I was standing outside of the OCDHS chapel, waiting for the doors to open. On the second day of school, we had a big beginning of the school year ceremony. I looked around for Kristen or Chris or any of my other friends as I stood there, surrounded by freshmen.
"Hey Mass." Josh's voice appeared behind me and sent shivers down my spine. I hadn't talked to him in over a month, and I had been looking forward to this moment (and dreading it too). I saw he got a haircut. He looked good. Annoyingly so. "How was Italy? And the rest of your summer?"
"It was amazing!" I whirled around to face him and take in his chocolate brown eyes, bright white smile, and… STOP. I concentrated on the space between his eyes. "So you must have had a pretty good summer…" There was no way to take the edge out of my voice.
"Yep. I guess you heard." Josh's face fell. I cringed inwardly. I hated fighting with him or whatever we where doing.
"Yeah. Oh look, the chapel's open!" I rushed into the chapel and slid into an empty seat in the 11th grader section. Josh hurried to sit next to me.
"Come on Massie. Why are you acting like this? I wasn't a big deal! And she kissed me." Josh pleaded with me, putting on his puppy dogface. All of a sudden, I went from disappointed to vaguely angry. Was he really going to ignore me half of the summer and then try and act like everything is the same?
"I'm not sure what you're talking about." I put on my best ice queen face and turned to the front. Years of going with my mother to boring society parties and learning to act fake had finally paid off!
"Fine. You, me. Lunch. Today. Can we please talk?" Josh begged. This whole begging thing was getting old, and fast.
"I had plans with Kristen." I said coldly.
"She'll get it. I haven't seen you in a month!" Josh exclaimed. He smiled at me. "We can go to Betsy's Burgers!"
That really wasn't fair of him. Bringing out the big guns. He knew how much I loved Betsy's Burgers. It's this really sweet family run burger joint, but they make the best burgers in town. And the décor of the place is super cute. We would always get takeout from Betsy's before we went to our bench. I would always get my cheeseburger with ketchup and a mint chip shake. Josh would get an everything burger with a vanilla shake.
"Fine. But you're paying." I waved Kristen over and she came and plopped down next to me, with Alicia Rivera in tow.
"We just came from Chemistry." Kristen explained. Since the school year started, the two of us had sadly been forced into spending more time with the Blockhead Bunch. They weren't as bad as they used to be, but they still had their ditzy moments. "So is everything right in the universe again?"
"Yep!" Josh said with a grin as he signaled to Derrick Harrington, who came and sat down on Josh's other side.
"Sup guys." Derrick greeted us. "What's new?"
"Oh! I forgot to tell you guys! I'm having a party on Friday!" Alicia squealed. "You guys have to come. It's going to be ahmazing!"
I looked at Kristen. Alicia's parties had a reputation for getting kind of wild, and the two of us usually weren't into that scene. But we had been hanging out with them more often lately, and it could be a fun time.
"We'll be there." I assured Alicia. I caught Kristen's eye and she nodded.
"I'm going too!" Josh smiled. "It sounds like its gonna be fun."
"Yeah. Count me in." Derrick agreed.
"Yay!" Alicia clapped her hands. "Oh by the way, it has a jungle theme. So have to dress up." She laughed.
While I considered some possible outfit choices, I realized that Josh was staring at me. He was looking at me like I was some kind of puzzle he couldn't quite figure out, but he wanted to. I knew that look really well; because it was the look I gave him all the time.
--
I was sitting in an old fashioned booth at Betsy's waiting for Josh to come back with our food. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Kristen.
Massie: Sorry 4 bailing on lunch 2day. Will make it up 2 u l8r. Lets get ready b4 Alicias prty together and I cn give you deets.
Kristen: Its fine. We need to get costumed btw. Have fun!
I shut my phone and tucked it away in the pocket of my Botkier satchel and forced a smile on my face as Josh came up to the table with the food.
"A cheeseburger and a shake for the lady." Josh handed me my food and sat down. " So what's new in the scandalous life of Massie Block?"
"Haha. Funny joke." I laughed as I grabbed a fry and dipped it in ketchup. "It seems you're the one with the scandalous life lately."
"Stop. Your embarrassing me." Josh said, a slight blush rising in his tan cheeks. "Are you really mad?"
"I'm not mad about the actions per se, more about what you did after." I sighed. It wasn't very nice to launch into this discussion directly upon sitting down for lunch.
"See, that's where you lose me. I don't know what I did after." Josh was perplexed. He stared at his burger. At that moment I really wanted to hug him. But I ignored the feeling and continued talking.
"So you don't think it's a problem that you didn't call or text me when I got back from Italy? And that I had to find out from some creepy internet stalker about you and Claire?" I kind of felt like crying. I wasn't usually a person who got very emotional, but this was getting me kind of riled up.
"I was just really busy. I didn't know it was that big of a deal. I wasn't sure when you were getting back, and I has a lot of stuff going on." Josh explained.
"Yeah. Well, it felt like you were blowing me off." I concentrated on looking anywhere but at Josh.
"Massie I would never blow you off." Josh told me and scooted over to give me a big bear hug. I was stiff at first but then I finally settled into his arms.
"Okay. You aren't totally forgiven. Consider yourself on probation." I semi-joked.
"Aye-aye, captain! Whatever you say goes!" Josh sharply saluted me, and I dissolved into a fit of giggled.
"Oh crap. Do you know what time it is?" I asked him. He thrust his wrist out to me and I made out the little numbers. 1:23. "We have seven minutes to get back to school. We have to go!"
--
That night I was walking my dog Bean around the park near my neighborhood, and thinking about the day's events. Whenever I had something on my mind, I would walk Bean over to this park. Not many people come here, but its really pretty. There are trees everywhere and a duck pond. The playground is a little out of date and starting to rust, which makes it less than desirable to the next generation of Westchester elite, but it suits me just fine.
I was still feeling muddled about the whole Josh situation. I felt great when I was around him, and he always gave me that warm fuzzy feeling. But it made me feel sick inside to think about him flirting with girls like Claire.
I couldn't figure out how I was feeling. I was pretty sure that I liked him. The butterflies I got in my stomach whenever he touched me where a fair testament to that. But he was also best friend, and he was pining/lusting over/in love with Claire Harrington. I hadn't even told Kristen. And I tell Kristen everything. But I was worried if I said it out loud it would make everything too real and scary or it would jinx it.
I was still kind of mad that Josh hadn't really addressed the whole Claire issue. He just sort of skimmed over it. I wanted him to tell me how he was feeling. But I didn't want him to tell me because I wanted him to.
I was interrupted from train of thought by the sound of footsteps crunching leaves and a dog sniffing. I turned around to see the smiling face of Derrick Harrington.
"Hey Massie. What's up?" Derrick asked amiably.
"Just walking Bean." I crouched down to pet his Husky. "What's your dog's name?"
"Her name is Kaya. It means 'Don't go back' in Eskimo. I know its kind of random, but my dad wanted to get in touch with the culture." Derrick explained.
"Kaya. I like it. Its really pretty!" I smiled. "So do you come here often?"
"Often enough. When my sister has her friends over I find its easier to be out of the house, and sometimes I like to just come here and hang out with Kaya. I find that coming here really clears my head." Derrick confided in me as he ran his fingers through his signature dirty blonde hair.
"Kind of the same with me. I come here when I have thinking to do. Or when I just need to get away from it all. Funny I've never seen you here before." I observed.
"There's just something comforting about this place. I remember coming here as a kid and feeding the birds, and going on the swings." Derrick gazed at the pond, deep in thought. "Good times."
"I moved here from Connecticut in ninth grade, and that's when I discovered this place. I was walking Bean one night, and I took the wrong turn and ended up here. I've been coming ever since." I told him.
We both stood there looking at the sun setting on the little duck pond. Our neighborhood and the surrounding area was full of random little parks and groves like this one. I was thinking how my two special places were here and at the bench in the clearing. I would usually come here on my walks with Bean, and I used to go to the bench with Josh. I only went to the bench by myself a few times this summer, but it wasn't the same without Josh. With no Josh, there was no magic.
Suddenly, I found myself missing Josh. Which was weird, considering I had seen him a few hours earlier. I missed his eyes, his jokes, the way his hair looked in the morning, the awesome songs we would sing together on the radio, and every other part about him.
"Massie? Are you ok?" Derrick gently asked me.
"Yeah. I'm great." I looked at Derrick. He was such a sweet guy. I felt bad he had such an evil demon for a sister. That must be really hard on him. "So are you going to Alicia's party?"
"Yep. It will probably be fun. You're going, right?" Derrick asked me. He really was pretty cute once you looked at him. I guess I had been so busy thinking about Josh, I had forgotten to look around me. But with Josh, its hard to remember anything else exists.
"I'll be there." I assured him with a grin. "Look, I've got to get going because my mom expected me home twenty minutes ago. But I'll see you Friday, right?"
"Definitely." Derrick waved goodbye and he and Kaya set off in the opposite direction.