A/N: I'm back after some severely dramatic events occurring at my school, including a group of my fellow peers showing up to a school function wasted! Yay for underage drinking and throwing up on my principal's shoes! Anyway, this chapter just kept getting longer and longer until it had a mind of its own, hence me taking this long to update. Plus I recently found myself re-obsessed with my childhood crush, Jeremy Sumter, AKA Peter Pan. Seriously, check him out. Day-um.

Disclaimer: "Shoot, you caught me. I'm JK Rowling, everybody. Writing a fanfiction and fangirling over Peter Pan," she said sarcastically.

Chapter Three

August 16, 2012

Dear Diary,

"Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it's like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt that you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has become seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it."

-The Notebook

I hope I can find a love like that in the real world. In my dreams, I've obviously got James, but I'm not sure that I really wanted him at the age we were during my last dream. But if I combine all three of my dreams about him, they really come out equaling the above quote. When we first met, he was obviously quickly crushing on me, as proved by his instant douchebaggery and messing up his hair, and I didn't want anything to do with him or his friends. But during my first dream we were completely in love, despite our differences, as Nicholas Sparks said.

It's funny how I've started referring to my dream self as my actual self, but I don't know any other way to word it. The dreams themselves are addicting like a stupid reality show you know is pretty stupid, but you still find yourself plopped down on the couch at the same time every week watching it, accidently slipping it into conversations, and looking forward to the next episode. You know you shouldn't like it or watch it, but you just can't help yourself.

I'm not saying my dreams about James are stupid, but they're just that: dreams. Yet I still find myself reading through my two diary entries describing my dreams over and over again before bed, hoping to trigger a new one.

It eventually worked. In this one, James stole something that's extremely important to a prepubescent tween girl: her first kiss.

"Evans! Hey, Evans!" An irritatingly familiar voice shouted from behind me. I rolled my eyes at Severus, who shook his head as we kept walking.

"Evans!" He yelled louder, getting closer and closer. "Come on, don't be rude. I know you can hear me."

I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder. I sighed in resignation, knowing I couldn't continue to ignore him without being extremely immature and rude, which would be stooping down to his level.

"What, Potter?" I snapped, glaring at him. He grinned at me, I guess in an attempt to be charming. It didn't work; he came off as arrogant and conceited as usual.

"I was just wondering where you lived."

"Where I—what?" I sputtered.

"Where do you live, Evans?" James asked slowly, as if talking to a kindergartner.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not stupid, Potter. Why would I tell you where I live?"

He laughed. "So I'll know where to pick you up tonight, of course!"

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I was so confused. Luckily, Severus came to my rescue. "What are you talking about, Potter?"

James' easygoing smile quickly turned into a glare as his eyes snapped to make eye contact with Sev's. The two boys glared at each other for a moment before James replied in a falsely cheery tone, "Didn't realize I was talking to you, Snivellous."

Severus opened his mouth to make a biting retort, but I stepped in. I didn't want to cause a scene in front of the school and get in trouble again. "Why in God's name do you think you're picking me up tonight?"

James' eyes broke away from Severus' and again met mine, replacing the grin on his face. I have to admit it suited him better.

"For our date, of course."

He said this so casually I thought I must not have heard him correctly. "Our what?"

I think I was about twelve here and this was the first time James had asked me out. Since I obviously despised him, I don't know why he thought I might have a crush on him, but whatever. We were twelve, and at least he had the confidence to do it. Though I don't think a lack of confidence was ever a problem for James Potter.

"Our date," he repeated. "Where should I pick you up?"

Finally, after several moments of standing there in an awkward silence with my mouth opening and closing without anything coming out, I gathered my wits about me. "Potter, why the hell do you think I would ever go on a date with you?"

For once, he looked confused. "Why, uh, why wouldn't you? I thought you liked me."

I laughed. "Oh yeah, it was so totally obvious that I liked you by the way I told you I hated you and wanted nothing to do with you."

"But that was foreplay!"

Sev threw back his head and laughed. "Are you actually as stupid as you look, Potter? Lily doesn't like you, and she never will."

That was when James jumped him. I mean, we were twelve, so you'd think it would be these weak little punches and then that's it, right?

James reared back his fist and drove it again into Severus' nose. I heard a sickening crack as blood started to spurt everywhere, soaking James' hands.

"Stop it!" I screamed as I tried to wrench Potter off of him. The two boys paid me no attention and continued fighting, well, if you could really call it fighting. More like James was beating defenseless Sev to death and no one was helping.

Wrong. It was an all-out slugfest. By that point, a crowd had gathered and formed a circle around them, pushing me to the outer edge where I couldn't see.

I tried to force my way through, but the circle had swelled to five people deep by that point, so it was impossible.

"Stop hurting him! Someone get help!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, but it was no use. Everything I was saying was getting drowned out by everyone else's incessant chant.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

This was a pretty stupid thing to chant considering they obviously already were fighting. Plus, it just alerts the teachers that the fight's going on, which kind of defeats the purpose. Anyway, back to the fight.

"Lily? What's going on?" Remus suddenly asked from behind me, flanked by Sirius and Peter. Peter wore a similar expression and was trying to peek over everyone to see who was fighting, while Sirius had a gleeful and hungry gleam in his eye, as though he couldn't wait to jump in.

"And have you seen Prongs?" Sirius cut in.

"Potter is beating Severus up and no one is stopping it!" I replied worriedly. Sirius' face lit up like a Christmas tree, and without another word, he moved through the crowd like he was Moses parting the Red Sea and immediately through himself into the brawl. Remus rolled his eyes while Peter joined the crowd to watch.

"What happened this time?" He asked tiredly, like a beaten-down father asking the principal what his troublemaker son did this time. Which he basically was, in a way. Potter and Black were immature, cocky, rude, and were in detention all the time. The worst part was that they were also incredibly smart, and along with Remus, Frank Longbottom, and I made up the top five of our class.

"Potter got this ridiculous thought in his head that we were gonna go on a date tonight and was harassing me asking where I lived and stuff, so Sev defended me and kindly told Potter to back off and he just punched him out of nowhere!" I explained quickly, still searching for a teacher or help of some sort.

Ok, I realize that this is ridiculously biased and the thinnest the truth can be stretched. Believe me, real me is disgusted with younger dream me. But I can see where I'm coming from. I mean, I'm twelve and this guy I supposedly hate is asking me out. I clearly don't know how to respond because this is the first time something like this is happening to me. So suddenly my best friend becomes my knight in shining armor and sort of defends me. He's a total jackass in the way he does it, but he still does it, so who cares, right?

So when my hero of sorts gets punched in the face and basically gets the crap beat out of him by my enemy, you better believe I'm going to get pissed in a matter of seconds, and that'll lead to the truth of what happened being twisted until Severus is the poor defenseless victim and James is the monster, when really it's both of their faults.

Just thought I'd clarify.

Remus was giving me a weird look. "Lily, are you sure that's what really happened? Because Snape usually isn't innocent when stuff like this happens."

I glared at him. "Of course that's what happened! Now, are you gonna help me break up the fight or not?"

Wordlessly, Remus walked past me and eased his way into the crowd. Just like they had for Sirius, they parted for Remus, which infuriated me to no end. Just because he was a freaking Marauder didn't mean he should get special status!

I kept close behind Remus so I wouldn't get pushed and shoved. Eventually, I got into the middle, where James and Sirius were taking turns punching poor Severus in the stomach. The sight sickened me.

I stomped over to James and grabbed him by a handful of hair. I yanked up with all my might while Remus hauled Sirius to his feet.

"Jesus, Evans! Let me go!" James yelled, trying to twist out of my grip. The crowd had gone silent, everyone watching with avid fascination. I only pulled harder.

"Apologize!" I ordered. He glared at me with eyes full of painful tears. I glared right back.

"Never."

"Do it!"

He shook his head while Sirius struggled in Remus' grip to get at him. "Rule number one of Marauding, Evans…never, ever, apologize."

Sev was crumpled on the ground, clutching his stomach and struggling to wipe the blood from his nose. A lump rose in my throat, forcing me to look back at Potter.

"Look what you did, Potter. Are you actually proud of that? Are you proud that in a two-on-one you beat up someone who was smaller than you?" I asked him quietly, so no one else could hear. He didn't answer, staring straight ahead.

"You know what I think, Potter? I think you're nothing but a big bully who gets everything handed to him, and throws a tantrum when he can get something he wants," I continued. "And you know what? You're never gonna get me."

He closed his eyes tight while I smirked in satisfaction. He had finally gotten what he deserved. Maybe now he would stop bothering me and Severus.

This is when I wanted to wake up. I hated myself and the person I was being. I don't understand how James liked me if I was this cruel to him all the time. But I guess it's like that song "Just the Girl" by the Click Five, right? I knew just what to say so his whole day was ruined.

And then everything changed. Suddenly I wasn't holding James by his hair, but he was holding me in a dip, as though we were dancing. Startled, I looked into his angry hazel eyes shining behind his glasses as he peered down at me with an expression I couldn't decipher.

"One day, Evans. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, or maybe years from now, but one day I will get you to love me, whether you like it or not," he whispered before crushing his lips to mine. My eyes widened in surprise and anger, but he had already pulled away before I could do so myself.

He walked to the edge of the crowd and stopped, looking over his shoulder at me. "See you tonight, love."

And with that, he exited, strutting through the throng like the drama queen he was. And they all parted like the Red fucking Sea.

I can't help but root for James in this one. I mean, I totally just humiliated him in front of the school, and he totally turned it around, stole my first kiss, and made an extremely dramatic exit. The way he strut like it was a catwalk…I'd say he was gay if not for the first dream.

And might I say, that boy was a fantastic kisser.

Thoroughly weak in the knees,

Lily