Disclaimer: We don't own the Harry Potter series, or James and Lily. I wish I did, though.
Sorry for the long wait. We've been really busy with our honors classes and AP class which gives a bunch of long-term assignments. Therefore, we don't really have time for the story. ALSO, FFN IS BEING A BUTT AND DECIDING NOT TO LET ME POST THIS. So I'll try again. And again. And again. I've been trying for a week now.
HOWEVER, Li and I (it's Kinz talking) decided to have a write-the-sequel sleepover where we didn't sleep AT ALL, and wrote this chapter and some of another story that's quite hilarious. I won't tell you what it's about, but if it's ever posted, I suggest reading it if you want a laugh. I mean, the tutor is probably going to elope with the cook. How weird can you get? So anyways, we wrote this chapter between about 2 A.M. to around 7 A.M. when we were high on caffeine and lack of sleep. XD So this chapter might be a little melodramatic. Sorry about that.
I need to find James. I need to find James. I need to find James, Lily thought as she walked three times past the wall that Sirius had told her about. She was about to give up, feeling stupid, when a door suddenly appeared in the wall. The redhead ran to it, but hesitated when her hand grasped the doorknob. Did she really want to disturb James right now, before she had figured out what he thought was wrong? But she needed to apologize. But what if he was still mad at her? Would he kick her out? Deciding to go for it, she turned the knob and pushed the door open.
James was sitting on a scarlet couch, head in hands. Lily immediately felt sorry for being harsh with him. He had changed since they had started going out. She hadn't meant to be mean. If she had been, anyway. She was still a bit confused on what had happened. Before Lily could say anything, though, James looked up and saw her.
"Yes?" he asked. Lily winced at his tone.
"James, I just wanted to, well, apologize."
"Okay. Then do it."
Lily took a deep breath. "James, look, I'm really sorry."
"Sorry for what?" James asked, his tone warming a bit, but not much.
"For whatever I did."
James sighed. "Lily, if you don't know what you're sorry for, then why bother apologizing?"
"I-"
"Stop," James said softly, as if the word caused him great pain. Lily stared at him.
"James- what-"
"Lily," James said in the same scary voice. "You don't need to be sorry. You need to understand."
Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. Understand? How could she understand if he wouldn't explain? She snapped.
"James Fabian Potter, I don't know what the hell you're talking about! Understand what? how can I if you won't tell me? I poured out my soul to you in those letters. You know I'm not good with people! Honestly, James, how can you be all 'Oh, Lily, you're so great' and kissing me happily one moment and telling me I don't trust you and that I don't understand the next? Of course I trust you! I would never have let you get close to me if I didn't. You know this. Why are you being like this?"
James just shook his head softly. "Lily, you don't trust me. Not fully. Not like I trust you."
"Well, excuse me if I have trust issues because of my fucking father and sister!" Lily snapped, her temper rising despite her efforts to keep it under control. I trust you more than I've ever rusted anyone in my whole life, and I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you." She was almost in tears at the end of her little rant.
"Lily, I love you so much. You have no idea how much. And I can never show you because you don't trust me enough to open up to me. And no matter how much that hurts me, it will always hurt you more." He laid back onto the couch. "Christ, Lily. Why did you follow me?"
"Because I love you," she answered immediately.
"But do you really? Don't say it if you don't mean it."
"I mean it." She went and sat next to him. "I know I mean it because I realized when I fell in love with you that I never loved anyone before." Slowly, she lowered herself so she was laying and facing him. "And I do trust you. As much as I can, anyways, and I'm trying a lot harder. I know that it's not enough, so right now, I give myself to you. Anything you want to know, ask me."
He turned to face her, and she could see the stunning, raw pain in his eyes. It was only there for a moment, but it cemented her resolve.
"Did you really hate me that much?'
Lily took a deep breath.
"I thought I did. I really wanted to believe that I could just hate you forever and eventually I'd get away. But deep down, I think I was afraid that if I let my guard down, that I could really love you."
"Would that have been so bad?" He inched a little closer and twined their fingers.
"Then, it would have been the worst possible thing. Because if I let myself love you, then…" her voice broke as she tried to keep herself from crying.
"What? Lily…" James pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "Listen, you don't have to tell me. It's okay."
"No. No… I promised. The whole truth. Just… give me a minute." Just lying there in James' arms was heaven, and Lily couldn't believe that she'd almost screwed this up. "Everyone I've ever let myself love has screwed me over." She buried her face in his chest.
"Lily…"
"Mmph."
"Look at me."
"Mmph-mph."
He tilted her chin so she had to look at him.
"Lily, I love you. More than anything. And I would never hurt you. And you might not believe me, so the only way I can prove it to you is by not hurting you. Ever. Will you let me do that?"
"Mmm," Lily murmured, snuggling closer to James. She looked up at him. "James, I love you. Did you know that?"
"And I love you too, Lily," James said before bending and kissing Lily gently.
The kiss was beyond anything she had ever experienced before. It wasn't heated like some of the other kisses they had shared, but was instead gentle and loving. But there was something in that kiss that set it apart in her mind. There was so much emotion in the liplock that she couldn't believe that she had hurt him. As they broke apart, Lily started crying. She couldn't help it. The whole day had been stressful for her, and the kiss just broke the dam that held her tears back.
James looked surprised but held her in his arms as she sobbed. As he rocked her, he murmured, "Hey, Lils, don't cry. It's OK. Don't cry, honey. It'll be alright. We'll be alright."
She lost track of time as she cried into James' chest. Before she knew it, James whispered in her ear, "Lily, we have Head duties. We've got patrol tonight."
Lily sat up and wiped her wet face. "Okay," she said, trying not to hiccup. "Let's go."
"Are you sure?" James asked seriously. "We can skip if you need to. We won't get in trouble. I'd much rather make sure you're okay than make sure that kids are in at curfew."
Lily shook her head. "We can't skip. We made a commitment and we have to keep it."
James couldn't help but grin at that.
"What's so funny?" Lily asked.
"You sound like my mum," James answered. Lily rolled her eyes and smacked him in the arm.
"I do not sound like your mum," she protested. "Not that that would be a bad thing," she added hastily. "Your mum sounds cool."
James looked pleased with himself; he had made her smile. "Well, if you're sure…"
"I am," Lily said firmly. "On y va." She stood up.
"Right-o," James said, standing up also. He took her hand and kissed her again: another loving kiss, but with a bit more fire in it. Lily found herself kissing back instinctively. They were both gasping for air when they broke apart. James grinned.
"If that's how you want to play it, I'm not sure if I want to go to Head duties."
Lily laughed. "Come on, we have to go."
James pouted cutely but followed her out of the Room of Requirement.
oOoOoOoOo
"So, mate, did you two kiss and make up?" Sirius asked the next night. They, meaning James, Lily, Remus, and Sirius, were sitting in chairs and on couches around the fire. Lily was sitting in James' lap. His arms were wrapped around her. Peter Pettigrew, however, was missing. It was okay though; nobody missed him.
"Sirius, I don't really think that's any of your business," James said, but his smile gave him away.
"Of course it's my business. Moony wants to know too, don't you, Moony?"
"Not if it's none of my business," Remus said diplomatically.
"Moony," Sirius groaned. "You're supposed to be on my side!" Then he apparently got bored of his thread of conversation and took a good look at Lily. "Hey, Lily, your hair's back to normal, and you don't have freckles anymore. Why not? Did you take a vanity potion? Like the Pigment Potion?"
Lily froze.
"Well, geez. Touchy," Sirius said, backing off.
James casually tucked Lily's hair behind her ear, and leaned forward to whisper. "Coincidence, love. I would never." And press his lips to the side of her neck. She closed her eyes and smiled. Not only at what he was doing, but because she believed him.
"Whoohoo! Yeah! Take if off!" Sirius cried and began dancing around their chair.
"Aaand… we're leaving," Lily said, standing up and pulling James with her. "Head duties."
"Alright you two. Just no fooling around."
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