Chapter 3.
The 'real' beginning, curiosity and lies to friends.
Draco sits in the Room of Requirement, waiting, once again. You would think that Harry would be more eager for these visits. He's always late. It sometimes makes Draco question the nature of their relationship. He decides to forget this as he hears Potter walk into the room. He looks shy today, his hair is brushed in front of his eyes. It gives Draco an irritating urge to move it from his face. He curses himself.
Harry walks in to see Draco sitting on the edge of the bed. He looks as poised as ever, just the sight of him makes something inside Harry stir, but that is not what Harry should be worried about. He begins,
"Hey."
Draco almost smirks. So they say 'hey' now? That is something they do now? He pushes this aside.
"Hey."
Harry walks close to him. He doesn't remove his scarf. He always removes his scarf. What is he doing?
"We really need to talk."
Draco frowns.
"I've told you before... we don't."
Harry suddenly looks defiant.
"Well... I want to talk."
Draco shrugs,
"You can, but can you wait until I'm out of the room for you to do it?"
Draco gets up, he starts walking away. Harry suddenly grabs his shoulder, boiling with anger. He just wants to talk. He grips his sleeve tightly and Draco recoils. He stops. He doesn't want to be angry. He can't. He doesn't want to become... Why did Draco recoil? That will have to be a question for another day. Today is the day they settle another matter. He begins,
"Please Draco. Let us talk."
Draco steadies himself from the unexpected touch and rolls his eyes.
"Fine. But... don't expect me to be... nice."
Harry smiles,
"I would never expect that of you."
Draco rolls his eyes again and sits down on the rug. Harry thinks that even doing something as mundane as this he looks beautiful, graceful, dreamy. He sits facing him, legs crossed. He starts.
"So..."
"So?"
"Draco, I'm just going to say it. I like you. I want you to be more than a shag."
Draco starts to laugh.
"What's so funny?"
He slaps a hand to his knee.
"I'm sorry. I just can't take you seriously when you use my first name."
Harry rolls his eyes.
"Fine. Snoopidy Doopidy I like you. I want you to be more than a shag."
Draco splutters,
"Did you just call me-"
"One or the other. Your choice."
Draco lets out a hearty chuckle. He doesn't think he's laughed this much ever.
"I actually think I like Snoopidy Doopidy better."
"Fine. Well, what do you say? More than a shag?"
Last time Potter almost asked this Draco was sure he would say 'no'. But, now, everything seems different. He doesn't know why. All he knows is he's sick of being so alone. Sick of feeling like the only one in a crowded room. Feeling like if he wasn't in charge no one would care. They wouldn't; they're Slytherins. They're bred not to. But, Har... Potter is different. He is a Griffindor and he didn't decide to shag Draco for power. He did it out of lust. He did it out of longing.
Draco needs to think about this. Sure, he and Potter are enemies but it would be nice to have something more. To have someone who knows him. Maybe it would work out after all. Sure, they are polar opposites. They are on different sides of a war that hasn't started yet. They're stuck where they are and in the end it will come back to bite them but... it is tempting.
Potter is beautiful. And a brilliant wizard. And maybe they could finally have real conversations. He's not sure he likes him yet, let alone loves him, but would it be so bad if they tried? Draco, no matter how scared for the future, no matter how lost in the darkness, has always wanted someone to call his own. Someone to come back to. Someone to fight for apart from himself. Because, nowadays he doesn't even want to fight for himself. He feels like he's being brought up on the wrong side. He knows he is.
If he were to choose someone it wouldn't get much better than Potter. He's basically king of the wizards. The good wizards anyway. Draco wants to take a leap. He wants to say 'yes' so badly, because if he did maybe he could forget his future, forget his father, forget the beatings, forget himself. Maybe for once in his life he could stray off the path. Draco says,
"Potter. You're a good shag. You're a good fight. And, I'm sure you can be cunning when you need to be... Okay. But, don't expect roses or chocolates or dates."
Harry beams at his words. He says,
"You really want to give it a try?"
Draco rolls his eyes and drawls,
"No, I'm leading you on because this is all part of some elaborate scheme."
Harry laughs. He pauses. Harry is contemplating. To Draco he looks slightly constipated. He says,
"I have one question."
"Hmm?"
"How will this work?"
"How will what work?"
Harry gestures frantically between the two,
"This. What will be different?"
Draco thinks. Sighs. Then answers.
"I don't know Potter, you're the one who asked. What do you think?"
Harry says,
"Well... Relationships are different."
"Really?Is this really a relationship? I'm pretty sure you just said... How did you put it? 'More than a shag'. I mean, you really know how to win a guy's heart."
Harry snorts,
"You didn't let me finish. Relationships or... just dating is different. Its all about caring and consideration. I know you're conflicted..."
"Because I hate you..."
"Because you hate me. And if it makes you feel better I hate you too... sorta maybe not... uh... But, I think this would be good. Normally I think you have to like the other person first, but we'll get to that."
"Why do you want a relationship with me any way?"
"Because I... I don't really hate you. Draco I like you okay. I want to kiss you and cuddle you and argue and laugh."
Draco scowls. Really? Potter wants to treat him like a cushion? Draco is all for experimentation but kissing, cuddling, laughing... It seems very far fetched. Wasn't it only five minutes ago they were rivals? Or at least in Draco's eyes. Gosh. Potter is a handful. Draco replies,
"Okay. Its decided then."
Harry is a bit surprised at his serious tone. Why is Draco agreeing to this? He doesn't seem very happy. He looks downright sad,
"Why do you want a relationship with me?"
Draco gulps.
"Okay. Well. In case you haven't noticed... we're going to be in a war soon probably. And... well I want someone to fight for because I'm not sure if I... can uh... can fight for myself any more. So, Potter I think you should be that person... maybe. I don't know, don't let this inflate your Griffindor ego any more than it already is, I don't want your head to explode. I just want to try this. Experiment. You seem like the person to do that. So... yeah."
Draco says his words quickly but Harry heard everything. He just wants to reach out and hug him, but he is gone out the door before he can. Outside, Draco is hyperventilating. He just told Potter, his nemesis, that he liked him. Sorta. Sure, Potter said it first but he could have been lying. He really could have. They're only been shagging for a month, how could he have let his mask slip like that?
He readjusts it. Breathes and lets himself slide down the wall. He rambles to himself. When he sits down he finally realises what happened. He met with Potter but they didn't fuck, they talked. Draco sighs. He will be the death of me he thinks. Soon Potter comes outside and starts to talk to him.
…...
Pansy Parkinson is growing very suspicious. First there was the duel. Now, duels were normal, very normal between Potter and Draco, but this duel was different. This duel was in private. This duel was because Potter knew something about Draco. Pansy is determined to find out.
What is even more absurd is that Draco won the duel. Draco never wins the duels, so this must mean he was stronger. How did he get stronger? Because of his emotions. Draco prides himself on little to no emotions, so to Pansy this was an utter shock. So, now not only does Potter know a secret, this secret is very big and makes Draco emotional.
Then there was the 'letter notes passing thing' (as Pansy so expertly named it). Throughout the hall Potter and Draco were passing notes and... Draco laughed. And Potter laughed. What was so funny? What was said in the read aloud letters was also interesting. Firstly, there was the one about Potter having a secret that Draco knew. And now everyone thought Draco had a dark secret. Could it be that the duel was about something different? Secondly, was the see you there letter. See you where? When? To do what? It was most likely duelling but you can never be to certain.
So, Pansy has decided to make it her goal to find out what is going on between Draco and Potter. She has a few ideas but figures the simplest will be just to follow them. This is why Pansy is out of her dorm at 10 'o' clock at night. She's following Draco. All day she had been following Draco, keeping tabs. She even missed Herbology for this plan. But, so far it has been very boring. He just went about his day, scowling, sneering, rolling his eyes. The only confusing bit was when he and Potter stared at each other from across the hall.
No one else noticed but Pansy did. She saw them mouthing to each other. She couldn't quite understand but she got the gist of it:
Hey Potter
Draco
Stop calling me that
Oh sorry, Snoopidy Doopidy
What the fuck you Griffindor twat! See you tonight.
We need to talk
No we don't
We can't keep avoiding this
Yes we can and I can
Why won't you talk
See you tonight
Pansy had been thoroughly confused by the exchange. She's pretty sure she misinterpreted some of the conversation. 'Snoopidy Doopidy' for example. What did that even mean? Pansy had been taught the art of lip reading from a very young age, these two were making it obvious as they silently called to one another, and Pansy was disappointed in herself for misreading it.
Another question had bugged her mind after their conversation. Since when did Potter and Draco talk? What do they even do? They said 'see you tonight' but what do they do when they see each other? Pansy yet again wants to say 'duel' but knows it probably isn't that simple. Maybe they're friends. Secret friends. But, why? Draco hates Potter. Doesn't he?
Anyway, Pansy was stuck tailing Draco all day. For a while she had thought she was wrong, or already missed it, but this was not the case. Pansy was in the common room. Most Slytherins had gone to bed by then but Draco was up 'reading', every now and again staring at Pansy. He then looked at his watch and stood up. He murmured,
"I need to use the bathroom."
And then started to walk away. This was it she thought. So she followed him. And that is how come she is out of her dorm at 10 'o' clock at night. Draco twists and turns through the halls. Stops and starts. Pansy is on edge. Does he know he's being followed? He then comes to a wall. He stops in front of it. What the fuck is he doing?
He says,
"I need the room for Potter and I."
Suddenly a door appears out of thin air. Pansy barely manages to stifle a gasp. It swings open and Draco slips inside and the door disappears. She sits and waits. Waits for the one she knows will come. Soon enough Potter is there. He looks about, twisting his hands, nervous about something. He calls,
"I need the room Draco is in."
The door reappears and Potter soon follows the fate of her Slytherin king. And since when did Potter call Draco by his first name? Pansy is confused but quickly runs to the door, holds it open just a crack. Peeks inside. But, the room won't allow it, her fingers are slammed and she falls backwards onto the cold stone floor. She goes back to her hiding spot and waits. After about ten minutes Draco steps out, visibly shaking. He falls back to the stone wall. Breathing erratic. She can hear him talking to himself.
"How could you be so stupid Draco? You know the rules. You made the rules. And now Potter obviously has the upper hand. Is this even a game any more? Was it ever a game? Is he even telling the truth? How could he? You're Draco Malfoy. You're fucking Draco Malfoy and he is the fucking Chosen One. This was a mistake to begin with. You should have never trusted him. You say you don't want to talk and the next thing you know you are talking. Fucking cursed. That's how I feel, fucking cursed."
Pansy is on the edge of her seat. It seems like a duelling game, somehow it went wrong. Something to do with talking? Harry soon steps out and kneels beside the quaking Draco. He is cautious not to touch him when he is shaking like this and doesn't feel safe to be affectionate outside the room. He says,
"Draco, I thought you would be happy. You said 'yes'. We don't have to. I don't want to force you. I just thought it would be good. I thought we should talk and I should say what I think. Draco I get it if you don't want this. If you want to end all of this. I won't hold it against you. We can go back to being enemies."
Pansy gasps quietly to herself. Draco pulls his mask back on, regains his composure. He hisses,
"Firstly Potter as you know you should not call me Draco. Call me Malfoy. Secondly Potter we were never not enemies. Whatever this was between us didn't change that. We were still enemies. We are still enemies. And we always will be enemies. Thirdly Potter, see how I called you Potter, I don't need your pity. I said 'yes'. Its just very overwhelming. I need time to think. Don't think this changes anything about anything you stupid Griffindor prat."
Pansy almost sighs with relief. This doesn't look like a secret friendship. She expects Potter to be heartbroken. She expects him to cry maybe. Or get angry. Or anything than what he does. Harry laughs, he laughs in the face of a Malfoy. So, Malfoy shoots daggers to him with his glare. He says,
"Oh, Snoopidy Doopidy..."
What the fuck does Snoopidy Doopidy mean? Maybe Pansy isn't as bad at lip reading as she first anticipated. Draco sneers,
"Malfoy. Is it really that hard to remember?"
Harry pauses,
"I'll call you Malfoy if you call me Harry."
Draco scowls,
"Why would I ever agree to that?"
Harry smiles,
"Maybe because we're..."
"Oh do shut up. I get it. You're happy about this. Excuse me for being worried that my connection to you will most definitely get me killed by the Dark Lord."
Harry's face turns solemn. Pansy doesn't know what to think. Connection? What does that even mean? He says,
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about that. I... I don't know what I'd do..."
"Jesus, stop being such a Griffindor."
Then Draco starts to laugh. Pansy doesn't get it. Harry doesn't either,
"What's so funny?"
Draco stops and stares,
"So, you know how we're keeping this a secret, because if this ever got out there would be an uproar."
What? An uproar? What are they hiding in that wall room? Harry just nods.
"Well, Pansy, you know how intuitive she is, I think she might be catching on. So, every time she asks I just say they're way to Griffindor to understand."
Pansy beams at the compliment. Harry says,
"I don't understand. Why would you say that?"
"Potter,-"
Harry interrupts,
"Harry."
"Whatever. It just confuses them even more. You remember we've got to keep them off the trail. You said you would help me trick them. Well, saying they're too Griffindor is very confusing."
Tricks? Is this all about some pranks? Harry gives up on kneeling beside him and decides to just lean against the wall next to him. This pose seems rather intimate, friendly, and Pansy can't help but feel sick. Draco says,
"What do you think everyone would do if they found out?"
Harry pauses. Thinking. Found out what? What are these two hiding? Pansy feels extremely frustrated. He shrugs,
"I think Hermione would accept it. Ron would be pissed and probably try to kill you. A lot of people would hate us. Or be confused. Or maybe find it cute. Do you think the light in me outweighs the dark in you?"
Pansy frowns. Its hard to understand what they're talking about when she doesn't know the context. Draco scoffs at the question then quickly composes himself and says,
"Honestly Potter, I think you're going to save the world. Its a shame I'm going to end up a Death Eater whether I like it or not. Its a shame how the war will go for me. I don't really have a choice. My father is already training me. I know you will save the world, but this still won't work. We are enemies. We will always be enemies. Its in our blood to be enemies. But, like I said before, I need something to fight for. So, the light has nothing to do with the dark, but if it makes you feel better I'm sure your light outweighs my dark."
Harry smiles sadly, then decides to change the topic. Pansy is even more confused. Why is Draco telling him this? Harry starts to speak,
"You know what's ridiculous! Every year I face a new danger. First year I faced Voldemort to get some stone..."
Draco flinches at the name, as does Pansy.
"...Second year I fought a giant snake, and him again. Third yet I think we battled a rat... No wait a werewolf... no wait dementors. That was definitely it. This year is the tournament. I can tell I will get mixed up in that somehow."
Draco laughs.
"You're such an idiot."
Harry rolls his eyes. Pauses, changes his expression, and says,
"Draco, why are you so certain there will be a war anyway?"
Draco gulps, but continues.
"Well, my father talks about it all the time. He says You Know Who will rise once again and we will serve him. And when we do we will kill you and the light and will rule over the wizarding world. I know what side I'm fighting for whether I like it or not."
Harry sighs,
"I'm sorry."
"What?"
"I'm sorry you have to live like that."
Draco laughs,
"I prefer it when he's rambling."
"Why is that?"
Draco looks away.
"I think I'd better go. Pansy was eyeing me strangely before. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"You bet Snoopidy Doopidy."
"Fuck you."
And then Draco is gone leaving Harry alone and Pansy to trail after him. There is a lot she needs to think about. It looked like Potter and Draco have struck up some kind of bond. Is that the secret? She doubts it. You don't need a room for a friendship. No, their secret was something else. And after hearing their conversation tonight, she is more than ever determined to find out.
…...
Harry has a mix of emotions. He is excited to be actually dating Draco, but at the same time he doesn't really know what this means. Do they talk? How do they treat each other in day-to-day exchanges? Does Draco regret it? He has the urge to go to him right now, this early in the morning, but refrains. He knows Draco won't appreciate it.
Harry is in bed, he couldn't sleep and just got back from his meet-up with Draco. He gets up. Most people are still asleep. He changes and walks down to the common room. Thinking he may be in luck, to have some time to think, he sits down in the closest chair next to the empty fireplace. He goes through the days events in his mind; this is the day the other schools arrive at Hogwarts.
Harry can't say he is excited. Every year he gets in more danger than the last. If the Dursleys weren't so... dreadful to him he would just stay home. Just thinking about them his blood seems to run cold. His back stiffens. He doesn't feel like he can breathe. He will stay here as long as possible, he will not face them all year. Even if he somehow gets involved in the tournament, he realises that its better to have the possibility of a deadly danger rather than the certainty of a less deadly danger but constantly. Harry shakes his head. Soon he will get out of there...
His train of thought is broken when he feels himself being tapped on the shoulder. Hours must have passed while he was deep in thought, he gulps, that hasn't happened before. Its Hermione, her bushy red hair a calming and familiar thing when thinking of his situation. She does not look pleased. She takes a seat across from him. She begins to talk, softly, calmly, caringly,
"Harry. I don't mean to pester you, I really don't. I'm your friend and I'm worried. You keep pulling away from me and Ron and I just want to help. I don't know what's going on with you but I promise it will be better if you tell me. You don't have to. Its up to you. And after this I won't ask again. I just want what's best for you, Harry."
Harry looks up at her shyly. It would be so easy just to tell her everything. She would understand, wouldn't she? And Draco wouldn't mind, would he? He probably would. They've only just got together, he wouldn't want to scare him off. And, even though he trusts Hermione, he does, he doesn't know how she'll react to this. Harry steels himself. He needs to keep calm and continue on, he will tell her eventually, just not today, certainly not today.
Harry shakes his head,
"I can't tell you. I will... soon. But, not now. Thank you but... yeah... thanks."
Hermione sighs but she sends him a kind smile anyway.
"Its okay Harry, I get it, we all need our secrets. Just promise me that you'll tell me if you're in danger, or hurting. I only want to help."
Harry smiles. He can't promise that. No one can know the truth. Not even Draco. He nods,
"Okay. I promise."
He lies.