Disclaimer: See chapter 1
A/N: So this chapter was even more difficult to write than the last one and as you can see the latest episode I watched was Known Unknowns and as much as I like Cuddy, I wanted to slap the shit out of her. I mean couldn't she pick someone other than that child-loser Lucas. Thankfully he's not a major character in this fic… Anyway here's the next chapter for your reading pleasure. :)
Chapter III
Two months had passed since Cuddy's admission to House of both; Lucas cheating on her and Rachel's biological father taking the little girl back and except for the one word apology he had given her at the time, House still had not asked her, or anyone else for that matter, how the hospital administrator was doing. The beep of her computer indicated that she had received a new email and broke the spell she was caught up in and she clicked to open up the message. Cuddy felt the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes when she saw the picture of Rachel smiling at the camera, her hands in the air as though she was waving them at her mother. She missed her little girl, and Cuddy was not sure she would ever recover from the separation – still she had to try. At least Rachel's dad was kind enough to send her pictures of the little girl often, though Cuddy was not sure whether it was in her best interest or not.
She wanted to tell Wilson or even House about how wrong she was when she made the decision to choose the rat Lucas over House, but the memory of him walking away from her made its way into her mind and she knew she could not do it. There was no way she would ever be able to deal with House walking away from her, not when she really needed him to be there for her. Cuddy did the next best thing she knew to keep her mind busy from memories of her daughter and her two closest friends and she drowned herself in work, no matter what. She had even been guilty of staying in her office until three 'o clock in the morning pretending to be doing paperwork that needed to be handed to the board later that day.
Her assistant walked into her office three minutes later to remind her about the board meeting that was starting in the next fifteen minutes and Cuddy gathered up all her papers she would need and readied herself for the meeting. She hoped this one would be nothing like the last few, but House had been behaving himself since his practising licence was reinstated and he was rarely a topic at the meetings for at least three of the four months now, and for some reason she did not like it. Cuddy took another ten minutes to read over her notes before she left her office and slowly made her way to the boardroom. She took her usual seat next to Wilson, who she, for a split second, looked concernedly at her before the expression changed to one of indifference.
Cuddy caught Wilson glancing over in her direction a few times and she knew he was taking in her appearance, and would no doubt go directly to his best friend and report everything to House. Sure she had dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep and she had lost a few pounds because she had on a few occasions forgotten to eat, so instead of filling out her clothes well, they simply hung off her thin frame. Even her hair had become frizzy and dry and Cuddy knew she had to start doing something to look better, but she found that she simply did not have any reason to. House had given up on her, Rachel was gone and she had kicked the cheating Lucas's ass out on the curb the day he had returned to her with flowers in one hand, a gift in the other and an apology falling from his lips.
Wilson caught her by the arm as they left the boardroom and Cuddy was unsure how to react to him. He had not kept his hostile feelings toward her; regarding her choice of Lucas and the way she had treated House when he had returned from Mayfield a secret, and the fact that he had stopped her of his own accord now puzzled her. After everyone had evacuated the boardroom he began to speak, and Cuddy was grateful that she did not have an audience listening to her.
"Are you okay?" Wilson asked her the concern showing in her voice.
"Yeah, just been a long week," she replied, not really sure what she should have told him. It was not like he was her biggest fan at that moment, and even though she knew he would run directly to House with the news, Cuddy did not feel comfortable telling him what had happened between the PI and herself or her situation with Rachel.
"Do you want to talk about it?" that was Wilson, even though he was pissed off at her, he just could not see her in pain, and he wanted to make her feel better,
"No, its just work related stress, nothing a cup of warm camomile tea and a good night's sleep won't cure," she replied and even to her ears she knew it sounded lame.
"Well, if you do feel the need to talk…" he let the rest of the sentence hang when he saw her twisting her hands nervously and slowly walked away form her and in the direction of the elevator.
Three hours later Cuddy was cooped up in her office still reading through the new proposals the board had handed her for the expansion of the peads ICU. She pressed her fingers to her temples on either side of her head and rubbed the spots, she was getting a headache and she knew if she didn't leave work soon it was going to get worse. Cuddy gathered up her laptop and the files she needed and placed them in her bag, shut off the lights to her office and locked the door before she headed out and home.
By the time she reached her house, her headache had intensified and even though she knew it was because she hadn't eaten the entire day, Cuddy didn't bother getting something to eat. Instead she toed off her shoes and slowly walked to her bedroom, her feet revelling in the plush carpet after strenuous day in heels. After shedding off her work clothes and settling into something more comfortable Cuddy started on the files she had brought home from work. She had barely been at it for an hour when the sound of Rachel's giggling made its way to her mind and Cuddy looked up, expecting to see her daughter sitting before her. She felt the ache in her chest when she realised that it was all just a figment of her imagination and that Rachel was in another place, somewhere very, very far from her mother.
She unconsciously placed the papers and her laptop on the floor and slowly walked to the nursery, taking in the sweet scent it still had. Granted Rachel had been gone for at least five weeks now, but Cuddy had purposely not taken out any of her stuff, she had left the room exactly as it was the day the teenaged boy had come to reclaim his child, hoping that he would bring her daughter back to her. Cuddy leaned against the wall of the room and sank to the floor, holding her knees close to her chest as her body convulsed with sobs. She hadn't even realised she was crying until she had to heave in a deep breath and the pain in her chest increased with each violent sob.
House had just wrapped up his case and was on his way out of his office when he was stopped by Wilson in the corridor of the fourth floor. The expression on the oncologists face alerted House that he wanted to talk about something serious and House found that as much as he liked Wilson, there was just no way he was going to talk about serious issues on a Friday night, not when he could be out at a bar drinking the night away, or well watching other people drink the night away. Since he had returned from Mayfield House had not drank himself to the point where he needed someone to take him home, or call him a cab, and he definitely did not want to tread down that road again. With this thought in mind he tried to sidestep the younger man, but it was easier thought than done when you walked with the help of a cane.
"I think Cuddy is going through something, do you know what it is?" Wilson said when House finally stopped trying to get away from him.
"And you're telling me this because…? And what makes you think I know about it?" House asked with a bit of an uncaring attitude in his tone causing Wilson to look up at the taller man.
"Because we're her friends, House. Because even though I would love to keep hating her for what she did to you, I simply can't see her suffer any more than she already is. And despite your act of not caring for her, deep down you know you do, House. I assumed she told you about it when the two of you spoke privately in the doctors' lounge," Wilson said as the pair walked to the elevator together.
"Well sorry to burst your bubble, Wilson," House replied, keeping his voice devoid of emotion though his mind was running at warp speed, "but I have no idea what you're talking about and I have no intention of finding out. I'm finally getting my own life sorted out, I don't need someone else's issues weighing me down," he said before he changed direction and headed for the stairs leading to the rooftop, leaving Wilson staring in disbelief at his friend's retreating back.
His mind was running with the information Wilson had shared with him about Cuddy, and if Wilson had noticed the change in their boss House knew it was just a matter of time before the other staff members would start talking about it. When he finally reached the rooftop House was happy to see that it was abandoned which meant that he would at least have a few minutes to himself before someone came looking for him and he was disturbed from his thoughts. House slowly ambled his way to his spot in the middle of the landing and heaved his body onto the cement roofing, only coming to a stop when he was settled comfortably on the roof.
He was brought out of his thoughts when he felt a warm hand settle on his shoulder, and House turned to see Dr Wyatt standing in front of him, with three hospital sheets and two blankets heaped in her arms and a small bag slung over her right shoulder. Despite wanting to keep his expression serious, House found that he could not stop the smile from breaking out on his face and he held out a hand to help her up. When she was finally settled next to him, both of them now sitting on the slightly warm sheets and the blankets covering them, the gray eyed woman retrieved her steel flask and two mugs from her bag and poured him a mug full of the strong, steaming, bitter, brown liquid, which House gratefully accepted.
"What are you still doing here?" House asked as soon as he had swallowed his first sip of the well appreciated coffee.
"Needed a bit of fresh air, how about you? I thought your patient was cured and you were long gone," she informed him.
"I was actually on my way out when I realised you wouldn't be seeing me for an entire two days and we both know how crabby you get when you don't get your regular dose of House medication," he shot back, his eyes dancing with laughter and his lips turned up in a smile at her reaction.
"Yeah because I suffer from withdrawal symptoms when you're not around," she sarcastically replied, though House heard the humour in her tone.
"You want to talk about it?" she asked after a few minutes passed.
"Nope," there was no reason to talk about Cuddy's issues because he was done with that. She had made her choice and now she had to deal with the consequences and House was not going to invest himself in something he didn't think was going to last anyway.
Another few minutes of silence passed before he started talking again, "Cuddy's having issues and Wilson thinks I should ask her if she needs help with them."
Dr Wyatt nodded her head in understanding, though she didn't say anything, knowing there was more he was going to say. She and House had met on the rooftop more times than either of them thought they would and despite House's policy of keeping his issues to himself, he found that he could not stop himself from talking to Dr Wyatt and that she always seemed to give him a new perspective on whatever it was that was bothering him. He opened his mouth to say something and closed it when he couldn't seem to find the words. He tried again two more times but failed to say anything else and Dr Wyatt took this as her cue to start talking.
"You don't share his view?" she prompted and looked at him to gauge his reaction.
"It's not that I don't share his view, its just that I don't want to invest myself in her when I know all I'm going to get is a kick to face when she's all healed and ready to find a man who will be able to keep her and her daughter happy."
"What makes you think you can't be that man?" she asked him and House snorted at the question.
"Oh come on Alex, its not like you don't know about me and Mayfield or the drug addictions and all that, the hospital is buzzing with the news and how everyone is just waiting for me to screw up," he replied bitterly and the woman nodded her head.
She had heard about House spending time in a mental asylum and having a drug addiction, but that didn't change her view of him. She had spent enough time with him to know that he used his wit and nastiness as a shield to keep his heart protected, to not let anyone in. What she did not understand though was how he could allow society to dictate how he should feel about stuff. What gave them the right to make him feel as though he would never be able to make Cuddy or her daughter happy? That without his knowledge and brilliance as a doctor, he was a nothing?
"That means nothing, House. So you spent a few months in a psych ward, so what? No one is perfect. That does not mean you can't make her happy, her daughter happy or even yourself happy."
She let a few moments of quiet pass as he let the word sink in, knowing he would give though to what she said and only then he would reply.
"Cuddy chose Lucas over me, and she didn't even tell me. I found out quite by mistake when we went for the conference a couple of months back. He was in her hotel room playing with her daughter," he finally admitted.
"She made an error in judgement, are you going to hold that over her head for the rest of her life?" Alex asked him and House knew she had a point. There was only a certain amount of time he could actually stay angry at Cuddy, only a while before he could stop avoiding her altogether and only a while before he would go seeking her out as he usually did. Still it didn't make the hurt any less.
"I guess not," he admitted, "and besides I already think the repercussions of her bad choice caught up with her," he continued
Alex looked at him prompting him to go on.
"Lucas cheated on her and the kid's father arrived from nowhere about five weeks ago and reclaimed the little bugger, so Cuddy has nothing left," he said and even though he thought it would make him happy that she had lost everything that was close to her heart, House found that he was more hurt than ever.
She knew there was no way to soften the blow of the next question but she knew she had to ask it, even if it was just to see where he stood when it came to Cuddy.
"So if Cuddy had to reach out to you for assistance, would you help her or turn your back on her?"
House waited before he answered her, "truthfully I don't know."
"Actually the fact that you delayed answering the question negates your verbal answer. You and now I both know that if she had to come to you asking you for help you would do everything you could to help her, no matter what the two of you went through in the past."
Alex turned to face him and palmed his face as she rubbed his cold, red cheeks with the pads of her thumbs, "Go to her House, she needs you now, because who knows… tomorrow it might just be too late," she told him and House felt the warmth from her transfer to him. There was something about this woman that appealed to him and he realised that he was attracted to her and once he was done saving Cuddy he would see if he could actually have a relationship with the woman sitting next to him.
He nodded his head, got of the roof and walked to the door leading back into the hospital and then he rode his motorcycle directly to Cuddy's home.
An hour later Cuddy was still rooted to her spot, the silent tears streaming down her face leaving mascara trails running down her pale cheeks. She heard the soft knock on her door but she made no effort to answer it, whoever was on the other side would eventually give up and go away, and well if they needed her urgently they could call her. A few minutes later she heard the door being unlocked and the door pushed open followed by a very familiar three legged walk.
House found Cuddy sitting in Rachel's room, her knees drawn up to her chest and her face streaked with tear stains and his heart shattered into a million pieces. He knew Cuddy had taken both her break up with Lucas and the loss of her daughter very badly, but when he had walked past her front door two minutes ago, he had not expected to see his best friend so broken. She was the stronger one between them, she was the one who always held it together, no matter the circumstances, she was the one who always helped him through his hard times never giving up even when the task seemed impossible but the sight of her in this condition spurred something in House and he knew he had to do something to help her. The only problem was that he had no idea where to start; he was not good at this kind of stuff.
He looked around the room, taking in as much as he could and he was not surprised to see that Cuddy had left it exactly as it was when Rachel was still there. The changing table in the corner of the room was still littered with the little girl's Winnie The Pooh grower and a tiny beanie of the same pattern. Her shoes were lying haphazardly in the centre of the room and some of her plush toys were strewn about the plush carpet and in her cot. It seemed Cuddy had no intention of actually clearing up her daughter's room, or worse House thought, that his boss was actually hanging on to the hope that her little girl would be returned to her. The revelation startled him and as much as he didn't want to get involved in this whole mess of saving Cuddy, House knew he had to do something before she self destructed.
The first thing he needed to do was get her out of Rachel's room and so House walked over to where Cuddy was seated and kneeled before her, ignoring the pain that shot up his thigh as he did so.
"Cuddy," he called softly but she didn't hear him.
The second time he called her, she turned to face him and House saw the defeat reflected in her gray blue orbs. With slow careful movements House cupped her cheeks in his palms and kept face tilted up and her gaze settled on his. He brushed away the tears still cascading down her cheeks and pulled her to him, until she was safely secured in his grasp. He held onto her for what seemed like ages, hoping his action would bring her some comfort. She felt so fragile in his hands that House was scared to hold onto her any tighter, and he was relieved from the task when they both heard the rumble of her empty stomach. House smiled to himself; at least he now had somewhere to start.
The diagnostician led his boss to her kitchen where he sat her down on a stool at the island and began rummaging through her cupboards and her fridge for anything edible. When he found nothing to his liking he pulled out a packet of frozen vegetables from her freezer. He found a few tomatoes in her fridge and decided it was enough for him to work with. While he waited for the vegetables to defrost in the microwave, he set them pan on the stove and stirred the liquidised tomatoes adding a few spices as he continued. Fifteen minutes later he set a steaming bowl of vegetable soup and two slices of toasted bread down on the table in front of Cuddy waiting for her to start eating. When he saw she had no intention of doing so, he gave her an ultimatum; either she was going to finish the soup or he was going to leave and not come back.
Hearing that he was going to walk out, Cuddy broke off a piece of the toasted bread and dipped it into the steaming soup and then into her mouth. The flavours that assaulted her tastebuds were welcome and in no time she had finished the soup, and asked for a second helping. House shot her a quizzical expression, but then remembered Wilson telling him that Cuddy had been skipping lunches with donor and board members and he had to wonder whether she had been eating at all in the last few days. He set the second bowl down and Cuddy managed to only finish a quarter of it when she said she was done, and House did not force her.
"Thank you, House," she whispered and House nodded his head indicating his acknowledgement of her appreciation.
Cuddy watched as House cleared up the mess he had made in her kitchen, admiring the way he worked and a warm feeling settled in her chest. Once he was done House turned to face her and she was unable to escape the yawn that escaped her lips when he looked at her. He slowly guided her from her kitchen to her bedroom and sat her down on her bed.
"You look tired, you should get some sleep," he told her and stood up to make his way out of her bedroom. He could not stand to be in there, the same place where she had given herself to Lucas without a thought of how it would affect House.
"House," he had barely taken five steps when heard her call after him, and he turned to face her once again.
"Please stay," she whispered and while House knew it would break her heart as much as it was breaking his, declined her request.
"I… I can't sleep," the words left her mouth before she could stop them and once she started the rest came tumbling out. "I haven't slept a full night in the last five weeks. Every time I close my eyes I see her, I see my little girl…"
House closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose, knowing this was harder than he thought it was going to be. He walked back to where she was still seated on the bed and sat down next to her, and once again pulled her into his grasp and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.
"I'll be back in a few minutes," he whispered into her hair. He knew there was no way he could walk away from her now, not when she had reached out to him for help.
House pulled out the airbed he knew Cuddy kept at the bottom of Rachel's closet just in case, blew it up until it was firm enough to lie on and readied it for sleeping. He placed clean sheets and pillows on it as well as a blanket and a duvet just in case it got colder during the night. He then returned to Cuddy and led her to where he had temporarily set up her new sleeping quarters in her daughter's room.
Cuddy sunk down into the airbed and waited for House to follow her actions and once he had she laid herself down pulling the blanket and duvet over her. House settled down next to her, making sure his thigh was comfortable and then pulled her shaking body to his, pressing her back to his chest as he spooned her.
"Don't worry Cuddy, we'll figure it out," he said, though he was not sure if he was trying to convince her or himself of the fact. Cuddy fell asleep ten minutes later, and while House knew this was his chance to slip away, he found that he simply could not walk away from her. No matter what his head told him there was just no way he could leave her to get through this on her own. With that thought running through his head, House fell asleep his heartbeat keeping time with hers.
Leave a review on your way out please…
Also let me know if you want me to continue or not and please feel free to share any ideas you guys might have for this story...