THRICE

"I'm sorry about that," Sam muttered when her mother left the room with her son. "She likes to say she isn't pressuring me, but-"

Patrick shook his head. "She's right, Sam," he replied. "We do need to talk-"

She sighed heavily as she took a seat on the couch. Looking over at him, she held her hand out so that he could join her; despite how conflicted she was, she needed him. She needed to touch him and feel him touch her. She needed to know that something was real.

"I love you, Patrick," she whispered when he sat down beside her.

Wrapping her arm around his neck, she nuzzled her face into it and breathed in. She loved the way he smelled in the morning right after his shower. His cologne, mixed with his shampoo, and his aftershave - even when he did not shave - was Patrick. She could always tell when he had been in the room because his scent lingered. When he hugged her or held her tightly, she could smell him on her clothes. It put a smile on her face.

"I love you too," he replied as he pressed a kiss onto the top of her head. "But I'm not sure that's enough to fix this because there's no fixing your resurrected husband no more than when the same thing happened to me and Sabrina, Sam. You're going to have to make a choice."

"I know," she sighed.

"And I don't want to pressure you, but I also can't sit in limbo," he continued. "I have to think of Emma - we both do - and even though Danny is so young, we still have to consider how this will affect him too. I don't want you to make a decision that you're not going to be able to live with... one that'll make you change your mind down the line when we've al come to accept it... whatever it is."

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out suddenly. Moving from his embrace, she shifted to the other side of the couch. "And of course, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing else that I want more than to keep it-"

"But keeping us," he swallowed hard as the words seemed to get stuck in his throat, "that's the thing you don't know."

Seeing her nod took him back to the moment when Sabrina had made the very same revelation to him after he had chosen Robin and the family they already had over her. He could not believe he was reliving that same nightmare once again. Perhaps if Sam chose to leave him, it would only be karma repaying him for the pain he had caused Sabrina. If that were to be his punishment, he could accept that; he only hoped that unlike his son, this baby might survive.

"I want this baby, Sam," he continued. "And I want to have it with you and raise it with you, in our home, together."

She bit her bottom lip as she nodded. "I want that too," she replied as she brought her legs to her chest. "I want a family with you, Patrick. It's one of the reasons I love you so much. Seeing you with Emma and now with Danny, it's the best thing in the world. But-"

"You wanted that with Jason too," he finished her sentence.

For what felt like the hundredth time that day, tears streamed down her face once again. "Patrick, Jason and I wanted a baby and a family together for so long," she sniffled. "And it seems as though every time we get close to having one, something happens to... to block it, you know?"

"And right now, I'm the latest-"

She quickly leaned forward to grab his hand. "No, Patrick. NO," she said. "You are not it. You didn't cause this," she continued hoping that he would believe her. "You're just an innocent party to this screwed up situation that none of us could have ever imagined would happen! I love you, Patrick. Regardless of anything else or whatever else might happen, I know that much is true. You're a good man who doesn't deserve this type of heartache. Emma doesn't either... not again."

"And you do, Sam?" he questioned her.

She held his scruffy face in her hands. If she could have had forever to gaze into his beautiful eyes and declare how much she loved him, she would have taken it. This man meant everything to her.

"I don't know what I deserve at this point, Patrick, " she honestly replied. "I've done so much bad to so many people in my life that maybe this heartache is my own penance. I mean, I'm in love with two men - one who doesn't remember me, and the other who loves me but doesn't deserve a woman who's hung up on someone else." Using the back of her hand, she wiped her face. "I get that there's a very big chance that Jason might never remember me, Patrick. My brain recognizes that, but right now, my heart... it just can't accept it. I can't accept it-"

When he opened his mouth to respond and tell her that she was not the same person she had been when she had first arrived in town, she pressed her finger to his lips. She needed to say this aloud. She needed him to understand what she was saying and doing, and why. This was not an easy decision, but it was the right one.

"I mourned for him, Patrick," she sighed. "I cried myself to sleep for months wondering how this could have happened to me, to us. After everything that we went through, it just... it didn't seem fair. And then, as the days went by, and even though there was still a hole in my heart where he had once been, I realized that I was able to move on - that I had to move on. And I did. With you."

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. The tears that they both had shed with their runny noses mixed, but it did not bother either of them. This felt right. And yet, everything seemed so wrong.

"You're my best friend," she cried when they finally pulled away from one another. "You helped me throughout this ordeal, and you gave me that family - you gave Danny a father. You gave me everything that I had always wanted. And you mended my heart in a way that I didn't think was even possible after I lost him," she paused for a moment. "I mourned for Jason, Patrick. And now he's back. You're the only person who knows what that feels like-"

"I am," he agreed. And he also understood what it meant to love and lose the love of your life all over again. He did not want her to experience that heartache. "So what are we supposed to do? If he never remembers you, Sam, what does that mean for us?"

"You have to let me mourn that loss, Patrick," she quietly replied. "When I lost him, I lost him physically. But now he's back. And him not remembering me? Patrick, he isn't Jason anymore. He's Jake. And he loves Elizabeth... and even if it's for the moment, my heart is still broken in pieces because a love like ours should have never died. To watch him walk around town with her and her children, even if his face is different, it kills me, Patrick. It kills me because I should have known... I should've known it was him all this time and I didn't!"

"So, what... what are you going to do?" he asked. "He's been here for a year and interacting with you all that time and he never recognized you. What if he never does?"

"I need... I need time," she sobbed. "I need time to let my heart accept that he's gone-"

He could understand that, but there was a very real possibility still weighing on his mind and stomping all over their dreams together. "But what is he remembers and he comes back and says that he wants to be with you, Sam? What does that mean for us? What does that mean for me, Sam? Am I your second choice?" he struggled to ask. "Am I your consolation prize while you-"

She did not know how to respond to him. Had Jason not died, there would have never been a Sam and Patrick; this great love of hers - this second great love - would have never been. And knowing him for who he was and the love that they shared, it would have certainly been a tragic loss - but at least this pain would have not been.

"I don't know how to answer that, Patrick," she finally replied after some time. "I know that you're notnow, nor have you ever been a consolation prize to me. I know that I love you so much it hurts to think about a life without you. But I also know that those same feelings were for Jason. Living without him all those years, it felt as though a large part of my heart was ripped out. It felt like I was dead inside and that I could never love someone the way that I loved him." She took his hand into her own and pressed her lips to them. "And then you came into my life as more than just my best friend. You revived me, Patrick. You loved me in a way that I had never been loved before. And I'm not saying that your love is any better or worse than what Jason and I had, I'm saying that I need time. And I need us - if there's still an us-"

"Of course there's still an us, Sam," he assured her.

She smiled gratefully. "I think we need to take it one day at a time," she decided. "And regardless of anything, I want you to know that this baby will always be in your life. And Emma, she is always a part of mine. Most importantly, Patrick, you have to know that I love you and am grateful for every minute... every second... I spent with you."

He lived down the street from where she would have spent her life with Patrick and their new family. Over the last year and the last few months, she had lived down the street from her husband and she had not even known. How could she not have seen it? She had spent time with this man, been rescued by him, and worked with him to find out his identity to the detriment of her own cousin. Her cousin. She shook the thought from her mind that Nikolas would have been responsible for prolonging her separation from her husband. There were far more important things she needed to deal with; she would confront the man for his betrayal later.

"Sam," Jason said when he opened the door to find her there. "What... what are you doing here?"

Knowing that her father had already been by and had attempted to strong arm him into - well, she did not quite know what it was that Julian had expected of Jason, but she knew what she did not expect.

"I'm not going to be long," she assured him. "I just... I want to give you this," she held in her hand his father's wedding band that Monica had given to her for him. "I know you don't remember any part of your past life, but I thought you should have this anyway. I tried to give it to your mom... to Monica, but she refused take it from me. She's holding out hope that you..." her voice trailed off. It was not her place to speak for his mother or for anyone other than herself. Given how quickly the news spread of his identity she was certain that he had already heard everyone's requests and pleas for his return to his life as the great Jason Morgan. After speaking with Patrick, she had made a decision.

"I wanted you to know that I'm not going to push you, Jas... Jake," she corrected herself. "I'm not going to be like everyone else who wants and expects you to throw away everything you've had over the last year to reclaim what you can't even remember. I won't do that to you."

"Uh... thank you," he said. "I appreciate that."

She sighed at how easily he accepted her unwillingness to fight for him; while it was in no way a ploy to get him back through any form of reverse psychology, it was nevertheless a bit of a stab to her heart. On some level she had hoped that he would fight for her. She could not bear the thought that he might only love her as a friend. Alas, she had no other choice.

"Look, one thing has always been constant between the two of us," she started. "I've never tried to change you; I never will. For the good or for the bad, I've loved you as my friend, then my lover, and finally my husband," she took a moment to brush away a stray hair that found its way plastered to her wet cheek. "I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow; you might remember me or you might not. But-"

"I'm sorry about that," he spoke over her.

"I have to move on with my life," she continued without acknowledgment of his apology. "I can't wait to find out if you're going to remember me or want my again, Jason," she found herself near tears. "I need to let you go and figure things out all on your own... regardless of how difficult that might be-"

"I agree," he tried again to help her. He hated how angry, frustrated and sad she was about this situation. He hated that he was hurting her and everyone else who wanted him to be something he could not. He wanted this to be as easy as possible for her. "I already told your father that I don't want anyone to wait for me to suddenly turn back into this Jason Morgan character, Sam. I know he's afraid that if and when I do that you'll come back to me and I'll go back into the mob-"

"My father doesn't have much room to speak about the mob," Sam quickly rebuffed before calming enough to realize that the man had only wanted the best for her. "Jason..." she closed her eyes. She had a difficult time resigning to the fact that even with a different face, he was not who he had once been. "Jake... I've spent three years finally living a normal life - except for when my father's previous dealings got in the way. I don't know if I could go back to that dangerous type of life if you suddenly remember who you are and knock on my door to tell me you love me again. Besides, it's not just me anymore, you know-"

"Danny," Jason nodded in understanding,

"He's everything to me," she agreed. "And I've seen the effects of that life on Michael, Morgan, and even Kristina despite my mom's attempts of keeping her from Sonny when she was younger. My God, they've been kidnapped, shot, sent to prison, raped - it's sick. And even Little Jake - he was targeted because he was your son-" she stopped. He did not need to know all of this. "That's not the life I want for my... our... son."

"I'm not sure that's the life I want for myself either, Sam," he confided in her. "I know that Sonny, and maybe Carly as well, but definitely him - he wants for me to be that enforcer again. I recognize that there are aspects of that life that lingered; I mean, I've saved your life and put your life in danger because of those skills. If I'm going to live a life with Elizabeth-" She sucked a breath in. "I'm sorry."

She waved her hand dismissively as to the indicate that she was fine with this slip of the tongue, but she was not. But there was nothing she could do about it.

"I get it because I've changed too, Jake," she admitted then redirected the conversation back. She did not want to speak about Elizabeth. "I'm not the same person I was when I first came to town as a con and didn't have anyone else in my life. I'm not that woman who was so desperate to keep you that I would put a child's life in danger to do so. I stopped being that person even before Danny was born," she mentioned. "But ever since I got him back after thinking for months that he was dead, Jason, and when he was diagnosed with cancer, there is no way I would put his life in that sort of danger again. I can't do that."

"I thought you were an adrenaline junkie," he smirked. He wanted to lighten the mood and perhaps put a smile on her face. He recalled the way she climbed Wyndemere's parapet with him; she was in her element. "You make for a great side-kick."

She smiled back at him. This was what had always been familiar with him; their rapport and ease. They clicked and were able to work together without issue because they had done so countless times before.

"You were a great teacher," she replied. "I'm grateful to you for it. You taught me a lot. But I think except for my PI work, I'm done with the sidekick aspect when it comes to Sonny's business and looking the other way. I mean, my father..." she stopped. Julian was no longer in the business. It did not matter when he thought. She let it go. "Look, if not for my own selfish reasons, Jason, I really do hope that you remember who you are for your own sake because you really were a great person. You deserve to remember it - all of it."

"Thank you," he said as he stuck his hands into his pockets. "I appreciate that. And I want to thank you for being my friend. I know this might be awkward, but I hope we can eventually be friends again. In time?"

She shook her head in response. "I don't think so," she said. They could never be friends. She did not want to be his friend watching him raise someone else's children. She wanted all or nothing. She would not compromise on that. Ever. "That's not... that won't be possible."

Realizing that this was the end and the point at which her feelings and the reality of he situation would converge into a messy definition of closure. So, wanting to touch him and kiss him for the very last time, she stepped closer to him, got onto the tips of her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I will love you forever, Jason Morgan," she breathed heavily once she released him. "Goodbye."

He watched as she turned and walked out of the house. Touching his lips which tingled with the memory of the taste of her own lips, he smiled. It felt right to him. Kissing her was like muscle memory. Her lips against his, the movement of their lips and their tongues, they were in sync.

He suddenly felt propelled into a time when he was hers and she was his, and things that they had not told him about had begun to swim in his head. He was remembering her.

"Sam..." he called out and ran toward her car.

The first time they had kissed in his penthouse, her pregnant belly, the tears of grief she had shed at the loss of that child, the joy when they had... Hope. He remembered, not everything, but enough to know he did not want her to leave. He reached her just as she had started the engine. He knocked at the window.

"Wait..."

Thank you for reading. This was intentionally left open-ended; there will not be any additions to this completed story. The purpose was to fix (for better or worse) a revelation that has dragged on for far too long.

Thanks again for reading. Kindly take a moment to leave a review.