Hey everyone! I hope this update finds you all well!

I have just gotten back to uni now so updates will probably be very random- however I do have more free days this term than I did last term so hopefully that should give me more time to crack out fanfic. I'm also trying to work on some of my other ones too but this one will still be very much a priority.

Also thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it's so lovely to see that people like this story and enjoyed The Greatest Showman as much as I did. I hope you continue to enjoy it and please review!

Yuuri walked into his dressing room and let himself collapse onto a chair, wincing as the sore muscles in his legs cried out for mercy. His face screwed up in pain as he bent them, wanted to get them in ice water as quickly as possible before they seized up. If they did that, his legs would be in serious pain then and he knew both Ciao Ciao and Phichit would berate him for being so careless with his body. He had done that once before when he had been in a bad mood and he hadn't been able to go on stage for nearly a week; he wasn't about to make that mistake again.

He hissed as he finally dragged the icy barrel over to where he was sitting before giving a long sigh as his legs hit the cold water. Soon enough, they were numb and he was able to lean back against the worn wooden back of his chair and think about the show they had just done. It had gone well, he thought with a smile of satisfaction. Phichit had been his usual energetic self, everything had gone without a hitch and the cheering of the crowd had once again been so loud, he could still feel the joyful noise ringing in his ears a little. It had been a perfect show that couldn't have gone any better, just how he liked it to go.

Yuuri leant his head back and stared up at the ceiling as every spin and trick he and Phichit had just performed ran through his head. Phichit had been doubly careful during every single one, he recalled, thinking of how the Thai man, who usually liked a little risk, had been extra cautious, taking the time to do more swings just so Yuuri had more time to prepare. There had even been talk of putting the nets out underneath them but Yuuri had shut that down the moment he heard about it. He never liked performing with the nets out anymore; although they were symbols of safety, they only made him think about falling when he saw them and the last thing he needed to think of whilst up in the air was the possibility of it going wrong. Phichit was only trying to keep you safe, he had to tell himself. He only wanted that because he saw how upset you were before the show and he didn't want another disaster to happen today, not like earlier…

Yuuri gave a loud groan and rubbed furiously at his eyes. There's no point dwelling on it anymore, he told himself angrily, you just have to face it; Victor Nikiforov is not the man you made him out to be. He's just like all the others, he thinks you're beneath him just because of where you came from. It shouldn't really be a surprise to you.

Still, he thought, that didn't stop it from hurting.

Yuuri opened his eyes and went back to staring at the ceiling. He knew he should probably be used to having casual insults and wide-eyed hostile stares thrown at him all the time but for some reason, it still got to him. He had never developed the thick skin that Phichit and the other minorities in the circus had gained over time and by this point, he wasn't sure he ever would. Phichit often consoled him by saying he had a sensitive caring soul and that was ten times better than being bitter and cynical about it but it was times like this that made him wish he had hardened his heart a long time ago. Then maybe it would stop breaking.

This one was by far not the worst but it was the most unexpected. After so many years of being a fan and gobbling up every scrap of information he could find about the Russian playwright, he had believed for so long that Victor would be different from the rest. He had believed Victor would look at him and instead of seeing his race or his profession, he would just see him, a normal person who was only looking for what everyone else was; a chance to matter. Just once, he wanted to matter to someone who wasn't Ciao Ciao or Phichit; he wanted to matter to someone else in a way he couldn't with either of those two. And maybe with Victor…

No! He quickly stopped himself from going any further with that train of thought. There was no way in Hell that Victor Nikiforov, one of the brightest stars of the day, would ever look at him that way, especially not now. Not now that Yuuri had gotten so angry at him, not now that there was that gulf the man had put there himself. Yuuri wasn't quite sure why he felt saddened at that; usually he would have been glad that that distance had been put in place but right now, he wished it wasn't there. Maybe there's a small part of me still that wants his approval, Yuuri thought with another sadder sigh. Maybe that part of me isn't that small after all.

Yuuri fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat and turned his head to the side to face the large mirror that dominated the wide section of wall above his small dressing table. It was a truly monstrous thing, square and huge and cleaned so thoroughly that Yuuri's reflection practically sparkled as it stared back at him. He had never been told where Ciao Ciao had gotten this magnificent beast of furniture and if he was honest, he didn't really what to know. It looked bare, Yuuri thought, confused for a long moment until he realised why; up until that very afternoon, the mirror had been ringed with a frame of different pictures and prints, all cut out from different papers or publications, of Victor Nikiforov. Before, over a hundred pairs of cobalt blue eyes had stared down at him as he did his make up and prepared for his shows and now there were none. No wonder it felt weird, he thought. I'm all too used to being watched.

Yuuri had started his collection when he was just a young boy who had found his old battered manuscript of Victor's works on the back of a ramshackle cart and made away with it under his coat. His plan had probably been to sell it and get a bit of money to buy food but he had made the mistake of opening it and after that, he had been unable to let it go. He could remember the first time he had scanned those yellowing pages and how much he had been entranced by the words, letting them take him on a journey far away from his own wretched life. He had been so absorbed, he had barely noticed time passing and when he had finally dragged his eyes away, he could remember the feeling of shock he had gotten at seeing the sun so low in the sky. It had been at that moment when he had realised how powerful words could be and it had also been the moment he first fell in love with the loose picture of the handsome young Russian with long silver hair he had found on the inside of the cover, placed there he suspected by the previous owner. Ever since then, he had collected pictures of Victor like a magpie, meticulously cutting each one out until he had enough to fill a book of his own. Yuuri drew his eyes away from the mirror to glance at the leaning pile of papers sitting precariously on his dressing table, some still bright white, some visibly yellowed and creased. They had originally been a point of pride for him but now just looking at them made him feel like he had been stabbed in the heart. Still, he didn't think he could throw them away. He had put so much effort and emotion into those pictures that he figured it would be like throwing a piece of his soul away.

"That's your problem," he said out loud to himself, like hearing the words echo in his empty dressing room would finally make him listen. "You've always been too sentimental about things like this." Still, as he reached a hand out and caressed the edges of the top picture on his pile, which just so happened to be that first faded picture he had found in that manuscript all those years ago, he knew he wasn't going to get rid of them. I guess that's what happens when you have years of having nothing, he thought. After experiencing that, you can't bear to get rid of anything; you never want to let go.

Suddenly, there was a gigantic crashing sound and Yuuri's body jerked in fright, nearly causing him to kick against the icy barrel and spill the cold water inside. Thankfully, he was able to quickly right himself and he turned his head to stare at the door to his dressing room. That sounded like it came from the ring, he thought, surely nobody is practising at this late hour? Then, there was another crashing sound, followed by the echo of sloppy laughter and other strange noises that could have been words in another language. What on earth is going on? Yuuri thought, gently sliding his legs out of the water and quickly drying them with a nearby towel. Please don't tell me Yuri actually set his tiger on someone…

The crashing sounds continued at a random pace as Yuuri quickly pulled on a long dressing gown over his purple costume and hurried over to the ring. When he got there, the place was almost in complete darkness and he had to fumble around for a short while to try and find the switch to the large spotlight Ciao Ciao had had installed on the ceiling of the large building. It took him a few minutes of searching the wall for the large switch to the contraption but eventually, he located it and the ring was suddenly flooded in light. Yuuri turned around, half expecting to see a drunk patron being chewed at by a tiger with Yuri cheering him on but what he actually saw was much more surprising.

Victor and Chris were just about standing in the centre of the ring, their arms around each other's shoulders and wide grins on both of their faces. The sawdust covered floor around them was littered with props and other strange objects that Yuuri wasn't sure he had ever seen before but the two of them didn't even seem to notice the chaos around them as they were swaying dangerously on their feet, their arms flailing out and their heads lolling like their limbs weren't quite connected to their bodies. Both of them were in a complete state of disarray; Chris had somehow lost both of the shoulder pads of his leotard and the cord that had kept both sides fastened had snapped, leaving a lot of his skin exposed and Victor had lost both his top hat, his red silk scarf and his jacket. His shirt was halfway undone, exposing a smooth pale chest, and his hair had been ruffled so much, it was sticking up in spikes all over his head. Both of the men had bright red cheeks and in one hand, Chris was waving a large empty glass bottle like it was a mace. Yuuri sighed deeply. Of all the people Chris had to get drunk, why did he have to choose Victor as a drinking partner? Was he trying to get the man fired on his first day of working there?

The two men, having seemingly not noticed Yuuri standing at the edge of the ring or the fact that the light had suddenly come on, continued to stagger around the ring like their legs had ceased to function. "I told you I had a-hic-higher tolera… tolera… I can drink more than you!" Chris yelled out with a loud laugh as the glass bottle swung dangerously close to his own face. "Us Frenchies do it better!"

"No way!" Victor shouted back along with a string of furiously barked words that Yuuri could only assume were Russian curses. "I am soooooooo much less drunk than you! And you're not even bloody French! You said you were Swiss!"

Chris paused for a long moment before letting out an exaggerated wail that would have scared even Yuri's big cats. "Oh nooooooo!" He lamented loudly, suddenly letting go of the bottle and sending it flying. It shattered spectacularly a few feet away from him and Yuuri leapt back as tiny shards went shooting everywhere but again, Chris didn't seem to notice. "I have betrayed my country, my own nation! Oh forgive me please Swiss…Land, I can't live without your forgiveness!"

Yuuri gave another loud sigh. Chris didn't get drunk often but when he did, he only got even more annoying and extra than he already was. He was just wondering how he was supposed to drag two fully grown men out of the hazards they had created for themselves when he was distracted by the sound of footsteps hurrying towards him.

"Yuuri!" A small voice with a heavy distinct accent called over to him. "Is everything OK? I heard some loud noises… Oh."

Yuuri turned his head to see Guang Hong, the circus's newest stagehand and one of the few other Asians, gawping at the scene unfolding before him with clear horror in his eyes. His jaw fell open and Yuuri could see his hands were fighting against himself to cover his eyes but he was unable to look away. "I… I think I'm too young to be seeing this."

Yuuri gave a smirk. "Welcome to show business." He said with a snort as both Victor and Chris nearly tripped over each other's feet. "I think you might have to grow up a bit tonight." He looked at the young man's round face. "How old are you?"

"I'm seventeen." Guang Hong answered, sounding a little frightened at one of the main circus stars addressing him. "I just came to this country from China and I've only just started working here… this is my first night duty."

Yuuri gave him a softer look. When he had been Guang Hong's age, he had only just started at the circus, a terrified young boy who had wanted nothing less than to fly away. He could still clearly remember the fear he had felt then and it made him reach out and squeeze the younger man's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry," he said. "Nothing like this usually happens here- we're a lot more civilised than that, whatever the papers say." That got a small laugh from Guang Hong and that made Yuuri smile. "Come on, let's get them out of that ring before they both end up hurting themselves- you take Chris back to his room and I'll get Victor."

"But where will you take him?" Guang Hong asked him, his cheeks flushed and copper-coloured eyes wide and bright under the spotlight as they both cautiously stepped into the ring. "His hotel is halfway across New York in the posh bit!"

"I'll think of something." Yuuri gritted his teeth as they approached the two drunk men. "Alright, party time's over. You both need to get to bed to sleep this off."

"Nooooo!" Chris protested as Yuuri and Guang Hong each turned to grab at a waving limb and pull the two of them apart. "We can't go to bed yet!"

"Why not?" Yuuri asked with a huff, grimacing as he took Victor's arm in his firm grip and tried not to blush at how close he was to the man. He was pressed so near to his body that he could smell all of the booze that was radiating from him and he was trying very hard not to think about how much closer he would need to get to smell his cologne. "Why can't you go back to bed already? It's really late and we both have shows tomorrow!"

"Because," Chris said, struggling pretty effectively against Guang Hong despite his drunken state. "We haven't figured out how Victor is going to win back Yuuri yet!"

"What?!" Yuuri exclaimed in shock, suddenly letting go of Victor's arm and nearly causing all three men to go crashing to the floor. "What did you just say?"

"We're trying to come up with how Victor can win back Yuuri's heart." Chris said, finishing off the sentence with a loud hiccup. He was still valiantly fighting against Guang Hong's grip on him and the young Chinese man looked almost terrified as he struggling to keep him still; he looked more like he was wrestling a snake than someone's arm. "Victor was really mean but he really likes him and he was all sad in the bar and he said his eyes were pretty and he has to win him back so they can fall in love and get married and have a lot of poodles…" For a moment, he stared off into the distance with a confused expression before turning back to Yuuri and adding in a serious tone "I think they're dogs…"

"Well said Chris!" Victor suddenly piped up as he tried to untangle himself from Chris and ended up lurching forwards, forcing Yuuri to catch him. "So there! Because of all… that, we can't sleep until we've figured it out!"

Yuuri blinked down at the silver-haired man sprawled out in his arms. Was he really being serious? Had he taken Yuuri's backlash so harshly that he had gone and gotten drunk trying to figure out how to put it right? He was still processing that information when Victor looked up into his face, his eyes open and oddly innocent like those of a puppy. They held the same wide-eyed expression of wonder Yuuri had seen on the trapeze earlier that day and a warm feeling suddenly shot through Yuuri's chest like a lightning bolt.

"Umm…" He said without realising, before pulling his eyes away from Victor's and seeing Chris and Guang Hong eyeing him strangely. Feeling his cheeks burning red with embarrassment, he quickly snapped out of his trance and hoisted Victor up so one of the man's arms was dangling over his shoulder. "I'll take Victor to the empty dressing rooms at the back, he can sleep there for the night. Guang Hong, you know the way to Chris's room, right?"

Guang Hong nodded enthusiastically. "I'll take him straight there!" He said before finally managing to separate Chris from Victor and letting the dancer drape his body over his. "I'll see you in the morning Yuuri! If you need any help with him, just call me!"

"Thanks Guang Hong." Yuuri answered with a smile, though he was already sure he wouldn't be needing it. Victor had gone surprisingly pliant in his arms and as he went to drag him out of the ring and towards the back rooms of the circus, he put up no resistance. Because of this, it didn't take Yuuri long to pull him to an empty room where he gently laid Victor down on the small bed in the corner before quickly lighting a candle.

"You should be alright to stay here until morning," he told him, listening as Victor gave a low groan and buried his head in the musty pillow. "Nobody should disturb you here, nobody tends to use these rooms now since a lot of the circus folk got enough money to afford better digs." He turned back to see Victor was clinging to the edge of the bed like a man on the verge of falling from a cliff and he gave a small smirk as he rootled under the bed. "There's a chamber pot here if you need it, just bear in mind I won't be cleaning it up."

Victor's only answer was another groan and Yuuri shook his head. "You'll be fine Victor, you'll probably have a terrible headache in the morning but you'll live. Hopefully that will teach you not to go out drinking with Chris." He then went to stand up and leave the room but he suddenly stopped when a warm hand curled around his wrist.

"Please stay."

The voice from the bed was so sad and so pitiful that Yuuri could feel it tugging hard on his heartstrings. He turned back around and the sight he saw was even more tragic. Victor was curled up on the bed like he was trying to hide from the world, his hair fluttering out over the pillow and his tears suddenly brimming with tears. All the joy and exuberance Yuuri had seen in the ring just a few minutes before had completely evaporated, leaving an empty husk of a man pleading up at him.

"Don't go. I don't want another person to leave me."

Yuuri hurriedly knelt down next to the bed, teasing his hand out of Victor's grip only so he could pull a blanket over his shivering body before taking both his hands and squeezing them. "It's OK," he said softly. "I won't go."

Victor tried to smile but the effort only made his face look more pained and he quickly gave up. "I'm such a fool." He said quietly, his voice sounding like it would shatter at any second. "I've only been here a day and I've ruined everything."

"You haven't ruined everything." Yuuri replied, still keeping a tight grip on his hands. "Chris already likes you, he wouldn't have gone drinking with you if he didn't. And you haven't had time yet to put forwards all your ideas for the circus- I'm sure they are going to be amazing."

"But I upset you." Victor said softly, more tears forming in his eyes and falling down his face. "I said something really horrible and now you hate me."

Yuuri felt his mouth drop open slightly and his eyes went wide. "So you knew it was me all along." He said. "I thought you were so drunk, you didn't recognise me…"

Victor gave what sounded like a huff of laughter. "I only realised it was you when I saw your eyes Yuuri. I don't think I could ever forget them."

Yuuri felt his face burn again but for some reason, this time it felt almost nice. "Victor, I don't hate you." He said softly, squeezing Victor's hands again as if the pressure would ensure he believed his words. "I was angry at you but that doesn't mean I'm going to hate you forever. I guess I'm just tired of constantly being put down for where I came from and you mentioning it so flippantly made me really mad."

Victor gave a wince as he squeezed Yuuri's hands. "I didn't realise what I said was so offensive." He replied in a whisper. "You were right about me being clueless, I didn't understand what I was saying and that makes me very ignorant indeed. I guess because my family came over and we were welcomed into this country of opportunity, I just took it for granted- I was told everyone was welcome in America, no matter what."

Yuuri gave a sad smile at that. "I was told that too, a very long time ago. It didn't take me long to realise it was a lie though."

He bit his lip and Victor gently ran his thumb along the ridge of Yuuri's hand. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said gently. "Nobody should be made to feel like they don't belong in a country where anyone can be anything. Can you forgive me for my mistake earlier?"

Yuuri looked back up at Victor's suddenly hopeful face and gave the first genuine smile he had given all day. "I forgive you Victor. You don't have to worry about me hating you."

Victor's face suddenly broke into such a wide, ear-splitting grin that Yuuri nearly laughed. "Really?" He answered, looking like he wanted to leap off the bed and wrap Yuuri up in a hug. "You do?"

Yuuri gave a laugh. "Of course, I do Victor. Now, you need to get some sleep, Ciao Ciao will probably be expecting you bright and early in the morning so trust me, you'll need your rest."

Victor gave a little groan but obediently settled himself down on the bed and closed his eyes, still holding on tightly to Yuuri's hand. "You won't leave me, will you?"

"Of course not." Yuuri whispered softly as he quietly pulled some blankets from the edge of the bed and, using only one hand, fixed them into a comfy nest. "I'll be right here if you need me."

Victor gave a soft smile that Yuuri only just glimpsed as he set his head down on his pillow. "Good." He whispered, once again squeezing Yuuri's hand like he was checking he was still there. "Goodnight Yuuri."

"Goodnight Victor." Yuuri answered him, giving once last glance towards their entwined hands before he too closed his eyes. As he nuzzled his way into the blankets, he gave a warm smile.

Maybe it was a good thing he was too sentimental after all.