A/N: hope youre liking the story so far!

Eli's POV

There he was.

Drew Torres. After a supposed mental breakdown, here he was, lying in my bed. As much as I wanted to fantasize doing dirty things to him, I had to remember that this was about Adam. If it was for any other reason... Well I kinda don't want to get that far into explaining, but you get my drift, right?

As I watched his body slowly start to regain consciousness, I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. When I returned, Drew had a panicked look on his face.

"Where the fuck am I?" I heard him say before I walked in.

I chuckled sadly. "I'm pretty sure you've been to my house before."

"What am I doing here, Goldsworthy? How long have I been here? What did you-"

"Calm down Torres. It's still the same day. Just a couple hours later." I told him. "You had a panic attack and passed out, so I just took you here."

"And why didn't you just take me home?" he asked, holding his head. He was either suffering a headache, or annoyed… or both.

"Well, the last time I had a panic attack I obtained 6 weeks of therapy. Now, I know for a fact that your mom is more overprotective than both my parents combined. I wouldn't wish that type of torture on anyone."

Drew glared at me, but then he softened up. "I guess I never thought of it that way. Thanks." He said.

"Sure man." I said, sitting on the bed next to him.

Drew sighed and looked down at his loafers with a somewhat ashamed look on his face. "He's really gone… isn't he?"

"I'm afraid so, Drew."

Drew flinched. "Eli… I cant believe I'm actually saying this but… I'm scared." He said. "I'm scared for … them, I'm scared for mom and dad… I'm scared for me."

"I am too. I feel so alone now, you know? I mean… Of course my parents are always going to be there for me, and I know that. But I never really had a person to go to, you know, like a confidant until I met Adam. I always liked being alone, you know? It kept me calm. Sure I'd hear a bunch of nicknames like 'emo fag' or 'Dr. Doom' or my personal favorite 'Ghoulsworthy', but I never really cared what other people thought of me, so I kept myself distant so I wouldn't get myself angry or anything. So many people have left me over the years, but with Adam… I don't know, I knew he wouldn't. It was like… a marriage vow. Till death do us part. I never thought that death would actually be doing the parting… It just isn't fair, Drew. I would give anything to have him back. Hell, I'd give him my life if it meant he got to live. Because even though he took his own life, he still deserved to live more than I do. He was just an all-around good person. He-" I choked. I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry anymore after the funeral, but at this point I don't think I'm gonna fulfill that promise. I felt Drew rubbing my back.

"Wow… Eli I didn't know you two were so… dependent of each other." He said, sorrowfully.

"Yeah… And the worst thing is…" I was a little too caught up in the moment. "I never got to come out to him." As soon as those words left my mouth, I felt like I could kiss any type of friendship with Drew goodbye.

Drew's POV

Well… That's was… wow. So Eli likes guys apparently. This is… wow. I looked at him and it was almost as if he were flinching, like he was ready to get punched in the face. If he thought I was going to, he was all wrong. As he cried, I continued to rub his back.

"Come out? As in…. gay?"

Eli shook his head. "I don't even know for sure."

"Oh…" I said. Then, out of pure curiosity, I asked another question. "So… how did you even figure yourself out?"

He gave me a look that pretty much told me "like I'm telling you".

"Ok, ok. Sorry for asking." I said, throwing my hands up in surrender.

"It's ok… you'll probably find out soon." I nodded.

Then, once again, I felt that feeling where my stomach gets that sharp pain and I have nothing to do but talk…. And I needed that talk more than ever.

Ok guys, don't laugh, but when there's a time when I just have to get words out, to just… You know, vent, and there's no one around, I would talk to myself. And I mean full-on conversation with myself. My one and only confidant since Katie and I broke up has been Adam, and now that he's gone, I sit in my room and talk to myself. I don't really know or trust Eli, but he's the only one here with me right now. I could use a garbage disposal.

"Eli, is it alright if I… vent?" I nervously asked him, stopping the back rubbing.

Eli gave me a quizzical look, but nodded and wiped his eyes. "Sure, man."

I took a deep breath. "I don't want you to tell me what I'd like to hear… but I'm a horrible brother. Like, seriously, I think I'm one of the worst brothers on the planet. I remember back when Adam had first made his transition. Everyone at school bullied him… I joined them. I was just so upset, you know? I lost my little sister. Back when Adam was…. Gracie, we were inseparable. She and I would always do everything together. We'd play pirates and talk about wrestling and video games. It was like Gracie was actually my… brother. Then one day, she walked up to me and said 'I think I'm a boy.' I laughed because I thought she was totally joking. Then, the next day, I walked into her room and… There was Adam. Grace cut her hair, and her boobs looked like they practically disappeared. When we got to school, I walked away from him. Like, the second I got there. I didn't think I could handle it. People made fun, beat him up, called him a tranny… And every time he came to me for comfort, the only thing I'd say was "You can only blame yourself." I said shaking my head, ashamed.

Eli also looked at me with disgust, but surprisingly, he patted me on the shoulder. "Must've been rough for you."

"It was, but what I didn't realize until we moved was that it was harder for Grac- Adam. And… When he got thrown through that door, I had the audacity to become friends with the guy who did it! I mean… Adam must've hated me." I said, looking to Eli, who was looking down at his feet as if what I just said struck a nerve. "What? What's wrong?"

Eli sighed. "Adam still loved you, Drew. He told me himself."

I sighed. "Wow… Really?"

"Yeah… but uh…" Eli stopped. I didn't get why he was hiding anything from me.

"What, Eli? What is it?" I pleaded.

"He um… He said that since you did all of this, he was positive that you didn't love him."

My jaw dropped as Eli gave me a sad look. I couldn't believe it. My little brother thought I hated him. I began to tremble again as tears welled up in my eyes. As I thought to myself, it became clear. Of course he thought I hated him. Adam was literally the best thing I had in this world, and even though he did so much for me, I continued to treat him like slime. In reality, I was the one that was truly slime. I made friends with his bullies, I took every girl he liked, for fucks sake I got him SHOT! No wonder he thought I hated him. I would think I hated me too had I been put through all that bullshit.

"But… But I did." I choked out. Eli actually began to cry with me, but… I didn't even know why.

"Stop…" He pleaded. "Please don't cry. Please." He began to wipe my tears away, and as much as I tried to stop crying… after what I just heard I couldn't. I didn't know why seeing me cry made him so emotional, but knowing that someone cared was all I needed.

I began to fall apart. I hated having to make myself look so ugly when I cried but I couldn't help myself. Knowing that Adam thought I hated him broke my fragile heart. Yeah, fragile.

"What he said wasn't true, Eli." I said through my tears. "I loved him. More than anything in the world. Adam was the greatest thing I had in my life and… now I cant tell him that."

"Through all the crap you put my best friend through, Drew, I know. I know you loved him… And that's why we're going to take care of some business when we go back to school." Eli wiped my tears away again, then his own. "There'll be no need for tears for this, because next week… redemption will ensue."

A/N: Well, I'm done with all the sadness for a while. So from now on, after each chapter, I'm going to write down a quote from the next chapter, but I wont tell you who says it. The first person to guess who says it (in a review) will have a slash oneshot written by me. (that means two guys. Sorry, that's all I write.)

"Listen, Drew. What happened to Adam shouldn't have happened, and I'm just as pissed off and disgusted as you are, especially since Adam and I were actually getting along. You have every right to be as angry as you want. But, please, let karma take care of this one, ok? You remember the last time you couldn't leave well enough alone, right?"