Let's say this again shall we. Simply, and clearly so anyone who's not sure may get it.
I. Am. Not. Garth. Nix.
I. Do. Not. Own. This. Or. The. Jeremy. Kyle. Show.
Alright?
Well then, let's do this thing!
AN: I am so sorry my update time has been so long again! Not as long as last time mind you!
This update was spurred on by the new reviews I've gotten, so thank you very much!
Suzy:
Bright lights, funny lookin' black objects on wheels, weird looking' guys all staring at me like I've fallen out of the sky… What the 'eck is going on?
Well, I 'spose I did just fall out of the sky but that's their problem, isn't it!
From what Arthur's told me about his world, they have things like aeroplanes which can move people around the sky… of course people are gonna come tumbling down eventually!
But anyway, I should probably get Arthur to wake up probably. He's such a fool, he can't handle his falls well. I'll have to teach him a bit better.
Wait a minute… is that tea I can see?
Oh my days, I think it is!
"MINE!!!!!!!!"
I launch myself at the tea, precariously placed on a little table between 3 squishy looking chairs.
After downing half the pot of tea, and making the biscuits on the plate next to it resemble mere crumbs in my eagerness, I realise that there are a pair of very shiny shoes right next to me. I follow the shoes up. There's a leg… a stomach… shoulders… all pretty normal so far.
But then… The face.
"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"
Well, that woke Arthur up!
"What? What? What?" he yells, sitting up and staring around, trying vainly to work out where he is.
He looks a bit like a startled owl. He showed me a picture of one of them once. He'll regret it now, when I start poking fun at him!
Looked a bit weird - the picture I mean. And surely it ain't natural to be able to turn your head that far round?
He stumbles over to me, just as I fall over the table that had the tea on, trying desperately to escape from the horror that lay before me, where this mans face should have been.
"Wh… what's that?" I stuttered, as I lay sprawled out on the floor next to the chairs.
"That? You made all that fuss about him? It's me that should be angry, you've gone and pulled me off the bloody stair again!" Arthur yells. I never knew his face could get that red, it's quite amusing. Like a owl that flew into a tomato…
I try to change the topic again.
"But, who is he? Or… what?" I ask feebly, doing my puppy dog eyes that I know always work on Arthur. Even if he thinks he can resist, I know it's his weakness.
"Him?" Arthur asks sceptically. "That's Jeremy Kyle. He hosts a chat show thing in the UK where dysfunctional families can go and rant at each other on TV while he stands around being a prat. What do you mean, what is he?"
"Well… his face. It's just not right!" I whimper, before extricating myself from the side of the chair and standing up.
The scary guy, Jeremy Kyle is returning after he stalked away earlier when I screamed at his face.
Something tells me he must get that a lot.
I should tell him to get a hat. Cover up some of his face, do him a right lot of good!
But then, he might not respect his hat…
"You've got to respect your hat Arthur!" I insist.
He looks at me confusedly for a second before going back to running his hands through his hair and muttering something.
Sounds like "mummy help!"
The man, Jeremy, starts talking to Arthur.
"Are you here to be our next guests? What's the problem? Not sure if the babies yours? Unfaithful partner? Drunk?"
"He took all my money, and I'm going to have a baby!" I cry. What? It may not be true, but I wanted to liven things up a bit while were here.
Arthur looked shocked. Oh how amusing. Now he looks like a shocked owl that had flown into a tomato. Whatever next!
Before Arthur has a chance to complain, we're shoved forwards onto the chairs and two people come over and cover us in powder.
"To make you look good under all the lights dear!" was all that one of the women said as she tried to poke me in the eye with a little brush thing.
Still not quite sure what was going on, or what was going to happen, I stay sat on the chair complacently enough.
Pretty soon, scary face man came over and someone shouted "ACTION!"
"Well, on today's show we have Arthur and Suzy here. They may look like your normal, loving couple - a bit young maybe, but still…" Jeremy Kyle started up his well rehearsed spiel and went on to say:
"Underneath this happy façade, lurks a dark and bleak edge. Arthur who is about to become the father of Suzy's baby has been regularly taking her money. Just why would you do this Arthur? Why? You're a terrible father that's why. Explain yourself!"
"Buh… buh… what?" Arthur gapes.
I begin to enjoy myself. I sure as heck have no idea what was happening, but this is gonna be fun. Time to get my own back on Arthur for that time when he ratted me out to Sneezer after I tried to do a knee slide down the meeting table in Monday's dayroom. Just a bit of fun, but no. He had a sneezing attack and got snot all over he table…
Oh how I laughed!
Back to the show though.
"He took my money!" I wail pathetically. "I needed that to buy tea! I have a baby-thingy in here!" I gesture wildly towards my stomach region.
"And, and ooft!"
I didn't mean to say ooft. It's just that as I was getting into my rant, Arthur grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the chair.
Security guards rush towards us. There's panic as I try to save the remaining biscuits from being crushed underfoot.
I feel Arthur's warm hand grasp mine, and all of a sudden, I don't seem to care about the biscuits anymore. I smile serenely up at him.
He scowls back, giving me the worst evils he can manage.
Pretty pathetic attempt I say.
He's heading for a couple of empty boxes that would have had doughnuts in, but they'd all been eaten. Probably by scary face guy.
The next thing I knew, and we were on the stair again.
"Where now?" I ask eagerly.
"Where we were meant to be going in the first pace!" exclaimed Arthur irritably.
We continue on up the stairs until…
"Mummy, HELPPPPPPPPP!!!!!"
*thump*
That time, it was definitely Arthur's fault that we fell. And I'm so sure that he yell mummy help. Yay for more teasing opportunities!
I blink.
Lights. Lots and lots of pretty lights.
And a huge Christmas tree!!!
Where the hell are we this time?
AN: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed!
You guys make my day!
Paladin Dragoon : Straighteners are those things… um, like the opposite of curling irons.
These things : [IMG].[/IMG]
I know I look wierd, I'm sorry, i can't help it :P
Review please you lovely bunch of people!
And I'm sorry it's so long, but once I started I just couldn't stop…
And also sorry for insulting Jeremy Kyle so much, but that guy scares me!
xx