Disclaimer. I don't own twilight. or the characters just playing with them

Epov

It felt like the venom burn all over again the only difference is that I knew this pain would last much longer then 3 days. Hauled up in some run down attic apartment somewhere in South America curled up in a pathetic heap. If only Bella could see me now she would finally believe that she deserved better then me.

It could have been years for all I know the days have melded together into one long moment of pain. I started out looking for Victoria the one and only possible threat to my Bella. But my tracking skill are non existent apparently because I have yet to reacquire her scent after tracing her here. It must be a false lead I reasoned and so I did as I always do when not actively tracking I curled up in that Pathetic ball and let the pain come.

It's getting close now. I am done living from day to day hour to hour every minute is spent questioning myself did I do the right thing by Bella? is she safe without me? is she better off? Is she happy? Should I go back. I could see her from a distance and make sure, "Just watch" I tell myself. But I know it's all lies if I go back all of me goes back and it will be on hands and knees begging for forgiveness.

She may refuse but I would be persistent just as she was in the beginning. "Is this it?" I ask myself have I made my decision? So much for my promises, I broke every promise I ever made to Bella. what's one more? but a vow is something altogether different. I would prove to her that I love her, beg, grovel and when I have won her trust back I will ask her to be my wife. It may take time but time I have.

I realize there is a long road ahead of me and that I will need to hunt before I can go anywhere near any major transport hubs. it feels like years since I even gave the thirst my attention. But I know I would not be anymore deserving of Bella's forgiveness if I was to become even more of a monster. and I would not like to disappoint Carlisle not again. Esme, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper my family again it seems like years that I have even thought those names let alone put faces to the names in my head. and now how I miss them.

I know I have a lot to make up for with them as well especially Alice she who lost almost as much as me when we left forks. Or should I say when I forced them to leave forks.

So first I hunt then I begin my walk down the road. The road home because after all they say home is where the heart is and I left mine with Bella.

3days later.

I don't know how I exactly got here I have sort of been running on autopilot. For once in my life me and the monster inside me agree on something we need to get back to Bella, and here I am on the home stretch.

Bella's house where she lives with he father Charlie. sigh...He is not going to be very happy to see me I am not looking forward to that conversation. But at the moment there is another conversation that needs to happen and I need to do it before I go completely mad.

I scramble up her tree just like I have done many times before but unlike those other times Bella's window is closed to me. I pear in through the curtain and cannot make out any signs of movement it is almost 3am Bella should be sound asleep safe in her own bed. And then a thought occurs to me. Maybe she is in her own bed...back in phoenix with Renee. I slowly Slide her window open and enter her room it hasn't changed a bit from the last time I was here. I pick up a faint trace of Bella's scent and it's not so old 3-5 days tops maybe I am not to late.

I decide I will wait until morning and talk to Charlie.