Chapter 3 - Anticipation

Stabler Residence

Saturday, May 3

The excited roar of the crowd as the ball was pummeled into the stands in right field, did nothing to pull Elliot out of his daydream. Kathy was walking through with a load of laundry and noticed that he did not seem to paying any attention to the game. All he had talked about this week was the game. How glad he was he was that he had the day off, even though he and Liv were on call. He couldn't wait to get all his favorite junk food, sit in his recliner and watch the game.

She looked at him for a minute. He had on a white muscle shirt, navy blue shorts and white socks. He had not shaved that morning and the shadow of his beard gave him a rough, hard look. She liked him better clean shaven. But even so, he was a good looking man.

She wished she knew what to do to make things good between them again. She had just about come to the conclusion, that they would never be good again and she was not sure how much more she could take of this sullen, withdrawn man who was her husband. A soda was in his hand and a bowl of chips and a sandwich with one bite taken from it sat on the table next to him. She put the basket down on the couch and sat on the arm of the recliner. He still did not move.

"Elliot?" She said softly.

"Elliot? Hello?" She patted his cheek.

His eyes squinted and he turned his head toward her, just a little. "Yea...what is it?"

"I should be asking you that? You talked about this game all week and now you aren't even paying any attention...are you okay?" She watched his face for clues.

"I'm fine...just a lot on my mind...I'm fine." He pulled her hand from his face and got up to go into the kitchen for another soda.

Following him, she leaned against the counter near the sink. "Elliot...you're not fine. You have been like this off and on for months. What is going on?"

"Been like what? And nothing is going on!" He was irritated at her questions.

"Sometimes everything seems okay between us...you seem okay. And then you'll go days or weeks, barely talking to me or the kids...wrapped up in your own world...like just now...it's like you are somewhere else...like you'd rather be anywhere but here." She knew he knew what she was talking about.

"Look, Kathy...I'm here...back at home...just like you asked...I don't know what you want from me...what else I can give you..." He took a big gulp of soda and looked at her.

"I'd like to know that my husband wants to be here...with me...with our children." Her voice held a tone he wasn't sure he had heard before. Defeat?

"Like I said...I'm here...and it's still not enough for you, is it?" He was angry.

Angry that he had gotten himself sucked right back in to the same situation that he almost gotten out of just over a year ago. It wasn't all Kathy's fault. He was just as much to blame. Maybe more so because he had finally admitted to himself he was in love with someone else and had no business turning to Kathy.

He had worked up his nerve and planned to tell Liv that weekend. He was going to lay it all out. He was tired of living a lie. The anticipation of finally admitting his feelings did not choke him like he thought it would. Rather, he had felt a sense of freedom. If she didn't feel the same way, but he was sure she did, then at least she would know about his feelings for her.

But then Kathy had showed up at the precinct and blown his plans out of the water. He would never want to live without Eli now, but he would forever wish he had found another way to find the help and comfort he needed the night they found that Malcom Royce had shot his family to death. Another way, another place, another person other than his soon to be ex-wife. He should have turned to his partner. His best friend. He should have turned to Olivia.

"Elliot, it's just that I am so tired of being shut out of your life...I just want us to share things." She tried to talk calmly, but it was not easy, especially when he did not seem to be paying attention.

He ran his hand over his head and face. "Kathy...I just...don't want to have this discussion right now, okay?"

"No. It's not okay. You never want to discuss this...or anything! You never want to talk about us!" Her voice was now raised.

"Kathy...I told you...I don't feel like talking right now..." He just wanted her to shut up.

"You know, El, no one is holding a gun to your head to keep you here..." She was starting to get upset now.

He started out of the kitchen. "Yea...well, it sure as feels like it..." He mumbled under his breath.

She grabbed his arm, causing the can of soda to fly out of his hand, fall to the floor, spraying on the cabinets and refrigerator, spewing the beverage as it rolled across the tile. "What did you say?" She angrily demanded.

She heard exactly what he said and he knew it. His eyes were narrow slits, as he looked down at her hand on his arm. "Nothing...nothing." He pulled away and went back to the recliner leaving Kathy to clean up the kitchen.

- - - - - -

Benson Residence

Sunday, May 4

Early Sunday afternoon Liv was just coming in from picking up a few groceries at the corner market, when she heard someone leaving a message on her home phone. Trying to get her key out of her back jean pocket, she dropped a bag which broke open when it hit the floor, cans rolling everywhere.

She got the key in and opened the door. Trying to get inside quickly, another bag got caught on the doorknob and jerked her back causing her to drop the third bag in her hands. By the time she untangled herself and got to the phone, the message had been left and the caller had hung up. It was Rhett. Sighing, she hit 'play'.

'Olivia...hi, this is Rhett. Rhett Chapman. From the wedding. I told you I would call...guess I missed you. Was going to see if you wanted to hang out at the park, get a hotdog or something, this afternoon. It's a beautiful day. Well, if you get this, say within an hour, give me a call and we'll work something out...uh...that is if you want to do that...okay. Well, see you.'

She was so disappointed that she missed his call. Well, she would just call him back like he said. It was then she realized she did not have his number. He had taken her card to call her. He did not offer his number and she did not ask for it. Checking the caller I.D. it said 'private number'.

Sighing again, she started picking up the cans and taking everything to the kitchen. She was putting dishwasher detergent under the kitchen sink when the shrill ring of the phone caused her to snap her head up and bang it on the cabinet.

"Ow!" Grabbing her head, she ran for the phone. "Hello." She said breathlessly.

"Olivia?" Rhett asked.

"Yes...this is she..." She was still trying to catch her breath and not sound like she just couldn't wait to get his call.

"Bad time? You sound out of breath." He asked.

"Oh...no...was in the kitchen...ran to get the phone...I...uh...got your message...and was going to call you back, but I didn't have your number and..." She began, still rubbing her head where a bump had formed.

"It came up 'private number', right? That's why I called back. I realized I did not leave my number for you. I have a private number because of work...you'd be surprised how many whackos want to talk about my documentaries and how many don't like what I expose...anyway, what do you think about the park?" He asked her.

"I'd love it. Give me a few minutes to finish putting up my groceries and change into some shorts and I'll meet you...say thirty minutes?" She was already deciding what shorts to wear.

"Oh, I'll come by and pick you up..." He suggested.

"No...I'll just meet you, okay. At the beginning of the bike trail closest to the river." She was wary about letting guys know where she lived until she got to know them better.

"Okay. Thirty minutes." He said.

Wow. She could not believe he called. She had thought about him a little this morning and figured he would call some time this week. But she never imagined he would call this soon. She was glad he did. She put everything away and headed to the bedroom to change. She could not wait to get to the park.

- - - - -

Riverside Park

Sunday, May 4

Rhett scanned the sidewalk and bike trail for Olivia. She told him she would meet him at the beginning of the bike trail. He had arrived early and sat on a bench overlooking the river for awhile, but he needed to work off some of the nervousness his anticipation of seeing Olivia had produced, so now he paced. He could not believe how he felt. He laughed at himself, thinking he was not this nervous the first time he asked a girl out when he was in high school.

There was something about Olivia. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he was aware of something different, something pulling him toward her. He just had a feeling things were going to be good with her.

He had never married. Came close a couple of times, but he just never seemed to find the one woman who was the one. The one who would make him want to put his ring on her finger and his name at the end of hers. It might be too soon to be thinking that way, but he found himself imagining Olivia as the bride in that wedding yesterday. She would be an extraordinarily beautiful bride.

"Been stood up by your date, buddy?" A familiar voice pulled him from his daydreams.

Turning, he looked right into the liquid brown eyes of the woman in his daydream. "Hope not. She's this really awesome lady...if you get a chance to meet her, you'd know just what I mean." They laughed.

"Hi, Olivia. I'm glad you came." He smiled, looking her over while trying not to look her over.

In running shoes, she seemed much shorter today than yesterday. She was still fairly tall, 5'8" or 5'9" he figured, but she must have had three or four inch heels on yesterday. She was only a couple of inches shorter at the wedding but today he had to look down at her a good six inches. She had on sunglasses, cut-off blue jean shorts, just above mid-thigh and a blue Columbia University t-shirt. He was dressed in khaki shorts, a solid red t-shirt with the sleeves ripped out and running shoes, as well. An Atlanta Braves baseball cap covered his head.

"Hi, Rhett." She smiled, glancing down at his shoes. "Do you run?"

"Actually, I do...but I haven't quite gotten back into the routine since moving back." He told her, looking down at their shoes. "Do you?"

"Yea...usually manage to get at least two days a week in...sometimes three...just depends on the case load at work." She ran her hands through her hair. "So...what's on the agenda?"

"Agenda? Uh...I really don't have any plans...just thought we'd hang out and get to know each other a little. How about we start off walking and just talk a bit?" He smiled. Reaching behind him, he pulled out a frisbee and waved it at her. "Oh...and later, I'll show off some of my skills. I got a double major in college...journalism and frisbee."

She laughed. "Actually, I majored in frisbee myself."

They started walking slowly, talking. Olivia could not believe how nervous she had been to see him again. But now, she was surprised at how comfortable she was with him. They walked for about fifteen minutes, before ending up at the edge of the river. Collecting a bunch of flat rocks, Rhett gave Liv a handful and engaged her in a stone skipping contest. She was pretty good at it, but he beat her.

He told her that on one of the details he was on in Iraq, they camped in a bombed out palace and the huge swimming pool still had water. To pass the time, they skipped coins across the pool. Someone would dive in and collect the coins and they would do it all over, sometimes for hours on end. She was intrigued by his stories of the war.

"Did I hear Sam tell Casey you are actually from here?" She threw another rock and watched it skipped seven or eight times.

"Yea...raised in the Bronx. Joined the Marines when I was twenty. Been out three years. Spent the last couple of years in Atlanta...you know the job with CNN. Had the opportunity to transfer back home...so here I am." He smiled, but it was sad. She did not want to pry but she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything about him, but she also knew if she kept asking questions he would feel justified in asking her about her life. She was not sure she was ready for that, no matter how comfortable she felt with him. She would try to stay on safe subjects.

"Do you miss the service?" She had throw all her rocks and now watched him throw his last few.

"Not like I thought I would...maybe because I was able to slip right into a job that I really love doing...I don't know. I do miss the comradery. You know...it was my family for twenty years. But now that I'm back home, I have my real family again. Though that hasn't been as easy as I thought...coming home." He sat by the edge of the river, wrapped his arms around his knees and stared out at the water.

She could not help herself. Her curiosity took control of her mind and mouth. "What do you mean that you have your real family back again?

"Long story...I'll tell you...if you really want to know..." He looked up at her.

She looked down at him and pushed her sunglasses back on the top of her head. "Only if you want to tell me."

He patted the ground next to him and she sat. "My dad was a hard man...the kind that thought if he brought a paycheck home, his job was done. He was never really abusive to me and my brothers and sisters, but he was not exactly the doting father. I guess I always knew he loved me, but he never showed it and sure as heck never said it. Emotionally distant, I guess is what they would say nowadays." He sighed.

"Anyway, something happened at work that wasn't his fault...he kind of got caught in the middle...and well, after that he started drinking...really drinking. I was a high school senior. Things were really bad for a couple of years...then one day he shoved Mom and I got between them and shoved him back." Olivia tried not to look at him too much. He was very upset telling this.

"He swung at me, hit me and I hit him back. We got into a scuffle and one of my brothers had to pull me off to break it up. My dad told me to pack my things, that as far as he was concerned I was no longer his son..." He paused, blinking rapidly and Olivia knew he was trying to hold back tears.

He sighed and began again. "I left. A buddy's parents let me stay with them til I finished up my sophomore year at a junior college. Joined the Marines and never looked back." He was looking out over the water.

"What about your Mom? Your brothers and sisters?" The thought of willingly leaving a family behind was foreign to her.

"Mom would come visit me a couple of times a year...one or both of my sisters would usually come with her...and sometimes my youngest brother...my other brother that's a couple of years behind me...he was already married when I left and never had the money or time to come visit. I've only seen him a few times in all these years. And he is still pretty mad at me for cutting out on the family...especially Mom."

"Wasn't that hard...to not see your family?" She could not imagine doing this.

"At first, but then I just got caught up in my own life...I came back for Christmas eleven or twelve years ago...Dad and I sort of made up...but I knew it would never be great between us. Came home a few more times after that but it was easier to stay away. He died about ten years ago. Mom is getting older and I wanted to be closer...try to make it up to her a little...she lives about thirty miles north of the city now. She moved to the lake house my grandparents left her. One of my sisters lives nearby." He leaned toward Liv and nudged her shoulder with his.

Olivia was thinking about his family and the fact that she had never really had a family. It was just she and her mom. She could not help but wonder if it was worse to have a family and things be bad or never have one. At least he has brothers and sisters and probably nieces and nephews. She was glad she had found Simon, but he was only a half brother and his father, their father, was her mother's rapist. Life could be so totally messed up, she thought. She desperately hoped he did not ask about her family. She was not ready to tell him.

"I bet she's so glad you're home..." She smiled at him.

"Yea...she is. Wish I could say the same for the whole family." He had a faraway look in his eye.

"What do you mean?" She asked quietly.

"Ah...I'don't know...one of my brothers, Sonny...he just can't seem to forgive me for leaving like I did. He says he understood why I left, but not how I could stay gone so long and not have much contact with the family." He let out a breath of air through puckered lips.

"Why is he still upset when your other siblings seem to have forgiven you? Were you close?" She was curious about the one brother.

"He's a real family man...been married since right out of high school...got a bunch of kids...his family is the most important thing to him...I've only seen him once in the two months I've been home. Always finds an excuse not to see me. And yes...we were real tight growing up." He looked at her now.

She nodded her head. She could understand why Sonny felt that way. If she had family, she would not want to ever leave them. "He probably just missed you...still misses you. I'm sure he will come around eventually."

"Yea. Hey, come on and let's throw the frisbee!" He jumped up and pulled her up, keeping her hand in his as he took off running toward a wide open area of grass.

- - - - -

Benson Residence

Sunday, May 4

Olivia was still smiling and it had been hours since she left Rhett at the park and headed home. She could not quit thinking about him and the afternoon they had just spent together. She could not remember the last time she had so much fun with a guy. Or anybody, for that matter. They walked, talked, threw the frisbee, sat by the pond and skipped stones.

They listened to a pop singer with a guitar and sang along with the songs they knew. Another band played mostly country music and Rhett taught her enough steps to line dance a little bit. He bought her a chocolate ice cream cone while he got strawberry and they laughed as the ice cream dripped down their hands and fingers, melting from the hot sun. They rinsed them in the pond and ended up splashing each other in a water fight, ending up nearly soaked. They ate hot dogs as they watched two little boys playing with motorized boats in the water fountain pool.

She felt she did not have a care in the world. Like she was a kid again. Well, like a kid should feel...like she was not sure she ever felt growing up with an alcoholic mother.

He convinced her to go down the big slide and to try the monkey bar. They see-sawed and even rode the animal rockers on the giant springs. They had a contest to see who could swing the highest...she won. Then he pushed her and twirled the chains on her swing and made her go round and round in a circle as she screamed in mock protest.

He pushed the merry go round and hopped on, riding until when they got off, neither could walk straight. He caught her before she fell to the ground, breaking her fall as he pulled her down with him. He had brushed her bangs from her face and kissed her on the nose and then started rolling them over and over down a slope, his arms holding her close to him. When they finally stopped and he helped her up, she was hot and sweaty and dirty and could not remember the last time she had gotten that way from playing and having a good time.

She had a wonderful time and when he asked her if he could call again she could not keep the big grin from breaking across her face. Yes. Definitely yes. She almost asked him to come back to her place for dinner, but decided that might be a little too much after spending nearly five hours with him today. She would save that for down the road a bit...maybe later in the week.

She was surprised, and if she were honest, a bit disappointed, when he did not even try to kiss her goodbye. He had held both her hands in his, pulled them out to the side and then back in between them. He kissed each hand and told her had a wonderful day and would call her soon. She found herself wondering what it would be like to kiss him, but then decided she was jumping ahead of the game.

She had taken a long, cool shower when she got home and was dressed in short cotton pajamas, her feet bare. Relaxing on her couch listening to some old records of her mom's, she chuckled to herself upon realizing Carly Simon's sultry voice was singing about 'Anticipation'. How appropriate. She was definitely anticipating every aspect of getting to know Rhett Chapman better. Deeply entranced in her daydreams, the vibrating of her cell phone rudely interrupted, pulling her back to the here and now.

"Benson." She spoke softly, like she was not really paying attention.

"Liv...hey. We got a call. Washington Square park...possible gang rape. I'll swing by to get you...my ETA is about ten minutes." Elliot was all business. Nothing odd about that, these days.

"All right." She sighed and flipped the phone closed.

So, much for a quiet evening replaying her wonderful afternoon. Grabbing a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and her tennis shoes, she hurried to get dressed to meet Elliot. Anticipation of another kind began to fill her now. The anticipation of dread in wondering what kind of mood he would be in and how he would treat her tonight.

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A/N: Okay guys...it's starting to get going...and 'rhett' assured...there is more Rhett to come! I sure do appreciate all the reviews! " ) Bensler