When the football team approached Lindsey for tryouts, having heard through the grapevine about his high school stardom, Lindsey had looked truly conflicted before smiling a lopsided half-smile that didn't reach his eyes in the least.
"Thanks, fellas, but I can't."
Nate had watched on as the varsity stars had tried to wheedle a yes out of the Oklahoma native. Lindsey had kindly deflected each offer, and in the end was left with a "Whenever you change your mind, man" and a few back-slaps.
"Why didn't you agree to tryout?" Nate had asked after watching Lindsey stare after the retreating teammates for a few moments. "You study hard enough. Hell, even I'm on a team here. And, I can tell you want to-"
"I just can't!" Lindsey had snapped, whipping his head back to the book in his lap. Nate sat in stunned silence, surprised that Lindsey actually let his feelings win for a few seconds. If Lindsey was anything, it was controlled. Oh sure, Nate had seen the fire behind Lindsey's eyes, but the younger man always had a handle on his emotions. Not in a frightening, "I'm a psycho under here" way, but in a "I won't let you use my emotions as canon fodder" way.
Nate stared at the top of Lindsey's head until the younger man sighed, looking up to squint at Nate. "Look, I have to graduate at the top of my class. I just have to, okay?...
I'm sorry I snapped at you." He murmured, trying once again to return to his book.
"It's okay, Lindsey." Nate assured, hoping to soothe Lindsey's agitation.
"It's really not," Lindsey looked up again.
"Look," he said as he shut his book, no doubt having already memorized the page number. Lindsey's mind never ceased to amaze. "You've been really good to me, and I don't know why. But, I do appreciate it. I really do. I just can't figure out what you want from me."
"I don't want anything from you-"
"Everybody wants something."
"Well, what do you want, Lindsey?"
Lindsey rocked back on his sit-bones, as if no one had ever asked him that question. After a quick recap of their interactions, Nate realized that it might just be true. Lindsey's body language definitely pointed in that direction.
"I want..." Lindsey started, his eyes flickering over Nathan as if trying to gage a future reaction. "I want..." He tried again, shifting in his seat.
His eyes flickered around the outdoor commons, where they were sat, before huffing suddenly and grabbing up his bag and book, shooting to his feet.
"You know what? What I want isn't anyone's business but my own!" He growled, drilling a glare into Nathan before stalking off across the lawn. It took Nathan only a few seconds to recover and gather his own belongings, jogging after Lindsey and falling into stride with the angry young man.
"I'm sorry Lindse-Hey!" Nathan snapped, grabbing Lindsey's arm in a gentle but firm grip and pulling them both to a stop. His matched his eyes to Lindsey's blazing ones. "I'm sorry I upset you. I was trying to dodge your question, and I was out of line to turn it on you like that. I'm sorry. Okay, Lindsey? I'm sorry."
Lindsey huffed again, flaring his nostrils and tilting his head back as if that would suddenly make him taller than Nate. He glared, but didn't try to reclaim his arm as he breathed through his anger. Letting out a growl, he dropped his chin back down and let the tension bleed out of him.
"No one's ever apologized that much to me. Ever."
"Then they're idiots."
Lindsey barked out a laugh. "I could be talking about family, you know-"
"Familial idiots, then." Nathan quipped, still gently holding on should Lindsey try to bolt, again. Lindsey dropped his head and nodded to the ground before looking back up.
"Okay, okay. You're sorry. I'm sorry. What do you want?"
"You," Nate blurted out, eyes widening before he gathered his courage and charged on. He could see Lindsey's eyes widening before they started to narrow. "Not like that!
I mean. I want you around. I want your friendship; your company. I like how smart you are, and how hard you work. I like that you're driven and talented and I'd like to be your friend. No strings. No expectations. Just you."
"Just me?" Lindsey reaffirmed, as if weighing out a good court case argument. He would make a fantastic lawyer someday, Nate knew. But, that was neither here nor there.
"Just you."
"And what if you change your mind? What if you decide you want more from me."
"I'll never ask more than you're willing to give."
"You don't know that."
"Then, I'll never force you to give me what you can't."
"You don't know that, either-"
"No, Lindsey- That I do know. I'll never take from you what you aren't willing to offer of your own free will. You tell me no, and I leave it be. I swear."
"You swear, huh?"
"Yes, Lindsey."
"So if I said, right now, that I didn't want your friendship..." Lindsey's eyes were assessing as he led Nate's next statement.
"Then I would leave you be," Nate answered, not even trying to hide the pain at the thought of that possible future. "But don't think I wouldn't miss your company. Not even for a second."
As Nate watched, inwardly terrified that this was it for them, Lindsey's mouth slowly quirked up into a tiny, but genuine, smile. The second true smile that Nate had ever seen on Lindsey's face.
"Okay, then." He nodded.
"Okay, what?" Nate asked, trying to avoid becoming frantic.
"Okay. Friends. We're friends."
"We're friends?" Nate asked with blossoming hope, a smile of his own spreading across his lips to match Lindsey's.
"Yes," Lindsey nodded again, sure and absolute. "You are my friend. Maybe even my only friend, but a friend, nevertheless...Now, can I have my arm back?"
"Oh!" Nathan softly exclaimed, realizing that he'd been holding onto Lindsey this whole time. He released Lindsey with a quick. "Sorry!"
"Meh. No problem. I mean, I knew you meant me no harm." Lindsey smiled as he adjusted his bag, turning to continue on his way. Sure that Nate would follow.
"You were going to say we were friends all along, weren't you?" Nate realized, once again matching Lindsey's stride.
"Maybe," Lindsey said, casting a sideways glance at Nate, smirking just a little.
"Jerk," Nate muttered, good-naturedly.
Lindsey's laugh could be heard across the lawn.