The Crimson Kiss

©2003 Hailey Gaida

Warning: This story may be triggering for some people. Please do not read it unless you are safe. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Characters, so please don't sue me. I merely own the plot and any poetry that appears throughout.

A note: The poem, Lost In Torment was altered slightly for this, if you'd like to read the original version that I composed a while back, it is located on fictionpress.net, under Anarchy Star

Chapter 3

Draco Malfoy lounged around the beautiful common room that he and his girlfriend (And the head girl), Hermione Granger, shared. He leaned his head back on the plush backing of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. His feet were up on the coffee table and he was completely bored out of his mind. Hermione was taking a nap, so he couldn't even pester her into a little make-out session. Draco eyed a myriad of books on the table. He raised an eyebrow and bent over and picked up a few.

"Mystical Muggle Contraptions by Matilda Yarnbrow," Draco read, looking over the book and quickly discarding it.

"Dragons, Unicorns and Werewolves, Oh My! By Huntington Pottleberry," Draco quickly discarded that one. Anyone with a name like Huntington Pottleberry's had to be a fruit loop.

Draco came to a book that had no title. He looked on the spine of the book, no title there either.

"Hmmm… I wonder what this is." He mused turning the book over in his hands.

Draco opened the cover of the book. Inside he found a page containing these words.

My heart, my soul, my feelings on paper. A poetry collection; Hermione Granger.

Draco was immediately curious. He flipped through a few pages, just glancing at the poetry. Then, one caught his eye.

Lost in Torment

Year Four

I'm screaming, get me out of here
Get me out of this silken, satin pain
I've felt so often, it's soft and warm
I just don't want to feel it anymore.

I feel nothing anymore but I still want it gone
I know it's there. Make it go away?
I walk the yellow brick road of life in confusion and depression
I've lost my dog, my friends, my ruby slippers. Take me away.

The eyes of mischievous shadows watch me and tell me I'm going the wrong way.
Am I? Or are they trying to trick me with their games?
The shadows speak of happiness and laughter if I go one way
I know it's not the happiness and laughter that I want.

Their happiness and laughter is tormenting the lost souls they come across
Like me.
I'm hypocritical, lost, scared, sarcastic and blunt.
As is my knife.

Do they love me? I feel nothing.
No one shows any emotion that they care for me.
"I'm dying day by day, but no one cries for me"
No one cares. If they do, they don't show it

All day I think about cutting. Do I do it? No.
I'm scared I might lose the two people that I love if I do it.
They care.. I think.. I hope.. I don't pray because I have lost my faith.
They don't even know about my knife, Sometimes I think they're oblivious

They're caught up in their own little world

They don't pay attention to me

I'm only good to help them with their work

Sometimes I feel so left out, all they talk about it Quidditch

They take the teasing too far. It makes me hurt
They convince themselves that I don't have a soul
The funeral will come, they won't, they won't care.
No one will.

I'm crying, screaming, I want to leave.
Get me out of here. This satin pain, I want no more.
It came back. It came back. Make it go away.
Make it all go away.

As Draco read that poem he knew it was indirectly about him. He did tease her and make fun of her. He had no idea that this had gone on as far back as fourth year, though. He thought it was just a recent thing.

Beautiful Pain
Year Six

I wait. Wait for the longing
Inside
Of me to be subdued.

It will never be that way
Though
I will never be fulfilled.

Clean. That's what I've been.
Clean.
I don't want to stay clean.

I want the blood to run.
See
The Crimson kisses upon my skin.

The droplets of red.
Red.
The color of life.

Red. Red.
The color of Death.
The color I wish to be.

Covered in it.
Death.
Red. Color.

Slicing. Bleeding
I need to have it.
I need to feel that pain that

Sends me to another world
Different.
Different pain. Beautiful Pain.

"Oh merlin, Hermione." Draco almost closed the book when one more poem caught his eye. It was called "Crimson Kiss." The only reason it caught his eyes, was because there were little red droplets in random places on the page. He knew it was her blood.

Crimson Kiss

Summer; Year Six

The Crimson Kiss upon my flesh
The crimson kiss that sears my soul
A droplet of blood
The razor brings
And once again, I am whole.

Crimson kisses
Razored bliss
I'm only human
Enough
To bleed to death.

Silky red
On pale white
Flesh
Bleeding, hurting,
Relieving stress.

The Crimson kiss
The razor brings
Doth don my flesh
My soul
Doth sing.

The pain is flooding
Away from thy
Yet pain is coming
By day
And Nye.

The razor brings
The Crimson kiss
The razor chortles
Joy
And bliss.

Awaiting thee
The crimson kiss
Of immortal
Pain and
Beautiful bliss.

It doesn't stop
This beautiful pain
This crimson kiss
Is one
To maim.

It sears the soul
And scars the flesh
This Crimson kiss of
Razored bliss

Draco sighed and closed the book, he couldn't read any more. It was too depressing. He was also afraid it might trigger him to self-injure. He didn't want that. Draco set the book back down onto the table where he had found it. He stood up and pulled off his over shirt, revealing just a white wife beater. He looked down upon his chest and his arms. He was covered in scars. Some were from beatings by his father, others were self inflicted. There were scars that once held words he had carved into himself. He rubbed ashes in them so it would take longer for them to disappear. He wanted to remember. No one ever saw his injuries at school, his mother had always washed them away with spells throughout the summer. She was, however, too ill to do it. It was really just an invisibility spell. They were merely hidden. They were always still there.

Draco sat back down on the couch and ran his fingers through his silky, silvery blonde hair. At that moment, he made a promise to himself, he wouldn't let Hermione self-injure anymore, and also, he wouldn't allow himself to do it either.

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The rich aroma of food floated to the top of the ceiling of the great hall that night at dinner. Draco sat in his customary seat at the Slytherin table. His seat was perfect, if he looked straight ahead, he could see Hermione, laughing and joking with her Gryffindor buddies. Harry and Ron seemed to be pestering her about something though. Harry kept pointing to her arm and made flailing motions with his arm. Draco didn't like the look of that.

"No Harry, it's nothing." Hermione said, pulling her arm away from The Boy Who Lived.

"Yes, Hermione, I demand to know what you've been doing to yourself. You arm is covered in scratched and scars. Did you get into a fight with Crookshanks?" Harry pushed back her sleeve to reveal her arm.

"Leave me alone, Harry. I don't wish to talk about it." She said firmly, trying to turn away.

"Hermione, what's going on with you?" Ron stated, looking at the girl he had always loved. "You've never acted this way before."

"Guys, I don't want to talk about it, how many times do I have to say that? It's not your problem."

"Ahem." An unknown voice said from behind Hermione.

Hermione turned around and gave the patron a thankful look. "Yes, Malfoy?" She said.

"McGonagall wants to see us, Granger. It's about the ball or something. Come on."

"I'll be back later." Hermione said to Harry and Ron, who still weren't quite convinced that her arm was nothing.

Draco walked off, in front of Hermione. When they exited the great hall, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Now, what were they pestering you about, my dear?"

Hermione immediately relaxed and rested her head on Draco's shoulder. "My arm."

"That's what I figured. I decided that I should play your Knight in Shining Armour." Draco chuckled as he lead her outside.

"So I take it that we're not going to see McGonagall?" She smiled.

"Of course not, but there is something I want to show you."

"And what is that?" Hermione questioned, gazing at the lake, which lay ahead of them.

"This." Draco motioned to a giant oak tree that was near the lake.

"Draco, It's a tree." Hermione said, a confused look adorning her face.

"It's not the tree I wanted to show you, it's what's inside of the tree." He said, leading her around to a hole in the tree.

Hermione stood on her toes and gazed into the dark hole. She gazed upon his darkest secret. In this tree lay his secrets, his shame. In the tree lay scalpels, candles, lighters, exactos, knives, and box cutters. Hermione turned to Draco, tears mingling with the luscious brown of her eyes.

"Draco…What is this?" She said, her bottom lip quivering.

"These instruments helped me to gain my scars. I love you too much to see you hurt Hermione. I want you to put anything you use to self-injure in this tree, with my things. I want us to work through this together." Draco smiled a soft, loving smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her into a tight embrace.

Hermione wrapped her arms around him. "Accio." She whispered, pulling her 'pain relievers' to her. Candles, lighters, exactos and a box cutter flew to her feet. She broke her embrace with Draco and placed them into the tree.

"Good girl. Thank you, Hermione."

"No, Draco, thank you." Hermione stood on her toes and planted a soft kiss on Draco's chin.

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