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Broken Hearts

Chapter 3 – My best fake smile.

Tori's POV

I woke up Monday, the first day of school with a stomach ache. It felt like the same stomach ache as yesterday; one cause by tension and stress.

The source of that stress of course Jade, my feelings for her and the fact that I thought of her not loving me, makes me ill. I'm worried about what I'll say, how this will affect our friendship and a hundred things. The fact that I've seemed to reduce myself to a pathetic mess, doesn't help.

I'm also feeling sad, not just for Jade, but I'm missing Cat today. I want to talk to her, tell her how I feel about Jade. She's the only one I could tell. She's say something goofy, but ultimately very wise. I miss her terribly.

Andre is a good friend of course, but I just don't feel comfortable talking to him about these things that plague my mind. I just can't.

I could talk to my sister, I'm sure that's crossed your mind by now. I could, if I wanted half of the school to know by lunchtime. Even if she didn't say anything, she'd just somehow make this about herself.

I feel so alone.

I pulled myself together, put on the fake smile I had been practicing yesterday, dressed and got ready for school. Coming down to breakfast I found my sister reading a glamour magazine.

"Try and not to embarrass me this year." She said with a critical eye.

"I'm sure you'll manage that very well all by yourself. Especially when you perform or do anything that requires skill and or talent." I shot back bitterly, accidentally letting some of my inner tension leak out.

Looking horribly offended, Trina was about to respond, when my mom, who was making eggs, quickly cut us off.

"Trina, Tori, stop that right now!"

I quickly took a deep breath, resolving to never let my inner turmoil leak out again. The rest of breakfast went fine, thought I wasn't able to eat much, due to my stomach ache.

My mom inquired but I simply told her I wasn't hungry.

Once in the car on the way to school, Trina just glared at me and we rode in silence. But with each passing minute, I got closer and closer to Jade and her new boyfriend. The closer I got, the more nervous and tense I got, which only made my gut feel worse.

Looking out the window at the houses, as they passed by, my mind drifted back to the night of Cat's death.

Flashback

In all the times Jade and I had gotten close, our playdate at Nozu, the time I had helped with her and Beck and the others, we had gone right back to being frenenimies almost immediately after. One day, we'd actually be talking like friends, the next she wouldn't give me the time of day and if she did, it would be the wrong time.

So even though we had spent hours crying together and talking about Cat, in the back of my mind I kept thinking.

"Now we're close, tomorrow, she'll call me a talentless loser and probably fill my purse with tapioca, again."

I like having friends and have always found her mysterious, fascinating and talented. So naturally I wanted to be her friend and was rebuffed constantly. It was horribly cynical but I was dealing with Jade. One minute she could be friendly and engaging and the next could be moody, dark and cruel, but mostly she was cruel.

It was past 10:30 and Jade just after tearfully telling me another Cat story, she got up, wiped her tears and announced in a monotone voice.

"I'm tired."

"I'll walk you to the door."

I walked her to the door and wiped my own tears. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but feel the first stages of the letdown that was soon to come.

Once to the door I said. "Thank you for coming over. I hoped I helped."

In my mind I played out the response I fully expected.

Her voice would be harsh and cold and it would go something like this. "You didn't help at all, I feel worse, later Vega." Then she would simply walk away and the cycle would simply start over.

But what actually happened was quite different. Her features seemed to soften briefly and I could see honest gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you Tori."

Then even more to my surprise, she hugged me. I didn't know how to even process it, but all I knew that I was in Jade's arms and it felt, nice. I know nice is a rather vague word, but for such a cold woman, her embrace felt warm and comforting.

When the embrace ended a moment later, found myself unexpectedly wanting to remain within it. It was a confused feeling I didn't quite understand.

"Let's go out tomorrow night, try and have fun. Cat would want that. We can go to Nozu."

Now I was totally blown away, first she thanks me, then she hugs me than she actually wants to be seen in public with me. Suddenly that strange but, not unwelcome, feeling within me jumped a bit. But I quickly pushed that out of my mind and smiled.

"Sounds good. Pick me up at 7."

"Be ready. I don't wait." Jade said, with a fierce scowl.

With that Jade was gone.

The next day at school was anything but normal. With the passing of our friend the day before, everyone's emotions were still quite raw. Jade was mostly quiet and in 2 of our classes sat next to me.

That night at 7 she came over and we indeed go out. I'd like to say we hit it off right away, but that wasn't the case. Outside of the subject of Cat, our conversation was awkward and she did occasionally insult me. But I did notice her insults seemed to lack sting.

I had a good time, but wasn't sure if Jade did. At the end of our dinner, Jade smiled, her first of the evening, and said. "Thank you."

The next day was the day of Cat's funeral. I fully expected Jade to stay near her no ex-boyfriend Beck, but upon arriving sat next to me and stayed near me the entire time.

She said little, but as Cat was lowered into the ground, was overcome and cried into my shoulder. This time I hugged her and again if felt right. The next day I invited her to the movies and still to my surprise, she accepted. Though we initially disagreed on what to see, we finally found a compromise.

Over the next few days we spent a lot of time together. We cried, laughed occasionally, but more importantly begun to bond.

I wonder if Cat hadn't died, Jade and I would have become as close as we did. I simply don't know. I feel guilty sometimes as I do feel like I profited in some way by Cat's death. Another burden I silently bear.

End flashback.

By the time I arrived in school, my stomach felt like it was in knots. Trina and I got out of the car and she just walked away.

I headed towards the entrance where I knew Jade usually sat. Of course, I put on my best practiced smile.

Soon enough I spotted the raven haired, would be love of my life. She was sitting on the steps next to her new guy. They were both drinking coffee and talking. Just seeing her happily chatting with him made my heart crack just a bit more. But I pushed it down inside of me and walked up.

"Well, Well, look who finally decided to show up." Said Jade, doing her best to sound horribly irritated.

"I ate some bad tuna salad, didn't Trina tell you?"

Jade scoffed. "She told me you had a headache."

"Typical. She didn't even listen."

Then I looked to her pale, dark haired, boyfriend how was studying me casually.

"So you're her next victim. We're still finding pieces of the last two."

That little remark caused Jade to grin evilly, which made my broken heart to briefly flutter.

He laughed and extended his hand. "We'll I guess I'll have to make sure all my body parts have my name and number tattooed on them. Hello, you must be Tori. Hi I'm Eric Hodgson, Pleased to meet you."

I shook his hand and looked at his smile and friendly expression and two things went through my mind.

A) My stomach feels even worse now that I've touched him.

B) You have what I want. I hate you.

But I smiled back and said. "Pleased to meet you. Sorry I couldn't meet you the other night, I wasn't feeling well."

"Well I get to meet you now. I hope you're feeling better."

I then looked to Jade who looked happy. "So this is your boyfriend."

Jade smirked and took his hand, which I could barely stand to watch, but I must be a better actress than I thought as Jade seemed to not notice.

"Yep, this one wasn't half a as horrible as I initially thought, so I figured I'd keep him around for laughs and the fact that he puts out."

Eric, now I really hate you, please die.

I then looked to Eric. "So how long have you been together? Where did you meet?"

"We met at the record store she worked at. I kept coming in and every time I would try and talk to this mysterious beauty, she would just threaten to kill me. I turned on the charm and then she only threatened to cut off my balls, so I knew I was getting somewhere. Someday she may not even threaten to hurt me at all. But we've been seeing each other pretty serious about 6 weeks now." He said in a jovial tone.

I looked to Jade and she was beaming, actually beaming as she looked at him. My stomach which collected all my tension, jealousy and anger, suddenly rumbled. I want to make Jade beam.

I did what was expected and asked him about himself. He was a new student at Hollywood arts, he plays the bass. He grew up all over the world as his dad was an officer in the Air Force until he left the service some 3 years ago. Eric had all kinds of interesting stories about far off places. He was funny and outgoing and seemed nice. He was also a Goth and shared with Jade a love of this scissoring and all kinds of morbid things.

He asked me questions about me and my time at camp and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say about music and other things.

All in all he was very likeable, which made me despise him even more.

A few minutes later the first bell rang to indicate the start of classes was in 10 minutes.

Eric then jumped up and gave Jade a kiss. "I gotta get to my first class. It's on the other side of school. Talk to you later."

Jade beamed again. "You'd better or I'll hunt you down."

Finally we were left alone and I looked to Jade. "So you've been serious with this guy and you don't even tell me." I tried to not look hurt, but I think some of my emotions leaked out. I really need to keep them down.

"Sorry Vega. It just happened so fast. You were busy with the camp. "

"That's Ok. Hey let's get together tonight. Catch up. We can go to the UCLA campus and I can scold you while you make fun of the sorority sisters. That and get some pizza at that place we really like on campus."

Jade frowned. "I've got plans with Eric tonight. He's taking me to see a new Goth band, downtown."

"How about tomorrow?"

"Sorry, I'm having dinner at his parents' house tomorrow. I'll call you."

Before I could say anything else, Jade started to move off. "I got to go. If I don't terrorize at least one freshman before the start of classes, I'm just not myself. See you later Vega."

I did the only thing I could do, watch the woman I love walk off, while ignoring the constant pain in my stomach. I at the same, I time silently berated myself for letting my emotions show again. I need to at least try to be happy for Jade or at least act happy. I can't show my emotions, my pain, my hurt, my stress.

Not ever.

I've been trying to tell 2 stories at once, through the use of flashbacks. First how Jade and Tori came so close and how Tori fell in love. The second story is the aftermath. Do you guys like it?

Tori's decided to bury her pain, deep inside of her but, it's already manifested itself as a stomach ache. Not a wise thing to do but we all make bad choices from time to time.