"What is that god-awful racket?" said Dean.
"You don't like folk music? I find it relaxing," said Raven with a straight face.
Dean looked him in the eye.
"Are you going to be playing this all day?"
"Maybe."
"Right...I'm going to be stealing the laptop and staying in my room with the radio on," said Dean flatly.
"I'll be sure to leave the tissues out," Raven shot back. He had the amusing sight of Dean stumbling on nothing on a cleaned floor. It was pretty obvious Dean planned to have some "alone" time to himself with the internet and the best wireless connection he had ever had. It wasn't like there were any women here he could hit on and Dean was most assuredly straight.
Snickering, Raven went back to his mirror. It was spelled and enchanted to show anything he focused on, and he wanted to focus on Sam Winchester. If playing music that wouldn't be out of place in a Wiccan's music collection was all it took to keep Dean far from what he was doing, then he'd play the music.
Raven frowned as he watched Ruby try...and fail...to seduce Sam. She looked increasingly agitated.
He didn't know why she was so fixated on the younger brother, but he stole a glance to the room he had been using to establish a timeline for Zachariah's movements in the past century.
If his guess was right, then Sam was Lucifer's vessel.
And what better way to convince him to say 'Yes' to the arch angel than to get him hopped up on demon's blood and turn him into an addict in the name of training his powers?
Looking at the calendar, he realized that Dean's time in "hell" would be up soon. Which meant he would have to arrange it so that Zachariah continued to believe that Dean had gone so deep into the pit that they had to search for him.
Perhaps he could switch out Dean with his brother Sam by playing the part of Ruby? Make it look like she had taken Sam somewhere off the grid to trick him into drinking the blood by getting into his pants?
Mind made up, Raven started to make arrangements.
He knew Loki was really an angel, suspected he was in fact the missing Gabriel.
If anyone could fake Dean's "rise" from Hell, it would be him.
Raven reached for his phone.
"Hey Lo'? I need a favor. Can you meet me at the usual spot? Thanks. Half an hour sound good to you?"
Raven went through the back door (which was the front door to him, seeing as how the key to the actual front had gone missing) and apparated to their usual meeting spot. He left the world music on to make sure Dean wouldn't come out save for food.
"So what's up Ray?" asked Loki, popping in a chocolate bar.
"I need you to fake Dean's rise from hell."
Loki blinked twice, then made a show of cleaning out his ears.
"I could have just sworn you asked me to..."
"Look I've known you were an angel since our first meeting. Blame your brothers for giving me a reason to develop an angel radar to go along with the demon one. I just didn't care because you didn't act like a self-righteous prick like the rest of them. But you're the only one who can fake a rise from Hell, and make your brothers belief that Dean was actually in the pit."
"What's your game plan?" asked Loki seriously.
"Simple answer? I want to screw over Zachariah and any plans he has for the Winchesters. I have nothing against Lucifer or Micheal, but Zachariah pisses me off. And he's gunning for them in a big way. I have an entire wall dedicated to his movements and most of them involved the Winchesters in one form or another. He even set Abaddon against their grandfather who's missing in the time stream," said Raven flatly.
"He what."
"Zachariah told Abaddon where to find the North American branch of the Men of Letters, and Henry Winchester went missing with the front door key over fifty years ago...leaving his son John alone without a father. It was his initiation night...and I'm betting Abaddon followed him because the demon hasn't been heard from since."
Loki...no, this was Gabriel now...looked beyond pissed.
Setting up the brothers was one thing...working with Abaddon was something not even he could accept no matter what the circumstances. And Abaddon happened to be on his personal shit list for a variety of reasons.
"I'm in. That arrogant shit is going down hard, and I'll wring the answers out of that smug bastard even if I have to kill him," snarled Gabriel.
Raven pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to Gabriel.
"What's this?"
"A talisman. I figured if I had any visitors that I actually wanted to invite inside Nevermore I'd need something that would allow them to bypass the wards. You'll need to key it into your signature, so even if someone takes it they can't use it. Zachariah was so pissed when he found out I had the bunker extra fortified to keep anything except for humans out. It'll withstand anything save a smiting."
Loki nodded, and once Raven told him how to key it to him he made sure to do it. Then he strung it around his neck.
"Let's go make a mockery of the Apocalypse. Though if Lucifer comes out I'll need a better reason than he's the devil to go after him. Who knows, I might be able to convert him," said Raven.
Seeing Gabriel's surprised...and relieved look, Raven shot him a comforting smile.
"I don't know what it's like to have family...but I know that you probably left to avoid being made to kill your brothers," said Raven.
"I hated the fighting. When I realized they were going to demand I chose a side, I ditched home and went into hiding," said Loki sadly. Raven gave him a proper hug, and Loki leaned into it.
"You're welcome to drop by any time, so long as you remember the pass key. I cannot wait until that damn front door key comes back," said Raven.
"That bad?"
"I had to apparate on a photo just to get into the damn thing, and then I had to find a way to free the back door which had become rusted over. I was trapped in that damn place for a month before I could get the door unstuck. Do you have any idea how hard it is to apparate based on an outdated photo?! Hell, do you have any clue how much dusting and upgrading I've had to do for the first year alone?"
Loki snickered.
"Laugh it up you big ham," grumbled Raven good naturedly.
"So...if I follow you then do I get some of your triple decker five fudge and caramel cake?" asked Loki hopefully.
"I knew giving you a slice had been a bad idea."
Loki gave him a pair of the most adorable puppy eyes. Raven sighed.
"I'll get the ingredients. Oh, and here's a copy of Dean's reaction to the fact his freedom was now at the mercy of a shut in bookworm," said Raven. Loki let out a cackle.
"What is he doing here?" said Dean with a glare.
"He came here for the cake," deadpanned Raven.
"I thought this place was warded against anything and everything except humans?"
"It is. I gave Loki a key that was set only to him. I don't exactly get many visitors way out here," said Raven.
Dean went quiet, then he looked at Loki.
"You hurt him and I'll end you personally."
Loki snorted, until he realized he was being serious.
"You're kidding, right? One, you've never known how to kill me in the first place, and two, I happen to be the closest thing to an actual friend he has left! Besides, you haven't tried his special creation or you'd never say something that stupid."
"Special creation?"
"Three layers of chocolate and vanilla cake with five different kinds of specialty fudge and with caramel separating the three cakes. It's got enough sugar in it to make dentists faint from horror, or rub their hands together in glee at the sheer number of cavities just one slice would produce in children. I made it in one of my more morbid moods when considering how Hermione would have reacted to the fact I was eating it. Her parents are...were... dentists."
Raven shot Loki a mock glare filled with a fond expression.
"This moron happens to be addicted to it, since I made the mistake of giving him the last slice of the first one I made."
Loki made it look like Raven had hurt him with that comment, but his grin made it clear it was fake.
Raven finished frosting the first cake...and then went to work on a different one. He made sure to give Loki a massive slice from the one he finished though.
Dean couldn't help the amused look on his face as the sounds coming out of Loki's mouth were positively orgasmic in nature. Almost like how he sounded when confronted with really, really good pie. Speaking of which...
"Do I smell pie?" he asked hopefully.
"Treacle tart. Figured since I was out might as well get the ingredients for that too. Oh, and cherry cobbler, apple cobbler, peach cobbler..." listed Raven.
"When Raven gets in the mood to cook, he tends to put large scale bakeries to shame with the quality and quantity," offered Loki, practically eating the spoon Raven handed him. If there was even a trace of sugar left on that thing, Dean would be surprised.
As Raven handed Dean a recently cooled peace of apple cobbler, he told Dean what was about to happen and why Loki was really there.
"We're going to fake your 'ascension' from hell."
Dean nearly choked on his pie. He had to take a long pull of the water Loki helpfully handed him before he could say in a slightly hoarse voice... "I'm sorry, I must have heard you wrong. You're going to what now?"
"You want to keep the angels and hell from targeting Sam a second time, right?"
Dean nodded slowly.
"Well the easiest and most effective way to do that is to make it look like an angel found you in the pit and raised you from the dead. As far as heaven knows, you were sent to hell prematurely because of an attack. They've been storming the pit for 'years' hell time trying to locate you. So if we make it look like you just came out..."
"Okay, I get that, but what does he have to do with this plan?"
"We're going to bury you alive. Not too deep, but enough to make it look convincing. I can't zap you into a cheap coffin, but he can. Along with any other...quirks...from those recently risen by angels."
Dean did not look happy.
"It's either this or we give Ruby more time to try and seduce your brother. I'll be sure to kill her once she's out of sight of Sam, and you can claim plausible deniability when he asks."
Dean still didn't look happy about it.
"Once Zachariah's dead I'll start helping you out publicly with your hunts."
"Okay, but I still don't like the idea of being buried alive."
"It's either you fake being dead or you spend who knows how long in hell with a master at the art of torture until you break. Your choice," said Loki flatly.
"Gee, you almost sound like you care," snarked Dean.
"I don't. Care that is. See you Winchesters think you're hot stuff, when in reality the only reason you're not dead yet is because all sorts of things want to use you for one end or another. The only Winchester who has a lick of common sense that I can tolerate is Raven, and he's only a Winchester because of one ancestor decided to sleep with the hot transfer that had to move home when she found out she was pregnant. Enough to be on several prospective radars, but not interesting enough to be targeted as frequently as you morons are," said Loki without a hint of hesitation.
Dean scowled at Loki, who ate his cake unrepentant.
"Now children, you're both pretty. Do I have to make you both do the dishes by hand or will you behave?" snarked Raven. Then he continued frosting his cake. "Besides we both know the only reason no one's bothered me is because I've been hiding here for the better part of a decade and stayed off the radar."
Loki shot Raven a sad look. He likely knew more than the bare bones of what Raven told Dean.
"I'm not an invalid Lo'," said Raven without turning around.
"No, you're just someone who's be so screwed over by heaven that you have trouble comprehending what love is, much less realizing when someone genuinely gives a damn about your well being," said Loki sadly.
Dean wisely didn't ask. It wasn't his place to know, and Raven would tell him if he felt it prudent.
Three days later...
Dean gasped for air as dirt fell around him. It took him a minute for his eyes to adjust and when they did it looked like someone had dropped a bomb. Or set one off. Either way the place looked leveled for a good hundred feet around his 'grave'.
First things first...he needed something to drink and to know what the date was.
He felt like he was forgetting something. Something important.
He did know one thing though. He had to find Sam.
"Well?"
"It worked. Once Sam mentions 'Quoth the Raven' to Dean, he remember Nevermore enough to summon Zachariah. The sooner he's dead, the better," said Raven.
"Why Castiel?"
"I put a list of minor angels up on the dart board and threw one. It landed on Castiel three times," said Raven.
Loki made a face. It had been a pain in the ass to summon Castiel from wherever he was and pretty much show him where to find Dean's soul from the fake hell he had made. As far as the angel knew, Dean had broken in hell and the first seal fell.
Of course the demons knew better, but Lilith might believe Dean fell someplace they might have missed him and start breaking the seals anyway.
Raven was going to have a vindictive look of evil glee on his face when Loki...Gabriel...was through with that sanctimonious prick of a brother.