flew open at the contact, and she looked up to see Johanna smiling softly at her, "Johanna" she said groggily. The sudden movement caused Stella to stir, but she quickly settled when Regina tightened her arms around her, and she turned more into her mother's embrace.
"Good morning, Your Majesty," Johanna greeted, "His Majesty wanted me to let you know that King Xavier and his family will be here shortly," she informed her, and Regina nodded, as a frustrated sigh left her lip.
"I wish the other kingdoms knew about my magic, we would've been able to inform Xavier of Stella's illness, and I wouldn't have to leave her," she groaned, the pain at the prospect of leaving her sick child evident, making Johanna's heart twist.
"When did she sleep?" she asked.
She had moved out of the adjoining room when Stella went missing, for it was for too dreary and painful for her to stay. And when Stella returned, she had slept in Regina's room, and now she no longer needs her services in the middle of the night, and so she saw no point in moving back to the room.
"I think it was almost sunrise," Regina replied, "exactly, how important is my presence? Can't he tell them that I am sick and unable to be present?" she wondered, her arms reflexively tightening around her sleeping child.
Johanna smiled apologetically at her, her eyes saddening when she saw the understanding in the Queen's. She could almost see the heartbreak in the Queen's eyes, as she looked down at the sleeping form, before she bent down to kiss her feverish forehead, and caressed her red, round cheeks.
"May I say something, Your Highness?" Johanna wondered, and Regina nodded.
"For the next few seconds, you are not the queen, and I am not your maid. I am nothing more than just a woman who has been on this earth a bit longer than you have, and you are a young mother who is worried about her sick child. Is that alright with you?"
Once again, Regina nodded.
"As far as mothers go, you are-by far-one of the most caring and loving mothers I have ever seen, and I don't just mean among the royals. For if we were to talk about those, then they do not even dare speak of motherhood in your presence. You have been involved in your child's life from the second she was born. You took care of her, nurtured her, watched over her, loved her; and most importantly, you were there for her. You were there whenever she needed you, and you never complained. You have always put her first, and I know that it will never change," she started, "which is why I need you to understand, that if you go now and stand by the King, you are not abandoning her" she added, holding Regina's eyes steady, until the latter averted her gaze at the last sentence, "you stayed with her all night, and was the one nursing her through the illness. And being the queen, does not make you any less her mother. She is your baby, and that will never change" she finished.
"I know, but….last night, when she started to throw up, she kept apologizing!" she exclaimed, her frustration now apparent, "I thought we were past the point where she will think that we will hurt her, or send her back if she made a mistake, but clearly we're not. I don't want her to think that I left her, I can't bear to see the accusation in her eyes again" she confessed, her voice choked, as the tears pooled into her eyes.
"All kids apologize when they throw up," Johanna told her, "Princess Snow used to do the same thing when she got sick at that age, it is instinct. She knows you won't hurt her, and she knows you won't send her back. She is sure of it, they just get scared," she soothed.
She saw the hope creep into the young queen's eyes, and she smiled reassuringly at her, "she loves you very much, and trusts you blindly. That much was obvious from the moment she got back; safety to her means your arms, and she knew you wont hurt her from the second she got into your arms, and nothing ever changed that,"
She saw some of the worry fade away, and the apologetic look in her eyes, as she looked at the sleeping child.
"I will stay with her until she wakes up, and will come find you as soon as she does" she promised.
"Thank you," Regina said, smiling gratefully at her.