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Sakura the Merciless
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Our eyes met across the hallway. In that instant, we both knew what we were fighting for. His eyes narrowed, I crouched, ready to spring into action the moment he moved.
Some might call me stupid, even reckless. But God dammit, Hidan was not getting the bathroom before me!
"What the hell are you guys doing, un?" Deidara asked, strolling passed me and walking into the bathroom. "You really should find something else to do besides bother each other." And then he slammed the door, and all hope was lost.
"BASTARD!" I cried dramatically, hitting the bathroom door repeatedly with my fists.
Hidan rolled his eyes at me, "You know, there are other fucking bathrooms in this place."
I looked up at him with little hearts in my eyes, "Really?"
He snorted, picked me up by the back of my pajama shirt, and hauled me past several black and red hallways. These guys need an interior decorator, for realz.
"Here," Hidan dropped me and pointed to a door at the end of this hallway. It had a little black cloud painted on it, just like all the other rooms. I grinned at him.
"Thanks!" I chirped, and slipped right into the room, not even taking note of Hidan's ominous smirk.
My smiled dissinigrated, however, when I stepped into the bathroom and came face to chest with the last person I wanted to see right now.
"Ah. Good morning, Itachi. I see you have yet to put your shirt on."
Itachi was, like, the Old Spice Guy. Except not black. Seriously, have you seen his pecks? I swear, Itachi Uchiha was spicalicious.
"Are you finished ogling yet?"
"Not yet. One more minute."
I could feel him roll his eyes at me. I could feel it. But I could also feel the humidity from the shower fogging up the mirrors and my senses, and the soft fabric of his towel pressing against the t-shirt I stole from Sasori.
If I didn't know better, I'd say Itachi was doing this on purpose.
"You're right about that," I looked up to see him smirking down deliciously at me.
"Right about what?" I breathed as Itachi placed one hand on the side of my head, preventing escape.
Suddenly, I didn't feel like a shower anymore.
"About me doing this on purpose," He whispered against my lips. OMFG, his breath smelled like chocolate!
"Were you eating chocolate earlier?" If there was chocolate here, I wanted to phucking know about it.
"No-" Itachi tried to back away as I sniffed his breath.
"Are you sure? If I find out this place has chocolate, I'm going to demasculinize you." I warned, wagging my index finger at him like a strict kindergarten teacher.
"I'm sure," Itachi sighed, "You can use the shower now."
And then he left, but not before squeezing my ass. I tried to kick him, but the bitch was out the door before I could even gather my chakra.
FML. Seriously.
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"Hello, Sakura-chan! Do you remember Tobi?"
"How could I ever forget Tobi?" I asked, glad to find someone with just as much gusto as me. We would make great friends.
Tobi plopped down next to me on the couch, and picked up the box of videos I was picking through.
"Your video collection sucks," I told him. "For real. You guys don't even have The Titanic!"
"Kisame sensei says that movie makes him sad," Tobi said.
"Why?"
"The boat crushed his old home when it went down."
"...The Titanic sunk, Tobi."
"Tobi is a good boy!"
WTF. I was speechless. Really.
"So what do you want to watch?" Okay, so not really. I'm Haruno Sakura.
"TOBI THINKS WE SHOULD WATCH JAWS!"
"OMFG YOU HAVE THAT MOVIE?"
"TOBI GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR!"
And then we both screamed, because Jaws was just the kind of movie you screamed for.
"What's with all the screaming, un?" Deidara asked, strutting into the living room in nothing but a pair of pajama boxers. It was obvious he had just woken up, as his hair was bedraggled and wasn't even in it's ponytail.
I want his hair.
Fuck, I want all of him.
"Tell me what kind of shampoo you use, and no one gets hurt." I warned, hopping in front of him and poking a finger to his chest.
Deidara raised a golden blond eyebrow at me, "I'm soscared, un."
"You should be, un."
"And why is that, un."
"Because I got a gun, un."
"..."
"OMFG THAT RHYMED!"
"Take some medication, un."
"You used it all, un."
"Quite mocking me, un!"
"THEN TELL ME THE SECRET TO YOUR MAGICALLY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"
"I'LL NEVER TELL A SOUL!"
"Well I don't have a soul, so TELL ME!"
Deidara just looked at me for a few moments.
"That's messed up, un." He shook his head, and his hair flew all over the place. I'm sure that's exactly what he did for that Pantene commercial, too.
"You know what's messed up? That you have nicer hair then me."
"It's natural, un."
"...or maybe it's Maybelline."
Deidara rolled his eyes and tried to push past me and drop onto the loveseat, but I was having none of that.
"HAAAA!"
I tackled him to the ground, grateful that someone had vacuumed since my arrival yesterday morning.
Surprisingly, Deidara smirked at me.
He smirked at me.
Where the hell does he get off smirking at me? Hellooo. I'm the one on top, Sunshine! (A/N: It's just so easy to think of nicknames for Deidara XD)
"That was a stupid move, un." And then he flipped us so that he was on top and I was lying on the cold, recently vacuumed floor.
I grinned up at him. "This is just how we met!"
Deidara chuckled, giving me the chance to knee him in his man parts. He rolled of me, clutching his jewels and moaning something about 'perverted pink haired chicks'.
"Walk it off," I kicked him lightly in the arm, and took my rightful place on the sofa next to Tobi.
"Put the movie in, Tobi."
He looked at me as if I suddenly held Hidan's scythe. "Tobi is not Sakura-chan's bitch."
"You are now! PUT THE MOVIE IN!"
"Yes mam'!"
"Actually," I said, index finger on my dainty little chin, "Call me 'Sakura the Merciless'."
"Okay, Mrs. Merciless-chan!"
And Tobi did what I said, just like a good boy.
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"Ino, have you seen Sakura?" Naruto asked when the petite blond finally answered her phone.
"Yes, now go away. I'm trying to work!" Ino snapped.
Sasuke snatched the phone away from Naruto. "We mean, did you meet with her at all? She never showed up to training."
"She didn't? Oh, maybe she was too hungover. We had quite the night yesterday." Ino smirked, remembering it.
"I don't think that's it, because she wasn't in her or your apartment."
"Did you check with Tsunade?"
"Yeah, she said to ask you."
"The last time I saw her she was so delirious she thought this dream she had about the Akatsuki kidnapping her really happened. I bet she went to take a shower and-Sasuke? Naruto? Are you guys still there?" Ino asked, irritated. She snapped her phone shut, mumbling about how stupid boys were and scaring several patients with her aura.
"Dobe."
"Teme."
"We have an issue."
"What is this issue in which you speak of?"
"Stop talking like that. Sakura's been kidnapped by the Akatsuki!"
"...OH SNAP! SOMEONE'S 'BOUT TO GET A NARUTO BEATDOWN!"
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"Are you guys seriously watching Jaws?"
"Yup," I chirped, happy to see Kisame wearing a shirt. I patted the spot next to me on the couch, as Deidara had refused to sit anywhere near me. Wimp. "Watch with us!"
Kisame looked slightly amused as he sat down next to me and propped his feet up on the coffee table. "That's an interesting outfit you have on, Sakura." He commented.
I looked down at my clothes; Diedara's long white button up, and a pair of tight spandex shorts. I shrugged, "I make dew with what I got, Fishstick."
His eye twitched at the latest nickname I came up with. "Fishstick?"
"Yeah! And Tobi is Sakura the Mercilesses bitch!" Tobi chirped as if being my bitch was the greatest thing in the world. I was flattered, really.
"Wanna join my band 'o bitches?" I asked Kisame, "You might wanna just say yes, as I had to take Dora the Explorer by force." I gestured over to where Deidara sat glaring at me on his own side of the couch. It was like we had booted him off the island, so he claimed another one.
"I think I'll pass," Kisame laughed. I shook my head.
"You guys need to learn what the word 'yes, master' means."
He laughed even harder. "I'll make you a deal," He said, getting my attention. I liked deals. They won you stuff.
"What kind of deal?" I asked, trying to play my card just right. I wouldn't want to end up like Tsunade after a round of strip poker,
"If you can beat me at strip poker-"
"Well, shit."
"-then I'll be your bitch. If not, you have to wear an outfit of my choice for a full day." He smirked, as if his plan to get my pants off was fool proof. As if.
"Tobi want to play too!" See? Tobi was totally a fool!
"Me too, un."
"Let's just get the whole Akatsuki to play," I muttered sarcastically. "It'll be a blast."
"Yeah!" Kisame agreed, completely missing-or ignoring-the sarcasm thing. "And the winner picks the outfit."
I thought about this for a second. I'm pretty good at poker, and I bet Tobi was one of those people who looked bad at something but were actually amazing. Besides, he was my bitch, so if he won I could just tell him what outfit to pick.
Besides, I doubt they had anything too obscene out here in the middle of nowhere.
"Okay," I smirked, "Let's do this!"
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P.S. I TAKE REQUESTS NOW! Just leave a link to a picture you like in your review (OR MESSAGE ME) and I'll write a oneshot based on it, or tell me about an idea for a oneshot and I'll think about writing that. In the summary for the story, I'll include who it was written for/who requested it. Thanks, everyone!
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