I hate writer's block. And homework.
A man entered the dark stuffy shop, and the ray of sunshine passing through the open door momentarily illuminated the dust floating in the air. Scarlett jumped, surprised by the noise and the cold breeze the visitor had brought in.
"My dear Mrs. Kennedy." Rhett said with good humor, walking towards her with a big smile. "My dear Mrs. Kennedy."
Scarlett smiled and put the ledger back on the table. "Why, Captain Butler, I didn't expect to see you so soon. I suppose you blackmailed some poor man high up in the union who sold rifles and hoop skirts to you during the war?"
Rhett laughed uproariously. "I'm starting to think you might know me a bit too well, Scarlett. You're right, I did threaten one of my Yankee pals that I would reveal to everyone just how patriotic he was if he didn't get me out of that dump they called a prison. I hope my escape was quick enough for your tastes."
"Rhett, how very kind of you! Breaking out of jail just for me! You are so incredibly heroic! It sure does some good for a silly country girl's vanity to know a man like you cares for her." She said in her best southern belle voice, batting her eyelashes exaggeratingly.
"You are married now and you aren't allowed to flirt with handsome men like me anymore unless you want the old guard to start talking about you." He replied nonchalantly, a grin playing on the corners of his lips.
"Oh, they already talk about me. It won't make much of a difference if I give them one more subject of conversation. But let's be serious now, I wanted to thank you."
"Thank me for what? What did I do?"
"I… don't know, nothing. but I just wanted you to be aware of the fact that I feel grateful for… you helping… trying to help me." Rhett would laugh at her now, most likely.
"You're very welcome my dear, though I don't feel I deserve such praise." He sank down heavily in a chair and looked at Scarlett while taking out his cigar case. There was no sarcasm in his words. "I did not do a single thing to help, and for that I must apologize. I must say it is partly my fault that you had to engage into yet another loveless marriage with a man you despise. Was it worth it, at least? How are you doing financially? Is the wolf still at the door in Tara or did Frank have enough to pay up?"
Oh, If only Rhett could always be so kind to her. If only they could have nice conversations where he wouldn't try his best to insult her with every single word he uttered more often. "The taxes are paid, thank the Lord. I just wonder how I'll do it next year. I mean look at the shop, Frank should have cleaned the junk ages ago but instead he simply left it in big piles and lets dust cover everything. How much money he's losing because of it, I wonder. What if the shop doesn't earn enough for next year's taxes? What shall I do then?"
"How much do you want?" Rhett asked bluntly, lighting his cigar.
"I never said I needed your money." She hurriedly replied. Rhett chuckled softly. "But now that you mention it, I could use some right now. There is a sawmill I'd like to buy, and we haven't got enough for it anymore. If you would give me a loan, I think I could buy it cheap, and I'll also need two wagons and two mules to…"
"A sawmill?"
"Yes, and I would give you interest."
"And whatever would I do with a sawmill?"
"Make money of course! With everyone rebuilding in this town, think of all the lumber I could sell! There so much to make! And I promise I'd pay you back as soon as I'm able to."
"You would run that mill by yourself? Don't tell me good old Frank consented to let you plunge into such unlady-like activities?"
"Fiddle-dee-dee. I don't need his approval to do anything. Now, will you give me the money?"
He looked amused. "Sometimes I wonder how a sweet little face like yours can hide such a shrewd mind. Don't be angry, my dear, I will give you the money." He said when Scarlett's brow furrowed. "Goodness, I can't believe how easily offended you are. Don't worry about any lack of enthusiasm on my part, you know I'm not the kind of man who believes females' sole purpose in life is being decorative and raising children. If you want to become a business woman, so be it, I'll back you up. Of course you'll have to explain to your poor husband how you acquired enough money to buy your mills, but that's another story and absolutely none of my business."
"Oh, I know. I planned everything. I'll give you my earbobs, and I'll tell Frank I sold them to you and…"
"But I do have conditions. If you use my money to buy yourself some pretty frocks and new carriages, you can take it with my blessing. But if you buy a new pair of breeches for Ashley…"
Not again, she thought. Why did Rhett abort this subject? Just when they were having a nice and civil conversation for once, he had to bring up Ashley just to ruin it all.
"Why can't you accept the fact that I'm in love with him and that it's not going to change? I love him. I just do. You don't understand how much I love him. You can't understand the type of love we share for each…"
"Oh, spare me your long speeches about love, I beg you. I'm tired of hearing you speak such nonsense. Honestly, how such a smart woman can fall for a man with no backbone like Wilkes is beyond my comprehension."
A few months ago she would have defended herself vehemently, gotten enraged at Rhett, and in the end they both would have been mad at each other. Yet Scarlett had to admit that because of the dream, her love for Ashley had been shaken. She was now sure that her love was unrequited and had no chance of whatsoever against weak and sweet little Mrs. Wilkes, but after loving him since she was fourteen, she simply was not able to let him go. Ashley's weakness and cowardice had been grating on her nerves lately when he had seemed utterly perfect and unearthly not so long ago, and this sudden change frightened her. Great balls of fire, it was just a dream! A silly nightmare! How could her beautiful love be tarnished by something as insignificant? But for an unknown and most likely foolish reason, the dream wasn't insignificant to her.
"Scarlett?" She realized she had been looking at Rhett's face blankly for an unnatural amount of time, too lost in her thoughts to notice the puzzlement slowly settling on his features. Embarrassed, she looked away quickly. What should she tell him?
"I don't know why I love him either." She said. "It's… it's a habit maybe. You know, during the war, I thought about him a lot. Those memories kept me alive, they kept me going. I had a reason to fight then, and so I fought. Tara and Ashley, they are the reasons I haven't been licked yet. You know I'd be ready to do any crazy thing destiny decides to throw at me for Tara's sake, and so it is for Ashley too. But then one morning I discover that I loved a man who would never loved me back, who was as scared and lost as I am, if not much more, and that the person I should have cared for all along instead of him is… Melanie, the woman I've envied and hated since I was sixteen. I start thinking that maybe I've imagined Ashley's love for me and that my imagination kept me from seeing his real love, the one for Melly. How am I supposed to deal with that? I don't want to deal with it, so I won't. It's that simple. I'll go on loving that hollow shell of a man even if he really loves his wife, and I'll go on despising his wife even when deep down I really don't, and I'll go on being a selfish vixen that lives life for money even if you... Even if anyone... My love for Ashley is one of the only beautiful things I've got left, Rhett, and I've lost too many beautiful things because of that wretched war to give it up anymore." Scarlett looked up anxiously to see his reaction, and looked down again when she started blushing.
They sat in silence.
"Why are you telling me all that, my dear?" Rhett finally said, twirling a cigar between his fingers and averting her eyes.
Scarlett was very dismayed. First, why on earth did she pour out all those secrets to him? Some of those she couldn't even admit to herself yet, and now Rhett knew everything. Well, not quite everything, but nearly. And secondly, why was Rhett reacting so strangely? She would have expected triumph, sarcasm, mockery, I-told-you-sos. Not this indifference, like he really wasn't interested at all by what she had said. After all, they were her deepest secrets. And after all... No, the idea of marrying Rhett was stupid. If he did love her (which he almost certainly did not), he wouldn't react indifferently.
"I don't know." She mumbled. "I shouldn't have told you anything."
"So, you don't love Ashley Wilkes?" There was the faintest trace of jeering in his voice.
"No… I mean yes… I don't know. Maybe?… It's hard to… I don't think I'll answer that just yet."
"Think about it, Scarlett. You can answer me later." He looked outside. "Now, about that mill you wanted to buy, how much do you suppose it will cost?"
"I don't know quite how much I'll need." She was glad he had changed the subject.
"No matter. Show me a dimple and I'll buy you all the sawmills in Georgia if you ask for them." Scarlett smiled. Had Rhett decided to be nice after all? "Now I haven't seen such a pretty smile since God knows how long. The thought of money must really make you feel cheerful." Scarlett decided to ignore his last jibe. She didn't want to start an argument. And she didn't want to know why she didn't want to start an argument.
"Let's go to the mills, Rhett."
"Now? In this rain?"
"What's a little rain? Now let's hurry before that pouring becomes even worse. Don't you want to see I'll put your money to what use, Rhett?"
"I think you are scared I'll change my mind, and you want to buy everything as soon as possible in case I have scruples."
"That too."
He laughed so loudly he startled the counter boy, who looked at him suspiciously. "Lead the way, my dear." He said as he opened the door for her.
Finally it's done. GAWD. I haven't uploaded for how long? I'm really sorry, school was even more horrid than usual and I never seemed to be able to write properly when I did have the time to do it. You've no idea how uninspired I was. I was going to write the beginning with Scarlett's wedding but it was awful and I cut it out. I can't believe Scarlett is dumb enough to marry Frank Kennedy either, but I do need to keep her slightly in character you know. Hopefully I know what I'm doing.