DUDE FFF I know march is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being finished but I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE GGGGRRRFFFFHHHAAAAHHHHHHHHH And yeah haha I kind of blew up on Friday and had a conversation with my ho (lol) that went something like this:
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"
"I KNOW!!!"
"THIS SUCKS!!!"
"I KNOW!!!"
"I'M GONNA GO HOME AND WRITE A STORY!!!"
"I'M GONNA WRITE SO MUCH CRAP TODAY!!!"
"BYE"
"BYE"
Yeah. So that was an epic fail. But it happened because I cracked sob. I WAS DELIRIOUS THOUGH SO IT DOESN'T COUNT SSOOOBBB I DON'T WANNA EAT A BOX OF BLUEBERRY MUFFIN POPTARTS THEY'RE SO NASY UUGGGHHHH NNNOOOOOOOOOO
Hoho. Anyway, about the chapter. More angst, even though I was TOTALLY not planning on it. I seriously don't WANT more angst in this story, but it just kind of happened. Kyle is very stubborn about his feelings here. The little
Well please enjoy this piece of llaammmee that I kind of like because Kenny's in it. Oh, and don't expect to see Cartman anywhere near this story; I hate writing him and avoid him whenever I possibly can. For those disappointed, however, he is going to be in Third Wheel, so go look over there. Again, sorry x1000 for the ssuuuuuuuper slow updates. ;-; I will get a bunch up here to make up for that. Without further ado (unless you skipped this bit, in which case you wouldn't be reading this and there would be no ado), chapter.... three right? Yeah. Chapter three.
Ooohhhh and thanks to Athena2693 for pointing out that Stan's kind of a douche for bringing Kyle along for the first date, lol. I seriously never would have given it a second thought. fail. But yeah, see, reviews are actually pretty useful sometimes. So like, review. Share your thoughts. You might actually influence something! :O
-
"Dude."
"I know."
Kyle leans back on the bed, crossing his legs at the ankles, staring at Stan with a raised eyebrow.
"So what are you gonna do?"
Stan sighs, holding his head in his hands, bending his knees to provide support for his elbows. There's enough space between them for a whole other person; Kyle is still sensitive about touching his best friend. Even though everything should be fine right now, it just feels awkward and hard to him. It's going to take a long time for him to get used to this; no more is he going to be pressured by secret feelings, no more depressing loneliness, no more misunderstanding. But now there's an even bigger problem, a problem that has no idea just what she's in the middle of.
"I don't know," Stan finally answers weakly. Kyle rolls his eyes; Stan has always been a little hopeless with things like this. Not that Kyle really knows what to do either. "I can't just break up with her, Kyle. She's here for a month, and she has nowhere else to go." He groans into his hands.
"Yeah, that sucks," Kyle responds uselessly. He wishes he could help, but really, with all that's happened in the past three days, he feels drained. Right now he's just so overwhelmed with everything, he just wants to curl up and go to sleep. But he can't. They still have to decide what to do about Britt. Not for the first time, Kyle wishes she would just disappear. That would solve everything.
"Really, dude. I can't just throw her out," Stan continues to stress. Kyle sighs.
"Yeah..." he pauses, then sighs again. "We're thinking too hard about this. If you think about it logically, the only thing to do is keep her around." The gravity of that doesn't hit Kyle for a second, but then his heart sinks. It really is the only thing to do, but seriously, it would be for a whole month. A whole month of keeping up appearances, just so that Stan doesn't break Britt's heart. But how is he supposed to do that? He's going to have to break up with her eventually. If she finds out early...
Stan exhales shortly. "Dude. She's not gonna want to stick around if she knows about us."
Kyle remains painfully silent, Stan's words hanging in the air, waiting for it to sink in. Stan's expression is vague confusion as his gaze is held by Kyle's.
He pales.
"No." Kyle just stares back at him, unresponsive. "No, Kyle, I'm not going to do one of those secret relationships."
"Stan, it's the only way." Kyle watches grimly as Stan shakes his head, eyes wide.
"No, we can't!" Now Kyle rolls his eyes.
"Come on, Stan, what do you have against them, anyway?"
"Well, let's see." Stan holds out his hand and counts on his fingers. "First, it's lying. Second, it's stressful. Third, it's hard. Fourth, it's just stupid. Why should we have to hide?"
"It's not about hiding. It's about Britt."
"But what if she finds out?" Stan looks panicked and distressed. "Kyle, what's even the point? She could find out, or- hold on-" Kyle shuts his mouth grudgingly- "or she could guess, and even if we are able to keep it secret for a whole month, how are we going to tell her? 'Oh, Britt, before you leave, we just wanted to let you know that the whole time was a lie and I don't really love you. Have a nice trip home!'" Stan groans loudly in frustration and folds his arms around his legs. Kyle softens and speaks quietly.
"Calm down, Stan. I know this is really stressful, but we need to get through this and hold ourselves together. We can't do that if we don't think about this rationally. Now look at me and let's talk this through." It feels extremely weird to Kyle to be giving his best friend this talk, and he feels so out of place, but nevertheless Stan does look up obediently and meets Kyle's eyes. Kyle gives him a weary smile and continues. "So. What I'm thinking is that we just keep everything low for the duration of Britt's stay. We want to be really careful if we don't want to hurt her feelings. Just try to seem like nothing's changed, and when the month is over, you can break up with her then." He exhales, eyes closing, fingers massaging his temples. Is he seriously getting a headache over this?
"I don't like it," Stan responds quietly. "Kyle, it's lying, and I really don't want to lie to her. She's such a nice girl, and she doesn't deserve that. I don't want to hurt her." Kyle breathes out slowly.
"I know. I know, Stan, I know. It's hard. But either way, you're going to have to break up with her. This is just the easiest way to let her down."
"I still don't like it..." Kyle doesn't answer. He feels the bed moving, and assumes Stan's getting off, but stiffens when he feels arms snake around him, holding onto him softly. He opens his eyes to see Stan snuggling into him, warmth. He stills and slowly, awkwardly places a hand on Stan's back, wrapping his left arm around him. It's so, so strange, and he doesn't think he'll ever get used to it. But he can try.
-
School. Isn't it just wonderful? Kyle's pretty much done with school by now, especially since it's senior year, but now he's actually glad he has to attend, because it gives him something to do that isn't sitting around uselessly while Stan spends his time with Britt. They haven't done anything relatively close like that first kiss at all, because Kyle has been too nervous to start anything and Stan hasn't tried to either. If this continues, keeping their relationship quiet isn't going to be very hard at all.
Because she's going to be in South park for so long, Stan's mom helped arrange a program with the school so that she could attend with Stan. She's going to be in every one of Stan's classes, which is slightly infuriating to Kyle. But there's nothing he can do, so he's just going to have to bear with it.
Today's Monday, and Kyle is curious to see how this is all going to play out. Stan is driving Britt to school, so Kyle's on his own. Stan offered to give Kyle a ride, but after tagging along on that first date, Kyle really feels that doing that would be out of line. He actually feels guilty for that; even though he was sure it would be his last chance to spend time with Stan, he really had no right. He was just imposing on their time alone, and that was selfish. Chagrin washes through him, his subconscious knowing that if everything hadn't worked out the way it had, he would be feeling quite smug about ruining the first date.
He walks to school. He can drive, but he really doesn't feel like going through the whole process of persuading his father to let him use the car today, assuring him that he won't drive over thirty-five and that he'll keep it scratch-free. Usually he'll just get a ride from Stan, but...
"Hey, Kyle!"
He turns toward the direction of the call and sees a dirty blond boy waving at him from across the street, coming from the one perpendicular to his. He's tall, has maybe an inch or two on Kyle, and wears a filthy, beaten old orange hoodie.
"Hi, Kenny!" Kyle waves back, smiling, stopping to wait for him to catch up. Kenny has been wearing that jacket for five years. He had another one before that but gave it up when the sleeves started getting too short. Kyle rolls his eyes. He's going to get Kenny a new jacket.
"So where's your Super Best Butt Buddy?" Kenny asks, grinning widely. Kyle shoves him and he laughs, dodging easily. "No, really. Where is he?"
"Driving his girlfriend." Kyle tries not to sound grudging as he says this.
"Ah." Kenny nods knowingly. His eyes slide over to look at Kyle sideways and that grin widens. "Someone's jealous."
"I'm not," Kyle disagrees indignantly, face heating. So what if he's jealous? Jealousy never hurt anybody.
Okay, well, it did, but he's got everything worked out. Sort of.
"Oh, Kyle, lying's not going to get you anywhere." Kenny throws and arm around Kyle's shoulders and hugs him in. Kyle scowls.
"Neither is hypocrisy," he mutters back dryly. Kenny winces and withdraws, shoving his hands into the front pocket of his jacket. Kyle hates to imagine what might be in there.
"So," Kenny starts up again, obviously trying to think of something to say to break the sudden silence. "How, uh, how's homework?"
Kyle closes his eyes and breathes out through his nose, lifting his eyelids slowly and turning towards Kenny to give him a deadpan look.
"Okay, sorry. What am I supposed to say?"
"Nothing."
Kenny sighs and Kyle rolls his eyes in good nature. Kenny loves talking to Kyle, mostly because he's practically the only one Kenny ever talks to. He's a little more introverted, though he does talk to people- usually only if they talk to him first. The only person besides Kyle he really talks to on his own is Butters- which is good, Kyle admits, but he really should expand his circle. Kyle has constantly tried to get him to be a little more social, but Kenny seems to prefer the secluded, perverted bubble of his mind. It's really a bit sad to Kyle, because he's so open minded and a great person to talk to whenever he's around his small group of friends. The only times he ever actually gets involved in conversations with other people is when the conversation becomes centered around what he knows best- sex. Dirty jokes, stories, debates, even; he just is in his element. Not to say that Kyle approves of this behavior, because of course he doesn't. But whatever. It's Kenny's life, not his. Besides, he has more important things to be worrying about.
"So have you met the lucky girl?" Kenny starts up again, that teasing tone icing his voice. Kyle gives him a look but answers anyway, if only to pull himself from his depressing thoughts before they start.
"Yeah. Blond, blue eyes, everything Stan's been telling us for the past six months." He sighs and continues. "But yeah, I met her. She's nice. Good girl." Too bad we're about to break her heart. Kyle's a thief. He pulls through his guilt to listen to what Kenny's saying.
"Oh, yeah? She pretty? Look like she'd be good in bed?"
Kyle shoves him away, growling for him to shut up, and he stumbles a few steps away from him, laughing.
"I was kidding." He snorts and shakes his head. Perverted prick. "Come on, cheer up, Kyle. He's still gonna be at school."
"With Britt hanging off his arm," Kyle can't help but add. He winces when Kenny frowns.
"Dude, does it seriously bother you?" he asks slowly, as if it's just dawning on him. Kyle mentally slaps himself and is about to say something like of course not when Kenny continues. "Kyle, you know you're still important to him, right? Britt's just his girlfriend, it doesn't change any-"
"I know," Kyle cuts him off curtly. Uncomfortably. "Just..." Just what? "Just, what's more important?" He almost wishes he didn't ask that. It came out rushed and stupid. Kyle's stupid. Kenny frowns at him, as if in concentration.
"Well," he starts up, like a freight train hauling about a million plus tons, "I mean, it's different for everyone, dude. Me, personally, I think it's best friends. They stick with you forever and support you in everything, and girlfriends are just temporary. Sure, they're important, just, if my best friend needed my help while I was out on a date with my girlfriend, I'd help him. Hell, if I was having sex with her I'd help him, and that's saying a lot." He grins playfully at Kyle at that last remark and Kyle blinks back at him. "But really, dude. Friends are trustworthy, and girls will just dump you first hot guy they see, no matter how much she told you she loved you. I mean, look what happened to Stan with Wendy way back when, you know?"
Yeah, Kyle does know. He gets what Kenny's saying, exactly. But what about boyfriends, he wants to ask. What if you have a girlfriend and a boyfriend? Who's more important then? What about a girlfriend you thought you were so in love with for six months, before your best friend confessed his love for you, and then you realized you were really in love with him? What about a girlfriend who you now have to lie to and pretend to still love to make her believe so and keep her from suspecting your true feelings at all? What about a girlfriend who has no idea you're in love with your secret boyfriend? Who's more important, the girlfriend or the boyfriend?
-
Kyle sees their hands curled together, their fingers twisted like a sapling's roots with the earth, like vines with the branches of that sapling, like twigs of a bird's nest on one of those branches. Neatly woven together, like they were meant to be. But they weren't. Kyle knows that for a fact. He's made sure he knows. He ought to know by now; four days is a long time to get a simple fact drilled through one's head.
Now he only watches the couple in boredom, drumming his fingers on the desk as he tries to see past them to the assignment the teacher's explaining, chewing on his fork rather than his food at lunchtime and pretending to be interested in the conversation at the table she is now a part of, rearranging his textbooks in his arms as he walks five feet behind them in the halls to his locker, trying not to fix his gaze on the interlocking of the fingers that seems a beacon to his suddenly blinded eyes. He doesn't want to appear an asshole, the best friend of forever that suddenly doesn't give a rat's ass that his fourteen-year counterpart has a girlfriend he seems to be in love with. No. He just wants it to seem like it's not a huge gaping deal to him by claiming it's not really a big deal either way. Which makes him appear an asshole.
Really, it's killing him. Yeah, it's just an act, as far as he knows. Yeah, it was his idea. Yeah, Stan made sure to tell him that he loves Kyle, not Britt. But it's hard, seeing them together like that. He just can't explain it without seeming selfish. It's hard.
Isn't he supposed to be happy? He got his love, willingly, they're together. He should be ecstatic. But he's not. It's just hard.
Ever since school with Britt started, Stan has been with said girlfriend twenty-four seven and Kyle's been left with Kenny, which is what he figured would happen anyway. Not that that's a bad thing; Kyle likes Kenny. Just, he kind of misses Stan. Kind of a lot. And he tries so hard not to, because that would be really selfish of him, but, well, he just can't help it.
Apparently his indifferent act isn't working, because on Friday Kenny takes him outside at lunch and starts talking to him about it. Kyle has his eyebrows raised in aloofness the whole time, but it doesn't seem to be having any effect on Kenny.
"Look, Kyle, I know it seems like he's forgotten about and replaced you, but it's only the first week. He has to guide her, take her all the places, show her around. She's making her own friends, you'll still get to hang out."
Kyle blinks once and replies shortly, "I know." His voice is steady and guarded, even to himself. But it's true. He does know. Maybe Kenny doesn't know, but Kyle does. Kenny releases an apple lip and looks slightly confused.
"You do...?" he asks reluctantly. Kyle laughs humorlessly.
"Of course I do. Remember?" He's referring to Monday, when they walked to school together because Stan was driving Britt instead. Kenny nods but doesn't look so sure.
"Yeah... But then... Why are you acting so depressed then?"
Kyle is taken aback. "What?"
"Dude, you won't willingly talk to anyone unless it's Stan and he talks to you first, and even then you're not acting like yourself-" Kyle wants to point out that he's talking to Kenny, isn't he?- "and you go around with this look on your face like life's pointless and everyone should pity you and then you're always staring at them." What? Oh, right. Their hands. The saplings. That shit.
"Kenny," he tries to laugh. "I'm not depressed. I'm fine. Just tired."
"Tired of being ignored?" Oh yeah, real funny. No.
"No," Kyle voices, rolling his eyes for effect. "I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. Too much homework, you know?" Kenny is not impressed. He has his eyebrows raised and his hands on his hips in that contra-whatever pose from that art class he took for credits in freshman year with none other than Kenny. Maybe he's just high and he thinks they're in ninth grade. That would make sense.
"Kyle, stop it. You can talk to me, you know that? I may not be your 'super best friend,' but I'm close enough, right?" Now under the unimpressed demand for an explanation there's a pleading look, like he's scared that Kyle doesn't trust him. Well great. Kyle doesn't want to hurt his feelings, but how the hell is he going to explain everything to him? He doesn't want to tell him he and Stan are gay. Isn't that kind of a secret? Yes. And isn't it vital to an explanation for him to include that?
Yes.
He sighs. "Kenny, I just... Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does bother me to see them always together like that. But, you know, I don't want to be depressed about it. 'Cause that's stupid, you know?"
"Yeah, no one wants to be depressed, that's fine," Kenny agrees. Now he seems more relaxed, because he's got a place to stand. "And yeah, it makes sense that it would bother you to see Stan basically ignoring you like that. But like I said-"
"I know, Kenny," Kyle interrupts, trying not to sound rude. "He'll acknowledge me in about a week. It's fine, problem solved. I'll just hang out with him then. No big deal." Kenny hears the almost bitterly dismal disappointment in those words and moves forward to wrap an arm comfortingly around his shoulders.
"It's okay, Kyle. She'll be gone in another few weeks, right? Hey, why don't you just talk it out with your super best buddy? Tell him how you feel, all that jazz. I'm sure he'll be more careful about it." He squeezes Kyle close and turns his head to look at him, smiling encouragingly. Kyle doesn't know why he suddenly wants to burst into tears, but he suspects it has a lot to do with what Kenny's been saying and how it's all true. Except for the depressed part. Because he's not really that depressed. He just kind of a lot really misses Stan. His boyfriend. His boyfriend that he hasn't talked to since that title became appropriate. Kyle's stomach clenches.
"Okay," he whispers, ducking his head into Kenny's shoulder. Kenny seems to understand and hugs him close, pulling his free arm into place around the other one. Kyle doesn't cry, but he really wants to. He just... can't. Because that would be selfish. Because this is actually his fault. Because he came up with the idea that's making him feel this way. Because he wanted to protect Britt, the girl he hated just a week ago, who he now just feels sorry for. He remembers how he felt those three days when he was sure Stan was going to be out of his life forever. Now he's turning that on Britt. The devastation, the horrible, empty pain. He doesn't want to do that. Britt's a nice girl. Really nice...
The bell rings, and Kenny walks Kyle to his next class.
-
"Stan?" Kyle twirls his shirt hem in his fingers, careful not to make eye contact or even look at Stan's face for fear of a lack of an answer of any kind. He almost smiles when that's not the case.
"Hmm?" Britt is standing just over there, talking with Wendy and Bebe and a few other girls Kyle couldn't possibly care enough about to remember their names, but Stan is at his locker, getting some books he'll need for the weekend homework he's inevitably been assigned, and Kyle is standing right behind him, nervous, anxious, ready to be rejected at any moment. He's decided to take Kenny's advice- well, kind of. He's never going to get up the courage to actually talk to Stan about how he feels, but he does want to see if he'll at least start noticing him again.
"I..." he falters, suddenly scared. What if Stan says no? What if he ignores him? What if Britt comes over before Kyle can finish what he's saying? That last one gets him going, if not a bit too rushed. "Are you free any time this weekend?" When he doesn't get an immediate response, he continues desperately, "I mean, it's completely fine if you're not, I was just wondering, you know, because I don't really have anything planned, and I just thought it might be a good idea if we could hang out but if you really don't want to, that's fine, really, because-"
"Kyle." Stan has this really sad look in his eye when he finally turns to look at Kyle, and Kyle realizes he's not able to keep his eyes off of his face like he wanted to. "I actually.... No, I can't. Britt and I, we.. We're gonna go see a movie and..."
A hard lump forms in Kyle's throat and he can't swallow it. He doesn't want to speak because he's scared his voice will be too high, but he tries it anyway. "Oh. Well that's fine. I mean. I. I can hang out with Kenny. N-not that he's my fallback, it's not anything like that. Just. Yeah. Have fun with Britt. Yeah." He goes to turn around, ready to leave, when Stan stops him.
"Kyle, wait." Obediently he halts, turns the rest of the way back around, and faces Stan again, hoping the pain doesn't show on his face. Stan looks like guilt is eating him like a thousand maggots, and hope pricks Kyle the way a needle would. "Kyle, I... I'm not going to be seeing a movie for two whole days. We can still hang out on Sunday. If that's okay with you...?"
And Kyle's heart stops. Honestly, he didn't think Stan had any time left for his best friend. At all. He thought that it was always going to be Britt, because she's living with him. But...
"Really?" he gasps in awe, fully prepared to blink and be jolting awake in his bed at midnight. "Really? 'Cause, I mean, if it's gonna cause trouble for you, then you seriously don't have to. I want you to be able to be relaxed and ready to come over whenever you want, not because I wanted to-"
"Kyle," he interrupts again, and Kyle falls silent. He flashes a weak grin. "I really want to. I miss you." And the look in his eyes says that he really wants to kiss Kyle right now. Well, that makes Kyle want to melt. He wants to throw his arms around Stan and kiss him back, who cares what other people think. But Britt's right there, so he can't. He just wipes at the premature tears in his eyes and smiles at Stan, beams, and reaches out to briefly squeeze his hand in affection. "I'll be there at eight," Stan says, and Kyle nods happily, waving with a mouthed I love you and a blown kiss goodbye. He's on cloud nine.