Chp 3 empathy for the devil in me.

Walking back from the creek, day 10. We find a pickup truck parked outside the cabin. The General is here. Steele and him take a walk. He brought pizza, that buy and bake kind. I'm in heaven smelling the cooking pie. Roger is on the phone, it sounds serious. The general and Steele return looking grim.

"Mr. Rogers will be leaving with me. Mr. Blackmores will be replacing him Friday. Mr. Steele believes you are mature enough to be here alone with him. Christian do you believe your mature enough to handle this?" the general says.

"yes, why the change?"

"Mr. Rogers wife in North Carolina is having a difficult pregnancy, He is needed there." Ok, I get it. Mom a doctor. "I understand sir. Good luck Mr. Rogers"

"I appreciate that Christian, I'm sorry I couldn't stay full term. You will make it. I know you will."

We shake hands and eat pizza and beer, well I get one beer, then coke.

Later they leave. It's just Steele and me. I spent the next day working on the stream. Steele smokes some barbecue for dinner. I work on my notebook. The General had some good ideas last night. I find myself day dreaming about the past. The time I what'd to hug my mother, my father, Elliot and really hold Mia.

I remember a fight in school and how humiliated I was by the names. The taunts and touch of that evil girl and her asshole brothers. How I just wanted to be held, to express, to let all my fears and loathing out in my mother's arms. How I couldn't do anything. How I just stood silent while dad yelled at me.

Xxxxxxxxx

A phone is ringing loud. I hear Steele yelling and screaming. I get up. Turn on the lights. Steele is crying and sweating. Holding the phone. I sit next to him and lean in and touch shoulder to shoulder. He cries on my shoulder. Really letting go. "Annie, Annie" he weeps. After a while he calms and wipe his eyes and start making calls. "shit, Christian get you street cloth on and pack your stuff, you have to come with me." "where?" "My Daughter is in the hospital; I'm going to get her. Rogers and the general are in the air. Blackmore is still in Texas. A friend is flying down here to pick us up. Will be in Vegas by dawn." We change and pack, drive to a dirt airfield. Suddenly the runway light s up and small twin engine plane arrives. I've flown before, but never like this. I sit in the cockpit and actual fly for several minutes. When I have money; I'm learning to fly and getting a plane and maybe a chopper.

Xxxxxxx

I lay in the hospital bed holding a small girl, bandaged, with her leg and right arm in a cast. She was afraid. Now she calms and sleeping. I wanted to kill that bastard. But she calms me too.

3 hours earlier:

We walked into the room. a small bundle lays in large bed, cast and bandages, with big blue eyes, staring at nothing. I remember. I now know what my mother saw in me. The damaged body, the tortured soul. I see reflections on me. "Annie, it's daddy, honey." As he strokes her hair. It takes a while for her to respond. I sit on the bed, take her hand and just hold it. I feel emotions, I feel at peace. Empathy course thru me. I smile and she smiles back.

"Annie I have to leave, just for a while. Christian will stay with you, keep you safe." He looks at me; I nod. With my life no one is ever going to hurt her. "Christian a word". We leave the room. "Christian I have to get legal papers, and the bitch to sign them to take Annie home. I need you to stay here, I should only take three or four hours. Here's some cash for food." "Mr. Steele you can count on me." We shake hands a I return to her room.

We watch TV. After a while she tells me about the monster. I wish I could beat the crap out of him. Later a nurse brings a pack of Uno cards. Little Annie beats me three times. "you must be cheating; no one is that luck" she laughs then stills

I rise, turning to the door. An older man as entered with an evil grin. I hear Annie pressing the nurse call button in panic. "GET out Kid. I need to deal with my daughter" "No." i see the pimp, i fear, i feel angry."GET OUT OR ELSE" "No." i am not the little boy anymore. i am strong, i will not yield. i will safe Annie. i will not fear this evil bastard. i couldn't save my mother i can save Annie. a nurse rush in. "get this kid out of here." "who are you." "I'm her father, she coming home with me." He says with dripping evil. "your name?" "STEpen Morton, now remove the kid and I'm taking her home." The nurse leans out the door "SUE, CODE GREY ROOM 616. HELP ME." Morton move towards me. I drop into a fighting stance. The recent fights have honed my skills. He wildly lashes out. I block than strike. And kick and punch till security hauls me off the sick bastard. yes i am not the scared little boy anymore. the pimp is dead, no-more will i fear him in my dreams. "George, we have a protection order and restraining order against him, and he attacked the boy, we both witnessed it." She tells the cops. I hold Annie, who shake till he removed. The cop looks at us. "yep, your clear kid. Take care of her." They leave I hear "I'll never understand a grown man beating defenseless children."

I hold her and lay down. She calms and sleeps. The nurse filter thru. They pat my back, it doesn't burn. I will protect you with my life. Little one.

Steele arrives later. He touch's her cheek she purrs "daddy" I start to get up. She wakes and holds me. "Annie its ok. Ray's here. I need to pee.

Xxxxxx

I hold her in my arms the whole flight. She sleeps. Ray is on the phone and radio. We land. The General is standing on the tarmac. Him and Ray walk off; having a heat argument.

"Christian I'm sorry you had to be involved. I will fix this with your parents."

"I'm ok; Annie is safe. And Mr. Steele did the right thing bringing me."

"No, he did not. He put you at risk. I know about the fight in the hospital."

"with all due respect sir. If I hadn't been there, he would have hurt Annie or worse. Besides it felt good to beat the sick bastard. I couldn't fight my abuser, it felt healthy to fight her's." they both look like I've grown two heads, what now?

"yes, Christian your right. I think you will do better now." The general says, Ray hugs me; I kiss Annie head and promise to stay in touch. They leave. I feel empty without them.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We arrive at my parents' house. It early. The house is quiet with a foreboding aura. We step up to the door and ring the bell. Dad answers usher us into the dining room I sit. The adults' goes into dad's office. Some fruit and bread. I eat. An hour later the General say goodbye and leaves.

My parents sit at the table. "what now?"

"The General thinks you've made enough progress to return to school." Wow, didn't see that coming.

"Yes, I would like to restart school" "well, if your expelled again; it Military school" "Yes, I understand" "let go out for brunch" it now or never

"I have several things to discuss with you both." "What things?"

"First I want a loan of fifty thousand dollars the day I pass the SAT; second an another fifty thousand the day I start Harvard. So I have the capital to start my company"

"No." my dad says. Well here the hard option"

"I will quit school, get my GED, and get a job."

"No, you will not"

"yes, dad I will, it might take me a decade to capitalize, but I will have my company."

"yes, I will loan you the money." Says mom quietly. "Gracie, no, we must say strong"

"Cary, please it's his dream. I believe he can do it."

"Dad, look at my business plan. Everyone who's read it think it's doable, this is not some kids fantasy job. I know I can do this." I plead.

"Cary, we will both read Christian plan. And make decisions."

"ok, Gracie I will read his plan, but I reserve the right to make changes." Here oil on the water.

"Dad, I would love your input. I have asked everyone who's read it feedback."

"Christian is there anything else?" mom says. I swallow and move forward.

"yes, I want to change therapist, I need to stop talking about the past and start working on real coping strategies. I want to get a particular type of therapist."

"what type of therapist? You've seen just about every kind." Breathe, Christian, leap.

"A sex therapist, I need to find a way to touch girls without freaking out. To be intimate, most of the fights I've had are about girls touching me, wanting to touch me, or guys touching me."

"I think you're too young, honey."

"mom, I think about it constantly, every day. My hormones are out of control. I want, no I need to touch, but I can't be touched. I'm working on it. But how can I trust someone I barley know to not freak me out. I need to learn how to do both or a least some new ideas. "

"Alright Christian, I will see if I can find one. They usually don't take underage clients. But I will try"

"Thanks mom." I rise and swallow hard; an hug her to my chest. I feel her shutter and cry. "Please don't cry mom." "these are happy tears my sweet boy" we stand for several minutes. I don't feel the pain, just uncomfortable. I slowly release. I look over my dad is in tears too. I hug him briefly, but solidly. I walk way to the bathroom to clean up and compose myself.

I walk out to the Livingroom. Their standing looks out over the lake. Mom in dad's arms. I simple stand quietly and let them have peace and comfort.

They after a while they turn. "Brunch Christian" "yes mama"

In the car I sit in back with mom, she holds my hand.

"one last thing, I gave Annie my address and phone number. She, I, we have this common history. She needs me. I don't want her becoming like me. Afraid and withdrawn." "of course dear, we would never censor your call or mail."

I lean over and put my arm around her, she lays her head on my shoulder. I feel better. I feel good.