The Steps of Life

Chapter 3

x-x-x

If I'm being completely honest, the only time that I remembered being sick was when I was 12 and I'd had some bad chicken. I've been a vegan since.

So you can imagine my disdain when I had woken up on that horrible Friday morning, my head plunged over the toilet. I remember my daddy had knocked on the door to my bathroom, asking if everything was OK. What was I meant to tell him? That I'd previously attending a high school party and there was a risk I'd had alcohol poisoning. No, that would not have gone down so well.

Instead, I'd told him that the peanut butter I'd eaten the night before. He bought it.

Friday morning, at school.

She didn't know why, but when she entered school that morning, everything seemed different.

Was it the new flyers hanging up on the walls? No.

Could it be the new Irish exchange student who no one could seem to understand? No.

Rachel decided to ignore the feeling, a different one had started to rise in her stomach. The overwhelming feeling of being sick. Running to the nearby girls' bathrooms, she locked herself quickly into one of the stalls and lifted the seat up.

And down it came.

xx

"Dude, you've been completely out of it since my party the other night! What's up?" Puck pushed him.

Finn turned his attention away from the Spanish teacher, "I'm fine, man. I've just been a bit... distracted." he said, throwing his book into his bag as the bell rang.

"Yeah, no shit." he mumbled in response, hurrying out of the classroom quickly, thankful to get the hell out of there.

As the students left the room, Finn trailed behind.

She was at the back of the class, organizing her books into a certain order before picking them up to leave. Rachel walked up to Mr. Schuester's desk, handing over a piece of paper.

"It's my assignment for next week. I'd already finished so I thought that I'd hand it in early." she smiled, pushing her folders tighter into her arms.

The teacher looked up at her and raised an eyebrow, "Uh, OK. Thank you, Rachel."

The brunette turned around, her eyes darkening when she spotted Finn standing just a few feet away from her. Her fingers nervously tapped against her books, "Um, hi." she started.

Finn looked down at her with a frown, "Are you okay? You haven't returned any of my calls."

She brushed past him, "I have no idea what you're talking about." he told him, raising her head high as she walked.

"What? What do you mean you don't-"

"Look, I'm just making this easier for you. If I ignore the situation, it's as though it never happened. Which means that you don't owe me sorry. I'm making your life easier, trust me." she cut him off, raising a hand and pointing her finger out.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually." he told her, "I just- I don't think that we should tell anyone about us."

"So that you don't have to acknowledge my existence? Which I'm guessing is what you want."

He didn't want to ignore her, pretend that she wasn't there, that she didn't exist. That nothing had happened between them.

But he wouldn't tell her that.

He guessed that was what she wanted, given the way she was acting.

"Yeah, exactly."

He guessed wrong.

She was hurt. She wasn't being truthful to him, nor to herself. She didn't want to pretend that it didn't happen. She was just trying to do him a favor, by acting as thought it was what she wanted. As though she wanted him to ignore her, to go back to perfect girlfriend and she wouldn't feel any different. But she wanted his attention, because while it had lasted, she'd enjoyed it. It was the best feeling she'd ever gotten.

She didn't think that was what he wanted, given the way he was acting.

It was killing her.

But she wouldn't tell him that

With a final look at him, Rachel turned away,the sensation of vomit rising in her throat. She ran down the hallway to the bathrooms', the door slamming behind her.

Stood in place, Finn sighed.

Why was she acting so differently all of a sudden?

xx

Santana rolled her eyes, scratching the sides of her mouth out of irritation. "Are you done?" she asked.

"No, leave me alone." the voice answered, followed by what sounded like a hurl.

Raising an eyebrow, she walked toward the stall, "Did you have like a bad breakfast burrito or something?"

She'd never admit it, but she felt quite bad for Rachel. Sickness was not a pleasant feeling. She would know from experience.

But that was a whole difference situation.

When her father had died of testicular cancer, Santana had quit the Cheerios. She couldn't find anything fun about it anymore. Her father was her favourite person. He'd always encouraged her to succeed, to be better than the rest. But when he'd passed, she just couldn't find it in herself to do it anymore. She knew that he wouldn't approve, that he'd tell her to move on and achieve greatness. Instead of continued with his best wishes for her, she'd started smoking, and she'd developed bulimia.

She wasn't proud of it, it had just sort of happened. She'd eat to ease the numbness that she felt inside, but then later regret it, the idea that her weight was more important than her health at the time. Her mother was hard on her, herself shut down over the death. She depended on her, but she'd couldn't find herself delivering. Life was getting to hard, to hard to live up to it perfectly.

You can die at any time, at any moment of your life.

So why not mess it up while she still had a chance?

Over the past few months, she'd seeked help for the bulimia after someone had pointed out that she was becoming decreasing skinny. Her bulimia was soon turning into anorexia. She'd bucked herself an appointment at a psychiatrist's office, the meeting becoming more frequent as time passed.

Eventually, it had passed. But her smoking still remained.

Rachel glanced at her from over her shoulder, "I don't know what's wrong, OK? Just stop talking."

"Are you ill? Because if you are, I'd like to know now before I get any closer."

She didn't understand. Why was she so sick? And her attitude had changed, she wasn't as cheerful and poised as she was before. She'd first noticed the change a few days ago, the morning after Puck's party. Oh god, was that what this was about? She knew it, she had alcohol poisoning. Someone had poisoned her. There was no other explanation-

"Santana?"

The taller girl looked down at her, her hands tucking into the pockets of her jeans, "What, Berry? I'm not gonna help you wash your face if that's what you're asking." she warned her, pulling a disgusted face.

"No, it's not that," she started, flipping her hair behind her so it'd didn't get any puke in it, "Do you- can you go down to the pharmacy for me, please?" As soon as she asked the question, she gulped. Was she really doing this? Or was it stupid to even think about that possibility?

Santana stood upright, her eyes sending the other brunette a daring look. She was at a loss of words, "Um," she scratched her chin out of hesitance, "OK. Just stay here, alright?"

Rachel nodded, her head leaning over the bowl again, "Thanks."

When she'd woken up that morning, one thing that Santana had not planned was having to buy a pregnancy test.

xx

Puck held up two fingers, "Look, you've got two options. One, you can choose to come clean and tell Finn about us. Or two, you can choose to keep lying to him, but not expect anything else from me."

The blonde crossed her arms, "Really? It's really come down to this?"

"I'm just giving you a choice. It's yours to make."

"I can't believe that you're stooping this low. Can't we just keep doing what we have been, it's more fun." she questioned him, moving her fingers across his chest.

He pushed her hand away, "Choose."

Noah Puckerman was not going to beg. He was not that kind of guy.

"Puck-"

"Now." he demanded, "Keep lying to your boyfriend and become miserable, or choose me and become half of something great." he smiled down at her, resting a hand on her hip, "I wanna be with you, Quinn. Only you." he told her, his eyes boring into hers desperately.

"Why can't I just have both?"

"Because it's not fair!" he began, "It's not fair to my best friend-"

"One hell of a best friend you are." she interrupted, rolling her eyes.

He ignored her and continued, "It's not fair to my best friend who's going to eventually find out. And do you really think it's fair to me? Reeling me along, if you're not even going to choose me in the end. It's not fair, Quinn. Not even to you."

Quinn swallowed a breath, "I'm sorry," she backed away from him, running a hand through her hair.

"Please don't do this. Don't give up on me." He begged.

He'd given in to himself.

She didn't say another word as she walked off, her ponytail swinging with the wind on the football field.

Puck closed his eyes. He'd lost. She hadn't chosen him.

If that was the way it was going to be, if she wasn't going to care about him in return. Then fine, he'd return to the former Puck. The playboy.

Spotting one of the cheerleaders walking across the field, he called out to her "Hey, Pierce!"

The girl turned around, a smile forming on her face, "Hi, Puck."

"Wanna go and hook up?" he asked, returning to his older self.

Brittany scrunched her nose up in confusion, "Hook what up?"

He sighed and grabbed her hand, pulling her along with him.

xx

Her feet tapped against the tiled floor as she walked. Her fingers twiddling. Sure, she bought her fair share of pregnancy tests in the past. None of them positive, of course.

But this was different. It wasn't for her.

It was for a girl whose life she'd tormented, who she'd humiliated on numerous occasions when she was a Cheerio. But now things were different, she was not that person anymore.

She was the kind of girl who'd help her out. Maybe not by the tip of her fingers. But now that she payed attention, Rachel seemed like sort of a nice person. Someone who deserved a favor every now and again.

She found the aisle she was looking for, spotting the items on the end. As she stopped before them, she thought back.

What if she was pregnant? When did she get pregnant? Who got her pregnant?

Santana wasn't the smartest person, but she was far from being the dumbest. The musical geek could have had any number of the guys who she hung out with during practice.

She quickly grabbed a test of the rack, making sure nobody she recognized saw her. It was not going to become one of those situations.

Making her way to the counter, she handed over the money Rachel had given her.

The woman was taking her sweet time fondling the object before placing it in the bag, and Santana was growing impatient.

She wouldn't confess it to anyone, but she was becoming rather curious as to the result. She finally grabbed the bag, the elder woman calling a, "good luck" behind her back.

Bitch.

xx

Rachel gulped, closing her eyes as crouched over the stick. Once she felt her pee hit it, she wondered if she was even doing it right. How many ways were there to do it?

What if she was pregnant? Her dads would surely kick her out, she'd be out within a second. Where would she go? Finn clearly didn't want anything to do with her. So that was a no-go. Santana? No. She didn't really have anybody else.

Pulling her underwear and skirt back up her legs, she shook the stick as the box said and opened the stall door.

Santana gave her a small smile, handing her a piece of cloth to wipe the excess of the stick.

Two minutes left.

What was she doing? Had she really just taken a pregnancy test?

The time was slowly killing her.

Was it positive? Was it negative?

She felt an arm wrap around her shoulder and realized it was Santana. It was weird how certain circumstances brought people closer together.

"You're gonna be fine." she reassured her, "Believe it or not, I'm here."

Rachel gently smiled in return, hugging her back.

Thirty seconds left.

She hadn't realized that a tear had fallen down her cheek.

Her life could change within the next twenty seconds.

Ten seconds left.

She picked the stick up slowly, her eyes admiring the ceiling rather than the test.

"It's time." Santana told her.

She kept her eyes shut, avoiding the item, "Can you..."

The other girl nodded, grasping the stick and holding it up. She took a deep breath before reading the result.

Rachel's eyes snapped open, waiting for the answer.

Santana looked at her,

"Congratulations?"

Shit.