Upon entering Regina's room I am amazed, it is so sophisticated, mystical and classy. Taken in by it all and allowing myself to become drawn further I lightly perch on the end of the bed when she instructs me to sit. Regina stands across the room, in front of a mirror and dressing table. In a moments serious thought I wonder if maybe that mirror is magic, like the evil queen's in the fairytale books I had unfortunately come across as a child. I start to observe Regina very closely as she is staring into it and although in reality only seconds have passed since we came in it feels like hours. It must have been what time felt like for all of the Storybrooke residents before I arrived, time standing still. It is only after I snap myself back from my thoughts I notice Regina is now staring back at me using the mirror.
"You looked very deep in thought, Miss Swan," She states before actually turning to face me.
"Sorry Regina" I quickly apologise upon getting the urge.
"No need to be sorry dear, as long as you were lost in thoughts of me" She seductively suggests as she gently takes a seat beside me.
This time it is not nervous butterflies I can feel in my stomach, it is a tight knotting sensation. I am so apprehensive of being alone with Regina, but only because those who have had intimate moments with her in the past or been her friend have not had a pleasant experience. I am still as she reaches up and cups my cheek and I flinch when I actually feel her fingers make contact. It sends tingles through my whole body, like little sparks of energy pulling us together. My eyes close and when they open again she is smiling at me, so sweetly but it still has a sadistic twist.
"Now Miss Swan, I know you can feel this. You can can't you?" She softly asks of me.
I nod in response, when I am around her and vulnerable like this I seem to lose my tongue.
"So you tell me you actually believe that Hook is your true love after this"
"I…I can't" I stutter back at her whilst getting lost in her big, sparkling dark eyes.
"That is because dear, he is not your true love like mother dearest believes" Regina whispers as her eyes widen in excitement. "But you know who is…don't you? You are just too scared to tell the truth"
Giving her a quizzical look I pull myself back, I have no idea because I don't believe in all that. Hook and I get along, that is true, Regina and I got along in Neverland but never here in Storybrooke and I know what Mary Margaret wants for me and what I actually want are all very different things. Feeling confused I start to move to try and get up but Regina grabs my hand and harshly yanks me back down. Pinning my hand down into the soft bedding she gazes at me and questions me.
"Oh come on Miss Swan, you can't tell me that after Neverland you don't believe in true love" she snarls.
Her expression has changed from soft to hard and I can feel the force she is applying on my hand to keep me in place. She won't be happy until I actually give her an answer. Taking a deep breath I gather the courage to try and explain.
"No I don't Regina. I lose everyone I love and so I believe in getting by. If you get along with someone you give it a go, if you don't you go your separate ways and move on. I live in the real world Regina, not a fairytale"
It is only when I have finished I realise just how harsh that all actually sounded. Regina instantly releases my hand and frowns. I think she is hurt and I think, for some reason she expected me to say my true love was her. With a sorry expression I stand up again wanting to get going home. I know the sun will be rising outside soon and want to make it home before everyone is up and ready to start there day, especially Henry because if Mary Margaret is sat up waiting to question me, like I know she will be, I don't want him hearing where I have been all night.
"I have to go Regina" I state feeling I have to say something.
She looks up at me with a very intense glare. Nothing is said and I turn to go. When I reach the door she speaks and I stop in my tracks.
"Stay Emma…Please"
Turning slowly I look over at her; she has her head bowed and she sounded awfully disappointed. Something about her tugs at my heart strings and I am powerless to leave. Slowly stepping back across the room I join her again. I am slightly in shock by the fact she called me by my name, she only did that in Neverland. It is always formal with Regina, Miss Swan, as I have been addressed always when in Storybrooke.
"You called me Emma" I state pointlessly.
"Will you stay?" She asks ignoring what I have said completely.
It's a very awkward moment we share but I agree. There is no harm I suppose in staying another hour or so, it's not like Henry is ever awake before six anyway. She smiles even though she knows it will only be for a short period of time. Then we are plunged back into a deadly silence. Regina hasn't lost her confidence but my vulnerability is shining right out, like a beacon calling to her. In the back of my mind I am telling myself to be wary but my heart is telling me to trust her, just like I did in Neverland. I mean if I hadn't have followed my heart that night I never would have seen that side to Regina and that would have been a real shame because it proves what a caring and loving person she really is.
Regina has outstanding self-belief and confidence. She doesn't hesitate and leans in to kiss me as she did earlier when I tried to leave her. It has all the classic signs you would see displayed in a teenager's first kiss, although this isn't ours, however it's my doubts that are keeping me from indulging fully in all that Regina wants and we both know it. Forcing all the negativity about what we are doing to the back of my mind I try to enjoy this moment with Regina and eventually seem to get swept up in her actions. Positioning my right hand on the bed to keep steady, I use my left to reach up and gently place it on the top of her arm, where I suddenly grip tight.
Regina's hands are suddenly cupped round both my cheeks and then before I know it she is slowly taking control, manoeuvring me into the position that she wants and I feel that I am at her mercy. My heart begins to race as I feel her hand smoothing carefully down my body and the other becomes entwined in my long blonde hair. Parting my lips to draw in oxygen before I actually forget to breathe I watch Regina who is propped on her side, beside me. She is such a tease, whispering in my ear and goading me to relive our pleasures from Neverland and give in to my hearts truest desires instead of living a lie with an evil pirate. It makes my head spin and leaves me frowning as I pant for breath trying to control my frustrations.
"Admit it Emma, just for me" Regina whispers right in my ear before she lightly kisses me. "Go on, I know you want to" she goads again.
I shake my head best I can against the sheets. I just can't do that, I am not sure. It's as hard for me to come to terms with any feelings I think I have for Regina as it was to actually admit that I am the saviour and that I was a lost girl and in some ways still am. When I look back at Regina she looks and seems disappointed in me.
"Admit it Emma" she pushes, speaking slowly through gritted teeth and it tips me over the edge.
In that moment I suddenly realise I am not ready to admit anything and nor do I want to deal with it right now. In a quick and instinctive controlled action I bolt up from the bed and hurry to remove myself from the bed. Not looking back I hurry out of the bedroom and thunder down the stairs as fast as my feet will carry me. When I reach the front door I come to a halt when echoing from the stairs I hear Regina's voice. Looking back over my shoulder I see her at the top of the stairs.
"Go on Emma, you run but I can assure you, you will only run back to me" she confidentially declares and the idea actually scares me a little.
Flustered I struggle getting the door open but when I do I take one last look back at her smouldering away as she watches me go, but I just cannot stay. Slamming the door behind me I let the cold morning air whip all around me. Walking briskly down the path I make my way to the street and by the time I have reached it I am running.