Author's Note: Tag to "Be It All My Sins Remembered".

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Chapter 3 – Aftermath

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Sam entered Teyla's quarters. "John?"

"Back here." It had come from her bedroom. She followed the voice and found John straightening things up.

"I see they've gotten the carpet all cleaned up," she observed.

"They left a few minutes ago," John said distractedly. He had moved onto making her bed. He was doing a proper military job of it, too. I could probably bounce a whole roll's worth of quarters on that thing, she thought.

"John, do you have a second?" she asked. On the bedside table, there was a vase full of freshly-cut flowers. And now she knew why he wanted to take out the jumper.

"Yeah … I just want to get this done before Teyla comes home."

"Sit down, John," she ordered.

He jerked his head up to look at her for the first time, really, since she had come in. Realizing that she meant business, he sat on one of Teyla's chairs. Sam moved over to the bed. She lowered herself to sit down, but stopped herself when she saw the annoyed look on John's face. "Sorry."

When she had found John-approved seating, she sat down next to him.

"Have you been to see her? She's been asking for you."

Sheppard was immediately and intensely uncomfortable. He doesn't want to talk. What a surprise.

"This wasn't your fault, John," she put matter-of-factually. "I know things have been, uh … strained … between you two for a while, but you need to hear it. It wasn't your fault."

He was up on his feet in a flash. He practically ran for the door, but it refused to open for him. He turned on his commanding officer. Sam pointed to herself and said, "Computer genius, remember?"

At that point, John started pacing the room like a caged animal.

"Why haven't you gone to see her, John?"

John answered, fury welling up in his voice. "If I hadn't … she would've been with me and Ronon. She would've been watching scary movies, eating all my popcorn, and I would have been there to help her. She wouldn't have been all alone in here … If she had just said something … " He paused for a moment to choke down the raw emotion threatening to escape. "She could have died."

He made another futile attempt at opening the door.

Sam couldn't help but feel sorry for her military commander in that moment. She felt guilty for having trapped him in here, but it had to be done. He needed to be reminded of a few things.

"It was Michael that gated to New Athos, killed Kanaan and those other poor people, and took the rest of them God knows where. They've been missing for two months. Everyone important in Teyla's life is gone, except for us. We're her family now, and as far as I'm concerned, if she says she wants to see you, you'll show up. In your dress blues if that's what she wants. Am I understood, Colonel?"

"Yes, Colonel," he said, sheepishly.

Sam got up and slowly moved toward the control panel to the door. "Good." She punched in a series of numbers and the door control hummed to life again. Sam opened the door and walked out. "The place looks nice, Sheppard."

When John finally entered the infirmary, Rodney was sitting with her. John hung back for a minute and listened to McKay prattle on about the potential applications for the latest Ancient machine he'd discovered. John didn't really care. He stopped listening and watched Teyla.

She laid there listening politely, smiling and nodding in all the appropriate places, infinitely patient. He made note of an untouched lunch tray on her right and really saw for the first time how thin she had gotten. When had that happened? How had he missed that?

As he watched, he felt a pang of regret. How had he let things get this bad? She didn't even trust him enough to tell him that she was pregnant. He hadn't been thrilled when he found out about Kanaan, and Teyla knew it. A very basic part of him had felt like the Athosian was trespassing on his territory, but John had tried to let it go. Teyla wasn't his and she had the right to find happiness where she could.

He shouldn't be hiding. Not so long ago, he would've been the one sitting with her, talking with her. He certainly would have been better company than Rodney, who had moved on to the effects of a star's gravity on a wormhole. The guilt he felt was digging a hole in the pit of his stomach.

He nearly turned around and walked back out, but Rodney spotted him lurking. "Sheppard! I see you finally found your way. Did someone give you a map?" he quipped.

Teyla spun around. "John," she said, with a sense of relief in her voice and the corners of her mouth turning upward.

"Hi." His mind had gone blank. He silently thanked the nurse, who came over to remove Teyla's IV, for giving him a short reprieve and an idea. "You're getting released soon, right?"

"Yes. I wanted to go hours ago, but Jennifer wanted to run a few more tests."

"But you're feeling better?" John followed up.

"Much better."

Rodney was watching them both with a morbid fascination, but it quickly wore thin. He excused himself, claiming the chair was giving him a backache, and John found himself alone with Teyla. The one thing that he both longed for and dreaded at the same time. He took over McKay's former chair and took a another long look at Teyla.

She was alive. She was okay. That was what was important.

"Do you need anything? I could, uh, get you ... something." He wanted to kick himself. Why was this so hard for him? They were just words. Just words.

"No, thank you, John. It is good to see you," Teyla said.

John's hand tentatively reached for hers. As their fingers touched and intertwined, John squeezed and Teyla responded in kind. That single move did more to lift his spirits and hers than either would have believed. The weight that been pressing down on him, suddenly seemed lighter, as Teyla smiled at him, a true and heartfelt smile.

"Things will get better, Teyla. I promise." The words came without conscious thought. They were just there. He realized they always had been. "I'm really sorry about your baby."

She squeezed his hand again. "I am, too." She choked on her words.

Seeing the pain in her face, John abandoned his chair and sat on the bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her. His forehead found hers and he held her while she quietly sobbed against him.

When Teyla was released, John walked with her to her room. They had gone nearly halfway when she hooked her arm through his. He looked down at their interlocked arms in mild surprise and the pair kept walking in silence.

At her door, she waved her hand over the control panel and the doors sprang to life. She released John's arm and entered. She saw as she wandered throughout how clean it was. Teyla smiled at the caring her friends had shown in putting her little corner of the city back in order. She walked to a window and pulled back the curtains, letting in more light.

Behind her, John cleared his throat. "I'm, uh, gonna get going."

She turned to face him. "Thank you, John."

"I didn't do anything." He edged closer to the exit.

Teyla spared a glance to her bedroom. She could see the vase full of gorgeous wildflowers on her bedside table from where she was. "Those are beautiful."

John raised his eyebrows in question. "What is? Oh, the flowers. Must've been McKay."

"Rodney?"

"Yeah. You know McKay … Get some rest. I'll see you later." John casually sauntered out of the room, before she could get in another word. John was right about one thing – she did know Rodney.

Teyla didn't see John much after that or anyone else, for that matter. The Replicator situation had gone straight to hell and every command-level officer spent days holed up in Sam's office, planning. Rodney was busily working, trying to make their plans a reality. The only one she saw was Ronon, but even he was distracted. A fight was coming and he wasn't able to sit still for long.

She passed her time trying to meditate, but it was not going well. Too many nagging worries, too much sorrow and regret running through her body. Instead of embracing the silence, she found it deafening. No matter how many times she tried, she wound up pacing the floor.

She was left behind while John took the rest of the team and a fleet of mismatched ships to the Replicator homeworld. She haunted the control room while they were gone, waiting for news. She felt so helpless, and she hated that she was getting used to feeling that way.

After waiting what seemed like forever, Chuck called to her. "We're receiving a message from the Daedalus. The surviving ships have arrived at the rendezvous point and they'll be underway soon."

"Thank you, Chuck," she said, squeezing the man's shoulder.

When the Daedalus returned, she was there to meet them.