A/N: Quite a long chapter but there didn't seem a good place to divide it into two.
Some of this is not as humorous as the previous parts. There's angst, violence and shota – not detailed – graphic shota isn't my thing. And I have no idea why, but these guys seem to spend their life in the bathroom...
SPOILER WARNING – L's real name.
DISCLAIMER – the characters and Death Note are not mine, I'm just using them for my own perverse gratification :D
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"No!" said L.
"Why not?" Raito stood in the bathroom, hands on hips, an irritated look on his face. "They're only photos!"
"I have too much else to do," said L, unwrapping his new toothbrush.
"You get to see me naked, Ryuuzaki," Raito murmured.
"Why would I want to do that?" L asked.
"You seemed to like it last night."
L looked round and saw Raito smiling at him. Seductively. He turned back to the sink and started the lengthy process of tooth cleansing necessary to a sugar addict.
"Ryuuzaki, are you ignoring me?" Raito came nearer.
"Uhm," L replied, then nearly choked on toothpaste as Raito bent to put his head under L's and looked up into his face.
"Urgh!" L backed away, dribbling toothpaste and saliva down himself.
"That's disgusting!" Raito took a step backward. "You could just spit it in the basin!"
"Then I would have had to spit it on you," L said, grabbing for a towel. "Is that what you want?"
"First bondage, now spit," Raito mused. "What other perversions are you going to offer me?"
"Photographing you isn't one of them, Raito-kun," L said firmly.
"But, Ryuuzaki – "
"No."
"It'd make me happy!" Raito said, a pleading look on his face.
"Now you sound like Misa," said L.
"I do not!" Raito snapped, suddenly looking extremely annoyed.
"I'm really not in the mood for this," the detective said. "And I can see you naked right now if I want to."
"You can?" Raito's bad-tempered expression was replaced by one of interest. "You want to undress me?"
"Raito-kun, I think you're old enough to undress yourself!" L said. "Please do so. We're going to have a shower."
"I wondered when we'd get around to that," Raito said, already unbuttoning his shirt.
L sighed and restarted the tooth ritual.
"I need this handcuff off," Raito said, presently.
L finished brushing, put down his toothbrush and got out the key. He bent to unfasten the cuff from Raito's wrist so he could finish removing his shirt sleeve. His other clothes already lay around the bathroom floor and L had to concentrate on keeping his eyes on what he was doing, not letting them stray to the expanse of perfect flesh enticingly placed before him.
"What about you?" Raito asked. "You're not going to get in the shower with your clothes on, are you?"
"No." said L.
"Why are you in such a bad mood with me, Ryuuzaki?" Raito asked. "All I said was, you like to look at me. And why wouldn't you?"
"Your appearance is very attractive, Raito-kun," L admitted as he pulled off his own shirt. "Your narcissism, unfortunately, isn't."
"Is that what you think, Ryuuzaki? That I'm narcissistic?"
"It's obvious that you're in love with yourself," said the detective, "And you expect everyone else to feel the same way."
"You're wrong," said Raito, but he didn't elaborate, just turned around and went into the shower. He turned on the water and began to wash, his back to the detective.
L finished undressing and followed Raito into the shower, wondering if he'd annoyed the boy so much he'd refuse the request the detective had in mind.
"Raito-kun – " he began.
"What!"
"Please may I borrow your shampoo?"
Raito turned and stared at L, shaking his head disbelievingly.
"Don't you have any of your own?"
"Mine doesn't smell of strawberries," L said.
"If you smell like me, Ryuuzaki," Raito said, reaching for the pot that stood on a shelf behind him, "People will think we're lovers."
"I've never cared much for what people think," said L.
"That's no surprise," said Raito. "Come here."
"What – " L began, then Raito grabbed his arms and pulled him into the middle of the shower. Before the detective could protest, Raito sank his fingers into the thick mat of L's wet hair and began washing it.
"You know I can do that myself," L said.
"Yes, and I've seen the results," Raito replied. "You obviously aren't doing it right."
L sighed and let Raito get on with it. Had this ever happened before? He couldn't remember anyone ever doing this for him and he had to admit it was enjoyable. He closed his eyes and gave himself up to the experience.
"It smells good," he murmured.
"Don't comb it until it's dry," Raito advised as he finished. "Your ends are all split."
"Is that bad?"
"Yes."
"Can I fix them?"
"It wants trimming, that's all."
"You know a lot about this kind of thing, Raito-kun."
"Of course I do," said Raito, moving away from the detective. "I'm narcissistic."
"Are you sulking at me?" L asked.
"I'm not sulking," Raito picked up the shower gel. "I'm surprised that you've spent so long studying me, Ryuuzaki, and you understand me so little."
"What do I not under – oh!" L gasped as Raito's hand, slick with gel, slid up his back.
"Keep still. And don't tell me you can wash your own back. Nobody can do that."
"No..." L agreed quietly, wondering why his knees suddenly felt so weak. Raito's hands slid over his back, stroking, massaging, then came to rest on his shoulders, kneading the tense muscles, stiff from sitting at his desk for so long.
"I like the way I look," Raito murmured into his friend's ear. "But I'm not in love with it. And I hate that I'm constantly followed around by shallow people who want to be with me, talk to me, sleep with me if I wanted them to, just because of the way I look, or the fact that I'm the best student or whatever."
"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" L asked.
"No." said Raito. He reached around L and handed him the bottle of gel. "My turn."
L squeezed the thick green gel into his hand and regarded Raito's back, his head on one side. Where to start?
"Top or bottom?" he asked himself.
"Which would you prefer, Ryuuzaki?" Raito smiled over his shoulder.
"I'm wondering where to start washing your back, Raito-kun," L said, reprovingly. "Not anything else."
"I like to leave the best until last," Raito suggested.
L nodded and began soaping his friend's shoulders, as Raito gave a gentle laugh.
Raito's skin felt as perfect as it looked, a smooth silky covering for the firm compact muscles beneath. L looked down at his own aroused body and breathed a sigh of relief that Raito had his back turned. It wouldn't do to let the boy know what an effect he was having. L sought for a subject, something to talk about, to take his mind off what his hands were doing. Remembered what Raito had said while he was washing the detective's back.
"Are you lonely, Raito-kun?" he asked.
"I don't know, Ryuuzaki. I've never really thought about it."
"It seems to be something that you hardly notice until it goes away."
"Loneliness?"
"Yes." L ran his hands slowly down Raito's back his whole body tingling as he touched the boy's gorgeous body. Everything about him was good. Apart from, of course, the possibility that he was an evil killer. He paused, his hands on Raito's waist.
"Are you considering how far you should go, Ryuuzaki?" Raito peered over his shoulder at his friend.
"I think I've gone far enough," said L. "For now."
Raito turned around.
"I don't feel lonely now," he said. "With you."
"Me?" said L, drawing himself up to his full height.
Raito's eyes widened slightly as L's looked directly into his.
"I didn't realise you were as tall as me," he said.
"Life is full of surprises, Raito-kun."
"You're the only person I know – " Raito began, his face flushing slightly. "What I mean is – I don't know anyone else like you."
"In what way?" the detective asked, staring into his friend's eyes, wondering what he was trying to say. Wondering if it was true.
"When I'm with you, I feel – I don't know, Ryuuzaki. I just want to be with you, that's all."
"Then I suppose we'd better hope you're not Kira," the detective stepped out of the shower and picked up his towel, wrapping it around his head and rubbing vigorously. "Otherwise, one of us will have to kill the other, and be miserable."
"You don't have to worry about that," said Raito. "Because I'm not Kira. Give me your towel."
"Why?" said L, but Raito just took the towel from him and began to dry the detective's hair.
"You scrub at it like that, you'll just make things worse," he said. "You need to be gentle with it. Care for it. Treat it like your pet."
"My pet?"
"Mmm. Cute little strawberry-flavored neko," Raito murmured, handing back the towel.
"I'm not your neko!" L protested.
"I don't want you to be, Ryuuzaki," said Raito. "But it's what people might think. Matsuda for instance – he might think that."
"Why should he think that, Raito-kun?" said L. "I'm older than you, and I have you chained to me. Doesn't that make me look like the dominant person in our – uh, between us?"
"I suppose it does," said Raito. "If you happen to know those things. To any outsider it'd probably look like the complete opposite."
"I don't see why at all," said L.
"Because you're the pretty one," said Raito, reaching for his own towel.
"I thought we just had a discussion about how you thought you were the pretty one, Raito-kun!"
"No," said Raito. "We just had a discussion about how you thought I thought I was the pretty one. But that's not what I think at all."
"You're much better looking than I am!" L said.
"No." said Raito.
"Well, yes!" L said.
Raito stared at his friend, his eyes slitted. "Don't argue with me about this, Ryuuzaki. I think I know what's attractive and what isn't."
"And I don't?"
"Obviously not."
"Just because I don't agree with you, Raito?" L finished drying himself and started to put on his pyjamas.
"Exactly," said Raito. "You have a poor self-image. I don't. Therefore I'm more able to be objective about our relative appearance to whoever else might be looking."
L put his head on one side and stared at Raito, searching for a cutting retort, but before he could find it he was distracted by a quiet knock on the door.
"Damn, who's that?" said Raito, wrapping his towel around himself as he walked over to the door, L dragged along behind him by the chain that connected them.
"Yagami-kun!" said Matsuda cheerfully as Raito opened the door.
"Has something happened, Matsuda-san?" L asked over Raito's shoulder.
"No, Ryuuzaki," Matsuda said, smiling widely. "Just a social call – I hope I'm not interrupting anything," he added, taking in their half-dressed state.
"We were in the shower," said L. "And isn't it a little late for visiting?"
"I won't stay long, Ryuuzaki," Matsuda assured him. "I don't want to keep you from – from whatever you might not want to be kept from."
"If only," Raito muttered and L gave him a sharp glance.
"So what prompted this sudden display of gregariousness, Matsuda-san?" L said, sweetly.
Raito sniggered and L knew he'd picked up on the sarcasm that would pass right over Matsuda's head. That was one of the best things about Raito. He always knew what L meant, even when he was saying something quite different.
"Um..." Matsuda seemed to be having trouble saying exactly what he did want. He looked past them into the suite, but neither of them took the hint and invited him in.
"I just wanted to tell you both," Matsuda suddenly blurted out, "If you need anything – I mean, you're going to be in here all the time and probably not get out much. To go shopping."
"Shopping?" said Raito, a puzzled look on his face. "We have everything we need right here."
"I know you must feel like that," said Matsuda, his expression now turning positively sappy. "But there might be things that you find you want – "
"If we want anything, Watari can bring it." L interrupted.
"But Ryuuzaki," Matsuda leaned forward conspiratorially, "There might be things you need that you don't want to ask Watari to get for you."
"Like what?" Raito asked.
"Well, um, you know – safe sex is important – "
"You're offering to buy condoms for us?" Raito asked in an alarmed tone of voice.
"Or anything else you might require, Yagami-kun," said Matsuda with a smile. "Lube or sex toys or – "
"Thank you, Matsuda-san," L broke in before the list could get any longer. "We don't need anything like that at the moment."
"We don't need anything like that at all!" Raito said.
"You don't use condoms?" Matsuda looked appalled.
"We don't need to," said L, suddenly giving in to wicked temptation. "We have an exclusive relationship."
He shut the door firmly in the young detective's face, cutting off something that sounded like "so nice to go bareback – "
Raito turned to L, his face a mix of shock, anger and confusion. "What did you tell him that for?"
"Are you the only one who can lie about our relationship, Raito-kun?" L asked.
"Ryuuzaki, it's one thing to write a harmless fantasy to someone who lives thousands of miles away – and quite another to say we're having a, a homosexual relationship to someone who works with my father!"
"Matsuda won't say anything to your father," said L, turning away from the boy and going back to his bed.
"Urgh!" said Raito as it was his turn to be dragged by the chain. "Why not? Why won't he!"
"Let's just say, we should think ourselves fortunate he didn't ask to join us for a threesome," L said, getting into bed.
"What?" said Raito, staring openmouthed. "What? Matsuda? You have to be joking!"
"Obviously your gaydar is malfunctioning, Raito-kun," said L with a small smile as he arranged his pillows around himself. "Although I think there's a very high probability that Matsuda-san is actually bisexual."
"Yes, but, Matsuda..." the boy protested.
"Ninety-two per cent chance and climbing," the detective replied.
"Oh, well," said Raito, uncertainly. "Uh – do you want me to sleep with you?"
"No."
"Huh. And no photos either?"
"No."
"Honestly!" said Raito, climbing into his own bed with what could only be described as a pout on his face. "You're not much fun as a lover!"
L ignored that and did his best to make himself comfortable in bed with a chain dragging his arm in a direction he didn't want it to go.
His mind, as usual, turned to Raito. Kira, he told himself. He was thinking about Kira, thinking about the case he was working on. Which was a perfectly valid use of the time before he fell asleep.
What was this game Raito was playing? Did he really think he could seduce L? Was he Kira, trying to find a way to get inside L's defenses? Was he just teasing because he was bored? Whatever the reason, it was uncomfortable.
Of course, given Raito's reaction when he'd been asked to deepen his relationship with Misa, there was an easy way to stop his flirting now. Just tell him that it was distressing L and he would stop. And if Raito was Kira, then Kira would have an excellent weapon to use against L, would know one of his most vulnerable points. So that was something L wasn't going to do.
It looked as if he was just going to have to put up with the teasing and flirting. He sighed and shifted in the bed. The pillows weren't as comfortable as Raito. Or as warm. Or as sexy...
"Damn!" he muttered, rolling over and clutching at one of the unsatisfactory pillows.
"Aargh!" he heard from the other bed, before his wrist was jerked violently and he flew from the bed, landing on the floor next to Raito.
"What the hell!" he said, staring at his friend angrily.
"You pulled me out of bed!" Raito declared.
"You pulled me out of bed, Raito!" the detective replied.
"You started it!" Raito shouted.
L hissed between his teeth and climbed back into bed. He turned his back on Raito, his arm lying uncomfortably behind him. How was he supposed to sleep like this? He got up again, pushed his bed nearer to Raito's and got back in. Perhaps that would help. It really had been better when they'd been sleeping together. But Yagami Raito, almost one hundred per cent certainly gay Yagami Raito was never going to sleep in L's bed again if the detective could prevent it. It was one thing to desire somebody who seemed completely unattainable, quite another to want someone who might be his just for the asking.
Although, what was he thinking? Perfect, beautiful Yagami Raito would never be interested in weird, eccentric odd-looking Ryuuzaki... even if he felt like giving his friend a pity fuck... he said he thought Ryuuzaki was pretty. Was he being kind? Or being manipulative? Oh god, if only he'd meant it... imagine what that would be like.
No, don't imagine that, don't ever think of that. If only there was no possibility at all that he might be Kira... but L wanted him to be Kira – didn't he? If Raito wasn't Kira, then he was wrong and he didn't want to be wrong. He didn't want Raito to die either. For once in his life, L didn't know what he wanted... Raito... Kira... Kira... Raito... he loves me... he loves me not...
He seemed to see Raito standing at the end of a long corridor. It was dark but the young man could still be seen in the dull red glow that surrounded him. L walked toward him. If he could just reach Raito, all his questions would be answered.
After some time, he realised that he'd walked a long way and Raito was still at the same distance from him. Standing. Watching. It was hard to tell from this distance but he seemed to have a smile on his face.
L turned his back on Raito. That smile made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to go toward it. But he must, if he was going to solve –
An arm slid around his neck.
"Looking for me?" a soft voice whispered in his ear.
L struggled, trying to pull away, but the grip around his neck tightened and he started to choke. This was all too familiar and he felt panic start to chew at the edges of his mind. He forced himself to stop moving, to stand still in the embrace of – who? Yagami Raito. It had to be. A man who smelled of strawberries, how many of those did he know?
"Talk to me," the voice murmured and he was released.
L turned to find Yagami Raito leaning against the wall of the corridor, relaxed and smiling.
"Kira!" L accused.
"So you say," Raito remarked in a bored tone of voice.
"I know!" said L. "I know you! Look at you! You don't even look human!"
And as he spoke, Raito began to change, the red glow that surrounded him intensifying, shading his hair crimson, turning his eyes into two pools of blood-colored malice.
"You don't have to fear me, Lawliet," Raito murmured.
L gasped, hearing his name, his true name, in the mouth of the monster.
"Everyone else should fear me," said Raito who was Kira. He stepped away from the wall. "They mean nothing to me. Not a thing. But you – " he stopped, so close to L that he could feel Kira's breath on his face, smell him, that smell that meant Raito, meant so many contradictory things that even he couldn't understand them all.
"I think I'll keep you," Kira whispered softly, his carmine eyes fixed on L's. "You interest me. And you're pretty. When I finish my work – when all the world is empty, wasted, nothing left but the rotting, crawling corpse of humanity, there will just be you and I, Lawliet. Forever."
He bent closer and L closed his eyes, unable to bear the red gaze of the murderer.
"Only you," Kira murmured against L's lips, then kissed him, a kiss that was cold and tasted of the grave.
"No!" L spun around and ran. He didn't know where he was running to but he was well aware what he was running from. The featureless corridor stretched out before him, it's cold walls echoing the rapid sound of his feet, high walls that seemed taller than before, climbing up to invisibility.
Winded, gasping, he tripped at last and fell. Looked up. There was a door. He dragged himself toward it, reached up and turned the handle, pulling himself to his feet.
Lawliet pushed the door closed behind him, stumbling across the room to his bed. He pulled back the covers and dived beneath them, trembling, shivering, huddling his arms around his knees for comfort. He was safe here. He had to be safe here. Where else was there to go?
His heart was pounding so loudly he didn't hear it at first. Didn't want to hear it.
"No, no, no, no, no – " he whispered, unaware that he was saying anything, as the footsteps came closer.
The door opened and he was there. Lawliet could sense him, didn't need to see him. He curled into a tighter huddle, burrowing into the bed, knowing it was useless.
The covers were pulled back from the boy in the bed.
"Hiding, Lawliet?" The voice was low, quiet and amused. "You can't hide from me, you know."
"I don't want to..." Lawliet said, his voice tiny in the darkness.
"Of course you do," was the reply. "You like it. You want it. You think I don't know what you want, pretty little Lawliet?"
Lawliet shook his head in denial but his mute protest was ignored as he knew any spoken ones would be. He heard the familiar sounds, the click of a metal belt buckle, the purr of a zipper, the soft slide of clothing.
"I won't hurt you," the voice lied.
He moaned once as he was pressed into the mattress, then the arm was around his neck, silencing him, choking him before he could cry out from the pain.
From somewhere he found the strength to fight. He strained against the tight grip of the arms that surrounded him, loosened them and hit out violently at the aggressor.
There was a cry as his attacker fell backwards, then L was following him, dragged by the chain around his wrist.
"What the fuck!" he heard before he landed. Not on the floor. On something more yielding –
"Ow! Ryuuzaki!" Raito looked up from his sprawled position beneath the detective, an indignant expression on his face. "What are you doing?"
"What are you doing?" L demanded. "What did you do!"
"Nothing," Raito said, disentangling himself. "You were having a nightmare. I came over to – to comfort you. It doesn't seem to have worked very well."
L didn't speak, just climbed back into bed, still shaking. He turned in alarm as he felt the bed sag under someone's weight, then Raito was beside him, pulling the disordered covers up around them.
"I don't need you!" L snapped at him.
"No, of course you don't, you don't need anybody," Raito said. "Lie still, will you, you're kicking them all off again."
L stared at the boy as Raito arranged the covers until the detective was wrapped to his satisfaction. Then he slid his arm around L's shoulders.
"Don't," L flinched, hating himself for it.
"I'm sorry," Raito said. His eyes were concerned, his voice likewise, but – L's dream still had him gridlocked and he couldn't escape the thought that Raito would blink and reopen eyes that flashed red hellfire.
"You don't have to be afraid, Ryuuzaki," Raito murmured. "I won't hurt you."
"Don't say that!" L gasped, shuffling up the bed away from his friend.
"What – " Raito's puzzled look changed to awareness. "You don't want me to say that."
"No."
"Is there anything else you don't want me to say?"
"Yes. No. I don't know. Just don't say anything."
"As you wish," Raito tugged on the covers, untucking them from the bottom of the bed so he could pull them up around their half-seated bodies, then gently laid his head on L's shoulder.
L closed his eyes, gradually becoming calmer. There was something reassuring about the pressure of Raito's head on his shoulder, the closeness and warmth of his body. L sighed and let himself relax, his own head drooping to rest on his friend's.
Raito shifted a little, turning toward L, his hand dropping onto his friend's thigh as if by accident. As if he ever did anything accidentally, L thought. Raito liked to be in control of everything he did and if he could, everything everybody else did too. L had sympathy with that way of thinking, but he wasn't about to give up his own control to his suspect.
He gently put his hand over Raito's and clasped it, holding it so it was no longer touching such a sensitive spot.
Raito murmured a chuckle. L smiled. The boy knew exactly what he was doing. What both of them were doing. What would he do next? Give up? Or escalate?
Raito lifted his head, causing L to do the same.
"What's the matter, Raito-kun?" the detective asked.
Raito said nothing, only stared up into his friend's eyes and squeezed his hand. L became aware that his body was responding to Raito's nearness and he damned his suddenly wanton dick, how could he be getting an erection just from being looked at?
"Can I stay with you, Ryuuzaki?" Raito murmured, his eyes still fixed intently on L's.
"Stay?" L temporized. "In my bed with me?"
"Mmm," Raito practically purred.
L felt his face flushing. That was bad enough, but if Raito glanced down – well, maybe the bedcovers were thick enough to hide it.
"If you want to, Raito-kun," the detective said, before realising that wasn't what he'd meant to say at all.
"My sweet Ryuuzaki," Raito said, shockingly, before disengaging his hand from L's and sliding both arms up around the detective's neck.
"Uh, Raito!" L protested.
"What, you don't like me?" Raito put his head on one side. "Can you really look into my face and tell me such a big lie as that, Ryuuzaki? I saw the state you got into in the shower."
"I wasn't in any state – " L began.
"Yes you were," Raito disagreed. "You were in exactly the same state I was."
L found himself speechless. And, ridiculously, what was uppermost in his mind was that he'd been so concerned over his own arousal in the shower that he hadn't thought to check out what was happening with Raito. What had he missed?
"So since you want to...," Raito went on, "And I want to... why don't we – "
"You might be Kira!" L clutched at a straw.
"Not him again!" said Raito, disgustedly. "Honestly, Ryuuzaki, it's like having someone else in bed with us!"
"That could be the case," L said, glad to get off the subject of what they might do next. Although he noted it was surprisingly difficult to form coherent thoughts while Raito was hanging around his neck like this. "If Kira is – "
"Fuck Kira!" Raito snapped.
"But Raito-kun," L said, "That's exactly what I'm worried I might be tempted to do."
Raito laughed.
"What, you have a thing for bad boys?" he said. "I don't think so, Ryuuzaki. I don't think you'd even be attracted to me if you thought I was Kira."
L's eyes widened as he considered this. It was a good point. Would he really feel this – whatever he was feeling for Raito – if he truly believed the boy to be Kira? Surely not. That was beyond perverse. Especially after the dream he'd had, any suspicion that he was sharing a bed with that dark murderous creature would definitely not leave him like this – flushed, aroused, slightly breathless and simply unable to move away from Raito even though he knew he should.
Lost in thought, he didn't realise that Raito was moving until it was too late. The boy sat up quickly and moved so he was kneeling over the detective, his legs either side of L's thighs.
"What – " L began, then Raito snuggled closer to him, sitting on him. L could feel the boy's hard cock through his pyjamas, pressed against his own, and he let out a low moan.
"Uuuuh," Raito agreed, leaning forward and pushing his warm face into L's neck, his hands twining into the detective's hair.
"No," L murmured, but his body had other ideas and he found his arms going around Raito, pulling him close, feeling the heat of his body through their clothes.
"I want you, Ryuuzaki," Raito breathed into L's ear. "I want you naked, in my arms. I want you to make love to me. Kiss me. Touch me. Fuck me."
L growled, deep in his throat, clasped Raito closer to him until the boy gasped. Beautiful Raito, here in his arms, offering himself – and L, torn between lust and doubt and another feeling he couldn't even put a name to.
He suddenly pushed Raito away and before the boy could voice the question in his eyes, L grabbed the chain that joined them, lifted it, wound it around Raito's body.
"What – " Raito looked down at his bound arms, alarmed.
L pushed him to the side, grabbed his shoulders and pressed him back onto the bed.
"Ryuuzaki – " Raito said.
"Shut up!" L hissed at him, flinging himself on top of the boy, pulling aside the neck of his shirt and clasping his lips around the soft flesh of his friend's throat, kissing, sucking, biting.
"Ow! Ryuuzaki! What the hell? You're hurting me!"
L ignored Raito's protests, reaching down to grasp the waistband of the boy's pyjama pants, pushing them down. He thrust a knee between Raito's thighs, spreading him, then grasped the front of the boy's shirt, ripping it open.
"Uuuh!" Raito exclaimed. "What are you doing!"
L ignored him, bending to sink his teeth into the firm swell of Raito's pectoral, tasting his sweat, clenching his teeth, tasting blood.
The boy shrieked, and L grabbed his throat in one hand, pressing his fingers into the smooth, firm flesh, silencing him.
"Don't pretend you don't want it," the detective muttered, angrily. "This is what you asked for, isn't it? You want to get fucked – that's exactly what I'm going to do for you – "
Raito gasped, choking and L raised his head, staring down at the boy in triumph. Raito looked up at him, his eyes filled with fear and amazement. He looked familiar, L realised. Looked like... looked... where had he seen that look before? Nowhere... apart from in a mirror...
"Oh God!" L burst out. "Oh, God, no, I'm him! I'm him!"
He rolled off the boy, pulling the chain with him, tugging it from around his friend's prostrate body, ignoring Raito's further protests as the metal links dug into him.
L spun around, turning his back on Raito, clapping his hands over his face. What was he doing? What had he done? He'd never be able to look Raito in the face again – anything they might have had – his thoughts were brought to abrupt cessation as the chain clinked and then was whipped around his own body, holding him tight, rendering him helpless.
He tried to turn, unbalanced and fell. Against Raito, who put out his arms and caught the bound detective, holding him, his grip not too gentle.
"I knew it!" Raito said. "I said you were him!"
"Raito," L lifted his face to his friend's, his eyes pleading. "I'm sorry! I didn't – I didn't mean to behave like him!"
"No, I don't suppose you did!" Raito said, angrily. "You fooled us all for long enough, didn't you! Pretending to be looking for yourself – "
"Raito!" L interrupted, "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Don't play innocent with me now, Ryuuzaki!" Raito said. "I'm talking about you being Kira, of course!"
"Huh?" said L, staring at his friend in disbelief. "What – I mean – what – "
"Oh, shut up!" said Raito. "You just confessed it to me, don't try and take it back!"
He yanked on the chain for emphasis, pulling the detective further into his grasp so they were pressed together, practically nose to nose.
L shuffled frantically in his chains, uncomfortable at the proximity to Raito's warm body. It was having an effect on him he didn't care to think about, what was so erotic about being bound by him, bound to him? And at a time like this, accused of being a mass-murderer, had he lost all control of himself? He'd never in his life felt so confused, it was quite horrible.
"I don't like this!" he said. "Let me go!"
"I don't know about that, Ryuuzaki," said Raito, glancing down at L's crotch with a sneer, "You seem to like it a little too much!"
"I don't!" L protested. "Anyway, you shouldn't be doing this to me! I thought I was supposed to be the seme in this relationship!"
"Now we suddenly have a relationship?" Raito raised an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't want one, Ryuuzaki. Didn't even want me to sleep in the same bed with you until I got you into a state where you couldn't say no!"
"Is that what this is all about?" the detective demanded.
"No. It's about you possibly being Kira. If I said I was Kira, this is exactly what you'd do!"
"I didn't say that!" L protested. "I was talking about – about somebody else!"
"Can't you do better, Ryuuzaki, your lies are usually more believable than that!"
L strained against the metal links that surrounded him but only managed to pull himself even nearer to Raito. He struggled to stay calm, to think, what should he do?
"I was talking about somebody else, Raito-kun," he repeated. "Someone – I reminded myself of someone. Someone whom I didn't want to remind myself of."
"Hm?" said Raito in a slightly bored tone of voice.
"It's the truth!" L put his face close to Raito's, stared into his eyes. "Look at me, Raito-kun, I'm not lying to you!"
"I seem to remember when I was in a cell, Ryuuzaki, and I said exactly the same thing to you, you took no notice of me at all," said Raito.
"Is this revenge?" L asked.
"No," said Raito with a not very pleasant smile. "That's just a beneficial side-effect."
"Bastard!" L could feel himself losing it, and fought for self control. "Please – Raito-kun – you know that I only did what I did because I thought I was right."
"Then you should have no objection to me doing the same, Ryuuzaki," Raito replied.
"Raito – I don't want to tell you," L murmured.
"Tell me what?"
"Why I said what I did."
"I know why you said what you did. Because you're Kira. And you're pretending you're trying to catch Kira. Although why you'd have the dumbass arrogance to chain yourself to the one person who has the intelligence to unwind your sick scheme – "
"I'm not Kira!" L yelled.
"Really," said Raito. "So how do you explain you saying you were?"
"I didn't," said L. "I was – the man I reminded myself of – holding you down that way, hurting you – it's what happened to me."
"I don't understand," Raito stared into L's face, his eyes puzzled.
"I don't want to tell you, Raito."
"Tell me," Raito insisted.
L sighed and closed his eyes.
"Look at me!" Raito commanded. "If you don't look at me, Ryuuzaki, how will I know if you're telling the truth?"
L opened his eyes, stared into Raito's amber ones, so close to him.
"I was a child. I had no parents," he began. "I was alone. I'm not going to tell you the details. You're still my suspect."
"Fair enough," said Raito.
And – " L stopped to take a shaking breath. "There was a man. Because I had nobody – no one to protect me. No one that cared what happened to me. He came to me at night and he – he made me – he abused me."
"He raped you?" Raito asked.
"He did a lot of things to me," said L. "That was one of them."
L became aware that something was running down his face. Was he crying? Had Raito made him cry?
"I don't like you, Raito-kun," he murmured.
"So when I thought you almost told me last night that you were a virgin," Raito said, "That wasn't true. You just let me think it."
"I was going to say," L sniffed, "I never had sex with anyone I wanted to have. But then I decided I didn't want to tell you that."
"You should have done, Ryuuzaki," said Raito, unwinding the chains from around L's body. "You could have saved us both all of this."
"What?" L stared at his friend. "But – you believe me? You don't think I'm Kira?"
"I never did, Ryuuzaki," said Raito.
"Then what – what is all this about?"
"Ryuuzaki," Raito leaned back against the pillows, "I could look in a textbook on child abuse and I'd see you looking back at me. Everything you do – your oral fixation, your eating disorder – "
"I don't have an eating disorder!" L protested.
"Eating compulsion, then. Also your lack of interest in your appearance, your reluctance to form any kind of relationship, the way you react to trigger words, even the way you sit and stand, protecting yourself."
"You've been, been analyzing me?"
"I'm interested in you," said Raito. "And when you started saying you were him, I thought I'd take the opportunity to get you to tell me this."
"Because you thought I was interesting?" L almost shouted.
"Because I thought you needed to tell somebody about it," Raito said, with a half smile. "And because I wanted it to be me that you told."
"You are such a fucking arrogant bastard!" L hissed.
"True."
"How can you be so manipulative!"
Raito leaned forward, his face so close to L's that the detective could feel his friend's breath against his lips. "Must be like looking in a mirror, Ryuuzaki."
"Get out of my bed!" L yelled. "And stay away from me! Don't ever come near me again!"
"Whatever you say," said Raito, stumbling backwards off the bed. He raised his arm and shook the chain that hung from it. "Though staying away from you is going to be difficult..."
L didn't reply. He grabbed the bedcovers and pulled them over himself, turning his back on Raito.
"Ryuuzaki – " he heard the tentative murmur from the other bed.
"Go to hell," L said.