Harry: HOLY SHIT! Where did you come from?
Ron: There *points out car parked outside the window in mid-air with Fred and George in it*
Harry: Okay, really? I get in trouble for a levitation spell I didn't even use, but you three are getting away with THAT?!
Ron: What's wrong with underage wizards driving a flying car over a heavily muggle populated area?
Harry: That's exactly what's wrong with it. But how'd you know to come find me?
Ron: You weren't replying to my love letters, so I assumed something was wrong.
Harry: Really? Because I didn't even give you my address for that exact reason.
Ron: True love knows no bounds.
Fred: Guys, we kinda need to get going. You molesting Harry was both horribly disturbing and time-consuming.
Harry: Right, so we should WAIT, WHAT?!
George: Where's your trunk Harry?
Harry: It's in the cupboard under the stairs, but you should…
George: Don't worry, I got this *jumps into the room, then down to the kitchen, setting off several mousetraps*
Harry: Well, I tried to warn him.
George: I'm fine. Just get the rest of your stuff into the car.
Harry: At what point did I agree to go with you?
Ron: You don't want to stay here do you?
Harry: *thinks for a full minute* Not really.
Ron: Excellent. You're coming with us.
Vernon: WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?!
George: *casually pushing past him with Harry's trunk* Excuse me sir, we're just rescuing your nephew.
Vernon: Huh? What? You can't just barge in here and do that.
Fred: Funny thing really. We are. See ya *helps George into car*
Harry: They are gonna be pissed when I get back next summer.
Ron: You're not actually going back to them are you?
Harry: Well, they ARE my only family.
Ron: I can be all the family you need.
Harry: Real family don't do what you're doing right now.
Ron: They do in the Deep South of America.
Harry: I'd say goodbye to those readers, but let's face it, how many of them can read?
Ron: How many people read this in the first place? Other than KrispyBaconator.
Harry: Fair enough. So, I assume you guys have something worked out to tell your parents when I suddenly appear.
George: Pfft, fuck no. Ron just intends to keep you locked in his room until school starts.
Harry: And you're just going along with this?
Fred: We made a bet about whether he could actually keep you a secret until then. I reckon I can win back what I lost at last year's sorting ceremony.
George: Oh, we'll see brother dearest.
Fred: What's that supposed to mean?
*later, approaching the house*
Ron: Okay Harry, we're nearly there. Put on your Invisibility Cloak so you can hide from…
Molly: Me?
Ron: Yeah, yo…oh FUCK!
Fred: FUCK!
George: Fifty two sickles, Fred.
Fred: Shut. The fuck. Up.
Molly: Thank you George for your little warning.
Fred: You told her? That doesn't count.
George: You should have said that before you made the bet.
Molly: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, FLYING A FUCKING CAR ABOVE HALF THE FUCKING COUNTRY, MOST OF WHICH ARE FUCKING MUGGLES?!
Ron: We were saving Harry…
Molly: Like your father and I were talking about doing last night before you boys stole the car?
Fred: How were we supposed to know?
Molly: We've been talking about it for three days.
Harry: So I don't have to be hidden in Ron's room?
Molly: Say what?
Harry: Never mind. So, what now?
Molly: Well Harry, you must be hungry…
George: You're right, we should get some breakfast…
Molly: Not you three.
George: Hey, come on, I told what they were planning.
Molly: You still went with them. Now all three of you are going to degnome the garden while Harry gets your breakfast.
Harry: Sweet.
*in the kitchen*
Molly: So, Harry dear, how did you end up casting a levitation spell when your wand was locked under the stairs?
Harry: I didn't. You see, there was this house-elf, and…wait, how did you know about that?
Molly: Oh, my husband Arthur works for the Ministry of Magic.
Harry: Wait, so your husband works for what is essentially the wizarding government, your oldest son works for Gringotts, the only wizarding bank ever, and your second oldest 'works', for want of a better word, with dragons. These sound like three of the highest paying jobs in the wizarding world, so your family should be loaded. Yet you live in…well…
Molly: A dump?
Harry: Yeah, what gives?
Molly: Fred and George…
Harry: Say no more.
Ginny: *squeals and runs away*
Harry: What's with her?
Molly: Oh, she's been talking about you all summer. I think she likes you, such a darling.
*in Ginny's room*
Ginny: I can't believe it. The one who will allow me to bear my spawn is right here in my house, and I'm hardly of the age to conceive them. Not to mention my brother will hardly let me near him to allow me to take him. I shall have to find a way to get him close to me.
*back in the kitchen*
Molly: It's so cute, seeing her with a little schoolgirl crush.
Harry: Right…I think I might see how the guys are going out there.
*outside*
Harry: So, how troublesome can a bunch of plaster gnomes be *spotting one, kicks it, shattering it* See? Nothing to it.
Fred: They're not the gnomes we're worried about.
Harry: Then what are… *finger gets bitten* MOTHER FU… *flings it into the distance* …CKER! I think I need a new finger. I look like Frodo after he destroyed the ring.
Molly: You boys are right fucked now. Your father's home.
Harry: Oh, I have got to see this *goes to watch*
Arthur: *taking off jacket* Hi Honey. Hi Fred. Hi George. Hi Ron. Hi Harry…wait a sec, Harry?
Molly: Yes, Harry. Your sons stole the car…
Fred: Borrowed.
Molly: …and kidnapped…
George: Rescued.
Molly: …Harry from his aunt and uncle.
Arthur: Holy shit!
Molly: I know, and…
Arthur: We have a car?
Harry: So I'm guessing you'll be let off the hook.
Ron: Come on Harry, I'll show you where you'll be sleeping.
Harry: No, waitwaitwaitwaitWAIT! *gets dragged up the stairs*
Ginny: Someday I'll be the one dragging Harry up the stairs to do unspeakable acts with him.
Ron: *entering his room* So, what do you think?
Harry: You have an unsurprisingly large number of pictures of me.
Ron: Indeed I do.
Harry: And in every single one of them I'm…
Ron: NAKED!
Harry: Including one that seems to be in my room at the Dursley's…
Ron: Yeah, that was from a couple days ago.
Harry: I…err…*sigh* whatever. Hey, why is there a hole in most of them?
Ron: Because this *suddenly naked*
Harry: No, waitwaitwaitWAIT! *tackled to floor*
Author's note: Thank me later, yaoi fangirls. Also, Ginny is gonna be so much fun to write.