CHAPTER THREE.

My heart is beating out of my chest, I can't breathe. I'm looking at him, he's looking at me. None of us speak. I can only think of what he is thinking just like I always used to, he's probably confused why I'm here.

I'm staring in his eyes; he's starting back at mine – his still as blue. His hair looks longer and he's grown a nice amount of stubble and he's wearing the same cut.

Finally, I hear his voice.

"Cara?" he asks, confused.

"Hey … Jax" I reply - I mean I think, I can't hear my voice but I think I spoke back.

He closes the door behind him but the whole time he's looking at me, I step back a little.

"What are you doin here? Are you ok?" he asks me

"I was just peeing. Shit. I mean I was just at the bathroom … over there" I say shakenly and sim stuttering bad. I'm pointing at the bathroom through the wall like he doesn't know where it is, god I'm such an idiot.

He's just nodding his head slowly at me. Why is he nodding?

"I didn't know you'd be here" he starts walking further into the room past me, I follow him with my eyes. "I mean, Ope told me this morning you were in town, didn't actually believe him until now."

"Yeah" is all I can say. I should stop saying 'yeah'

"You came here to find Ope? Piney?"

Then I realised I didn't actually know why I came here, I just did.

"No, I know Opie is working and dad is MIA, I just … yeah, I just came here I guess"

What am I saying?

"You just visiting or? Visiting Charming I mean, Opie didn't exactly say much" he asks whilst he puts his hands in jean pockets. I Look down, he still has the same knife he used to carry.

"I got a job … At St Thomas, they needed a new surgeon so" I started tapping my knees awkwardly

"You know, I figured when you eventually become a surgeon you'd end up in a place a million miles from here." He said smirking.

"Yeah well, dad needs help with the house anyway" I lied. Piney doesn't give a shit about that place.

He looked at me knowing I was talking bullshit.

"Plus I didn't hate Charming Jax. Just me in it at the time." I continued to tell him, this time not lying.

"Yeah" Jax says

"When I got the call about the job I figured it was a good opportunity, you know I'm getting into teaching students now." I told him, I have no idea where this conversation is going.

"Teaching huh?" he says biting his lip, leaning back on the chest and folding his arms.

oh god.

"Kind of" I say back

Why are we talking like this? We never talk like this.

"You look good you know, you've been takin care of yourself well" he said nervously, he's nervous and Jax Teller doesn't get nervous.

"Chicago is a great city; the people are nice too. How've you been?"

Just as he was about to reply there was a loud Knock at the door.

"JACKIE BOY! WE'RE AT THE TABLE, C'MON!" Chibs shouted

Jax shrug his shoulders, I nodded letting him know its ok, some things haven't changed. He gently tugged on my arm on his way out the door and he was smiling happily like a kid.

"You should stick around … It's good to have you back, … Doc."

And he was gone, and I was left standing still.

After the conversation me and Jax had earlier I went back to the house, I wanted to get away from the clubhouse whilst all the guys where at church, that way they couldn't see me leave.

I can't stop thinking about the conversation we had, I knew it would be awkward. We've grown up and I'm a lot different now. My name is still Cara Winston but in Chicago I was a different version of myself, no one knew me, I was a fresh person just with a secret past. I would be lying if I told you I didn't miss charming and the little things and of course Jax.

I called Jax when I left almost every day for at least the first year out there because the first year was the hardest. I even wrote him letters, he still never answered my calls or wrote back. I'm sure he was just angry and hurt. I kept telling myself he was trying to focus on his own thing which was the club – that's what worried me the most. I felt like my mother at times worrying about him the same way she used to worry about Opie and his involvement with the club, she hated how my dad influenced him. She hated how Gemma influenced me. You would think with all that I have achieved and the good choices I made she would care for me more but she never did and still doesn't. After all she really is just cut out to be a mother.

There's so many things I wish I had said and asked Jax back in that room. I should off have said I'm sorry but then that would have ended up being an argument and we have had our fair share of them in the past. Maybe I should have congratulated him on becoming vp and asked him how Clay was but then I don't really care how he is – me and Clay never had the best of relationships. He always acted like he loved me and I pretended back but I saw the way he spoke to my dad and I watched the way he grew in power as John Teller was barely laid to rest.

Tomorrow is my first official day at St Thomas and I'm looking forward to having a work routine again. I want the people of charming to know me as Dr Cara Winston and not a crow, but something tells me I'm going to have to learn to balance both.