I held her in my arms so tight before saying goodbye and getting into the car. Every time I have to let her go, I feel like a part of me is missing but I know my decision will allow her to have a better life, one that I couldn't give her. Three and a half years ago, I made a decision that would affect not only my life but my daughter life as well.

Today was different though, after T-bone found out about my pregnancy and decided he wanted out; I was again faces with another hard decision; give my baby up for adoption or keep it.

Flash Back:

Kiss lips met with mines as we played around between the sheets. He slowly grabbed my body and roughly stayed in complete control. I didn't know how a conversation discussing his father, led to us making out. I knew my world was going to change forever, when my hands moved down to unbuckle his pants and his breathing became stronger with each button getting popped as he ripped his shirt off. Each leg rested on a different side of his body. He grabbed my hair roughly as we kissed and I moved to get on top of him. My body sat up on top of his, we looked into each other eyes and smiled. The smile wasn't that long but you could feel the sparks between us.

I was finally getting what I waited so long for; to feel his body, his lips, and his touch, to have him say that I am his and he is mines.

End of Flash Back:

"If only I knew!" I thought as I came back to reality. I was almost to the restaurant to meet Martin. I haven't seen him in so long. It's been almost four years since we talked.

I never thought I would be meeting him anytime soon, I did miss him; I needed a friend right now. Once, I found a parking spot, I parked and walked over to the restaurant. Before I made it to the door, I see a tall man, with dark hair, and a nice body. When he turned around and looked at me my heart dropped; I was excited and nervous at once.

"Is that "THE" Ruthie Camden?!" he shouted while holding his hands out for a hug. His smile was just like I remembered; his figure was much manlier. His muscles you could see through his sleeveless shirt. His hair seemed darker and his voice gave me goosebumps. As I went in for the hug, his scent smelled like a great spring day.

"Yes, this is "THE" Ruthie Camden!" I said as we let each other go and stared at each other which felt like forever.

"Look at you all grown up." Martin said looking at me up and down while still managing to have that sexy smile on his face.

My hair was dyed red and cut into a bob. I decided to wear a nice loose fitting black dress with small heel boots and put on a plain face, nothing to fancy. I was only three months pregnant so it didn't show as much.

"Thank you! And you don't look bad yourself."

T-bone

I made the decision finally to love one and only one girl. I let Ruthie go, so I could be with Alyssa and our unborn child. I told Ruthie she could do what she wanted with the baby but as long as she knows I will not be in her life or the baby life. I wanted her to get an abortion; I wanted her to get rid of it as soon as possible. For some weeks now, I went back in forth. I knew I could only have one child and one girl in my life and Alyssa was that girl. She felt like more of my soulmate then Ruthie. I've always felt that we could build something together.

I needed to go get my things from Ruthie house. I haven't seen her since I broke up with her over text. I felt like I was being a child in this situation, so maybe the best time is to go get my things and break up with her, to her face. I needed her to understand that we just didn't work out and I will be telling her about Alyssa. She at lease deserves to know that.

Ruthie

I woke up with Martin hands wrapped around me. Last night, we just watched TV, ate a nice dinner, and had great conversation. I missed my friend. He was always there for me no matter what. My phone ranged and it was on the other side of Martin. He looked at the clock which read 5:30 am and handed me the phone slowly. He looked at the picture that popped up and finally let me answer it before lying back down.

My heart was beating fast as I got out of the bed and went into the bathroom. We were at my small one bed room apartment, so there was barely any privacy.

"Mommy. Mommy!" Natalie screamed. It was 5 something in the morning and she never seems to amaze me. She's call me at the weirdest times.

My hands were shaking as I was signing the papers over to my daughter adopted parents. I don't know how I hid my pregnancy for so long but I guess who has ever paid attention to me. When I left to attend school in another country I knew this would be the best way to hid it. To never have to think about it but I once I seen her face, I couldn't let her go.

It took a year and a half before I was able to see my daughter. I only decided to go to school in San Francisco because her parents moved out here and said that I could definitely be in her life. I loved her with every bone in my body.

When the phone call ended and I finally came out of the bathroom, Martin was sitting up on the bed with his hands crossed, looking at the floor. I didn't know what he was thinking; I didn't know what was going on.

"About a year ago, Mac came to visit me. He told me he was hiding a secret from me and couldn't anymore." Martin said still looking at the ground "I couldn't think about what it was, everything crossed my mind and not once would I think, that you would be pregnant."

"Martin…I" My voice was shaky "How did he know?"

"He told me one of his childhood friends attended school where you left for an almost a year and he knew you." Martin said finally looking up at me, "All I ask is for you to tell me the truth, Am I the father?"

I could hear keys and the door opening. I looked over at Martin as my eyes got really big.

"Is that T-bone?" Martin said getting up. I told him everything about T-bone and I breaking up but I left out the pregnancy part.

"Martin, just stay in the room and let me talk to him." I said holding the door knob so he couldn't get out.

I walked out of the room and was met with a confused T-bone.

"Who are you talking to in the room?" T-bone asked

"None of your business, what do you want?"

"My stuff…" He said brushing past me and trying to get into the room, " Why is the door locked? Who is in here?

"Nobody, I'm doing a little re-decorating. I'll drop your stuff off tomorrow. You can leave now." I said holding the front door open. He gave me a smirk and laughed as he brushed past me again but this time he was leaving out.

"You know what? Keep it! Keep it all!" T-bone shouted at me.

"Why are you so mad at me?! I'm not the one who dumped you!" I was trying to calm down because he was really being an asshole for no reason. I didn't do anything to him but hold the pregnancy from him but I did it because I knew he wasn't going to take responsibility for his actions.

"I have every right to be mad. You hid a pregnancy from me! "T-bone shouted back. By now we are back in the liver room and T-bone is all in my face.

"You want to know why? Just like now, you never take any responsibility for anything. You are blaming me because you suck as a human being…" The rest of my harsh sentence was stopped by T-bone snatching me by my neck and holding me up against the wall.

Next thing I knew, Martin dropped T-bone on the liver room table. There was blood leaking from his nose and his mouth. T-bone got up and landed one on Martin but Martin hit him with a left hook and a right.

" Stop! Stop!" I screamed. Martin was going to kill him, I stopped Martin from landing another punch on T-bone and he finally got off of him.

" F*ck you and him. Yawl deserves each other!" T-bone yelled as Martin stood behind me "I hope you get an abortion because you would be a horrible mother."

Before, T-bone could reach the front door, I looked at the small picture framed that sat on one of the small tables and threw it at him.

" AHHHH!" He screamed as it hit him in the back of his head, "I hate you! That's why I was cheating on you our whole relationship with Alyssa. She is having my baby!"

Martin handed me another picture frame as my right hand went back to throw it, he ran out the front door and it hit a window shattering it.

Martin looked at me and shook his head.

" I don';t know what going on but are you hiding my child Ruthie?!

I looked at him and cried harder as he gave me a look I never seen before.

" Martin! Please don't go!" The door slammed behind him as I was left by myself; blood everywhere, window shattered and multiple things broken.

I didn't know what to do as the tears ran down my face. I dropped to my knees and did what I only knew how to do; Pray.