Author's Note: Shorter, maybe i rushed it, blah, lots of fbombs and awkward engineers
...
Soldier stood at the end of the hall, gripping her final rocket to be loaded. She saw Scout run towards the final point, clutching his lacrosse stick. "He should never bring a lacrosse stick to the battlefield, war is not a game," she whispered to herself. "That coward..."
Suddenly there was a crash and there was the BLU Pyro, flying through a window, swinging his axe down from over his head! Soldier dodged the attack, sidestepped, and swung her rocket launcher at the pyro. He was thrown across the room. Soldier gripped her rocket launcher and fired at the pyro, striking him in midair. He blew into pieces, the blood staining the walls around the explosion. "Axes are not wartime weapons, sissy! Pick up a real gun" She could feel her father's teachings coming back in her head.
…
"Holy fuck, my KDR is like, really fucking nice!" Scout's face was genuinely impressed. He looked at the rest of the board. "Ooohh," he said, shaking his head, "One kill, four deaths. Medic, no offense, but you suck." Medic mumbled something in Swedish about "teamwork" and "flaming douchebags." Soldier pushed through the two of them and broke in with "Score does not matter as long as you are helping your team."
"I guess fighting for your team is better than fighting for country, eh, Soldier?" Medic was interested in Soldier's reaction.
"It's not the same. One is fighting for pay, while one is-"
"Killing innocents for pay?"
Soldier was silent. Finally she spoke up. "You wouldn't understand, Viking." Soldier turned and marched away.
"Eh, Medic, you didn't have ta go political an' shit an' scare her aw-" Scout stopped. Medic had put her glove to her face and was shaking it. "You okay, Medic? You guys sync up or something?"
Medic moved her hand from her face and giggled quietly. "You know, I am on the rag. Don't know about her-" She burst out laughing. " he he he-though. I just-"
"No, you don't gotta answer. You know I don't care. As long as you're laughing, Medic."
"Thanks, Scout."
…
Dave sipped his coffee and sat back against the wall of his camper van watching Lucky Star on his laptop. "Oh Konata, you lazy fuck." Knockknockknockknock! The knocking increased in volume gradually. "Scout! Scout! Sheila, the door's open! Sheila!"
The handle to the door jangled the wrong way for a bit, then Scout flipped it over the other way and finally got in. "Hey Sniper." She noticed Sniper in front of his laptop. "Watcha doing?" She leapt onto his bed and, after bouncing once, she positioned her head to look at the screen. "Little anime girls dancin' in short skirts. I did not know you were into that shit, Dave."
"I'm not, It's not like that, uh ." Sniper gave a nervous laugh, closing the lid, but not before pausing the video.
"Freak."
"Bitch. So...why are you here?"
She sat up. "No reason."
Whatthefuck? "You never have a reason, Penny."
She leaned against Sniper and laid her head on his shoulder. "Don't need one, Dave." Scout ran her hand over his upper legs.
…
Engineer leaned back from her mini sentry. She sighed. How am I supposed to learn how to build this...this thing without plans? Engineer had had to rework the whole design so it would be different from that pendejo BLU Engineer's, which he stole. Pendejo.
"Hey, Engie? You th-oh shit." He had forgotten to knock. Pyro remembered teammates getting chewed out for interrupting her peace. He coughed. He knocked, slowly but surely.
"Yes, Pyro?" Engineer stood up.
"I got dinner here-you missed it again." She opened the door. There stood Pyro-gasmask-less, shirtless, suit-less, shirtless.
"Thanks." She shivered.
"Okay...so. By-oh wait, did you get any work done on the inhaler?"
"Si, I did." She walked back into the room, fumbled through a box of stuff and came out with one metal thing. Then she walked to the other side of the room and bent over-Pyro tried not to stare, Think of Medic, Think of Medic, Medic...OHCRAP It got bigger-
"Here." She traded him the inhaler thing for the dinner plate.
"How do I use this thing?"
She put down the plate and grabbed the inhaler. "You see, this goes in your mouth, and you pump this. Come back for refills."
"Cool. Thanks..." She handed Pyro the inhaler.
"See you lateeeeeerrrrrr."
"Bye." She slammed the door, but then opened it again. "I didn't slam it too hard, did I? I didn't mean to- It wasn't-I...I...um..."
Pyro rubbed the nape of his neck, laughing nervously through his teeth. "I get it, Engie."
"Oh. Good. 'Cuz I meant-oh shit." Pyro had walked down the hall, puffing his inhaler.
…
"So you're a fucking sackdoll, like that 9(1) thing?" Sniper laid sprawled on the love seat, her legs over one armrest. Scout sat on the coach next to Heavy with a Dualshock in his hands, playing Little Big Planet 2.
"That movie make Heavy sad. Why toys made if they almost all die?"
"Well, it's-I-I don't fucking know Heavy."
"It's...each puppet is a significant part of da Scientist's identidy." Scout's voice took a solemn tone. "Like, 7's the feminine part an' stuff."
"Woah."
"Andre understand now! Thank you, Scout!" Heavy grabbed Scout into a savage bear hug.
Just then, Soldier walked into the rec room.
"Hey!" Scout pushed himself out of the hold. "Don't get gay on me Heavy! Soldier...I wasn't...goddammit." Scout slapped his hand to his face and sighed.
Sniper sang "Scout's an ass-bandit(2)!" over and over again.
Soldier shook her head and walked out.
"Goddammit, goddammit, god-fucking-dammit! I fucking hate you guys!"
Heavy and Sniper's laughing grew even louder. "Omifuckinggosh I'm...I'm gonna die." Sniper's legs flew up and flew back and forth past each other in tune with her laughter. She started hiccupping. Heavy's loud deep laughs resonating throughout the room. Scout leaned back into the couch, his face burning.
…
1. the only movie that ever made me cry, till ToyStory 3 at least
2. if you don't get this omifuckinggosh im gonna die