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Ch. 3::::::
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Previously, on Episode III: Return of My Heart:
Jimmy's blood shot eyes watched, he realized, the second sunset since Lou'd left. He'd drunk his liquor cabinet dry. He growled. The room turned from the fiery oranges and blood reds of the vivid sunset outside to the grey shades of twilight and finally was swallowed up in the black darkness of night. He should rebuild the fire, he figured. It was the only warmth he was ever going to get out of life, anymore.
She had felt so good, here, on his couch, under his body. So right. He cursed himself. He could have been inside her right now, feeling her tightness around him, breathing her breath, tasting her lips, hearing her voice moan his name with every thrust of possession and overwhelming desire he had inside him. He could have made her his again.
His eyes narrowed on the empty and cold fireplace. He didn't want to want her. He wanted to fuck her. He wanted to use her. He didn't want to care. He wanted to take her apart, piece by piece, like she had him. He wanted to see her weak, groveling, and destroyed. He would. Soon, he placated himself. Very, very soon.
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The bell above the door jingled and Mr. Mackey looked up to greet his latest customer. He was tall and broad, in his long black overcoat. The man, who was at least a foot taller than the stout store owner, had his head down, so his hat brim covered his face as he stepped in. The tall man stalked to the counter.
"Candy," the scruffy looking man growled.
Mr. Mackey nodded emphatically. "Of course, Mr...?"
"James."
Mr. Mackey's eyes widened in recognition. "Ahhhh, yes, of course, Mr. James. We have a wide array of -"
"Gimme 20 of everything you got."
The storekeeper's eyes widened now in excitement. "Oh, absolutely, Mr. James."
"Whatdya got to drink, round here?"
The short man gulped, "S-sir?"
"I need whiskey, brandy, cognac, maybe some sherry too. Good labels. Older years. And no cheap shit. Nothin' watered down." He pinned the store keep with glittering eyes. "I'll know."
Robert Mackey, for the first time since moving to the quiet outskirts of St. Joe, felt like prey staring into the hypnotic gaze of a predator. A very big and very deadly predator. In all his years as a merchant, he couldn't remember ever filling out an order for candy faster. Ever.
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With a large sack of sweets in his arm, and an even larger order of liquor to be delivered to his home later, Jimmy stepped out of the store, sucking on a sarsaparilla candy stick. He rubbed his chin and neck, scratching at the 2 days of growth he was going to have to clean up later today. He grimaced. Running out of alcohol in the middle of a good bender was never a fun thing, but at least now he had candy to make up for the loss of alcohol. And in a few hours, he'd be back on track, drowning his misery.
Despite his pounding head, or perhaps because of it, Jimmy wasn't sure which, he sat down on the bench in front of the general store to close his eyes and soak up the small town atmosphere that still existed at the outskirts of St. Joes. He tilted his hat down over his face and leaned back, working the candy stick absently with his lips and teeth. Maybe if he waited long enough, some of his order might be ready and he could take it with him today. Then he wouldn't have to wait for the delivery boy to bring it by later. He could continue on with drowning his emotions in peace.
He tuned his ears to listening to the small noises, the birds chirping at a distance, dogs barking, wagons rolling on some cross streets, and horses whinnying from hitching posts near the buildings. A tingling at the back of his neck made him feel like he was being watched.
Subtly, he opened his right eye, tilted his hat up slightly, and scanned the surrounding street. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, he closed the eye and leaned his head back. The sensation didn't go away. Finally, he pushed up his hat, opened both eyes and sat up, deeply perusing the surrounding overhangs, streets, doorways and windows. He cursed internally at the niggling feeling of being watched.
Leaning forward to push himself up and take cover, he came face to face with a tow headed, chubby cheeked little boy, with big, light brown eyes and wispy curly hair.
"Jesus!" Jimmy pulled back fast, heart beating like a jackrabbit's.
The kid's blunt little nose sniffled quietly. His cupid-bow upper lip parted from his full and slightly protruding lower lip to expose several little white teeth. He was staring at Jimmy. Or more specifically, he was staring at the candy hanging from the gunfighter's mouth.
Jimmy tried to breathe deep, to calm his heart. Who the hell...? Damn. He stared into the kid's eyes. Little man snuck up on Wild fucking Bill. He snorted in disbelief. The boy just stared at Jimmy's candy in his mouth and blinked once. Jimmy leaned back on the bench and stared right back. 'Whew,' he thought. 'If this kid were any quieter, I might think he was dead.' The boy blinked again.
"Well, I'll be goddamned," Jimmy said, narrowing his eyes at the little guy, looking closer. The boy peered back. "If you don't look just like my baby sisters did when they were just short stuff. Just like you." Jimmy ruffled the little guy's head and sighed, smiling wistfully.
"Well, shit, kid," the gunfighter muttered, glancing around quickly. "You don't tell nobody you got the drop on ol' Wild Bill," he almost swallowed the name, belatedly realizing what he was saying, then sighed, "I won't tell nobody 'bout the candy I'm about to give ya. Deal?"
The boy nodded with a solemn face and twinkling eyes. Smart kid. Jimmy's mouth twitched a little smile as he reached into the bag of sweets he had. After that revelation to the kid, Jimmy wanted to kick himself. He didn't know this kid from Adam, and suddenly he was his closest confidant? The kid was like … four damn years old, or something. What was he thinking? Something about this kid just made him open up. He sighed again and pulled out a lemon stick for the toddler. The boy's eyes lit up in glee, as his dimpled hand and chubby little fingers reached for the sweet. He clambered up onto the bench next to Jimmy and started sucking on the lemon stick, still staring at Jimmy.
'Damn,' he thought, 'second time in my life someone got the drop on me. First Lou-' He cut off the thought quickly, not wanting or willing to go down that path he was trying to drink into oblivion.
In the distance, he heard a panicked voice calling, "Eli! Oh my god, Jerry, do you see him? Eli!"
The little kid raised his eyebrows and looked around. A deeper voice called the same name.
"Eli! Where are ya, little guy?"
The young boy, with his now big eyes, whispered something that sounded like Dewy.
With an exasperated sigh, Jimmy called out, "Is this the guy you're lookin' for?"
He put stern eyes on the young escapee. "Did you leave your mommy and daddy, little man?"
The boy lowered his head in realization then raised it with tears in his eyes. He nodded.
"Mommy," he whispered.
Jimmy called out, still staring at the little guy in humorous reproach, "Ma'am, I think your little one is -"
She came rushing across the boardwalk in a flurry of white petticoats and blue skirt. "Oh my god! Elias James McCloud!"
Jimmy's smile faded quickly, memories of Elias Mills and the four day journey transporting him to his hanging flooded his mind. The four days he and Lou-
Jimmy looked up with one thought. No. He stumbled off the bench and onto his feet, his back connecting with the wall behind him. Her voice. His little face. No. God, no. She ran to the bench, dropping onto her knees in concern.
"Elias! God, Eli, you can't do that! You can't just walk off without telling me or Jerry!" Her hands ran all over him, checking him for injury or abuse, assuaging her fears, before hugging him tightly to her. "Eli," she whispered, her eyes swimming with tears. "Never, please, never do that again." The little blonde nodded with a sad and guilty look. She finally stood up.
"Thank you so much, sir, for-" Her eyes met his and her breath stuttered to a stop. "Jimmy," she whispered.
She watched his eyes dart between her and little Elias. He tilted his chin to the right, just so. In an unspoken question. His forehead furrowed.
She looked at Jimmy's scraggly hair, the unkempt growth on his face and curled her fingers into a fist. She couldn't reach out and touch him. She wasn't allowed to cup his face in her hands. To push herself up on her toes and brush his lips with hers. It was not her place. She gave that up when she walked away from him five years ago. She swallowed.
His eyes zeroed in on her throat working in what looked like nervous anticipation. His face crumbled in anguish for just a moment. Lou followed his line of sight to Eli and quickly shook her head. She opened her mouth to explain but nothing came out. His hand curled up into a fist that he pressed to his forehead. She took a breath, looking for something to forestall his anger, but he held up his other hand, palm out to stop her, his eyes still closed. He shook with rage. She trembled watching him. When he finally opened his eyes, the anger, hate and betrayal that swam in them stopped her breath. She shook her head, reaching a hand out to his arm.
"Please-"
"Unko Dewy." Eli shook his mother's hand and pointed with his candy occupied other one. Jimmy lowered his fist from his forehead and looked up to see a young man, of about seventeen making his way towards them.
"Little man! Damn!" Jeremiah picked up Elias and held him up over his head and jiggled him on his hands causing the boy to squeal in laughter.
"Jerry, language," she absently chastised, still staring into Jimmy's eyes.
He shot a crooked smile while staring up at a giggling Elias.
"Lou, he's lucky that's all I am allowing myself right now."
Jeremiah looked at his sister again, finally noticing the large man she was staring at. He furrowed his eyebrows.
"Sis?" Jeremiah peered closer at the scruffy faced man whose eyes had not left Eli since Jeremiah had walked up. "Mr. James?" The young man's eyes widened in recognition of his boss.
Jimmy tipped his hat at the young man. "Mr. McCloud, my best bouncer! I didn't recognize you in the daylight." Jimmy smiled. Lou could see the effort it took. Her eyebrows came together in concern before pasting on a smile for Jeremiah also and turning.
"He found Eli."
"Rather, the little guy found me." Jimmy shot the blonde headed boy a lopsided grin. "I've heard of a sweet tooth, but, this little guy takes the cake."
Jeremiah laughed, settling Elias on his shoulder. "And the pie, and the cookies, and the candy …."
"Tandy." Elias nodded firmly in agreement, showing his lemon stick.
"Obviously," Jimmy whispered and smiled at the boy. "Just like his pa, I'll bet," he muttered. He heard Lou stumble over a breath. His heart flipped so hard it hurt his chest. He tipped his hat at Jeremiah, shot a long glance at Elias, then narrowed his eyes at Lou a moment before mounting up and riding off. Hard.
Jeremiah looked at Lou. "Guess he had to leave." She shrugged. "Lou, are you alright? You look a little pale." She took Elias from her brother, silently, still dazed and concerned. "Huh. We should have him over for dinner sometime." She nodded in agreement absently as she started walking home, Jeremiah behind her. "Sometimes he reminds me of one of them guys you was riding with when you came to the orphanage, sis. You know, back in the Express days. The ones you told us stories about."
"Huh." She kept walking, not hearing Jeremiah's words.
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'How the hell long does it take to deliver a few bottles of alcohol? Damnit, the candy just ain't cuttin' it anymore. Hey, water. I can drink water with the sugar. That'd help. Ahhhhh, so fresh and so clean. Damn, who knew water could taste so damn good? Door. Knocking on the door. That'd better be my liquor or I'm going to - What the hell? What's she doing here?'
"Jimmy?"
"Lou..."
'Goddamn, she's back. Here. Control, Jimmy, control, damnit! This time, it's all you. You are the master. You have your control. You've learned your lessons. Control yourself. Control her.'
"Jimmy." She's timid. Quiet. Humbled? Damn, who would have thought? Lay eyes on a little kid that looks like me, and suddenly- "Jimmy, I know what you're think-"
"Hey, Mr. James?" Jimmy looked up to see Mr. Mackey's wagon and orange haired delivery boy pulling up to the front gate. Finally. "I'm Heathcliff from Mr. Mackey's?" The freckle faced boy looked like he was competing with the sun to see who could beam the brightest. Jimmy snorted in humor.
"Come on in!" Jimmy yelled back. "Bring the stuff with ya!" Jimmy frowned down at Lou on his doorstep. Again. Offering her a drink wouldn't be all bad, would it? He shrugged.
"Lou." She looked up at him with big eyes. His mouth quirked up on one side. His eyes turned stormy. "Won't you come in?"
She followed behind Jimmy as he led the way into the house, Heathcliff right on her heels. The boy put the very full box on the ground in the middle of the kitchen between Jimmy and Lou and returned to the wagon for the rest of the order.
Jimmy and Lou watched the boy perform his task, bringing box after box into Jimmy's kitchen, the boy chattering a mile a minute about the size of Jimmy's order and how happy he was to be delivering such an important order to Mr. James. Lou stifled a smile at the boy's enthusiasm. When the red-head finally finished the back breaking work, Jimmy gave the boy a dollar. The young man's eyes almost popped out if his head.
"Mr. James! Thank you!" He pumped the big man's hand vigorously. Jimmy couldn't help but smile back at the bright young man, as he walked out, head held high.
Jimmy looked at the small pile of boxes now populating his dining room. Finding the box he was looking for, he pried the top off and pulled out a dusty sealed bottle of cognac. He stifled a smile. If she thought she liked the brandy…
He wiped the label with his thumb, studying the bottle. Good brand, nice year. Actually from France. He'd have to have Mr. Mackey keep this in stock. He shifted his eyes from the bottle to Lou, looking at her through his eyebrows.
"Crack a bottle with me?" Lou opened her mouth, looking like she was going to shake her head. "For old time's sake, of course." He tilted the corner of his lips in an approximation of a wry smile.
She shook her head. "Um…"
He glared at her and huffed in annoyance, taking the bottle and heading to the study. She followed behind, wanting to get his mind off Elias as quickly as possible. He handed her a glass.
"Sit down and try this. If you liked the brandy, you're gonna love this."
She took it with a sigh and absently sipped at it, the barrage of flavors temporarily fascinating her. But, she remembered she was here for a purpose. She sat on the edge of the couch gingerly. He followed suit, but he made himself comfortable in a big way on the couch.
"Jimmy, I wanted to -"
"Ya know, that - that, Elias, was it?"
She looked up at him with widened eyes, nodding hesitantly
"He sure is adorable."
She nodded more enthusiastically. "He's the light of my life," she said wistfully.
"Yeah, I'll bet. That name. It sure does ring a bell, ya know?"
She forced a smile. "Does it now?" She took another sip of the potent liquid. He hid a smile. "How interesting. Eli seems like quite a common name. I had an uncle with that name."
"I thought you didn't have any living relatives," he pointed out softly.
"Well, one came out." She shrugged dismissively raising her chin in defense.
"Mother's side or … father's?"
"Mother's, of course."
"And he just happened to track you down between your wedding and the birth of your child."
She shrugged again.
"In St. Joe."
She nodded defiantly.
"And he made such an impression on both of your lives that you decided to name your son after him."
She nodded again. "It happened. So?"
"No reason." He narrowed his eyes on her.
"He was a wonderful man and we are sad that he has gone." Her smile started fading. "He meant so much to us in the short time we knew him... " she trailed off, looking down like she was actually remembering someone. The fading of her smile told him she was. He didn't think it was a long lost uncle, though. This was getting real for her.
"Yeah. And ya know, come to think of it, he looks a damn sight close to what my baby sisters looked like when they were just that age."
Lou shrugged, taking another sip. "He's just a baby. They all look the same at that age."
He nodded in resigned agreement. "You know, you might just be right."
She nodded in hesitant relief, her eyes fixed on the dark brown liquid in her glass. She swallowed the last of it, hoping it would steel her nerves for the rest of this conversation.
"Strange, though, how he looks almost exactly like my baby picture my sisters were always so fond of sharing with each and every person who would listen as I grew up."
"Jimmy, all babies are that adorable. The eyes, the cheeks."
"The golden eyes?"
Her eyes shot back up at him. "He has brown eyes. Brown. Like mine." Her eyebrows knotted in the middle of her forehead.
He shot her a lopsided smile, tilting his chin to the right. "Lou." His questioning eyes seemed to shoot through to her soul.
Her assured demeanor fled as he reminded her of that night, just with that little tilt of doubt. That move that had her questioning everything she ever knew and believed to be right in her life. That tilt of his chin that told her he saw the meaning and truth behind her words. The glass slipped from her fingers, thudding onto the thick Persian rug unheeded. She couldn't breathe. She struggled silently through parted lips to heave in any breath, any air she could, but it didn't seem to be working. It was hotter than hades suddenly. She needed air. She needed to get outside. She stood up.
"I...gotta go," she rasped through a dry throat. Jimmy stood as well. She shook her lowered head. "No, I'm just...I'll just be...I gotta..."
"Gotta what, Lou?" Jimmy whispered menacingly in her ear. She gasped. He was too close. Too close to her. Too close to the truth. How had he moved so fast? She wasn't ready. For him. For the truth.
He stalked around to her front. She backed up, closing her eyes.
"Gotta run away again?" He said quietly, inching closer to her. His overpowering presence backed her into the wall, jolting her eyes open.
He planted his hands firmly against the wall on either side of her head. Her arms stayed at her sides, palms flat against the wall. His sweet alcohol breath washed over her face, his eyes filled with rancor. She needed to do something to … to defuse things.
Timidly, gently, she wrapped one of her hands around his forearm. She knew she was holding on to the arm of a man that could potentially kill her if he found out that she had kept his son from him. She swallowed hard. She couldn't imagine the emotions churning inside this man she had loved. She had loved him. But she left him and his promise to love her forever just as she was. He never would have tried to change her or been disappointed with what she was not. She choked back a sobbing hiccup.
"So," Jimmy growled menacingly, "he's not mine."
He leaned closer to her. She shook her head desperately. He leaned his forearm against the wall, sliding her hand to his bicep, almost touching her forehead with his. He smelled amazing, like Jimmy: musk and cognac. Unseen muscles deep below her belly tightened at his proximity. She lowered her chin and closed her eyes tightly. He lowered his other hand. He was too close. Breathing his hot and heavy breath wasn't helping her get her own body under control.
"Well then," he breathed over her lips, "maybe we should try again." He smiled an altogether evil smile and reached down, bunching up her skirt in his hand. Her eyes flew open, her head shot back, banging against the plaster wall.
"No! Jimmy!"
He grabbed her skirt with both hands and pressed his hips against hers firmly. She pushed her arms against his chest and neck with a grunt. He grabbed her two wrists with his hands, trapped them in one hand and held them to his chest. She had always felt tiny, but the sudden feeling of helplessness had only rarely come up in her memory. Her father and Wicks. Never as an adult. At least, not until now. He pulled her skirt up with his other hand, finding the slit in her drawers quickly.
"Oh, Lou," he ground out. He pushed his fingers over her stiffened nub, wringing a surprised gasp of humiliating desire from her, as he stroked through her very wet lips. He whispered, "Methinks the lady doth protest too damn much."
She shook her head in panic. "Jimmy, please, not this way."
He growled lowly into her ear, "You're mine, Lou. Mine, goddamnit. Do you hear me? Mine."
She heard the unmistakable clinking of his belt buckle and froze, her eyes wide. "God, Jimmy, please, not like this..."
He murmured against her ear, "To think, all those years ago, when the Widow Rawlins said you was glowin'," he pushed his raging heat against her, pushed himself along her dripping core, "an' you said no, over an' over..." She turned her head away from his face, her breath jagged, shame and desire curling deep inside, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You said it was 'cause you was getting' hitched," he growled lowly. Her fear grew as his speech reverted back to his younger ways of speaking. She had a horrible sinking feeling that he had lost control of himself and wasn't just trying to scare her anymore.
"Jimmy …" she whimpered brokenly, "please."
He bent his knees, positioning himself at her heat, whispering into her hair, "You was glowin' 'cause of that little man, and you ain't even got the decency to let him know who his daddy is."
As his focus shifted to positioning himself at her entrance, he released her wrists. She sobbed, knowing she had no escape. She reached up and wrapped her arms around Jimmy's neck.
"God, Jimmy, please, this isn't you, please! Beat me, hit me, whip me. God, please, anything but this, please."
Jimmy scoffed, "I wouldn't ever hit you." Damn, she felt perfect. So good. He was damn sure he would be TAKING her tonight. Right now.
Lou pushed back, stared straight in his eyes and asked breathlessly through her tears, "But you would do this? Like Wicks?"
What was she talking about? Like who…? He froze, the memory of her story searing across his brain. Oh, god. Did she say-?
What the hell was he doing? Was this what he meant by wanting "to see her weak, groveling and destroyed"? He pulled back, blinking. Oh, god, no!
He ripped his body away from hers violently, leaving her suddenly without support. She slid down with her back against the wall, crumpling into a ball of tears. He stood in shock, standing over her shuddering form, sightlessly. He blinked a few times, finally seeing Lou on the floor. He fell to his knees.
"Oh god, Lou," he reached a shaking hand out to stroke her hair lightly. She flinched away from his touch. "Lou," he whispered. "What...? Oh, god, Lou, I'm … I …" He pulled his hand away and balled it into a fist, covering his mouth with it, breathing raggedly. Without warning, Lou scrambled into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck to cry on his chest.
"I'm so…sorry," she sobbed. "Jimmy…I'm so," she tried to gulp air in between her words, "…I made you do…this…" She wept. Shocked, he wrapped his arms around her, shaking his head, unable to voice his disagreement. She held him so tightly, her shoulder pressing against his throat, strangling him. He couldn't bring himself to remove it. He deserved it. She'd even tried to fight him off. His body shook with shame. What the hell was happening to him? Was he was so obsessed with this woman, he forgot about the man he was supposed to be? He held her tightly. Did he even know who he was anymore?
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Thank you for your patience, Loyal and Brave reader!
Right now, I am taking a 2 1/2 week class 3 days a week, 9-5, and I am getting ready to have some crazy few months ahead. I am packing to prepare for moving, my son is moving out to take on the world all on his own, and just general craziness. So, If you don't hear from me, it's not because I have abandoned you. Truly. I will never abandon my stories. I will try to focus on getting one story completed at a time before I start any more. No promises, because I have LOTS of stories demanding my attention. But I will TRY to keep myself focused on publishing one story at a time. And hopefully, by the fall, things will have settled down, and I will have more time to focus on REGULAR updates of this story and publishing more stories. I am looking forward to sharing more stories with all of you!
And, Myrtle... "You are my sun, my moon, my starlit sky. Without you, I dwell in darkness." ;)