Chapter 3: Braveness
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee!
A/N: Let me just say: The beta reader system here sucks! I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I have tried and tried to find a BETA READER, and yet nobody answer my prayers. So, if somebody can help me with that, it will be awesome!
From now on, I'm going to make the updates on Mondays, every two weeks. Next week, I'm going to upload my SwanQueen fic and the next week Faberry again. Plus I'm a very slow writer, so bear with me!
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Rachel stirred in bed when she woke up, but immediately she was aware of the body next to her that refrain her movements. While they were sleeping, Quinn had managed to wrap her arms in her waist, bringing her back closer to the slightly taller frame of the blonde. She shifted lightly, so she could take a glance of Quinn's sleeping features. An angel. Rachel couldn't think in a better description of Quinn at the moment. The blonde looked so peaceful and calm that simply drew her to stare at her, completely hypnotized by the ethereal beauty of the ex-cheerleader. It seemed amazing how Quinn looked so beautiful after almost seven hours straight of crying. By now, Rachel would have started her morning routine, but being wrapped around Quinn's embrace was enough to decide to stay in bed and lured herself to sleep again while feeling the steady breathing of the blonde near the back of her neck.
Hours later she woke up again, but this time she was alone in her bed. Rachel jumped scared at the absence of Quinn, and rushed out of the room. She found herself relaxing at the sight of the blonde in the kitchen of her apartment. To her surprise, Quinn was cooking, and she looked completely relax; in contrast, with the mess of a woman she was the day before.
"Quinn?" Silently, Rachel approached the blonde, who turned to look at her with a soft smile drawn across her face.
"Good morning Rachel." Rachel at first doubted that everything that happened yesterday was true. She even considered the possibility that she was dreaming when she saw the calm demeanor of Quinn, but seconds later she recognized the falseness in the blonde's eyes.
"What are you doing?" Rachel asked with concerned eyes.
"Making breakfast." Quinn rapidly said brushing away Rachel's intrigue. However, the blonde stiffened as soon as she saw a deep frown in the singer's factions. With a defeated sigh, Quinn erased the false smile from her face and looked at Rachel with complete honesty. "I can't cry anymore. I need to stop. I know I'm probably just running away from my problems, but now, it's the only thing I can do. That's my MO. I will pretend as nothing happened until one day, I will realize that my life did not stop because of this. I will realize that I can smile, laugh and be happy again, and that day I will be able to talk about what happened."
"So are you just going to pretend nothing happened? Go back to Yale and forget about everything." Rachel asked with an angry voice. She did not like the idea of forgetting about what had happened. Rachel felt a weird urge to keep Quinn near her right now, to protect her, but she would not be able to do it if Quinn went back to New Haven.
Quinn sighted again, she looked beaten and Rachel was able to see a glance of the Quinn she had held yesterday while she cried. Quinn walked towards Rachel, and when she reached her she grabbed hold of the singer's hands and dragged her to sit with her in the couch. "I know you expect me to be stronger Rachel, but I can be that person now. In fact I can't go back to New Haven, even if I wanted to." Quinn said flatly while Rachel frowned this time in confusion.
"Why not?"
"I don't have money to buy a plane or train ticket, nor rent a car, for that matter." Quinn confessed with sorrow.
"I can lend you money." Rachel spilled out before she could stop herself. She did not want Quinn to leave, but when she saw the hopelessness in Quinn's eyes she couldn't help but say something to sooth the blonde's concerns.
"Thank you Rachel, but I'm afraid that won't help me. You see, I want to ask you to lend me money, but not for a plane ticket."
"What for?" Rachel prompted with intrigue. Quinn sighed again, not sure where to start her explanation. Rachel noticed Quinn's hesitation, so she grabbed one of Quinn's hands between hers and started to rub little circles in the back of her hand to encourage her. Quinn smiled at the gesture and squeezed Rachel's hand as a sample of gratitude.
"My mom was in a car accident a couple of days ago." Quinn said with labored voiced. Rachel's breath hitched at her words, but Quinn squeezed her hand again to show Rachel her easiness. "She is ok, but she broke a leg and a couple of ribs. The thing is that since my mother divorced Russel, she has not have insurance, so I had to pay her medical bills. There were also the bills for the repairs of the car. I had some money saved from my jobs, but the payment of the bills clutched together with the payment of my apartment and my school bills."
"Wait. You have a scholarship. What bills?" Rachel asked confused at the blonde statement.
"Yes, but it only covers one of my majors. That means that I have to pay the other one with full charge and Yale is a quite expensive College."
"You have two majors?" Rachel asked looking at Quinn completely agape.
"Yes. I though you already knew. Apart from drama, I want to be a lawyer." Quinn announced shyly.
"I didn't know…. Wait you also said 'jobs.'"
"Yes, I'm working as a cook at a little restaurant and as an assistant of one of my professors in his law firm. He recruited me after I reached a position in the "starlight firm" even when I was a freshman… Well I was working…"
"Starlight firm?"
"It is a group with the best students in the mayor. I was very proud of myself when I managed to gain a place in the group." Quinn ventured with a shy smile.
"How come you never mentioned it before in any of your emails?" Rachel asked a bit insulted at the fact that her friend didn't talked to her about so important aspects of her life."
"I guess that when I talked to you I always focused more in the artistic side of my life, sorry it wasn't my intention to hide anything from you Rachel."
"And you are a chef too. Is there anything you can't do?" Rachel teased with a smirked that hid a hint of jealousy in her tone.
"I said cook and I don't think I'm… well…" Rachel watched amused how a low blush crept over the pale skin of the blonde. "The point is that I had to spend a lot of my money, and I..." Quinn took a deep breath and looked at Rachel with weary eyes. Rachel noticed the change on the atmosphere in the room. Quinn's trouble eyes erased the small smile that had been placed in her face minutes ago. "I need money to take a HIV and a pregnancy test Rachel." Rachel went silent. She hadn't even thought in the implications of being raped. The fact that Quinn have thought about it, made her feel sad and weak. Once again Rachel couldn't do anything to help Quinn. She felt so awkward with the request that she couldn't help but babble the first thing that came to her mind.
"Oh, sure I can lend you some money for that." Suddenly, a loud bell rang across the apartment. Quinn stood up quickly and run to the kitchen to extract a tray from the oven. Rachel walked to the blonde and stood over the tips of her toes to look over her shoulder to find a tray full of small croissants that still radiated warmth from the oven.
"Oh my God!" Santana's exclamation alarmed both women. The Latina approached them with a huge grin and happy eyes. Rachel was completely unsettled by Santana's behavior, and wondered if the sudden change had anything to do with the presence of the blonde. "Q, you haven't baked anything in ages."
"Yeah well, I have been practicing lately, so…" Santana snatched one of the goodies and took a bite.
"Oh my fucking Gods, this is the best fucking croissants I've ever taste!"
"Santana! Language!" Quinn scolded with a frown.
"Shut it Q-ball, I would marry you right now, if you weren't a stuck up bitch with a stick up your ass."
"Well I'll take that as a compliment Satan." Quinn scoffed in annoyance. Rachel was mad at Santana for her behavior towards Quinn; she was acting as her friend hadn't been raped four days ago. However, Rachel stopped her coming lecture to Santana when she noticed that Santana was doing exactly what Quinn wanted: pretend as nothing happened. Therefore, she decided to remain silent, until Kurt appeared at the other side of the room and approached the other girls.
"What's that smell?" Kurt asked in the middle of a powerful yawn. He didn't wait for an answer and took one of the goodies and bit it with delight. "Oh my god, I think these things have poison on them because I swear my tongue has just died and went to heaven."
"Wow your dramas meter had just shots sky-high, Thumbelina." Santana snared with mock.
"Oh whatever, Quinn did you make this?" Kurt asked ignoring the snarky Latina.
"Yes. Do you like them?" Quinn's bashful tone surprised Kurt who was used to the bitch-in-charge Quinn, but he smiled honestly to the blonde.
"It's the best thing I have ever tasted Quinn. I did not know you had a culinary secret talent." Quinn just blushed even harder with the compliment. Rachel watched the interaction in awe and with a slight feeling of jealousy. Quinn noticed Rachel sudden state of silence, so she decided to gather courage and talk with Rachel again.
"If you want, you can taste them Rachel. They are vegan." Rachel stared at Quinn as she had just spoken another language. For some reason, knowing that Quinn had made the tray of croissants thinking of her made her very uneasy and weary, but at the same time incredibly happy. "I had to go out and buy the chocolate for the filling, which is also vegan, and it is my first time baking, or cooking, something vegan. However, by Santana's and Kurt's reaction, it seems that they end it up ok." Quinn ducked her head with embarrassment. She was aware of how difficult was for her to speak to the people in the room because of her being a crying mess the night before, but she was trying her best to keep the conversation out of topic, and keep the huge elephant on the room well hidden. However, Rachel stood still as a statue, staring unseeingly ahead. She honestly had no idea what to do next. "If you don't want is ok," said Quinn sheepishly. Her words pulled Rachel out from her daydreaming, and quickly she rushed to grab one of the croissants and bit it with energy. As soon as her tongue started to recognize the warm flavor of the sweet dough and the chocolate inside the goodies, Rachel moaned.
"Oh my goodness! Quinn these are incredible!" Rachel said to a very red and bashful Quinn Fabray.
"I'm glad you like them." Quinn was nervous of what was coming, so she just took a deep breath and let everything go with a blow. "I was wondering if you guys mind if I stay here for a while. I know that the place could get a little crowded, and I promise I will do my best to not get in the way. I just need a place to stay for a while cuz' I want to get a job here. But if you don't want me here, I can just go. It's not your responsibility, and I know I have been a bitch to all of you and I don't deserve your compassion, and-" Quinn rambled surprising the three roommates. Santana was the first one to react and cut Quinn's ramble with a sarcastic tone.
"Shut ups! Wow Q, you sounded like prior-Hudson Berry. How in God did you manage to not faints without air after such a huge speech?"
"Leave her alone Santana. And I don't appreciate the 'prior-Hudson' comment. I'm still very capable to ramble if I want to." Santana scoffed and Quinn giggled at the annoyed face of Rachel at the moment. Kurt on the other hand, watched the interaction of the three women with much interest, specially the one of Quinn who seemed to be incapable of ignoring Rachel for more than a second. "Furthermore, now concerning your request Quinn, since this is technically my apartment, and this two do not have opinions in the matter. I'll gladly inform you that you are very welcome here. You can stay as long as you want; although, I think you will have to sleep in the living room. I hope that does not bother you much?"
"Thank you very much Rachel, I owe you so much for all of this." Quinn said with a small smile and tied her eyes with Rachel's, and suddenly, both girls were trap in a stare contest. Santana, taking advantage from a distracted Quinn, sneaked her hand to get hold of another croissant, but with a small slap to her hand, Quinn stopped all of her movements. "Oh no Santana! If you want more, you will get ready and come to have breakfast in the dinner table as it is suppose to be, like a civil person. That comes to all of you, understood?" Quinn said with a stern voice and with both hands placed over her hips. The three roommates stared in awe to the blonde that had most definitely given them the HBIC's stare for violating the table manners. Rachel was the first to react, and in a second the little brunette made a run towards the bathroom. Kurt snapped as soon as he watched Rachel took off and without hesitation ran after the diva to try to beat her to the bathrooms. Santana just stood there listening to the two divas arguing about who deserve the first turn to the bathroom. After releasing a deep sigh Santana turned to address the blonde that kept on cooking after the two divas had gone.
"Are you sures about this Q? Staying here with Berry doesn't sounds too good to me." Santana argued with a concerned look.
"I know S, but I really need this right now. Maybe I'm a little masochistic." Quinn gazed to her friend trying to gain a little of understanding from her. Santana sighed again in defeat and headed to the bathroom as well.
"I hopes you know what you are doing."
Minutes later, Rachel and Kurt were sitting in the dinner table while Quinn finished making breakfast. The blonde had outgrown herself. The table was full of delicious plates. There were sweet croissants, fruits, eggs and bacon (for the not vegan), toasts with different jams and apple pie oatmeal. Kurt and Rachel's mouths were literally watering at the sight, but Quinn hasn't finished yet, she was still doing smoothies in the kitchen. Santana was the last one to shower and she ogled the food with interest before planting her eyes in the busy blonde in the kitchen. The blonde was wearing an apron over her casual clothes, and the Latina couldn't help but wonder how the blonde will look like only in the apron. With a smirk plastered in her lips, Santana approached the ex-cheerleader and without further thinking she wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist. Quinn was surprised by the action of the Latina, but she didn't push her away. She tilted her head to look to the Latina's eyes and quirked a perfect eyebrow with inquisitiveness.
"Santana?"
"The whole MILF thing really suits you Fabray…" Santana said witha a husky voice while placing a wet opened mouth kiss in the blonde's shoulder. Kurt and Rachel stared completely shocked by the view. Kurt at the moment was pretty sure he was going to throw up at any minute.
Slowly, Quinn turned in the Latina's arms to face her, and with a sympathetic smile in her lips she grabbed Santana's face and placed a kiss in the girl's nose. "We have already talked about this San." Quinn stepped away from Santana and walked to the table were two very confuse people stared at them. Quinn was ready to ignored what just had happened, when Santana speak up again.
"Oh, common Q, you know you wants to. I won't blame you if you wants to gay all over me again." Santana said with a devilish grin. Quinn, who was utterly upset, turned to face the Latina once again, but a loud gasp behind her stopped her protest.
"Oh my God! You two slept together in Mrs. Shue's wedding!" Rachel exclaimed completely stunned. Kurt choked a gasp next to her and Santana's smirk grew bigger with pride. Rachel only had to put all the pieces together to finally understand. Quinn had slept with Santana in the wedding and that was how she figured out that she was bisexual. The blushed face of the blonde was enough confirmation, but still it was very hard to imagine the two girls even sharing a kiss. It will take me years and years of therapy to forget about this.
"Yes, twice." Santana stated completely full of herself. Quinn was clearly upset with her "friend" and she was ready to snap at her with an insult or something a like; however, suddenly, realization hit her and a smug smile crept slowly in her lips. The haughty smile and the quirked eye brow send chills over the two other women in the room, so they just stared at the blonde completely surprised with the sexiness that the blonde transpired.
"If I recall correctly Santana, it was two times for me and five times for you." In sequence the three roommates digested Quinn's words. First, Santana blushed to a bright almost fluorescent pink. Secondly, Rachel's mouth fall agape while almost an equal powerful blush covered her cheeks and ears. Finally, Kurt's eyes turned into saucers in shock.
Did she just say what I think she said? Rachel asked herself completely embarrassed. Was she talking about org-
"Oh my God! Was Quinn the top between the two of you?" Kurt blurted out in astonishment. Quinn just laughed a little bit while Santana turned to an even darker shade of red.
"Ok, I admits it. Quinn is a really fast learner, so what? That only demonstrates how good we works together." Santana swallowed her pride and admitted her defeat. The other two were without words at the declaration.
Quinn was… better in bed than Santana. That is just so…
"That is so hot." Kurt said without shame and Rachel nodded in agreement. Was it weird for him, being gay and all, to consider Quinn hot because she beat Santana while having sex? He wasn't sure, but honestly he didn't care. The gossip was too big to be ignored.
"Why, thank you very much guys." Quinn said with a chuckle to Kurt and Rachel, before addressing Santana. "San, sweetie I'm flattered, but you know why I can't date you right now." Quinn said going bag to the kitchen to retrieve the last thing she needed to start having breakfast with her friends.
"Who said anything abouts a date?"
"San, I won't have meaningless sex with you… again. We already talk about this."
"Just say it already. You hate me!" Santana snarled in false angry.
"No, I love you, so stop bitching about it." Quinn replied with a calm voice. Santana studied her friend from afar while she took a sit in the table. In the meantime, Quinn placed the smoothies in a platter to carry them easily through the kitchen.
"Lucy, is that you?" Santana asked in bewilderment and Quinn turned to look at the Latina completely startled. Quinn considered Santana's words and she couldn't help but smiled at the secret meaning behind them. Santana was right. Right now she wasn't the Quinn Fabray that was a bitch and hated herself and everybody else. Furthermore, she wasn't the compassionate and calm person that was Lucy Fabray neither, but in a way she felt in peace with herself right now and that was all that matter.
"No, I'm Lucy Quinn Fabray." Quinn replied with a soft smile before she place the platter down the table "Now, shut up and dig in." All of them did what they were told to do. The situation was a little surreal for Rachel. First of all, that was actually the first time all the roommates ate at the table at the same time. The sole action seemed very social and pleasant, and even when Kurt and Rachel where good friends, the idea of having breakfast with Santana didn't sound very pleasant. Secondly, Rachel couldn't believe that she was having pleasantries with Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez! If someone would have told a younger Rachel that after finishing High School she would be friends with the ex-cheerios, she wouldn't have believe it. But the fact that she was indeed friend of the two girls was enough to make her feel all giddy and excited.
"Quinn let me just say that this is the best thing I ever tasted, everything is delicious. Were did you learned to cook like that?" Rachel inquired completely amazed by the banquet.
"It comes with the wedding package." Santana answered while she munched a sweet croissant dipped in strawberry jelly.
"What?" Rachel asked again confused.
"Santana is right. It comes with the whole perfect wife image that my mom wanted for me. I know how to cook, how to clean, sew, do the laundry, iron… the whole package really. I really don't care for the others, but I like cooking once in a while." Quinn supplied with a shrug.
"That's kind of sad." Kurt stated ignoring Rachel's glare. "So, you are gay?" Kurt asked without shame.
"Bisexual, Kurt." Rachel reprimanded Kurt with a frown.
"Well… I was bisexual, but after what happened I think is safe to say I'm a full-out lesbian now." Quinn said with easiness. Quinn couldn't picture herself having a relationship with a guy anymore. She might have been bisexual before, but now she couldn't be anything more than a lesbian. Rachel and the others kept quite when they understood Quinn was referring to the rape. Nevertheless, Quinn ignored the seriousness of her friends and tried to keep the conversation at ease. "I have known I liked girls for a while, but I was in denial. However, after my little encounter with Santana I finally accepted that part of myself. Sorry I didn't figure it out before Kurt. I could have helped you with the bullying at school."
"That's ok. Although, I will admit I would have rather liked that."
After that, the conversation was very easy and superficial. The four gleeks shared their latest experiences in classes and stuff, so everything was rather pleasant between them. After a while, Kurt and Santana left to their classes leaving Quinn and Rachel by themselves. Rachel quickly started to get ready to go to her own classes, but Quinn stopped her in her bustle.
"Rachel, can I ask you something?" Quinn asked a little embarrassed. Rachel stopped in her tracks and turn to face the blonde with curiosity.
"Yes, Quinn. How can help you?"
"I was wondering…" Quinn was truly embarrassed now. Rachel had already done so much for her, but she honestly didn't want to stay alone in that apartment or anywhere for that matter. Being alone scared her right now, and she only wanted to stay near Rachel. "Can I go with you to NYADA?" Quinn asked through a powerful blush. She wasn't expecting the huge grin that Rachel directed at her.
"This is gonna be great! I'll show you to all my classes! Oh my God, I'm so excited!" Rachel beamed in joy. Quinn just watched the diva jumped and down towards her room to finish getting ready.
"Well… this is going to be fun."
The NYADA excursion wasn't a complete torture for Quinn. She enjoyed spending time with Rachel, even when she was pretty sure her friend was the only one doing the talking during the three hours that they had been in the Academy. Rachel has always been so full of life and energy that now that she was bragging about something she loved, Quinn could only smile and stare in amazement at the girl. Maybe Santana was right; being around Rachel wasn't good for her.
"Quinn would you mind staying here while I go to my class to ask something to the professor?" Rachel asked while the blonde nodded and sited in the floor in a middle of a hallway.
Rachel was capable of making her smile. Her smile erased her fears and her laugh was even as beautiful as her singing (or maybe just as loud). Rachel made Quinn forget about the bad things that had happened to her; however… Being with Rachel was so painful. How something that helped her so much, hurt her so much as well? Maybe I am a little masochistic after all.
I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me I can't stay on your life support, Run just as fast as I can
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun
There's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine,
'Cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again,
But she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better,
You keep makin' me ill
You keep makin' me ill
Even if Quinn wanted to ignore her feelings for Rachel, at that moment she couldn't. She knew that by staying near the little diva she would only get hurt in the future, but she couldn't make herself to care. She was selfish and stupid. She wanted to stay by her side. She wanted Rachel to take care of her. She wanted to take care of Rachel. She knew that Rachel could make all the bad things go away. The problem was that once she was cured, she will have to leave Rachel's side, and that would hurt even more later, than now.
Can't stay on your life support, Run just as fast as I can
There's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine,
'Cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again,
But she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better,
You keep makin' me ill
You keep makin' me ill
"I'm back, sorry for keep you waiting." Rachel said offering her hand to the blonde to help her get up. Quinn smiled and took the small hand between hers and squeezed lightly cherishing the smoothness and the warm that the little diva provided.
"Don't worry is ok." I'll wait for you forever
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Hi, I hope you enjoy this chapter. So… Quinn has feelings for Rachel? (obviously, the real question is: already?). Maybe je je. I want to keep a little of mystery, because like I said before I want to make it as close to the tv series format as possible. I even had a daydream song sequence for cry out loud! Ja ja
Song: The song that Quinn sang (or heard or dreamt about je je) was "Just Like A Pill" of Pink. I honestly think that Dianna's raspy voice could play very well with a Pink's song, so I will probably use a couple of her songs in the later chapters.