All of the painful Paily feels in 5x05 inspired me to do quite a bit of writing so I was able to get this chapter written today, earlier than expected! Not all updates will be this quick, but while I have Paily adrenaline I must capitalize. Thanks for all the love- please keep it up, I love hearing everyone's thoughts! Quick notes: 1. Lily will be a constant theme in this story and she will make appearances so no worries to all those who are interested in her! 2. My Paige is a badass (I think). I refuse to always have her go back and beg Emily for forgiveness/acceptance (it is one of my pet peeves of the PLL writers because Paige always seems so needy towards Emily but Emily rarely reciprocates it).
My heart hurts just like everyone else has said after all the emison stuff last night, so we can be each other's support system J I do not own PLL, enjoy!
She wondered if Alison could tell. There Emily was, lying cuddle up with her girlfriend in bed, and yet all she could think about was that Paige was home. So once again, she wondered if Alison could tell...could tell that she was not the predominant thought in Emily's mind at that moment. Emily felt bad, dirty even, that she was in a bed that she had shared so often with Alison over the past year and yet she could not help but to think of another girl. Yet, it was not just any girl. It was Paige. The other girl. She and Paige had shared the most intimate of moments in this same bed. They had stolen kisses in empty school classrooms, had picnics while holding hands and sharing a sandwich, told secrets that were forbidden to the rest of the world, and shared a love that seemed timeless. Of course, that was back before the 'Ali was alive' drama occurred, and even after the truth had been revealed time did not affect them, Emily did.
Yes, it took months of rejection by Paige and a serious bout of self- denial for Emily to finally realize that the end of the relationship, the destruction of the bond that the two had shared, was ultimately her fault. She pushed Paige away, but instead of fighting back Paige found ways to pull Emily towards her again. However a person, even the strongest of people such as Paige, can only be pushed back for so long before they fall over and decide to let go. When Paige let go, Emily did not know how to handle herself. She had Ali, which was a wonderful event in itself, but to lose Paige- someone who had been such a constant- it was a life shaking event.
For months she avoided all of the pivotal 'Paige and Emily' areas and activities that had basically defined their relationship. Karaoke nights, early morning runs, cooking along with Rachel Ray- all were off limits for anyone to do with her, especially Ali. She had already betrayed Paige, and if she could help it Emily refused to add insult to injury by enjoying these same moments with Alison. Paige may never find out that Emily kept these moments special for just them, but it eased Emily's hurting heart knowing that there will be always be some nice, untarnished memories with Paige. Now that a good year has passed, Emily had relented somewhat because some of these events were too unavoidable to keep ignoring (Hanna has become somewhat of a karaoke bar addict).
However, as a trade to relax her conscious Emily picked up some habits and tastes that she considered to be totally Paige. For example, anything with coconut is officially her favorite dessert and she learned to enjoy watching soccer. Doing these things made Emily feel like Paige was still a part of her, even though Paige was nowhere to be seen or felt. There were two places that even to this day Emily has kept sacred. The first is the swimming pool. Emily will go with Alison and/or all the girls to the beach, but she has not swam in a pool, for enjoyment, with another person since the last time she and Paige skinny dipped in Paige's pool. The second place is the window seat. Sure Ali and Emily have relaxed there quite a few times, but before anything goes intimate Emily is quick to relocate their bodies to the bed (or the floor if she is too impatient to go any farther).
The thought of the window seat makes Emily turn towards the piece of furniture. She stares at it, and although she tries her best to resist, she becomes engulfed in a memory:
Emily had rolled over to further cuddle into her girl before she was met with cold sheets and an empty spot on the bed. She shot up, concerned over where Paige had gone- looking at the clock it was barely three in the morning on a Sunday so Paige could not have gone running already. Emily's panic was short lived when she refocused herself over to where she heard a small sigh. She found Paige, still naked from their earlier sexual play, just sitting on the window seat, staring into the night. Emily had never seen anything quite so memorizing. If she was not so determined to wrap herself around Paige once again she could have definitely stayed like that forever, just watching Paige watch the night. But Emily was determined, so she slowly lifted herself out of bed and waltzed over to Paige. As Emily wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, Paige went to say something, but Emily silenced her with a quick kiss before placing her head on Paige's shoulder, both of them relaxing immediately into each other.
"Huh" Emily looked down to see what Alison had said to her.
"I said Aria sent me a text saying that we should all meet up at the Brew tomorrow morning" Ali responded semi-condescendingly (never liking to be ignored, especially by Emily). But she covered her attitude by adding "they must know we are always together now if they only send one of us a text, assuming we will tell the other." She added a smile for good measure.
Emily smirked at Ali's last comment and responded "took them long enough." She added a quick peck on the lips for emphasis. "And as for the Brew, sounds good, as long as you let me buy you breakfast so you'll come home with me afterwards." Ali smiled, loving that she got her girl's attention again, and winked before snuggling back into Emily's front.
Emily chastised herself again for wasting the past few minutes thinking about Paige. It wasn't right; that was the past and she was currently holding her future. She had Ali in her arms, and that's what mattered. Pulling Ali closer in, Emily let her thoughts drift over the past year and all the magical times she and Alison had together- all while trying to ignore the small hope that was ignited inside her after hearing Paige was back.
Twelve months away and Paige was still able to run her old jogging path like she had never left. Running was one of the best escapes Paige had ever discovered. For however long she wanted, Paige was able to plug in her headphones and leave the world she lived in behind. It was exhilarating. Not that Paige had much to run from anymore. Her life had really blossomed during her first year of college. She was thriving as an engineering major; her times in the pool were faster than she had ever thought possible; and she was surrounded by tolerant friends and a beautiful young soccer player. Life could not be better.
Or at least, that was what she had to tell herself on a daily basis. Even now, alone in the forest, hidden by trees, and distracted by music, Paige could not help but think about Emily. Being back in Rosewood was hard. There were memories everywhere and they were getting harder to ignore. At the end of her senior year Paige was so hurt and upset that it was easy to just be too mad at Emily to pay attention to the past. Then Stanford happened and everything about school had turned Paige's focus away from her ex-girlfriend. But now, now she was back home, years separated from the incident and more relaxed than she had ever been in her whole life. With this ease came the burden of no longer having a strong resistance against the memories.
Her wall against Emily had depleted somewhat. The hurt was still there, like a scar that will never go away, but it had faded now leaving just a small mark that was manageable. So as she ran she could feel Emily all around her. There was the tree where Emily hid a picnic basket to surprise Paige during a date night walk. A few yards away was the ditch where Paige had tackled Emily into while they engaged in a kissing war. As the memories piled up, so did the tears, but instead of breaking down like she used to Paige picked up the speed.
By the time she had reached the end of her run she was sprinting like an Olympian down the final stretch of dirt road. She slowed her pace as she passed her finish marker until she came down to a brisk walk. Panting she could not help but smile at her accomplishment. People turned to food, alcohol, or drugs to ease their heartache. Paige once turned to violence, but now she was stronger and used her emotions to make herself even stronger. Every time the hurt came Paige pushed herself extra at her next gym session, and then she made sure to crack a smile at the end, proving to herself that there is happiness after heart break. She was starting to think of other funny moments to enhance her good mood, but then the universe sent her some help, because at that moment her phone starting buzzing. Lily. She picked up after the second ring and began making her trek back to town.
The Liars had all gathered for their bonding breakfast together. Laughing and cracking jokes at each other's expense; overall enjoying the post 'A' life that they had always dreamed of. Emily had her arm wrapped around Alison's shoulders and in return Ali patted Emily's knee every few minutes to return the affection.
Paige was having a jolly good time chatting it up with Lily. She was enjoying hearing all about Lily's older brother who had accidentally dropped his engagement ring into the sink. Her attention was only half on Lily, the other half was appreciating Rosewood again as she walked through the town. Her smile grew larger once she spotted the sign for her old stomping ground that was stationed across the street. The Brew.
Hanna saw her first, and for a split second she was not sure what to do. Emily and Alison were sitting right next to her, touching each other, but at the same time she had not seen Paige in months and missed the girl too. Without really taking a second for further consideration, Hanna did what Hanna does best, she yelled: "PAIGE. PAIIGGEEEE. HELLO PAIGE."
As the screamed burst through the air both parties were quickly startled before allowing realization to dawn on them. Paige (still across the street) turned towards the tables outside the Brew. In a similar manner, the girls all turned towards where Hanna was looking across the street. It was Paige; it was Hanna/Spencer/Aria/Alison...and Emily.
Paige, even though she kept a slow walking pace to keep herself moving, she lowered the phone as she looked each girl in the eyes. The last pair she made eye contact with was the pair that had haunted Paige's dreams for the past year. Emily. The world and all its inhabitants stopped at that moment.
They say when two identical stars collide, it's a dangerous zone for all other matter to be around in- they might get sucked in or destroyed during the collision. That is how all of the other Liars felt the moment they witnessed Paige and Emily make eye contact for the first time after a year plus of zero interaction. There was an intense energy that engulfed the two, unbreakable by all who tried to destroy it, powerful but personal. They held each other's stares for as long as possible, both had their mouths slightly agape, and neither could remember how to properly breathe.
Paige was the first to break eye contact, not necessarily by choice, but Lily had yelled her name through the phone, wondering if she was ok because Paige had gone awfully quiet. Once Paige was out of her trance she held her phone back to her ear, shyly smiled at Hanna, gave a small wave, and with one last glance at Emily (who was still looking at her) Paige walked forward and away.
Paige had gotten off the phone with Lily after halfheartedly finishing their conversation. As much as she liked Lily, Lily could not yet replace or distract Paige from what just happened. Emily. She saw Emily. And Emily looked back at her. It was... Well Paige was afraid to put a name to it because every time she did it got her hurt. But damn, Emily looked fantastic. Her dark locks the same length as in high school, but highlighted. Her strong shoulders were exposed by her cut-off and Paige could tell Emily had been working out. The usual feelings were stirring insider her, it had been a year and Emily still could entrance Paige just as much as before. It would be interesting, if it wasn't such a sad situation. Paige had also seen Emily with her arm around Ali; they were still together. Therefore, Paige had to be careful. She could not interact with Emily; she could not let herself fall into Emily's presence. She could not let herself get hurt again. Paige had gained control of her life and she refused to lose that.
To say that Alison was mad was describing the situation gently. Ali was outraged at having to watch Emily and Paige openly gape at one another, and she let Emily know just how angered she was. For her part, Emily was too in-shock to really register what Ali was saying. Paige was back, and Emily saw her. Emily saw Paige, and Paige looked perfect. More toned than she was in high school, skin kissed by the California sun, and looking extra flawless with her body glistening from sweat. And those eyes. For the longest time Paige's eyes held nothing but hurt when she looked at Emily, but now, thanks to the element of surprise (a surprise named Hanna) Paige did not change her eyes in time. Emily finally got to see the gorgeous, innocent, and bright brown orbs again. It was a perfect moment, and Emily needed more.
*Rate and review as always please! Love, peace, and Paily!