Chapter 3

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight," I inform the initiates as I walk down the row of them, handing each one a gun as I go. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that."

I stop and look out at the group of initiates. They all look exhausted. They undoubtedly spent a large part of last night lying in their beds crying over the families they've left behind. We're not supposed to care or even think about our former factions, including our families, faction before blood and all that. But the truth is, it's hard to just walk away from the people who raised you, who loved you for the first sixteen years of your life. No one will ever admit it, but everyone has a hard time adjusting to a new faction, and the Dauntless don't make it any easier. I think back to my first night here when I had laid in bed in peace for the first time in my life. I could hear the muffled cries of my fellow initiates, all sobbing into their pillows in failed attempts to keep the sound of their pain from seeping into the air, even though everyone else was crying too. Well everyone except me, but I'm an unusual case.

Refocusing my attention on the initiates, I continue, "Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time."

I pause and give them a minute to absorb everything I have just said. As I watch them for a moment, I notice they continually glance at their guns, some with fear, some with curiousity, all with uncertainty. Dauntless is the only faction that uses guns, so I'm certain that this is the first time any of them has ever held a gun and it's written all over their faces. If I hadn't been just as wary the first time Amar had pushed a gun into my hands, it might be kind of funny.

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," I say as I begin to pace before them. "Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

"But what..." Peter begins, yawning loudly as he carelessly lifts the gun he's holding. "What does firing a gun have to do with... bravery?"

Now I'm angry. Is he an idiot? I don't like it when people act so cavalier while holding weapons. Guns can be very dangerous, and someone could get seriously injured if you're not careful. It's a lesson I think Peter needs to learn. Now.

I stalk over to him, flipping the gun that's in my hands and press the barrel of it to his forehead. "Wake. Up," I snap, leaning in close to his face. His eyes widen with fear. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it."

As soon as I lower the gun from his head, I see his green eyes narrow and harden, his cheeks blushing red. He's angry and I don't care. I got my point across.

"And to answer your question... you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself. This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me." They don't know that they will soon be in a game of capture the flag with painball guns, and that if they fail to master the art of shooting, they will be in serious trouble when the time comes. But I'm not going to tell them that.

Instead I simply turn and face the wall lined with targets. They're pretty basic, just square pieces of wood with three red, concentric circles painted on to each one. I've done this so many times I could practically do it blind-folded. In fact, I have a few times. I stand with my feet apart, shoulders squared, holding the gun with both hands, just as my instructor Amar had once taught me to do. I stare down my target and shoot. Bullseye.

I turn back towards the initiates and I notice Tris, leaning forward ever so slightly, glancing back and forth between the target and me. She looks impressed, and I can't help but smile inwardly to myself. I could stand here and continue to shoot over and over again, hitting the center every time just to show off, but I don't. I really don't care if they're impressed by my skills or not. Except for Tris. No, stop it.

Taking a few steps back, I silently move off to the side to allow them to begin practicing. I don't need to give them any further instructions, the empty targets hanging at the opposite end of the room explain everything. One by one the initiates raise their guns, attempting to mimic the posture I had shown them, and begin to fire. None of them are very good in the beginnig, but that's normal. I know it's going to take them a few minutes to get used to this new activity. I can't expect someone who has never even held a gun before to be a perfect shot right away, and I know that given time, they'll soon get the hang of it. I remember being them, learning to shoot for the first time. It had taken me a whole five minutes just to hit the target, and another five to hit the center circle.

As I watch them struggle, I can't seem to stop my gaze from continously landing and lingering on Tris. The first couple of times she fires the kick of the gun sends her stumbling backwards. She's so small and looks so out of her element standing there trying to master such a powerful weapon. She's kind of adorable. Wait, what? Pull it together Four, you can't be having those kinds of thoughts.

After a while though, I begin to grow genuinely concerned for her. At this point, she's the only initiate who hasn't even hit their target, while roughly half of the others are already hitting the middle. I see Will saying something to her, making fun of her inability to aim no doubt. For some illogical reason that thought makes me angry, though she seems to be handling it just fine. Just then, she turns back, focuses, and shoots, finally hitting the edge of the target. I feel the corner of my lips involuntarily turn up into a small smile.

It only takes five more shots before she hits the target dead in the middle. It may have taken her a while to finally find the board, but once she did, she narrowed in on the center quick. That's my girl. Where the hell did that just come from? That's not what I meant. No, what I meant was... that's my... fellow former Stiff, finally hitting the bullseye... Yeah, that's what I meant. And who are you trying to convince? I scowl to myself and decide I no longer like my own subconscious mind.

Wait, does that mean I don't like myself anymore?

Have I ever really liked myself for that matter?

Great, now I'm pondering my own self just because Tris hit the target. That makes perfect sense. This internal argument is just too much to handle, so I force it to the back of my mind and try to refocus on the initiates.

I let them continue to practice firing for a few more hours until everyone has made significant progress and the smell of gun powder hangs heavy in the air. This part of training is usually pretty boring for me since there's not a lot to do but observe and evaluate. So when I finally tell the group that they can break for lunch, I'm as eager to get out of here as they are. I wait until the last of the initiates have left the room and then I turn off the lights and make my way to the dining hall right behind them.

As I step into the dining room, I look over to our usual table and notice that it's empty. I must be a little early, so I walk over and sit down by myself. I use this brief moment of peace and quiet to replay through everything I've noticed about the initiates so far. Although there will be a lot more to evaluate before I start to consider ranking them, it's pretty clear that Edward and Peter are pulling ahead of the rest of the pack. Myra already seems to be struggling and I honestly don't think she's going to make it. Everyone else is still on fairly even ground, but the fights begin tomorrow and that can change everything. I'm so lost in my thoughts that I almost don't realize it when Lauren sits down at the table next to me. When I look over at her, I notice she's watching me with a smile on her face, and I don't miss it when she ever so slightly moves her chair closer to mine.

"What's going on," I ask her.

"Nothing," she says back. "You just looked like you were really deep in thought."

"Oh yeah," I say chuckling a little. "I guess I was pretty zoned out."

"And what is it that you're thinking so hard about?"

"Oh, you know, just the initiates," I answer her, lifting my eyes to where they sit. My gaze automatically finds Tris amongst them. She's turned in her seat, talking to Christina and doesn't notice me watching.

Lauren follows my gaze for a second. "Oh," is all she says flatly, her face suddenly looking as though she's eaten something sour. Her initiates must really be getting on her nerves.

Just then Shauna, Zeke and Felix join us at the table.

"So how is the first day of actual training going," Felix inquires looking across the table at Lauren and me.

"Ugh, it's awful," Lauren grumbles. "They barely listen to me. They think they know it all and don't want to practice. All they seem to want to do is screw around and make jokes. It's exhausting."

"I can only imagine what it's like being stuck with Lynn and Uriah in the same year," Shauna says, and at this both she and Zeke laugh. I've only met her sister, Lynn, and Zeke's brother, Uriah, a few times, but I know they're both stubborn with big mouths. In fact, most of the Dauntless-born have larger than life personalities. Just another reason I chose to mentor the transfers.

Lauren glares at them both, "It's not funny. You're siblings are driving me crazy."

"So what about the transfers, Four?" Felix asks, changing the subject.

"They're actually doing really well so far. And I've only had to hold a gun up to one kid's head so far, so that's a plus."

That makes everyone laugh, and before I know it, lunch flies by.

"Well," I say, checking the time on my watch. "I guess it's time to go get my group. I'll see you guys afterwards in the Pit."

I walk over to the tables where the transfers sit, motion for them to follow me and lead them through the hallways to the large fight room. I go to stand in the middle of the room as the initiates begin to line up next to the row of punching bags.

"As I said this morning," I begin once everyone has picked out a bag and is paying attention, "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges- which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless."

I scan the row of initiates, giving them an intense glare, willing them to understand how important this is. "We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other, so I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt," I inform them in my serious instructor voice.

I then begin showing them a few basic punches and kicks. I illustrate each one in the air first, and then on a punching bag to help them observe the basic mechanics of each one. Once I've gone through all the moves with them, I stand back and watch them as they begin testing them out on their own punching bags.

I notice that Edward immediately takes to it. It only takes him a couple of minutes to master the basic steps I taught him, and before long he's moved on to way more complex movements. I realize this is clearly not the first time he's been trained to fight. Peter also catches on quickly, though even he isn't nearly as good as Edward.

I begin pacing back and forth amongst them, observing each one silently before moving on to the next. I notice that while Al and Molly both have the brute force to be solid threats, they're both slow and expose too many weaknesses. Christina and Will on the other hand aren't nearly as big but they're fast. If they can learn to attack quickly, they could surprise a bigger opponent and win. Drew and Myra seem to be taking a little longer to catch on. Their movements are fairly sloppy, so it's hard to tell what kind of fighting style would best benefit them.

When I stop next to Tris, I realize that she's already mastered the motions and I'm proud that she caught on so quickly. However, even with the correct form, her punches still aren't landing with enough power to make her a threat to anyone. I let my eyes scan her body, and I realize for the first time just how frail she looks.

"You don't have much muscle," I say quietly, leaning in close to her, "which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them."

Before I can think it through, I place my palm on the flat of her stomach. She's so tiny my hand can stretch across the entire length of her abdomen. My hand suddenly tingles where I'm touching her, and she looks up at me, eyes wide. Did she just feel that too? I allow myself to linger a little longer than necessary before I whisper, "Never forget to keep tension here." Then I let my fingers fall away and continue down the row of initiates.

They continue to practice on the punching bags for a couple more uneventful hours. Although I'm observing them all carefully, I keep getting distracted by Tris, the way she made my hand tingle, the way she had looked at me when I touched her. I honestly don't know what's going on with me right now.

At the end of the day, just before I release the initiates for dinner, I decide to spend a few minutes planning the fights for the next day. I have a lot to do tonight, so I figure it's best to just get it out of the way now. Since Edward and Peter are the best, they're an obvious match. I then decide to put Al against Will, and Molly against Christina, to see if the smaller, faster opponents can catch the bigger, slower ones off guard and outwit them. If Christina and Will can go on the offensive early, they stand a good chance.

That only leaves Drew, Myra, and Tris. Obviously one won't be fighting. Tris' obvious lack of muscle really concerns me, and I feel like she could use a little extra time to prepare. Drew might be bigger than Myra, but his movements still look sloppy, while she seems to have improved over the course of the afternoon. So before I can overthink it, I match Drew and Myra, leaving Tris without an opponent.

You just want to protect her from getting hurt. No I don't. I really think she just needs extra time to make up for her smaller frame. And you don't want her to get hurt. That has nothing to do with it. Yes it does. No it doesn't! Great, now I'm arguing with myself.

It's almost six o'clock anyway, so before I can make myself any crazier over these fights, I dismiss the initiates for the day. Once again, I wait for everyone to leave the room before turning off the lights and leaving behind them. Tris and Christina are the last two out, and as I shut the door, I can hear them whispering and notice they keep glancing back at me. They're talking about me, I realize. I wonder what they're saying. I don't care. Yes you do.

I try to shake the thoughts from my head as I go to meet my friends at the chasm. As I approach the railing, I notice that everyone is already there waiting on me. I walk up and greet everyone with a friendly hello before we turn and head to the shops.

"So what's the game plan?" Shauna asks as we walk.

I really don't want to walk around bored while the girls shop for clothes, so before anyone else can make any crazy suggestions, I speak up, "I was thinking Zeke and I could go look at the knives while you guys go look at clothes or whatever girly shit it is you want to look at." This earns me an unamused glance from Shauna, Lauren and Fi. "And then we can meet up with you at the clothing store so Zeke can get his 'boots'," I finish, flashing Zeke a suspicious look. I still think he's up to something.

But everyone seems happy with my plan, so when we reach the shops, Zeke and I branch off and go our own way. Once we reach the weapons store, I turn to him, "Well go on and lead the way to these amazing throwing stars you just had to drag me out here to look at."

"The what?" he asks looking genuinely confused. "Oh, yeah, right, the throwing stars. They're umm... this way," he says finally settling on a general direction after scanning the store for several moments.

I let him fumble around for a few minutes looking for the throwing stars before finally asking, "Ok, so what's really going on here."

"Nothing. What do you mean? I want to look at throwing stars."

"Oh really?" I say arching an eyebrow. "Because the throwing stars are on the opposite side of the store. You passed them three minutes ago... Now do you want to tell me why we're really here? Or am I going to have to beat it out of you?"

He sighs. "Ok, fine. You win," he hesitantly replies, rubbing the back of his neck. It's a habit he only does when he's really nervous. "The thing is... it's just... it's Shauna."

"Shauna? What about Shauna?"

"You know, I mean, I... like her," he says quietly looking at the ground.

"So we had to come shopping for throwing stars because you like Shauna? Because you want to... impress her by throwing them? I'm confused."

"No, no, it's not like that. It's just, I don't know. I want to spend time with her, I guess. But I'm too nervous to ask her out. It's funny, you know. I'm supposed to be this incredibly brave Dauntless, and yet I'm too scared to ask out a girl. I mean, I know we all have fears, I just never thought this would be one of them."

"Wow, I didn't see that coming," I say honestly.

"Yeah, I didn't either. I mean, we've been friends our whole life, it's just lately... I don't know. It's like I just see her differently, you know?"

I really don't know. I've never been involved with a girl before, never even had feelings for one. Until now. I scowl at myself again and Zeke notices.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Just these stupid voices in my head have been driving me crazy lately."

"Voices in your head? Uh-oh, you're not going all schizophrenic on us, are you?" he asks teasingly.

I roll my eyes and answer, "No, it's nothing like that. I just have a lot on my mind I guess."

"Hmm... that wouldn't happen to have anything to do with a certain new transfer, would it?"

"Are we really going to go through this again?" I sigh.

"I'm just saying, she does seem to come up a lot."

"That's because you and the rest of my stupid friends keep bringing her up," I counter.

"But you didn't deny it when I asked if that's what you were thinking about," he points out. Before I can protest he continues, "Look, I'm not going to hassle you about it like Shauna would. I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk, you can tell me anything."

"Well now you just sound like a big girl," I tease. "And speaking of girls, let's go find them. I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry."

Before we leave, we do end up deciding to stop and check out the throwing stars, and they are pretty awesome. We each buy a couple and with that we set out to find the girls. Halfway to the clothing store, I remember our previous conversation.

"Oh yeah, " I speak up. "If you want my advice about Shauna, I say just go for it. What do you have to lose?"

He looks at me like I'm an idiot. "Um, she could say no and humiliate me. She could decide she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She could-"

"Say yes," I interrupt before he can continue with all the worst-case scenarios he's concocted in his head. "You'll never know if you don't ask."

"Yeah, maybe," he says, still sounding unsure. "Oh, and Four," he adds as an afterthought, "if you tell anyone what I told you, I'll have to beat you."

"You could try," I laugh back, shoving him playfully in the shoulder.

Once we reach the clothing store, it doesn't take us long to find the girls talking loudly amongst themselves, each carrying a ton of stuff. They notice us approaching and stop to say hi, then immediately go back to talking. As I look up I notice Tris and Christina standing a few yards away. I try to return back to the conversation with my friends, but I just can't help being distracted by her. I keep sneaking glances at her, tuning out everything else around me. Zeke realizes what I'm doing and gives me a knowing smile, though what it is he thinks he knows, I'm not sure.

When he turns his attention back to Shauna, I involuntarily look back over at Tris. I don't even realize I'm straining to eavesdrop until I hear her say, "You aren't going to be able to make me pretty, you know." You're already beautiful. No she's not! Yes she is.

"No she's not!"

Suddenly, all my friends go silent at once and turn to stare at me.

"Who's not what?" Shauna asks me.

"What?" I ask confused.

"You just yelled, 'no she's not.'"

"I did?" Crap.

"Yeah, you did. So I'll ask again, who's not what?"

This time I see Zeke's eyes involuntarily flicker over to where I was just staring, at Tris, who is still standing there completely oblivious. Unfortunately, Shauna sees it too, and follows his gaze. Then, so does everyone else.

"Oh my god!" she shrieks. "You were talking about the Stiff!"

"Her name is Tris," I say it a bit too defensively and they notice.

"Why so defensive, Four?" Lauren asks bitterly.

"I'm not being defensive, I just don't like that word, ok?" Well at least that much is true.

"So that is who you were talking about. I knew you liked her!" Shauna's exclaiming again.

"No, I don't. We've been over this before."

"Then why were you checking her out?"

"I wasn't checking her out!"

"Yes you were! You were totally checking her out!"

"No I wasn't," this is getting me no where. "Maybe I was checking Christina out. Ever think of that?"

"No, you don't like Christina," Shauna replies matter-of-factly. "You like Tris."

"No. I. Don't."

Just then Zeke leans over and says, "Just throwing this out there buddy, but we weren't the ones who brought her up this time."

"Not helping Zeke."

"Wasn't trying to," he smirks.

I groan in frustration, "I have had enough of this conversation."

"Yeah, me too," Lauren cuts in suddenly. "I just remembered, I have something I was supposed to do. I'll see you guys later." With that she storms off looking angry and... jealous?

"What the hell was that about?" I ask, partially out of curiosity and partially to get the attention off myself.

Everyone remains silent, but I notice Fi shifting uncomfortably. I've known her long enough to know she's hiding something.

I turn and stare at her. "What do you know?"

"Who me?" she asks feigning innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't need to be a Candor to be able to tell that you're obviously lying. Lauren's been acting really weird lately, and I think you know why. So out with it," I demand.

She shifts her weight uncomfortably a few more times and sighs, "Ok, fine. It's really not my place to say, but I guess you have a right to know," she pauses before finally continuing, "I think she has a thing for you."

What?

I stand there in complete shock. I did not see that coming. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do.

"I mean I don't know for sure," Fi continues. "It was just a rumor I had heard from some of the initiates last year."

Last year?

"It might not have even been true. Nothing ever seemed to happen between the two of you, even after her initiation was over, so I just kind of assumed it was just a stupid rumor someone had started, or maybe she had moved on. But now... I don't know."

I know she's still talking, but I'm having a hard time just processing the fact that Lauren might actually like me. And maybe she has for a while. It just can't be true, I would have noticed something like that. Wouldn't I?

It would explain her odd behavior lately. No, it can't be. Lauren doesn't see me like that. I'm suddenly so confused.

So I say the only thing I can think of that I know for certain, "It's getting late, we should probably head to the dining hall. I have to be at work soon." And with that we all move in an awkward silence to dinner. Or maybe it's just awkward for me.

I have to be at work in the control room in less that twenty minutes, so I eat quickly, barely registering anything that's happening around me. My mind is all over the place. Training... Lauren... Tris... my thoughts are a jumbled mess. As soon as I'm done eating I slip away from the table silently and head up to the control room. At least there are no surprises waiting for me up there, and nothing that could confuse me.

As I'm walking up the path to the control room, I can't stop myself from running through the conversation I had with Fi. There was a rumor that Lauren liked me. Maybe she still does. Maybe it was never true to begin with. I find myself hoping for the latter. I then realize that tonight I'm working with Felix. He transfered here with Lauren last year from Candor, and she's closer to him than anyone else in our group. Maybe he knows more about this. Yeah, I'll talk to Felix and he'll straighten everything out. Then I'll feel better, I hope.

I enter the room to find Felix typing away on a computer, and Blaze half asleep beside him. At the sound of the door opening he jumps up.

"Oh thank god, you're finally here," he exclaims. "I feel like I've been here forever."

"Yeah I'm here. Go home and have fun with Fi."

"Alright cool. Well you boys have a good night. I'm out," and with that he walks out the door, leaving Felix and me alone.

I sit down just as he finishes typing out whatever he was working on and looks over at me. "Are you okay man? You look really stressed out."

"Yeah I am. I've just had the craziest day, and I kind of need to talk to you about something," I let out. I don't know where to start, so I go back to the beginning. "I don't know if you've noticed, but the past couple of days Lauren's been acting really weird around me. Then today I was out with Zeke and the girls, and they started teasing me about Tris... yet again. Then all of a sudden Lauren just snapped and said she had stuff to do and left. Fi finally told me that she thinks Lauren has a thing for me. She said she overheard a rumor last year during initiation that she liked me, but wasn't sure if it's true. Do you know anything about that?"

He frowns and sighs, "Yeah... it's true. I overheard her telling a couple of her friends about it one night." He pauses, as if he's trying to decide something and continues, "I was actually going over to ask her out when I heard her. She was going on and on about how great you were and how she thought you liked her back, because you were always giving her extra help. It sucked. I kind of didn't like you for a while after that."

Whoa. "But I always help anyone who needs extra attention, just like my instructor Amar did for me. How did she take that as me liking her?"

"I don't know man, but I guess she misread the signals somehow. She thought for sure that after initiation was over you would ask her out, and I think it really hurt her when you didn't."

"But I don't like Lauren like that," I finally admit. I realize for the first time that this is what has been bothering me all evening. I don't like Lauren, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. We're friends and she's a nice girl. Crap. What am I going to do?

"So what are you going to do?"

"I honestly don't know," I admit. "I guess there's nothing to do for now. I mean, I'm certainly not going to let her know what you and Fi told me."

"Well I guess that makes sense."

Then I realize something that Felix had said earlier, "Wait a minute. So you like Lauren," I ask, giving him a grin.

"Well yeah, I've always liked her," he admits blushing slightly. "I mean not just once we got here, but even as kids growing up. We lived next door to each other so I knew her pretty well. I always thought she was amazing, but I was always too nervous to tell her how I felt. When we both picked Dauntless, I thought maybe it was fate. I know that sounds dumb, but what are the odds that we would both leave Candor and come here? I decided that if I was going to be a Dauntless then I needed to man up, be brave and ask her out. But then, well... you happened."

"I'm sorry man," I say, even though I'm not sure what I did to be sorry for.

"It's okay. I mean it's not your fault."

"Well for what it's worth, I really wish it was you she liked and not me."

"Yeah..." We sit in silence for a minute before he says, "Hey Four? Don't hurt her."

"I won't," I tell him, although I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm walking through the Pit, and for some reason it's completely empty. Even at night, that's really unusual. I'm heading back to my apartment after a long shift in the control room when suddenly terrified screams pierce the air. I stop and look around frantically, trying to locate the source of the scream, but I don't see anyone. Then I hear it again.

"Someone help me please! Please, help me!" It's a girls voice and it sounds familiar, but I'm not sure who it belongs to.

"Help!" This time I realize the yells are coming from the chasm. I don't know what's happening, but I know it's not good.

I run over to the chasm, and as I look over the iron barrier, I see her. Lauren is hanging over the edge, frantically trying to pull herself up, but she can't. I can see that she's barely holding on, but when she sees me, she smiles.

"Four, I knew you'd come," she says, relief flashing in her eyes.

Just as I bend down to offer her my hand, I hear yet another cry for help. I look to my right and see Tris, also hanging over the edge twenty feet away. I feel a weight drop in my stomach like a ball of hot lead. I don't even think, I just get up and rush to her, Lauren completely forgotten.

Tris looks over and calls out to me, "Help me Four! I need you."

As soon as I reach her, I bend down and grab both of her tiny arms and pull her up. Relief and gratitude shine bright in her pale eyes and I stand transfixed for just a second, staring into them, before I remember that Lauren is still hanging there. Just as I turn to run back to her, she loses her grip and falls. The last thing I see before she drops out of sight is the pain in her eyes.