Chapter 3
My Last Laugh! X3
ChipsAhoyPup
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket. I own Pandora, though. Don't steal her.
Note: After this Chapter, I need people to send in their own dares. ^.^
Me: Okay, I'm gonna do dares again!
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOO-- (BZZZT!)
Me: ...(waits for them to wake up)
Everyone: (slowly wakes up)
Me: AS I WAS SAYING, dares again!
Shigure: Muahahahaha.
Me: This time, my judges each picked a dare. ^.^
Momiji: JAAAAAA!
Me: 'Ja' indeed. Okay, I'll pick randomly from the box. (closes eyes and picks one out) Oooh, first one's mine!
Everyone: -.-
Me: .....WHAT? I DON'T HEAR CHEERING!
Everyone: ...Yay...
Me: ^.^ Thank you, thank you! Okay, my dare! "Chips, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..." ('Muahaha' goes on for 10 more minutes.)
Everyone: O.O
Me: "...Ha. First dare is a fluffy one. I dare Kyo and Tohru to kiss, and I dare Hiro and Kisa to kiss also. ~Chips."
Kyo & Hiro: O.O;
Tohru & Kisa: ^.^;
Me: :D
So then Kyo and Tohru kissed. And Tohru slipped. And Kyo catched her. And then Tohru was kissing an orange cat! I laughed really hard. Hiro only gave Kisa a meek kiss on the cheek. LAME.
Me: That was horrible, Hiro. -.-
Hiro: I'm a kid. What do you expect? Do you want to put a kid through misery? Do you want--
Me: THAT'S SO MEAN! YOU CALLED KISSING KISA A MISERY!
Hiro: Wha? N-no, I didn't-- Uhhh, I meant--
Kisa: (sobs and runs away)
Me: You are a cruel kid. Alright, on to the next dare! ^.^
Hiro: BUT I DIDN'T MEAN-- (BZZZT!)
Me: Enough out of you. (closes eyes and pulls out a dare) Ooh, it's Momiji's!
Momiji: Ja, this one's funny! ^.^
Me: Cool! Alright, lets see! "Hallo, Chips-kun. I want to do a dare where Tohru hugs me and I turn into a bunny! Jaaaaa! ~Momiji"
Everyone: (sweatdrop)
Me: Momiji, why'd you do that dare? o.o;
Momiji: BECAUSE I LOVE HUGGING TOHRU, SILLY! Your dare was to hug Shigure last time, anyways.
Me: True, so true. So go ahead. ^.^
Momiji leapt into Tohru, instantly turning into a bunny. He clung to her shoulder while everyone else sweatdropped, including me.
Me: Okay, next dare! (reaches in with closed eyes and pulls one out) Look, it's Pandora's!
Pandora: Lovely. Let's get this evil dare started. (tail lashes)
Everyone: (sweatdrop)
Me: ALRIGHT! This dare looks awesome! "Dear Master, I would be pleased if we may do a, what I'd like to call, 'Pacman Dare.' The theme is I take out one of my monsters, who will act as the Pacman. Everyone else is the ghosts. Only they're all the dark blue ghosts. Meaning that they can only run. But if they eat the cherry on the other end of the maze, they have invincible power and when they touch the Pacman, the game is over."
Everyone: O.O
Me: GO TO THE MAZE THAT PANDORA ALREADY DUG UP! ^.^
Everyone but me and the judges trudged to the maze. I turned to Pandora.
Me: Um, just so you know, if they die, you're cleaning up the blood and bringing them back to life. -.-
Pandora: Don't worry, I set it so that when they get eaten, they don't die. They are sent straight to a dark, dripping jail. There's no escape. When the game is over, they're sent right back to this main location.
Me: Neat! So, er, how do WE not get eaten?
Pandora: Oh, the judges? We're all playing, including me and you guys.
Shigure: (spits out the random soda he was drinking)
Me: O.O
Momiji: Yaaaay, I get to play a game! (dances in circles, still a bunny)
Poof! Momiji turned back and raced off to get clothed while we judges continued arguing with Pandora.
Me: I AM NOT GOING TO GET EATEN.
Pandora: So run.
Me: What?
Pandora: RUN! (lets the big Pacman creature out)
Me: OHHHH, CRAP! (runs)
So I ran for my life. With a Pacman creature chasing me. Then I noticed something.
Me: WHERE DID SHIGURE GO?
I stopped running by accident. Then I felt something close around me. I was surrounded by darkness, falling, falling.
Me: OOOF!
I landed hard on the ground of what looked like a jail cell without bars. There were TVs everywhere, playing black-and-white movies. Wait, they weren't movies. They were the people from Furuba playing the game! I noticed Shigure sitting on a chair, watching them. He must've got eaten right away. That was fast. o.O
Me: Shigure! ^.^
Shigure: Huh? (spins around and sees me) Oh, hey, Chips-kun!
Me: :D
Shigure: :3
Me: Mmkay, so what's going on? (random chair appears next to Shigure so I sit on it)
Shigure: Hmm? Oh, Kyo's about to get eaten. ^.^
Me: Sweetness!
There, on the screen farthest to the right, was Kyo. He whirled around, ears appeared from the top of his head then flattened, and spat to the camera, which had sound.
Kyo: WHAT KIND OF FREAKIN GAME IS THIS?
Then he dissapeared from the screen. I blinked, then heard Kyo's screaming come closer and closer from above.
Kyo: OWWW! (lands on the ground with a thump)
Shigure: Kyo-kun, welcome! ^.^
Me: Hello, Kyo! :D
Shigure: I seem to recall you talking in caps, Kyo?
Me: He did. But since I want to mess with his head, we'll hold the tazer off for later.
Kyo: (ears appear and flatten) YOU SUCK!
Me: Awww, that's no way to talk. You're making me cry. (fake sobs)
Kyo: CRY ME A RIVER! (kicks my chair and I fall over)
Me: OWWY! Kyooooo, you are sooo mean! (fake sobs some more)
Kyo: YOU'RE JUST LIKE HIM! (points to Shigure)
Me: O.O
Shigure: O.O
Me: AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! Well, that's kinda weird, since I was born the year of the freakin' PIG. -.-
Kyo: Oh no. Don't remind me of Kagura! You don't seem anything like her. You just seem like a PERVERTED FREAK!
Me: (eyes narrow and steam comes out of ears) KYOOOOOOOOOO, YOU ARE SOOOO MEAN! (attacks him and beats him to the ground)
Kyo: (nearly dies) ...I take it back... You are... like... Kagura... .
Me: Damn. I hate Kagura. (suddenly isn't steaming mad)
Shigure: Mmm, I'm sorry to say that you do have some of Kagura's tactics.
Me: SHUT THE HELL UP, SHIGURE!
Shigure: Meep! (hides)
Me: Alright, looks like someone got the cherry. Damn, it's Haru. He usually gets lost. How did he get through a maze?
Shigure: (peeks out from hiding spot) He has many strange ways.
Me: You got that right.
Haru: MUAHAHAHA! TIME TO PAY!
Me: ...When'd he turn Black?
Kyo: (growls) All I did was call him a dumb cow.
Me: ...Oh, that makes sense. That must be how he got through the maze.
Shigure: Look, you can rewind it and see for yourself! (rewinds it)
And there on the screen was Haru, cheating by leaping over the walls on the maze. He was screaming out curse words as he ran.
Me: O.O
Shigure: ...That explains alot. (hits the play button and it goes back to what was happening now)
Haru: DIE, DIE, DIE! (kicks the Pacman, using invincible cherry power)
I felt myself plummeting down again. I squeezed my eyes shut, screaming. I could slightly hear Shigure and Kyo screaming as they fell, too.
Me, Shigure, and Kyo: OOOF! (lands on the ground)
Shigure: It would seem the game is over.
Me: Yes, it would seem so. o.o
Pandora: YOU ALL SUCK! THAT WAS WAY TOO FAST!
Me: Would you rather I'd have tazered Haru for talking in caps?
Pandora: I WOULD HAVE, but it's too late. -.-
Me: Well alriiiiiiight. Okay, time for the LAST DARE!
Everyone: (eyes sparkle happily)
Me: It's Shigure's! (opens it up excitedly) OHMIGOSH, this one's the best one yet!
Everyone: ?
Me: "Dear Chips-kun, I'm huuuuungry. Let's have everyone get into pairs and make fooood! ^.^ Pairs:
Kitchen 1. Kyo and Yuki
Kitchen 2. Tohru and Kisa
Kitchen 3. Aaya and Hiro
Kitchen 4. Hatori and Kureno
Kitchen 5. Kagura and Haru
Kitchen 6. Akito and Ritsu"
Haru: What about Rin? (looks bored)
Me: Weeell, it's an uneven number, so Rin'll have to sit it out. ^.^
Rin: Cool. Can I go to Florida? I got to catch up on my tan.
Me: ...You tan?
Rin: It's a full-time job looking this sexy.
Me: ...I think you're ugly, but that's my personal opinion! Sure, leave me alone! (throws her 200 dollars to go to Florida)
Rin: Cool. Bye. (leaves)
Ritsu: I'M SOOOOO SORRY, AKITO, I DIDN'T MEAN TO--
I pounded Ritsu into the ground instead of tazering him.
Me: Look, I know I let you guys use caps in the Pacman game, but no more caps, alright?
Ritsu: (puts a thumb up from where he's in the ground) Okie-dokie.
Me: TIIIIME FOR THE DAAAAARE! :D
At the dare:
Me: GO GO GO! (shoots a bullet into the air)
At Kitchen 1:
Kyo: What the hell are we making, anyways?
Yuki: How about leeks? (smirks)
Kyo: No way, damn rat!
Yuki: Okay, leeks it is!
Kyo: I said no!
Yuki: Do you think I give a crap about what you say?
Kyo: Just shut up and start cooking, then!
Yuki: You can bet I will.
Kyo: Fine, then, do it.
Yuki: Okay. (keeps standing still)
Kyo: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST COOK THE-- (BZZZT!)
Me: I warned you. -.-
At Kitchen 2:
Tohru: What would you like to make, Kisa?
Kisa: Chocolate cake. ^.^
Tohru: That'll be simple. C'mon, I'll show you how.
Kisa: Can I lick the spoon, too?
Tohru: Oh, of course.
At Kitchen 3:
Aaya: I think it would be delightful to make miso soup.
Hiro: I want to make pizza.
Aaya: But pizza is too plain. Everyone eats it every day.
Hiro: Everyone eat's miso soup every day, too.
Aaya: That's the point! Ahahahaha!
Hiro: You are so annoying.
Aaya: Why, thank you, dear Hiro, ahahahaha!
At Kitchen 4:
Hatori: What do you want to make?
Kureno: I dunno. What do you want to make?
Hatori: I dunno. What do you want to make?
Kureno: I dunno. What do you want to make?
At Kitchen 5:
Kagura: Why don't we make Kyo-shaped cookies?
Haru: Sure. I. Don't. Care.
Kagura: Or Kyo-shaped riceballs, or a Kyo-shaped cake, or... Kyo-shaped waffles!
Haru: Why waffles?
Kagura: Waffles are the best!
Haru: ...Why Kyo-shaped? (starts looking angry)
Kagura: Because Kyo's the best!
Haru: Can I make one Yuki-shaped?
Kagura: No, they all have to be Kyo.
Haru: Well, I want a Yuki-shaped one! (is very angry)
Kagura: Well, it's gonna be Kyo-shaped!
Then Haru and Kagura started fighting each other.
At Kitchen 6:
Ritsu: I'm so sorry, Akito! I didn't mean to ruin the sooooooup! I'm soooooorry!
Akito: I really don't give a crap. Just shut UP.
Ritsu: Nooooooooo! It's all my fault! I'm soooooooorry!
Akito: Yeah, you'll be sorry. If you don't shut your mouth in two seconds!
Ritsu: Buuuuuut, Akiiiiito, how do I fix iiiiiiit?
Then Akito started whipping Ritsu. What a wonderful world. -.-
3 Hours Later:
Everyone was covered in flour and all sorts of food. The 3 judges and me sat at a judges table.
Me: Bring me the food. (claps hands two times)
Kitchen 1 went first. It was a plate of leeks.
Me: ...How odd. It's all leeks.
Yuki: It's leeks wrapped in leeks covered in leek sauce.
Kyo: Just eat it. (looks away, grumpy)
Me: Well, all right! (takes a bite and passes it down to the others)
After we all had a bite, it was on to Kitchen 2. There's looked delicious!
Tohru: It's chocolate cake.
Kisa: With pink icing!
Me: It looks amazing! (gobbles some down)
Pandora: PASS IT DOWN, CHIPS!
Me: Fine. (passes the remains down)
Then, it was Kitchen 3. It looked odd.
Me: ...What is THAT?
Hiro: ...Pizza... (looks grumpy)
Aaya: With miso sauce! Ahahahaha!
Me: ...Oookay. (takes a bite and spits it out, passing the plate down and gulping down water)
Aaya: Surely it's not that bad?
Me: Surely it's the worst thing I EVER tasted!
So we quickly moved on to Kitchen 4. I stared.
Me: What is that?
Hatori: We didn't know what to make.
Kureno: So we grabbed a whole bunch of our favorite things and mashed it together.
Me: ...It looks like baby barf. What did you put in it?
Hatori: Cinnamin, sugar, milk...
Kureno: ...peanut butter, bird food, ants, worms...
Hatori: ...sea salt, water, brown sugar, water...
Kureno: ...more worms, more water, more bird food...
Me: ...It's moving.
Kureno: ...Oh, it is.
Hatori: Tell me, did you kill the frog?
Kureno: ...Nope.
Me: O.O (pretends to take a bite and pushes the dish away)
Kitchen 5 was next. Oh, joy. This wasn't going good.
Kagura: We made waffles!
Haru: Yes. Waffles.
Me: (stares at the waffles) ...They look oddly shaped.
Kagura: Oh, yeah, I wanted to make Kyo-shaped waffles, but Haru wanted to make Yuki-shaped waffles.
Haru: So we made them Christmas trees.
Me: ...Why Christmas trees?
Haru: Christmas is amazing.
Me: It's not Christmas.
Haru: Who cares?
Me: I do. But whatever. (eats the waffle and drinks some water, passing it down)
On to Kitchen 6, the last Kitchen! Yes, it was almost over!
Akito: We. Made. Soup.
Ritsu: Soup! (grins and puts the soup near me)
Me: ...What kind of soup?
Ritsu: Carrot soup!
Me: I love carrot soup! (takes a huge bite)
Akito: Only Ritsu spilled rat poison into it.
Me: (spits out the soup and starts glugging down water)
Pandora: ...I'm not trying it.
Shigure: Me either.
Momiji: Squeee, more for me!
Me: Don't eat it, Momiji. (dumps it into the sink)
Momiji: Awwww.
Me: Okay, time to judge! (huddles together with other judges)
Pandora: (whispering) All of their's sucked. I hate human food. .
Me: (whispering) The cake was good. ^.^
Shigure: (whispering) I also enjoyed the cake very much. ^.^
Momiji: (whispering) I wanted to try the rat potion. :3
Me: (whispering) Momiji, it's POISON, not POTION. (sits up so that everyone can see me) Okay, we've made our votes!
Shigure: And the winner is....
Momiji: (bangs hands on table like a drum-roll)
Me: ...TOHRU AND KISA IN KITCHEN 2!
Pandora: (makes cheering sound effects)
Me: That concludes this chapter.
Shigure: Review and give all these knuckle-heads some dares!
Momiji: Ja!
Pandora: I just want to go home.