Jess sat with her head resting on her chin watching her class as they sat in silence except for the sound of thirty pencils scratching furiously over multiple choice boxes. It wasn't a schedule test, it was punishment for their overpowering hyperactivity which had had her tearing her hair out ten minutes ago. Maybe she had been a little harsh but they were testing her patience. The truth was a lot tested her patience these days, there was always an undercurrent of anxiety now that she couldn't seem to shake. She wanted to yell at them 'don't you know what I'm going through?' but she knew that wouldn't achieve very much at all, well maybe getting fired but that would be about it.

She would always come into her class with a bounce in her step, she felt like if she was in a great mood they would be too and they would be ready to learn, plus it's easy to give off that vibe when you're happy and in love. Not so much when you're mending a broken heart - that bounce just wasn't there any more.

She had to get herself out of this funk, her kids didn't deserve it. She didn't want them to grow up and talk about that teacher they'd had when they were little who had her heart broken and turned into a reclusive, miserable old witch with holes in her clothes and unwashed hair. She banged her palms flat on her desk, a little harder than she intended causing all her kids to jump back in their seats and stare at her with a flicker of fear on their faces. That was something she definitely hadn't seen before and after she rode out the ten second power trip that accompanied it, she came back to earth and ordered them to follow her outside. They were having class on the football field in the sunshine today.

At first, the days alone in the loft had made Nick into his own worst enemy as he maddeningly over-analysed every single thing that went wrong between him and Jess and what he could have done to stop it. He had spent days drinking beer, not showering, schlepping around the loft in his pyjamas until around 4pm when he would muster the energy to at least get changed so he could make out to the guys like he had done something with his day to deflect all the questions and looks of concern.

Now as he sat eating his breakfast in silence he realised that, in a small way, he kind of liked it, preferred it even. As much as he could never even conceive of not having Jess in his life, being around her made their distance painfully apparent. They had agreed to keep living together, to make it work, somehow. But truthfully he worried that being around her everyday and not be able to touch her or kiss her would drive him slowly insane. When he was on his own it was the only time he truly had a clear head, time to try and make sense of everything - although he hadn't quite mastered that one yet.

He still found himself glancing at the clock and counting down until 4.30 when she would walk through the door and his day would really begin. Even in the two and a half months that had gone by he hadn't managed to break the emotional routines she had instilled in him. He would still set his alarm for 7am even though she was no longer in his room to hear it, he would still put toothpaste on her toothbrush absent-mindedly and then have to flick it off into the sink before she came into the bathroom and he still felt the urge to say 'I love you' after every time he said goodnight.

He needed something to occupy himself, something that allowed his mind to spend at least one minute of the day being absorbed in something other than her. Swallowing his last mouthful of cereal, he pushed his bowl away with a sudden surge of determination and disappeared to his bedroom, returning to the table with his laptop tucked under his arm. He wasn't going to overthink it, he wasn't going to take it seriously he was just going to write something, anything and make himself smile even if it was the only smile it ever brought to anyone's face.

Jess watched her kids leave the class talking and smiling to one another and she felt a lot better about things. She was the vice principal now she couldn't let her personal life have that much affect on how she functioned at work. Her mind turned to Nick once again and she knew how guilty he would feel if he thought she was screwing up at work because of him. But he didn't know, it was just another part of the 'I'm ok' act she put on everyday to keep the peace in the loft. She snapped out of her reverie as her phone started to ring, vibrating harshly against the wood of her desk. With her hands full of pencils and marker pens she hovered over it to see who it was. She hastily threw the pens in the box with a clatter when she saw the name flashing on the screen. It was possibly the last person she was expecting.

"Bonnie hi" Jess hoped she sounded more excited that shocked.

"Oh hi sweetie, you're not at work are you?"

"No I'm done for the day, how are you?"

"I'm good dear, I'm good, listen I can't seem to get hold of Nicky he isn't answering his phone and I know you two are joined at the hip so I though I would call you instead..."

Jess furrowed her brow not quite sure how to take Bonnie's comment but the conversation had already moved on before she could say anything.

"...I just wanted to know where you guys will be staying for the wedding?"

"I'm sorry?"

"The wedding...in August. Nicky said he wasn't sure what you guys were doing yet, he had said he might take you to a hotel in the city with the house being so crowded and all and ...well I guess I'm just calling to talk you out of it."

"Bonnie we're not..."

"I know, I know, the house will be full of people but I would love you guys to stay with me. I really would. It's a wedding and it's a time for family you know."

"Bonnie..."

"Please just promise me you'll ask Nicky. I miss having him around and I like to spend as much time with you guys as I can. Will you ask him?"

"I'll talk to him Bonnie."

"Thank you dear, I'm so looking forward to seeing you two kids. You take care honey."

"I will, see ya."

Jess raised her knee, resting her books on them as she tried to open the door to the loft, piling through the door she was a mass of rustling papers and swinging bags. Swinging her foot behind her she kicked the door shut with a little too much vigor sending her ungraded test papers sailing across the floor.

"Dammit" she huffed to herself as she dropped her bags to the floor in annoyance bending down to pick up the mess she had made. As she rifled round the floor a pair of feet appeared in front of her, then knees, then a waist, then his face. She heard his knees crack as he bent down and watched his familiar hands rummaging round on the floor collecting her papers. She paused, watching him as he helped her. She noticed the muscles in his neck straining as he moved around, the gap at the back of his collar as he bent his head down giving her a view of the smooth patch of skin in between his shoulder blades, the spot she used to kiss when she lay behind him at night. She noticed a small furrow in his brow that he never seemed to be free from these days and dark circles under his eyes, it seemed he was getting about as much sleep as she was. As he extended his hand towards her with the papers clutched in between his fingers she realised she was still staring at him. She stood quickly casting her eyes down to the floor and adjusting her glasses nervously.

"Thanks" she spoke quietly, the nerves making her voice crack.

"You're welcome."

"I have a lot of grading to do tonight, I think I'll be burning the midnight oil."

"So I see."

Nick followed her to the couch and placed his half of the papers where she had placed hers. As they raised their heads simultaneously they both smiled at each other, still not quite sure where to comfortably take the conversation. Jess had some small talk ready on the tip of her tongue but as she cocked her a head a little to the side she could see his laptop perched on the table. She hadn't seem him with it in months.

"Nick are you writing something?"

"That ..no...well yeah but...it's nothing, it's stupid, I was just bored"

"It's not stupid at all, it's great!"

"You think?"

"Of course! You wanna join me on the couch when I work? We could get a little creative corner going."

They smiled again for a little longer this time and the tension started to diffuse.

A couple of hours later they both found themselves sunk into the sofa, Nick with his feet on the coffee table, his laptop balancing on his knee which was now being used to play a cheeky game of Tetris in between chapters. Jess sat cross legged surrounded by a sea of papers which now had her red hand writing scrawled all over them with a few smiley faces to make it seem less angry. Somehow she had actually managed to grade them as her mind ran overtime thinking about her conversation with Bonnie.

On the way home she had thought maybe she would let it slide, maybe when it came to Nick and his Mom it just wasn't her business anymore. But as she glanced at him she wondered what was going on in his head, he didn't tell her anymore. She had never seen him open up to the guys, not in any real, cathartic way and as much as the guys loved Nick they were walking on eggshells with this whole break up, they had no idea what they were allowed to ask so they had kept quiet. She couldn't bear the thought of Nick taking all of it on by himself, he had spent his whole life doing that and she didn't want him to put back up the walls it had taken her so long to break down. Before her head could object she started to speak.

"Hey Nick can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"Why does your Mom think that we're still together."

She could see panic flickering over his face as his eyes went wide.

"What? How...?"

"She called me...to ask me something about Jamie's wedding...which she still thinks I'm going to."

"Did you...?"

"No, I didn't really get a chance to and it's not my place Nick you have to tell her."

"Look it's not a big deal Jess I just haven't gotten round to it yet"

"It's been over two months Nick, Why?"

"I just haven't."

"She's your Mom!"

"I know! Would you just drop it Jess!"

He stood to leave but she grabbed his hand.

"I think we should talk about this"

"I don't want to talk about it. I just haven't told yet. That's it. I just haven't."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not ready!"

She had touched a nerve, it was the first time since they had broken up that she saw him start to lose his temper.

"Look Nick I'm not going to force you but she's your mother and I think it would be good for you to talk to her. I worry that you're keeping this all to yourself and I don't want you to go through stuff on your own."

"I'm fine Jess. We're fine Jess, we're dealing with this ok aren't we?"

"I'm not. I'm sure as hell not dealing with it all on my own. I talk to my Mom and Cece all the time about it. I just...I just think you should talk to someone."

"I don't need to."

"Don't you have someone you can unload on, someone who makes you feel better?"

"Yes I do Jess. You. ...At least it used to be."

The atmosphere had almost become a third person in the room with them it was so intrusive. Jess hadn't meant to take the conversation here, she hadn't meant to hurt him.

"Ok"

"Ok what?"

"Talk to me"

"You don't want to hear it Jess"

"Yes I do. Nick if we want to stay in each other's lives we've gotta be able to talk to each other. We have to or we're gonna drift apart and I can't handle that."

The words were tumbling out of Jess' mouth in a small fit of panic as she tried to hold back the tears.

"Ok, ok. Jess it's ok."

He moved to pull her into his arms instinctively but instead he settled for brushing a tear away with the back of his knuckle.

"The truth is I don't know why I haven't told her Jess. I guess...I guess I just don't like the sound of it. I don't like saying the words, it makes it more real. Does that makes sense?"

"Yeah" She sniffed.

"My Mom is crazy about you Jess...and I know she'll be upset and she'll worry about me and I just can't deal with it now...not with everything else. I will tell her soon. I will."

"I'm sorry Nick, I shouldn't have pushed. I just care about you so much and I want to know you're ok."

She smoothed a hand gently over his stubbled cheek and in that moment she refused to think about the consequences of touching him.

"Well...I'm not...but I will be."

They allowed themselves to be with one another, nobody flinched, nobody pulled away. Jess continued to touch his cheek, her thumb stroking tenderly as his eyes bore into her unwavering. For the first time in a while their silence was fraught with something other than discomfort, perhaps it was acceptance, perhaps it was affection, perhaps it was hope, they couldn't tell but it felt good.

"This beard of yours is getting out of control Miller." Jess sniffed and tried to lighten the moment which was no mean feat these days.

She rubbed at his chin affectionately before finally allowing her hand to fall away.

"I have it on good authority that girls like the way this feels against their skin. A girl told me that once...I forget who it was."

Mockingly he scratched his head in thought as he toyed with her, eliciting a chuckle coupled with a swift jab in the ribs. He made a noise of laughter tinged with pain as Jess moved to the kitchen to grab them both a beer.

For just a while, no matter how fleeting it was, they felt like Nick and Jess again.