III
Daniel hid in the shadows of a jasmine bush as Jack passed by. It was ridiculous to hide because Jack couldn't see him anyway unless he made himself known. And even if he did; the chances of Jack just covering his eyes - 'If I don't look you're not there' – were pretty high.
He'd come back here to make sure Jack was going with the program. Sam was working on the drug and making progress. Teal'c's symbiote was closer to maturing than ever and it was about time to set things in motion.
He'd watched Jack wander the paths, then sit on the marble bench to pull the dog tags from his pocket and run them through his fingers while he brooded.
Daniel used to believe he had hardened his heart against his love for Jack O'Neill a long time before he ascended. He had still believed that when he'd asked Jack to let him go with Oma. He could have shown himself to Teal'c back then. Teal'c would have accepted his wishes and let him go on this journey as well. But Jack had always been the one he turned to, however grudgingly. It had felt right to say goodbye to Jack. Right and final.
Closure.
When Daniel had sat beside Jack through the ordeal at Ba'al's fortress he'd been there to comfort a friend, not to declare love again. It had nothing to do with how he had felt for Jack or how he'd once believed Jack felt for him. He had gone through that with Jack because Jack needed him then. He would have done the same for Daniel. He'd have been there, no matter what happened between them before.
It had taken Daniel a long time and SG-1 going MIA on this planet to admit – even to himself – that you could harden your heart against certain feelings. But you couldn't make them go away. Even when you were supposed to cut loose all your ties.
And even Oma's attempt to "help" by splitting him hadn't completely severed the bond between him and his friends. Between him and Jack.
Time and his ability to adapt and to move on had helped him to survive the death of his parents and Sha're. But he couldn't move on from Jack because...
He had no idea why. He only knew he couldn't. It was a weakness he had a hard time to accept. But there it was.
Daniel edged closer and silently morphed into semi-human form as he settled down beside his friend. So close and yet worlds apart. He had put off this confrontation, had steered clear of him; hadn't even gone back to watch him sleep anymore once the boy had appeared. Except for that one time when he'd talked to the kid, he had stayed away.
He wasn't sure what to expect. He had no idea if Jack could sense him, now that he remembered who he was. If, despite everything, their foundation was still that strong.
"I won't bother tossing my shoe through you this time."
Well, that answers that question. He couldn't make himself as visible and hearable as he had done in Ba'al's prison. If he tried The Others would intervene. When he had talked to Danny it had been different because the kid was a part of him. And Sam had been drugged and all her barriers were down. But even talking to her had only worked when he actually melded with her, touched her. He wasn't sure Jack would let him.
But Jack could see him. Or sense him. Maybe...
'Jack?'
Jack turned his head, looking right at him. "I can see you. Sort of. Can't hear you, though."
Jack wasn't going to appreciate it if Daniel just wrapped around him, as he had with Sam. He tentatively reached out, offering a translucent hand, palm up. Jack wouldn't take it. There was no chance in hell Jack would hold hands with him in a moonlit backyard.
"And they say romance is dead," Jack muttered, eying the hand for a moment longer before he finally raised his hand, paused, and then slowly lowered his own palm until it rested against Daniel's. Despite not being fully physical, Daniel could feel them connecting. It rippled through him like a small electric surge. The Others will know, he thought.
But nothing happened.
'Jack?'
'No words, eh? Did you move up a grade or two in glowy school?'
'It's just a precaution. I'm not supposed to talk to you.'
'All those rules of non interference still set in stone?'
'Ye-ah. But I'm getting better operating under their radar.'
'You always managed to bend the rules to suit you. Or just ignore them.' There was no accusation in that, just a matter of fact.
'So do you. If it suits you,' Daniel replied, unable to keep the sarcasm completely out of his mental voice
If Jack picked up on it he didn't react. Instead he smirked, 'So, what have you been up to since the last time we met at Ba'al's tea party?''
Daniel's hand morphed into a tendril of light, gently wrapping around Jack's arm. Of all the things Jack remembered this one had to be hard to face. 'You remember everything now?'
'Mostly. Some connections are missing. Did I like Froot Lops or donuts? And was Walter the chevron guy or the fix-it guy with that huge wrench?'
'Walter – chevron. Siler – wrench.'
'Right.'
'Froot Loops and donuts.'
'Nice.'
'Jack, are you ready to do this? I mean... I know you will move heaven and earth to get to Teal'c... but are you ready to go home when it's over? Are you ready to pick up your life again?' He sensed how torn his friend was. It seemed to come off him in waves. He was still caught between the two lives he had lived. The real one and the one the memory stamp had given him.
There was a long pause.
Jack looked down at his arm and the threads of Daniel's spirit wrapped around it. 'Will you stick around for a while... later?'
'You mean like on special occasions? Christmas, Groundhog day?' They had had this conversation before. In the infirmary at the SGC. Daniel hadn't listened back then. Not the way he used to listen to what Jack said to him.
Now he did. And had a moment of clarity. Jack had actually asked him to come back. To stay. In their own twisted way of talking to each other in some weird kind of Jack/Daniel code, he had asked. And Daniel had missed it. Or maybe he just hadn't been ready to hear it back then.
Was he ready now? He decided that, maybe, he was. 'You owe me a date.'
'Is that a yes?'
'A maybe.'
'I guess I deserve that.'
'Yep, you do.'
They fell silent for a moment, but Jack seemed to relax. The tension eased away. 'I don't know if I can change,' he said suddenly, 'but I can... try.'
'I don't need you to change. Just stop hiding out from me in that closet. Stop running.'
Jack didn't reply to that, but there was a faint nod. It was more than Daniel had ever expected to get. And he didn't have time to analyze it or celebrate or even consider his options
The clock was ticking.
As if he had read his mind, Jack straightened and turned to face him. 'Let's do this. What's Carter been up to? Is she ready to make the move?'
'Almost. By the time you're there she will be.'
'Good. Anything else you can give me? Layout of the monastery? You been there, looked after T?'
And for the first time in months they were working together again as Daniel gave Jack a report and they went over several critical details of the upcoming S&R.
ooo
Jack O'Neill gave the mirror one last look. He turned his head this way and that, not sure yet how he felt about the new hair style. It felt right. And yet... He scrubbed a hand down the back of his head, fingering the short strands.
"Mullets belong in the Eighties," he muttered, tossing the remains of his ponytail in the trashcan by the wash stand. He had finally shaved, too, and felt more human on the whole than he had yesterday.
It was time to get ready to leave.
But first...
He left the room Jadah had prepared for him and Danny. The kid had slipped out early without a word and Jack had let him, knowing he was in good hands with Jadah.
Breakfast was on the table in the sunlit kitchen; a loaf of white bread, butter and jam and a jug of orange juice. A plate with cold meat and some cheese. There was no sign of the old woman or Danny. And – thankfully – no tea.
However, no coffee either.
Jack quickly fixed a sandwich and had a glass of juice, his mind already on the upcoming mission. The mission before the real mission.
He finished eating, put his dishes into the sink and the food on the counter, then went on the search for his star child.
Danny turned out to be exactly where Jack assumed he would be. He stopped at the small fence and allowed himself a moment of undisturbed observation that brought a smile to his face.
The blond head was bowed, hands working busily, as Danny tended to one of the large brown rabbits with a soft brush, crooning soft words and patting the long ears in between. The rabbit seemed happy enough with the treatment and sat perfectly still.
Jack waited patiently until the boy was done and released the animal before he stepped over the fence and made his presence known. The rabbit took his time clambering out of the Danny's lap and joining his long-eared friends.
Danny crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. "I had breakfast," he informed Jack. "And I didn't wander off. Jadah knows I'm here. I asked if I could stay when we fed the rabbits."
Jack raised his hands "Hey, I come in pieces."
The scowl didn't waver. "Sometimes you are not funny, Jack, no matter how hard you try."
"Ouch. That hurts." He parked his butt on one of the uncomfortable boulders beside Danny. "What do rabbits have for breakfast, huh? Carrots and cabbage?"
"Carrots and hay and chicory." Danny wrinkled his nose. "Jadah says they even like brussel sprouts."
"Ewww," Jack shuddered.
"Did you come to say goodbye? I wish you hadn't." He ducked his head.
"Actually..." Jack let out a slow breath. He didn't know exactly why he was so reluctant about this. Why he was almost afraid of it. "I need your help with something, buddy."
Danny glanced at him, then back at the ground. "With what?"
"Remember when you said you could show me... you could fill in the blanks of my memories?"
"You said not to do that," Danny pointed out sullenly.
"I know, but... I guess I need to know."
"You said you remember enough."
"I know. And I do. But there's something missing from my memories. Most of them are... dull. And kind of..." He couldn't put his finger on the right word.
"Not like they are your own memories?" Danny asked with a perk of interest.
"Yeah. I have them and I know they are mine, but some of it feels like someone else lived them and told me about them." Except when it came to Daniel. His memories of Daniel and a lot of what they had been through were like a bright flame compared to the rest.
Jack had Danny's full attention now, which was a good sign. "I can't give you your very own memories. I can give you Daniel's. The ones that match with yours. But it will make you understand who you were, who you are. What SG-1 means to us."
"Okay." His throat felt dry and he wanted to be anywhere but here. But he had to do this if he wanted to get his... team home. If he wanted to ever be able to go on with his life.
Danny scrambled to his feet and stepped in front of Jack, between his open knees. They locked eyes for a long moment and the child whispered, "Don't be scared, Jack. Just trust me."
"I can do that," Jack murmured and closed his eyes when small palms settled to either side of his face and Danny said, "You're my bestest friend in the whole world. And you became Daniel's bestest friend in the whole world when you helped the people of Abydos to get rid of Ra..."
And so it began.
At first it was a tornado of images and words and sounds, but it slowed down to a gentle wind and Jack sat in wonder as Daniel's memories slotted in with his own and opened the doors to the repressed parts of what Jack remembered.
He saw himself on Abydos and at the same time he saw himself through Daniel's eyes. A broken, bitter man on a collision course with himself. He remembered what it had felt like to save the Abydonians in the end; like waking up from a long dark nightmare.
He skipped forward and followed Danny's guidance through the years. Meeting Carter, being amused over how she clicked with Daniel right away, being a bit overwhelmed at her razor sharp intellect and the rapid-fired explanation she was so good at. Bit by bit his own memories of meeting her returned. Holy crap, had she really told him that just because her reproductive organs were on the inside instead of the outside, didn't mean she couldn't handle whatever Jack could handle?
Turned out she had more balls than some marines Jack knew.
He got to understand Daniel's happiness over finding someone who understood geekdom and lived it. He knew Daniel and Sam had been close, but he only now realized that Sam had been far more than just a friend. She was like Daniel's big sister, the one he could talk to about almost everything and she never rolled his eyes at him or pretended not being able to follow...
Then there was Teal'c who'd given up his home, his family, to help his people fight the Goa'uld. Who'd pledged his allegiance to the Tau'ri the moment he had thrown his staff at Jack and helped them to break out of the Chulak prison. And, as Jack moved forward on memory lane he caught a glimpse of how Daniel had thought there was hope for Jack if he was able to think outside the box and trust a giant alien carrying a snake in his belly. And when they had been back at the SGC and Hammond hadn't thrown Teal'c into prison on first sight, Daniel had slowly started to believe he and Jack could make a difference and fight the Goa'uld. And save Sha're.
Jack had no recollection of how long this went on. Many things he already knew. Missions, close calls, politics, torture, saving the world, replicators, Apophis almighty, Ba'al, his personal nemesis, Yu with that 'you' joke getting old pretty quickly, Cronus, who murdered Teal'c's father, Nirrti the invisible bitch,... a carousel of names and places and events.
But little details were added now. Carter eating all that blue jell-o and being able to handle any kind of gun she wielded. Teal'c's weird liking for tabloids and TV shows like Oprah. Carter and Daniel playing Sudoku in the commissary, Jack and Teal'c sparing in the gym and Jack always ending up bruised and defeated. Carter's ability to think on her feet and rigging up doodads to get them out of tight spots. Daniel sitting cross legged in front of a pyramid door, unraveling the riddle on how to open it. Teal'c firing his staff with such calmness, always back-to-back with the rest of them.
Many things Danny showed him triggered more of Jack's own memories – Carter biting Jack's hand when they had come around from being stunned on Klorel's ship. Yeah, he really liked her attitude. Teal'c's undomesticated equines when Jack was hooked to the gate room wall. The Chulakian joke no one got, playing golf through the gate and... yep, that's where Jack had learned the art of pottery, in that time loop thingy. Daniel had thought Jack's new hobby showed an artistic side of him and he had actually kept a couple of the bowls Jack made in the weeks after the time loop before he had lost interest in pottery.
Some of the events Danny helped Jack to get a better perspective on were a lot darker. Creepy at times. A slimy goa'ulded alien monster trying to eat them in a pyramid, their unpleasant stay on the gamekeeper's planet, their various run-ins with Apophis, to hell and back, fighting the techno bugs. Daniel's sorrow over Sha're's death. His anger towards Teal'c, how hard he had worked to get past that and restore the friendship between him and the Jaffa. And, for the first time, Jack realized there had been guilt as well on Daniel's part for being more and more drawn to his best friend despite the fact that he'd been grieving for his wife.
All of it was slotted back into place with new layers added and when Danny finally reached the point of Daniel's last heroic act on Kelowna the images slowed down, then stopped.
Jack opened his eyes and saw tears forming in Danny's. "I didn't wanna die, Jack. I knew it would make you angry when I jumped through that window. I had no choice. But I didn't wanna die. I was scared when it started hurting so much and the cool packs didn't help and I wanted you to come."
He gently put his own hands over the small ones still covering his cheeks. "Danny, stop. You don't have to. I remember all that." And he remembered it way too clearly, in too vivid colors. He didn't need a re-run.
"And you came and I wanted to go with Oma, but I didn't want to leave you."
"Danny, stop..." Jack moved their hands away from his face.
"My heart was hurting all over and Oma said I could stop hurting. But you were so sad and I'm sorry I made you sad because I left."
Jack shook his head and, unable to say anything, tucked Danny into his arms in an attempt to shelter him from the pain and the fear. After a long moment he felt the small body relax.
"Daniel missed you. And Sam and Teal'c." Danny's voice was muffled by the shirt where he had his face buried against Jack's chest, but he wasn't crying and he was talking of his big self in third person again. He was distancing himself again from that other him. Hopefully that meant he had calmed down.
"I miss him too," Jack cupped the back of Danny's head. "More than he probably knows."
The star child clung to him a moment longer, then he started to wriggle out of the embrace and looked up at Jack with clear, knowing eyes. "You need to tell him."
"I think I already did. But I'm not sure he's willing to..."
"Forgive you? He will. He always does." Danny patted Jack's knee. "So do I. I'm cross with you because you won't take me to get Teal'c. But I'll forgive you."
"That's... thank you." And while it was amusing to be forgiven for wanting the kid to be safe Jack felt a huge pang of relief that he didn't have to leave a disappointed and angry Danny behind.
"Just bring him back. And listen to Sam. She's always right."
"I'll keep that in mind." He got up and swung Danny up to sit on his hip. "Want to help me pack?"
"Okay."
They stepped over the fence and walked towards the house.
"Jack?"
"Danny?"
"Remember you have no guns so you can't shoot first and ask questions later."
"You're a smart one, aren't ya?" Jack had been mulling the no-gun issue over for a while now. He had his knife, which was not much to work with. He'd considered making bows and arrows like they had done on the Nox planet, but arrows were only good for shooting from a distance. They had to get in the monastery, the lion's den so to speak, and just do hand-to-hand if necessary.
From what Daniel had told him it shouldn't be too much of an issue but you never knew.
Damn, he wished he had a zat at least.
"Try to be nice. Sometimes it helps," Danny piped up.
"I thought this was a rescue, not a diplomatic mission?"
"But maybe those monks won't mind you taking Teal'c if you ask nicely?"
He doubted that, but said, "I will be on my best behavior, Danny-boy."
"Uh-oh," Danny muttered. After a moment and just as they reached the front porch he said, "If they don't want to listen to you and play nice you can stop behaving and kick their butts."
Jack chuckled as they entered the kitchen and found Jadah at the table. She looked up from what she was doing and smiled. "Ahhhh, there you are. I have packed food for you and the little one." She patted Jack's backpack. "I also put the map in here. You don't know the woods like Sam does so you might need it."
"I'm not going with Jack," Danny said. "He wants me to stay with you."
Jadah frowned and shook her head. "I don't think that is wise."
Jack wondered briefly if the two of them had staged this little act, if Danny had talked her into convincing Jack to take him, but he hoped not even Danny had that much manipulative power. "I should have asked if you're willing to take care of him while I'm gone. I'm sorry I didn't think of that." He had just assumed she'd be happy to keep the bug for a while. Everyone loved that kid. He was like a sunray on a gloomy day.
"Oh!" Jadah laughed and reached out to pat Danny's arm. "I would love to keep him here, Jack O'Neill. But I believe you need him more than I do."
"I'd rather he stayed with you. We don't exactly know what to expect out there and we need to focus on getting Teal'c out."
"Danny here is your easiest way to enter the monastery without raising suspicion," Jadah pointed out. "If you claim he is the descendant of a sinner they will open their doors and let you inside to examine him."
"YES!" Danny patted Jack's shoulder.
"No. No way. Forget it. You're not coming with me. We've been over this." Jack turned to the old woman. "He's way too young to be claimed a sinner child. You told me the legend says kids don't 'turn' before the age of ten."
"Well, it has never been heard of that a younger child turns. But there is a first time for everything. They will want to make sure your boy is not a sinner."
"And then what? I just hand the kid over to be examined by those creeps while we go and get Teal'c? Not gonna happen." He tightened his arm protectively around the boy.
Jadah ignored him and spoke to Danny instead. "Can you make the monks listen, Danny? I know you have a special gift for calming people, to make them feel at ease, even happy. I have sensed it in you. Do you know how to do that on purpose?"
Danny's eyes grew big and he nodded. "Yes, I think I can. I helped Masala not to be sad anymore when we left. And I showed Jorge that he doesn't have to be angry all the time. But I never met those monks. I don't know if I can do it with them."
"I'm sure you can."
"Whoa!" Jack felt it was time to butt in here. "Hold it. I'm not taking you with me. Carter and I will handle those monks. There aren't many of them left and the monastery is a big old place with several possibilities to get in and out."
Jadah's violet eyes bore into him. "You will have to rescue a very weak and probably confused man. Danny here has the power to get you past those monks and probably distract them long enough for you to find Teal'c. His flame shines very brightly. This morning when we visited the rabbits they all let him pet them. They are not usually cuddly pets. I asked him how he did that and he touched my face and said; I let them know I won't harm them. I made them feel safe."
"Those monks are not rabbits," Jack snapped. But he had seen how Danny touching people affected them. On Mania's mom, Jorge, Masala – even himself. The question was; was this ability, gift, whatever, strong enough to use to their advantage? And was he slowly losing his marbles for even considering this?
"The point is that this boy will be able to get you to your friend much faster. And time is of the essence, is it not?"
"Yes. And I will lose a lot of time because he can't hike all the way through those woods. I have to carry him and the pack," Jack objected.
"There is a village in the woods, a small community. Tell them you are on your way to the monastery to have your child examined because I sensed something in him. Tell them I sent you and give this to a man called Gowder. He will give you one of his horses for the rest of the way." Jadah put a small leather bag on the table.
Jack picked it up; it was heavily filled with taler. "I have my own money..."
"Which you may need later when you reach the city," she cut him off.
Jack frowned. "Won't those folks start a witch hunt if they think Danny is a sinner?"
"They will not want you to stay the night at their village, but they won't hunt you. They will probably pity you for having to give away your child."
"Yeah, well... I still think it's too risky." He put the bag down again.
"There is something else to consider," Jadah said patiently. "If your friend is too weak to make the whole way back here once you've gotten him out, you will have to treat him wherever Sam has settled down. And once your friend is well enough to travel - which might take a while, depending on what condition he is in - you should go to Madinah City and find a way to reach your stargate. Coming back here at a later point may be dangerous once you have taken Teal'c from the monastery. If only one of those monks changes his mind later and reports to the authorities they might come looking here first."
Danny slung one arm around Jack's neck. "She's right, you know?"
Jack had to grudgingly agree about the sketchy time frame. If they had to nurse Teal'c back to health there and then make the detour here to pick up the kid... Too many 'ifs' and 'buts' all the way around. If Jack left Carter and Teal'c there and came back to get the kid it would still take him six days. Three to get here, another three or maybe even four to get back to them. And he didn't like the thought of Carter being on her own and immobile because Teal'c was too sick to move.
So maybe sticking together was the better option. Or the lesser of two evils.
He picked up the leather pouch again. "This Gowder – will he buy the sinner crap?"
"Certainly."
"Wouldn't it be easier to make a detour to Sa'iidi and buy a horse there without having to make up a story?"
"You will lose a whole day if you walk to Sa'iidi to buy a horse," Jadah pointed out. "The way up to the woods from there is much longer."
"Right." He slipped the money pouch into his pants. "Will you be okay if someone from the authorities comes snooping around here?"
She laughed at that. "Don't worry about me, O'Neill. If you manage to go to get to the portal they will have their hands full trying to stop you. And if Samantha can deactivate the venus trap and make sure no one will ever be memory stamped again, there is no need for Mentors and Shadows and secrets anymore."
And what if there wasn't enough time to disable that trap? If the gate trap only activated when someone dialed in from another planet – if the gate worked normally when they dialed out from here -. Jack wasn't going to risk them being caught by staying any longer than necessary.
Damn, he needed more intel. He and Daniel had talked about the monastery last night, how to get in and out, how many monks there were left, but not about the exact location of the gate or how well it was guarded. Daniel had to leave before they could get to those other points. He'd been worried about The Others getting on their six if he stayed too long.
Jack really needed to talk to Daniel again soon.